Chapter 20 Lottie

Chapter 20

Lottie

"So, you're saying that I won't be able to play tomorrow?" Nolan asked me from where he lay on one of the training tables at the practice facility the day before the Bobcats' tenth game of the season.

I watched Nolan war with his emotions as he tried his best to not let the desperation clawing inside of him win. He was trying to stick to his word when it came to how he treated people when things didn't quite go his way this season. But the sadness in his eyes told anyone who looked closely enough how he really felt about sitting out another game.

"You worked with Caleb this week. You made sure he'd be ready for something like this," I reminded him. "You really have a knack for coaching."

Nolan sighed, but his eyes softened when I reached out to squeeze his hand to give him whatever reassurance I could.

The spark between us hadn't quite returned to the blaze that it once was, but it was still there simmering beneath the surface as the two of us tried to start fresh over this past week. It slowly grew with passing glances, innocent touches, and the wonder of what it would feel like to kiss him again.

But any chances of stealing a few moments to ourselves were squandered with our focus being solely on trying to get Nolan well enough to play in tomorrow's game. The two of us spent hours in the training room trying everything we could to minimize his pain and swelling. When we weren't working together, Nolan had taken the time to help Caleb in the off chance that he wouldn't be able to take the field, while I researched every treatment I could get my hands on that could potentially help Nolan's injury.

"You've helped Caleb get this far. I know how important this win would be for the team. So, coach him through it."

"How do you do that?" Nolan asked me as he slid off the table. He'd plastered a small smile on his face but the droop in his shoulders caught my eye.

"Do what?"

"Know exactly what to do next?" Nolan's hand reached out to brush against mine. "Every time something doesn't go to plan, it's like you've got the next six options ready."

I stretched my fingers out, so my pinky curled around his. "Well, that isn't true. I never know what to do next. I can just see what you're good at, Nolan. The only question is if you enjoy it enough to feel the same."

It was just the two of us in the training room, nearly the entire place had been emptied after practice had ended. Nolan laced our fingers together and a genuine smile pulled at the corner of his lips as he looked down at our joined hands.

"I have this sense of fulfillment whenever I watch Caleb get something that we've been working on." I stayed quiet as Nolan worked through his thoughts.

Having to pivot and to find something else to do with your life after you'd figured out what you were truly good at had to be difficult. It probably came across as rich coming from me—someone who had spent much of her life putting her worth into her work—but I wanted to share my recent revelations with him. The only thing that really mattered was making ourselves happy, even if that was sometimes the hardest choice.

"I can see myself being good at coaching. It keeps me around football and lets me use my knowledge and skills to better others," Nolan concluded.

"Isn't the quarterbacks coach retiring after this year, too?" I added.

Nolan nodded in confirmation.

"You could always approach the coaching staff about your interest in the job. The worst that can happen is they turn you away."

Nolan's eyes blazed with new determination. He looked like he wanted to devour me as he pinned me in place with our hands still clasped together. He had nearly a foot on me in height as he towered over me. I took a step back as he took a step toward me. The backs of my thighs hit the edge of the training bed behind me. I fell back into a sitting position as Nolan closed the distance between us.

My eyes flickered to the closed door of the training room, worried that someone would walk in.

"Practice is done. No one is here," Nolan reminded me as his hands came down on the bed on either side of me, taking away any chance I had at escaping. That same desperate feeling I felt in the bathroom of the club blazed through my body—the anticipation, the desire for his hands to be anywhere on my body, and the way my body felt like it needed his. It overwhelmed my senses and muddled any of the awareness I had for where we currently were.

Nolan's nose slipped inside the curtain of my hair and traced down the side of my neck, raising goosebumps down my back and arms. His hands remained firmly on the table as his mouth and nose traced a path around my body, barely brushing against my skin.

I had never been one to experience irrational thinking. I'd always had to be the responsible one. The one that took care of my baby sister. The one with a good job to make sure bills were paid in case my father ever went on a drinking bender after a bad fight with my mother. The one that helped my sister through college. I'd never been the one to throw caution to the wind.

But I think I understood why people lost all sense of reason the second that Nolan's lips hovered over mine. My hands buried themselves in his sweatshirt and yanked him closer to me, driven by the need to have as little space between us as possible. The moment before his lips finally touched mine felt like it happened in slow motion. But I didn't mind. The anticipation was just as addictive of a feeling as kissing him was.

Nolan's hands gently held my back as the two of us melted into each other like two halves of a whole finally coming back together again. His lips covered mine and that same sense of comfort I felt before from being in his arms filled me. His teeth grazed my bottom lip. His hands slipped between me and the table as his fingers dug into my ass. Desire for him to mark every inch of me, to claim me as his, surged as his lips latched on to the soft spot under my ear again, as if he knew I'd simply fall into oblivion at his touch.

I yanked at his sweatshirt, suddenly desperate for fewer layers between us. Nolan's lips left my body for only a moment as he ripped the sweatshirt over his head before returning his lips to mine. My breaths came in heavier as his fingertips left my ass, slipped under my sweater, and trailed up the smooth skin of my stomach.

"I want you so bad, Lottie," Nolan breathed into my ear. If I hadn't lost my mind yet, his husky voice tickling my ear took away every responsible brain cell I had. I gripped the bottom of my sweater and pulled it over my head, leaving me sitting before him in only my bra.

"I've never seen anyone more beautiful," Nolan whispered as he pulled away to look at me for a moment. His fingers gripped the sides of my hips and squeezed. "If you'd been alive during the time of the Romans, your beauty would have been immortalized in stone."

I simply wanted to cease to exist in that very moment. My hands buried themselves in his hair as I yanked him back to me.

"Holy shit—" Nolan and I jumped apart at the sound of a third voice in the training room. Derek stood near the doors with wide eyes and his mouth gaping open. I scrambled for my sweater to try and cover myself as I wished for the ability to disappear right into the floor. Nolan stepped in front of me, blocking Derek's view. I pulled my sweater back on and tried to smooth down my hair, so I looked a little more put together and not like I'd just been caught making out with the team's quarterback in the place I worked.

"Dude, can I steal that line about the Romans?" Derek asked, his eyes still wide and unblinking as he continued to watch us. "I had no idea you had those kinds of moves."

"Derek." Nolan tried to stop him in his tracks.

"If I had any idea you were a romantic like that, I would have been coming to you for advice for years."

"Derek."

"By the way, I totally called this." Derek motioned between me and Nolan. "And I will be claiming this relationship at the wedding when I'm the best man."

"Derek! Please leave." Nolan raised his voice, finally getting Derek to stop talking.

Derek's gaze bounced from me to Nolan one more time before he disappeared back out the door to the training room.

"I cannot believe that just happened," I breathed as I covered my face to try and hide my embarrassment. Nolan's hands wrapped around my wrists as he gently tugged my hands away from my face.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"That could have been so much worse than it was," I told him. "Derek was probably the best-case scenario. I can't believe I let myself do that here ."

Nolan's thumbs rubbed small soothing circles on the backs of my hands. "I'll talk to him. It'll be okay."

"We needed to be more careful than that," I continued, realizing how close I could have been to losing my job if anyone else had walked in. I felt stupid for jumping straight into the deep end the second I was blinded by my feelings. "We can't do that again."

"Derek has been joking that we would eventually end up dating since the moment all of us met. I'm not sure what exactly he saw there in the beginning when the two of us hated each other," Nolan joked, trying to lighten my mood.

"We aren't dating." The words slipped from my mouth like a different kind of reflex.

"I'm not sure what you'd call what we're doing then, Lottie." Nolan dropped my hands and I tried to ignore the cold, empty feeling that replaced the warmth he provided.

"Whatever this is, this "—I motioned between the two of us and waved to encompass the training room—"can't happen again."

"That's fair," Nolan agreed. "But my feelings for you aren't going anywhere, Lottie. If you want to wait until after the season, that's fine. But I'm not changing how I treat you. That would be a disservice to what you deserve."

I had always been the girl with her entire life put together—the seven-year plan, the to-do lists, the planner, the career goals. And while I may have planned out my life so much that I'd actually missed out on living it, I had never guessed that truly living life meant risking parts of myself that could be so easily ruined by someone else.

Nolan's eyes were soft as he watched me try and sort through my feelings.

Growing up, I never had the best example of what a healthy romantic relationship looked like. But here was Nolan, doing his best to let me lead whatever was happening between us without letting me stomp out the feelings he had for me. He was working through his own problems that affected him deeply, but still took the time to be considerate of me. For the first time in my life, I felt truly lost and unsure of what I needed to do next.

"I think it would be best if we waited until after the season to do anything official," I started. "If that's what we truly want then. For now, we can just get to know each other."

That muscle jumped in Nolan's jaw. But he still managed to give me a short nod of agreement.

"We have a plane to Wisconsin to catch," I reminded him as I went to grab my carry-on for the game tonight. "And you have a rookie that needs your help."

The airport the team plane took off from was a few miles away and we would be expected there within the next hour. Nolan walked with me to the training room door and held it open for me to walk through first without saying another word.

Now I just needed to figure out how to avoid eye contact with Derek for the rest of the weekend.