Chapter 35 Lottie

Chapter 35

Lottie

I watched from the sidelines as Nolan led his team toward a sure victory. He dominated the game, turning nearly every possession into a touchdown. It was like watching a great warrior completing his heroic arc right before your eyes. Tears pricked at my eyes as I watched him succeed—happy he was accomplishing his dreams, but also sad because with every touchdown it felt like he was drifting farther away from me. Eventually I would have to let him go completely as we approached a crossroads that would take us in opposite directions. The tears were salty on my lips as I took in the bittersweet scene.

He'd taught me what it meant to live life without worrying if I'd done enough— been enough—as we both navigated what life would look like once we stopped trying to live up to imaginary expectations. He had shown me what it looked like for someone to care about the things I wanted. The most heart-wrenching part was that in a perfect world, he would be in my life.

Olivia had been right. Our father hadn't made me unlovable, and Nolan proved that by loving me through all my insecurities and baggage.

The clock ticked down on the fourth quarter, eating away the last few minutes of this season. All the Bobcat fans in the stadium and the staff were collectively holding their breath as we watched the defense attempt to stop San Diego one last time and cement their win in history.

Nolan stood just down the sideline from me and I watched him instead as he took everything in. His chest moved steadily up and down as he scanned the fans in the stands. He smiled when he spotted his name handwritten on signs in the crowd. He looked content as he sat on the bench watching the seconds tick off the clock. I glanced up toward Nolan's box to see Maggie and Tommy, Adam and his wife, Olivia, and Jamil surrounded by Nolan's family, already celebrating with champagne bottles. It didn't take much to imagine what it sounded like in that tiny room.

Seeing their excitement for Nolan's and this team's success made me want to be a part of it. Not standing off to the side, silently cheering him on. I wanted to relish in his success with him. If what he told me earlier was true and this was his last game, then I had to do something about it.

Without even thinking, I walked over to him. "Are you ready to be a three-time Super Bowl champion?"

"Feels unbelievable," he replied as I sat down in the empty space next to him.

"It's well deserved." I reached over to give his hand a squeeze. Nolan turned his hand over so he could hold mine.

Together we watched the defense get the final stop against San Diego to solidify the Chicago Bobcats' win. Everything happened in slow motion as we leapt to our feet. The noise in the stadium rose to a ground-shaking level that had my own ears ringing as I watched Nolan and his team rush the field to celebrate.

Navy and red confetti fell from the rafters. Media crowded around the players as they tried to snap pictures. I lost sight of Nolan, Derek, and Hawthorn in the madness. Reporters had surrounded them to get postgame statements. Bodies ran into mine as they tried to fight their way onto the field. I was sent hurtling forward. My hands reached out to brace for impact as the ground drew closer.

"Hey!" An arm wrapped around my waist, saving me from being trampled. "Are you okay?"

I looked up to see Nolan peering down at me, concern etched on his face. He was now wearing a Super Bowl Championship hat and a piece of confetti stuck to his cheek.

"Thanks to you," I chuckled as I reached up to peel the confetti off.

Nolan's hands stayed on my waist as his eyes danced across my face.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I miss you."

I miss you.

My heart squeezed so tightly in my chest at his words that I was afraid it might burst.

"I'm sorry for not talking with you about the offer I was given. I know we weren't anything official yet, but we were making plans. And that offer affected those plans." It was hard to hear him as the roar of the fans grew louder. The Lombardi trophy was being brought out, so I leaned closer until we were almost wrapped in an embrace with his eyes intensely boring into mine.

"Lottie, you are the best thing that's happened to me this season. I think it's complete fate that you were brought into my life at the same time I was moving on from playing."

My eyebrows pulled together as I wondered if I had heard him correctly. "Are you saying this really is your last season?"

Guilt filled me. Was he ending his career earlier than he wanted for me? Because that was the last thing I wanted, which was exactly why I had let him go.

"The coaching staff and owner, Gary Martinez, agreed to my offer of taking over the quarterbacks next year. I realized over these past couple of weeks that my time is done, and I was only clinging on to the idea of playing another year because I was afraid. Afraid of the unknown and the future." Nolan looked up at the confetti falling from the sky. "I'm ready to be done. There's nothing further for me to do with the game. When I was asked to coach, that path felt easy to choose, exciting even. But just the thought of returning next year to play had me drowning in anxiety. That was when I realized that playing wasn't the easy decision. It wasn't the right decision for me, regardless of the people in my life and how that would affect them."

My breathing grew shallow as I realized what he was saying. Now I understood why he had looked so content the entire game. He was walking away from football finally happy with his career.

"That's amazing, Nolan," I told him, and I truly meant it. "You've got what you wanted."

"Not even close," he told me. "The entire game I couldn't stop thinking about you. I thought that if I just won one more Super Bowl, I'd finally be happy. But then I realized that would never be the case because I'm my happiest when I'm with you and it killed me to think I could be celebrating this win without you. Lottie, I love you and I will always choose you, because while what I do will always be important to me, who I share it with is infinitely more important."

My heart felt like it was in my throat as I listened to him.

You are worthy , I reminded myself to quell the irrational fear rising within me.

"I work hard for what I want and what I want is to be with you. I intend to work hard at being worthy of your love every day."

I remained perfectly still as Nolan looked for any sign that I felt the same, his head tilted slightly. He looked worried I was about to break his heart. Even though I was sure that would never be possible.

"Do you mean it?" My voice hitched and I swallowed to keep it from breaking.

"I swear it," he replied fiercely. His hands reached up to cup my cheeks and as confetti still rained down around us, he brought his lips to mine in a tender kiss. The gruff Nolan I met all those months ago was nowhere to be seen. He had been replaced by a man who was happy and wonderful and exactly the Nolan I always knew he would be. He was released from the shackles of his own expectations.

I pulled away from his kiss and rested my forehead against his. "I love you, too. And there's nothing to forgive you for. You needed to do this for you."

"I think maybe we can finally cross off that last item on your bucket list," he told me. The corners of my mouth lifted. "And I think it may be time to make a new one."

Nolan lifted me off the ground and I squealed like a kid as he spun me around.

"Coach Hill has a nice ring to it," I told him once he set me back down.

"That's what I thought!" Nolan exclaimed as he pulled me in for one more hug. I finally realized what the peaceful feeling was whenever I was with him—home.

"Does this mean you get to go to Disney?" I whispered into his ear, remembering what Olivia had said.

Nolan laughed. "It does. Are you saying you want to go?"

"Me and Olivia." I pressed my lips together to try and keep the smile off my face. "Add it to the list?"

He just shook his head. "The two of you are going to be the death of me, aren't you? Alright, add it to the list."

"Hey! The trophy ceremony is starting." Derek ran up to us, a Super Bowl champion hat sitting precariously on his head.

"Lead the way, champ," Nolan told him.

Derek glanced between the two of us before his grin grew wider. "Hawthorn owes me fifty bucks!"

"For what?" I asked.

"I told him you'd get back together before Nolan even touched the Lombardi trophy."

Nolan sighed like a disappointed father as he looked at his friend.

"Come on," Nolan told Derek as he tried to set off toward the makeshift stage that the NFL had made.

Derek hesitated. "Are you coming, Lottie?"

"Oh, no. It's just for you guys," I told him. I was perfectly happy to watch from the crowd. This was their time.

"You're just as much a part of this team as any of us. Come on. I want a family picture." Derek threw one arm over my shoulder and his other over Nolan's as he steered us toward the trophy.

I caught Nolan's eye as he peered down at me over Derek's head.

"I love you," he mouthed as the three of us climbed the stairs of the stage.

I watched Derek and Nolan join the rest of the captains as they accepted the Lombardi trophy. They lifted it above their heads as the crowd cheered, celebrating their favorite team's win, because for them they were just as much a part of this journey as the players were.

"Lottie?" Nolan called back to me. "Come here for a picture."

I slid in between Nolan and Derek as cameras flashed in front of us. I knew this photo would be framed and hung right next to the one Nolan had given me for Christmas.

"Are you okay?" I asked Nolan as we separated from the rest of the group.

"I am now," he told me, the Lombardi trophy gripped in one hand while his other was in mine.