Chapter Twenty-One

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Rylan

T he buzzing beneath my skin won’t stop. We played an incredible game tonight. I feel like I’m hyped up on too much caffeine, like I need to do something to get all this excited energy out.

“We’re going out tonight to celebrate.” Stevens wraps an arm around me when we get back to the hotel. We’re not flying out until tomorrow. “Not too late because Coach and Volkov will kick our asses, but we deserve a drink or two after the game we played.”

We do. It felt like there was magic in the arena tonight, which is the best feeling to have this far into the season.

My first thought is to tell him hell yeah because honestly, I haven’t been out in a long time. I’m usually a sure thing for going out with the guys, but it’s already late, and if I go out now, then it might be too late to talk to Hayes when I get back. I’m sure to be too exhausted to keep my eyes open after a game and then going out.

Okay, I might be exaggerating. Really, I just don’t want to miss my call with Hayes. I look forward to our talks, especially when I’m on the road. I like seeing his face as he mentions things I did in the game. I like the feeling of knowing he’s watching me.

And clearly, I like to torture myself with this annoying crush I have on him. Every time I see him, I can’t stop myself from wondering if there’s a chance he’ll ever feel the same, and if I’d be good in a relationship, or obsessing about why I want one for the first time in my life.

“Actually, I think I’ll stay in,” I tell Stevens. I feel Mads’s gaze on me. I glance his way, and he grins. I give him the finger.

Stevens frowns. “You always go out with us.”

I cross my arms. “Not always.” I’m sure there has been at least one time in the past that I’ve hung back when the team went out.

“Hey, Jonesy. Pierce isn’t going out with us tonight,” Stevens says to the guy who takes shifts with me on the ice.

“Why? You sick? Please don’t be sick. With the way you’ve been playing, that’s the last thing we need.”

“I’m not sick. I just don’t feel like going out.” Mads and Stevens laugh at me.

“I’ll meet you in the lobby in ten,” Mads tells Stevens before going to the elevator with me. “You gonna talk to your guy?”

“He’s not my guy,” I say, but really, I want him to be. This is the most miserable thing that’s ever happened to me. “But yes. I’m gonna talk to him.”

The elevator doors close behind us, and Mads leans against the wall, grinning at me.

“What?”

“You’re really into him.”

“No I’m not,” I say. He cocks a brow, and my mouth opens on its own, the worst things ever falling out. “Holy shit, I am. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’ve never felt this way in my life, and I happen to catch feelings for someone who only wants to have sex with me?”

My ex-best friend laughs.

“It’s not funny.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a dick. I’ve just never seen you like this before. You’re the most honest person I know. Tell him how you feel.”

I shake my head. “My mom said the same thing. That’s the worst idea ever.”

“And why is that?” The doors open, and we step out.

“Because there’s a high chance I’ll ruin everything. After everything he’s been through, Hayes is skittish.” What I don’t add is that if he does ever get into a serious relationship again, I doubt it will be with a cocky hockey player whose talent is making his pecs jump. I would probably drive him crazy in the long term. Hayes will end up with someone more like him and, wow…I had no idea I even felt that way. I’ve never lacked confidence, but clearly, I’m feeling some things.

“But there’s also a chance you won’t ruin things. There’s a chance he feels the same.”

My pulse jumps at that thought, but the truth is, even if Hayes did feel the same, I’m not sure he would ever want to be with me for real because of the whole public persona thing. It would be a big deal even if Hayes wasn’t who he is, but it will be a huge one because he is. I imagine he’s had enough of being in the public eye to last a lifetime.

“I just…don’t want to mess anything up right now,” I say to buy myself some time. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’ll realize I’m not crushing on Hayes at all.

“It’s okay to want a relationship with someone, Ry.” He squeezes my arm, and then says, “Now go talk to your guy,” before turning around and heading straight for the elevator again.

I really am lucky to have Mads in my life.

A few minutes later, I’m lying in the hotel bed in my underwear and video calling Hayes. He’s home, leaning against the familiar white headboard, as he does in most of our chats.

“How was your night with your friends?” I ask.

“Shut up. We’re totally not talking about me first. Did you see that shot you made in the second period?” His cheeks are flushed with excitement. “Actually, dumb question. Of course you saw it; you’re the one who did it. Well, I guess since you were doing it, you didn’t see it, per se, unless you watched highlights, which we both know you did.”

“The whole bus ride back to the hotel.”

“I knew it!” He claps his hands, and it strikes me how we’ve really gotten to know each other. “Volkov’s power play in the third was nice too. He scores a lot.”

He’s so cute. Such an adorable hockey fan now. I love when we talk about the game, that I can tell him all about it. “He’s supposed to score a lot. He’s our center. And did you catch my assist? I think we should get back to talking about me now.”

Hayes laughs, which honestly has become one of my favorite sounds. “You played a good game, though I do think you were slightly rough.”

I smirk. “Baby…roughness is part of the game, but look at you, I love how into hockey you are now.”

He rolls his eyes. “Only because I’m your good-luck charm, so I have to make sure I’m doing my job.”

“Liar.” I smirk, lying down more on the bed and propping the phone against a pillow so it’s angled at my face.

“Maybe a little,” he admits, and then his eyes dart away. “Doesn’t Mads ever get tired of going into someone else’s room or heading downstairs so we can talk every road trip?”

“He’s actually out with the team tonight. They went for drinks.”

Hayes returns his gaze to me. “You could have gone! You didn’t have to stay in your room to talk to me…but then I guess the whole point of this is our sex, so I’m sure that’s why you did it.”

But it’s really not. “I didn’t want to go out. Tell me how things went.”

“Donovan’s best friend, Eric, was there. I’m fairly certain they’re secret boyfriends, or maybe they’re just having no-strings-attached sex like us, but there’s something there.”

And there’s something here for me too—strings, damn it! Why do I have strings? “He nice?”

“Yeah, I like him. I think you would too. He loves hockey.”

“When do I get to meet him?” I tease.

For a split second, it looks like Hayes’s lips straighten into a firm line. Is that a frown? Is he jealous? But then he dashes all my hopes when he says, “That wouldn’t work because they can’t know we’re…this.”

The dull ache in my chest grows. “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”

“Hey, are you okay?”

I wave off his concern. “I’m good, H. What else happened?”

“I embarrassed myself by screaming and jumping when you scored. I wasn’t going to tell you that, but you’re good at getting your way with me.”

I chuckle. “I like the sound of that, but I didn’t even do anything.”

He just shrugs as if to say I don’t have to do anything, and maybe, just maybe, there’s a part of Hayes that likes making me feel good the way I do him.

He settles down, lying on the bed similarly to how I am, phone propped, Hayes on his side and looking at me. “Something kinda weird happened.”

Worry rushes the word, “What?” from my mouth. If that motherfucker Malcolm said or did something to him, I’ll fucking kill him.

“When I was acting like a Rylan Pierce cheerleader, they mentioned going to a game. Then they seemed to remember that it was at a Rebels game where this whole thing started. It was like…it’s hard to explain. They immediately felt bad and started saying that maybe next year would be better and stuff like that. It’s a small thing, but it made me feel something. I don’t know. This sounds dumb. I’m going to shut up.”

“No, don’t. Keep going. Talk to me.” I love it when he does this, when Hayes trusts me. It’s not something he gives to many people. It makes me feel special, like even if he isn’t starting to have feelings for me the way I am him, that our relationship is still important to him. It means something to him.

“I’m not sure what to say. I think…I felt supported…like I was part of a team. Like there was something they wanted to do, but they didn’t want to do it without me, and then they realized it might hurt me, so they chose as a group not to do it. I don’t want them to miss out on something because of me, but it felt good. Maybe they’ll just end up going without me and I’m turning this into something it’s not.”

Jesus, this man. How did he go his whole life without having these kinds of connections, when he’s so special and feels so much.

“You’re not talking,” Hayes says after a few moments.

“Just thinking about how much I like you, and obviously they do too. They care about you. They see how awesome you are, is all.”

“I’m sure that’s not—”

“It is,” I cut him off.

“Okay.” Hayes nods slowly.

“You gonna come over when I get home?”

“Don’t I always come over when you’re home?” He grins.

“We should head down to the beach. I know we can’t do things publicly, but that stretch of water is private. Do you like the ocean?”

“I do. It’s scary, though. I don’t normally go in past my knees.”

I wink. “I’ll protect you.”

“You’ve got a great body, but I don’t think it’s a match for a shark.”

“But I have these.” I maneuver myself so I can make my pecs move again, and Hayes laughs.

I don’t mean to let it, but a yawn slips out.

“I hate it when you’re bruised,” he says, looking at my chest.

“You can kiss them better when I get home.”

We talk for a few more minutes, and despite trying to hold it back, I yawn again. I don’t want to get off this call, but if I don’t, I’m going to fall asleep on him. “I’m exhausted. I should go.”

“But we didn’t…”

No, we didn’t, and as much as I love sex with him, even video sex, I don’t need it tonight. What’s going on between us, at least on my end, is about more than just hoping he’ll give me good luck on the ice. “That’s okay. Next time.”

Hayes cocks his head. “Are you sure?”

“Yep. Night, baby.”

“Good night, Rylan.”

I end the call, knowing I’m so incredibly fucked.