Chapter 21 Nolan

Chapter 21

Nolan

"Don't reveal your cards to the defense," I told Caleb during the fourth quarter. He'd managed to keep the Bobcats one score ahead of the Wisconsin Holsteins. He'd thrown a few interceptions within the last fifteen minutes though, as the defense began to realize the crutch that Derek had become for Caleb. His tells had become too obvious. "Have faith in your other receivers. Trust that everyone will do their job and be where you need them to be on their routes. If you continue to rely on Derek, the defense will take that option away from you and leave you scrambling."

Caleb nodded his head as he took a sip of water as we waited for the offense's turn to go back on the field.

"How much quicker do you think I need to be from snap of the ball to release of my throw?" Caleb asked me.

I registered the respect in Caleb's eyes as he waited for my response. The two of us had worked like a seamless team the entire game. I would give Caleb advice and he'd either take it or push back with a different perspective that he'd seen out on the field that I hadn't been able to consider. It was a completely different experience than anything else I'd ever had with football, and it was exhilarating . I understood now what Lottie was trying to teach me earlier in the season. Watching Caleb throw touchdowns gave me nearly the same feeling that throwing one of my own did.

"If you trust your receivers, I think that will make up for the extra time you're spending. You're waiting for the play to develop so you can feel it rather than trusting that your guys will do their jobs so you can do yours." I grabbed the tablet that the team used to review film of the game on the sidelines so I could show Caleb what I was seeing him do. By the time our defense managed to shut down Wisconsin's offense again, Caleb looked surer of himself—boosted by the confidence of my belief in him.

The offense pulled their helmets back on and ran out on the field. I had almost forgotten the disappointment I'd felt from not being able to play in tonight's game. But there were more important things than solely worrying about my own wants and desires.

"You really seem to understand that kid." I glanced over my shoulder to see my head coach now standing next to me. His eyes were on the play card in his hands as he read the next playoff for Caleb to call.

"I relate a lot to him," I told him as we watched Caleb execute the play.

"You have a natural talent for coaching," Coach Randolph noted.

"You really think so?" I asked. If the man who saw enough potential in me to draft a scrawny kid in the first round of the NFL draft saw enough potential in me for coaching, maybe it was time I started taking it seriously.

"I do." The older man gave me one of his rare smiles before returning his attention back to the rookie quarterback and his offense.

"I know that Coach Elliott is retiring at the end of the season." I chose my words carefully. "I wasn't sure if you had anyone in mind to replace him, but I've been thinking about expressing my interest for the job."

Coach Randolph's eyebrows shot up in surprise. I was sure he thought, just like everybody else, that I'd take all the money that I'd made in the league and live a life of luxury doing absolutely nothing. If I was being honest with myself, up until a few months ago I would have thought the same. But after the encouragement from Lottie, who seemed to see the potential I had—just like Coach Randolph had all those years ago—I'd finally begun to feel like I would have a sense of purpose once this crazy ride was all said and done.

"Let's talk on the plane on the way home." Coach Randolph slapped me on the back before he wandered down the sideline, closer to the end zone that Caleb was gearing up to help the team score in.

I felt an immense amount of pride for having the courage to do something for myself that was far out of my comfort zone. I searched the faces of all the Bobcats staff standing along the sideline, looking for one person I wanted to share this moment with.

Lottie stood back near the entrance to the locker room where she normally posted up during the game. She was bundled up in a thick coat, stocking cap, and scarf. The rosiness in her cheeks from the bite of the wind made her look young and full of life. The moment I turned to walk toward her, I saw all my teammates throw their hands in the air around me as they cheered for what I assumed was another touchdown from Caleb.

With each step I took closer to Lottie, I realized that the Nolan Hill that started this season would have been angry and jealous of my teammate for having so much success. Without Lottie, I would have missed out on the unexpected happiness I was experiencing.

"Hi," I greeted once I was close enough. Those beautiful blue eyes crinkled with the smile that broke out on her face.

"Hi!"

I was quickly becoming a shameless man who would do anything to hear the excitement in her voice.

"This has been an awesome game for Caleb."

"It has," I agreed. "I talked with my coach about coaching next season."

I heard her intake of breath and hated that she was surprised that I had followed through on her idea. I wanted her to know that I didn't want to be someone who wallowed in their misery when they realized their life was changing and there was nothing they could do to stop it. I wanted to be a man of action. Someone she could be proud of.

"Can I cook you dinner tomorrow night to thank you for the idea?" I kept my voice low as some of the athletic training staff wandered around us, refilling water bottles for the team.

I knew that Lottie had set her boundaries for what would happen between us while I was still playing, but I had also made it clear that I wasn't going to stop showing her how I felt about her. It also hadn't gone overlooked that staying with the Bobcats would keep me in Lottie's orbit. If I decided to coach, I was doing that for myself. But I also didn't want to know a future that didn't include Charlotte Thompson. Because a future without her would never be complete.

Lottie nodded after a minute at my request for dinner. "I'll come over to your place tomorrow," I told her.

And as I stared into her eyes and saw those perfect lips pull into one of her beautiful smiles while the crowd roared around us as they celebrated the Bobcats' victory, I felt like I was walking away a different kind of winner.

Cheers erupted on the plane as the guys celebrated another great performance by Caleb. Derek and I joined in from the front as we watched them take videos of some of the linemen trying to hoist Caleb onto their shoulders in the aisle of the plane.

But as soon as we reached cruising altitude, I slipped out of my seat next to Lottie and into the empty one next to my head coach in the first row of the plane.

"Hey, Coach, I was hoping we could continue that conversation about me potentially joining the staff next year."

Coach Randolph nodded his head as he remembered what we talked about earlier. "Sure, sure," he said. "I think you would be a great addition to the staff with the knowledge and wisdom you bring, but I wanted to run one other option by you."

My stomach sank as the first few thoughts of not being good enough began to trickle inside my head.

"I know you haven't been healthy this whole season and I know you intended for this one to be your last, but I've spoken with the owner and the coaching staff about bringing you back for one more year so you can really end it the way you want to."

My mind ran blank as I realized what he was offering me. It felt like everything I had been mentally preparing myself for was short-circuiting inside of my head as I was gifted an opportunity that I would have once considered to come from my dreams—the chance to keep playing and prolong the end for one more year. But I thought about my body and the physical decline I'd experienced these past few seasons and how my career was starting to take a toll on me.

Would I even last another season? It was only November now and I could tell how much slower my body was recovering during the week than it had in previous years. Who was to say next year would be any different? Maybe even worse?

"Now, you don't have to say anything yet. I just want you to think on it. You've done so much for this organization, and we just want to do right by you." Coach Randolph reached over to give my shoulder a squeeze as I sat there still trying to process the curve ball that he had thrown at me.

I didn't even remember walking back to my seat. And when Lottie asked me how the conversation went, I found myself telling her it went well while leaving out the part about playing again next year because I was afraid that I'd only see disappointment on her face instead of the happiness currently there.

My conversation with Lottie about waiting until after the season to date replayed in my head. She had made it clear that for her own professional boundaries she would wait until I wasn't a player anymore because, while her career was just starting and reaching new heights, mine was ending.

Would it be selfish of me to take Coach Randolph's offer only to prolong the inevitable end? Would that ruin any chances I had with Lottie?

I glanced over to catch a glimpse of her with her eyes closed and her head leaned against the window as she tried to get an hour or so of sleep on our short flight home. Her hand rested on the arm rest between us, and I risked the chance of anyone seeing me as I wrapped my pinky around hers for just a moment.

My mind stretched itself into different shapes as it tried to work through every scenario, but my heart clenched when I felt Lottie's pinky squeeze mine before it slipped back into her lap.