Chapter 17 Lottie

Chapter 17

Lottie

Soft light filtered in from behind the blinds that were pulled. As I slowly woke up from the deepest sleep I'd ever had, my eyes searched my surroundings. Black bedding, grey walls, modern furniture, minimal decor.

Then last night came back to me in flashes.

Nolan hovering over me as he gently laid me down on his bed.

A trail of kisses that left my body in a heap, unable to move.

A manic tempo that had Nolan collapsing on top of me with his head fitting perfectly into the crook of my neck.

Names whispered into the dark room, just between the two of us.

The soft moments afterwards where it was just the two of us enjoying lying in each other's arms.

Then waking up in the middle of the night to do it all over again.

My eyes slowly drifted toward the other side of the bed where I found it empty. The sheets were rumpled, and the covers had been pulled back as if someone had been there, as if I hadn't just dreamed up the most intense night of sex I'd ever had in my life.

Then I noticed the sound of whistling and food cooking once I fully adjusted to being awake. Then the smell hit me, and it was heavenly .

It took everything in me to roll out of the softest bed I'd ever lain in. Sweatshirt and sweatpants had been laid out on the dresser across the room. They were three sizes too big. But after rolling the sweatpants and pulling the drawstring tight enough that I knew they wouldn't fall off me, I emerged into the kitchen to a shirtless Nolan with wet hair wearing only a pair of shorts as he flipped pancakes onto an empty plate. The whistle I heard was to the tune of jazz music that he had filtering through the apartment.

Everything felt rather domestic as I stood there and watched a man who faced down a stadium full of crazed fans and large men that wanted to kill him every week cook pancakes for the two of us. It was almost jarring to feel the peacefulness that something as simple as your significant other making breakfast for the both of you could bring.

I stood there in the hallway, unsure if I should enter this moment or not—it was unfamiliar territory for me—but before I could decide one way or the other, Nolan turned and noticed me.

"Good morning!" There was more energy and pep in his voice than any other morning we'd spent together so far this season, and I noticed how the way his eyes lit up brightened his whole face. Even the lazy smile he wore seemed to suit him. "I normally make myself pancakes before home games. I went ahead and made some for you, if that's alright?"

"That sounds fantastic. If your pancakes are as good as the spaghetti and meatballs last night, I know these are about to be the best damn pancakes I've ever had."

"Grab a seat at the island, I'll whip you up a plate." Nolan turned back around to the stove and gave me the perfect opportunity to study the expanse of muscles that rippled across his back. Without Nolan's gaze on me, I could remember the situation I'd found myself in.

In two months, the two of us had gone from what first appeared to be sworn enemies for the season to realizing that the chemistry between us wasn't hatred, but something else entirely.

I still hadn't let my brain travel down the path of whether what we'd done these past two days was right or not. I wanted to live in this moment outside the realm of reality for just a little bit longer.

My phone buzzed on the counter where Nolan must have plugged it in after last night. The second I saw the name on the screen I let out a soft sigh—Olivia Thompson.

"Who is it?" Nolan asked me after he watched me hit ignore.

"Just my sister."

Nolan turned and set a plate of pancakes in front of me before placing his in front of the seat next to mine. "You're ignoring her?"

The ding of my phone rang through the air before I could reply.

Olivia: Now that I've recovered from that party two nights ago … were you dancing with Nolan Hill?

"I'm most definitely ignoring her," I told him after I slid my phone away and picked up the fork that Nolan had given me. There was no way I was going to give her all the details while I was sitting at Nolan Hill's kitchen island and eating his pancakes.

My phone buzzed again, and I let out another sigh before I grabbed my phone and shot off a text to her.

Lottie: Don't you have a World Series game today?

Olivia: Maggie and I were just killing time and talking about the party Friday night. It happened, didn't it?!

I flipped my phone over before turning my attention back to Nolan. "Talk to me about the game."

"I'd rather talk about when I get to see you next," Nolan told me with that same lazy smile.

I placed the first piece of pancake in my mouth before I could formulate a response. It wasn't that I didn't want to see Nolan again—I would love to. But that would require the two of us discussing what was happening between us and I was worried it would burst this perfect little bubble we were in.

"Is that something you'd like to do? Because if you haven't realized it yet, this could get complicated." I kept my gaze on my plate of pancakes to try and avoid seeing Nolan's answer on his face. "And just so you know I'm an overthinker, so if you don't give me an answer, I'll just come up with one of my own."

"Lottie." I felt Nolan gently place his hand on my thigh to try and draw my attention to his. After finally getting the courage to look at him, the look he was giving me nearly stole my breath away. "I don't care how complicated this could get. If you think I haven't already thought through every possible outcome, you'd be wrong. I have, and no matter all the different ways this could go, I want to see you again."

I did my best to hide exactly how Nolan's words made me feel. It had never occurred to me that I yearned so much for someone to actually want me after never being someone's priority or first choice my entire life. But I was afraid that once I showed my cards to him, I'd lose the upper hand—if that even mattered in a situation like this.

"Maybe we can discuss that after the game," I offered—if only to give myself more time to figure out if this was seriously something I wanted to pursue, despite everything inside of me screaming that I should ignore all the reasons why I shouldn't.

I disregarded the way Nolan deflated at my dismissal and focused instead on the last few bites of pancake on my plate. "I should probably head back to my apartment so I can get ready for the game on time."

"I'll take you." Nolan stood quickly and cleared our plates from the island.

"I can call for a ride," I told him. "I know you like to get to the stadium early for home games."

Nolan dropped both plates into the sink before turning to skewer me with a look. I recognized that determination. I'd seen it plenty of times on the football field. I wasn't going to win any argument with him this morning.

"Lottie, I can give you some space and time when it comes to going on another date. But I am not going to let you avoid me now simply because we slept together."

My mouth fell open. "That wasn't—I wasn't—"

"You're right though, we should probably get going so I have time to get you to your apartment and get back." With that, Nolan disappeared into his bedroom to change, that same guarded, hard exterior he gave me during those first few weeks suddenly making an appearance again.

He recognized that I was trying to protect myself and it seemed he was going to do the same.

Today's game was set to be the coldest yet of the season. There were a few warnings of a snowstorm that the weather channels promised would come next week bringing nearly a foot of snow.

After Nolan dropped me back off at my apartment, I managed to beat him to the stadium to get the training room ready for everyone to show up. Surprisingly, Nolan wasn't the first player through the doors, it was Derek.

"Morning, Lottie!"

"You're rather chirpy this morning," I noted as I grabbed a heat pack for him.

"We're seven-and-one. What's not to be happy about?" The Bobcats were playing the Detroit Mustangs today, who had a losing record so far this season. We were poised to move to eight wins and have the best record in our conference.

"How are you feeling today?" I asked him as I warmed my hands before putting some massage oil on them to work on Derek's lower back.

"I'm feeling pretty good. I think the better question is, how do you feel?"

My hands froze mid massage as I tried to figure out what he was asking. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Derek's soft chuckle vibrated under my hands and only grew when Nolan walked through the training room doors.

"What are you trying to say, Derek?" I asked with more ferocity.

"Only that I've never seen two more uptight people be so carefree." Derek slid off the table once my massage was done and gave me a wink before he left the room, leaving Nolan and me alone.

The silence between the two of us only hung heavy for a few moments before Nolan broke it. "What was that idiot going on about?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but I think he was trying to say he saw the two of us Friday night."

Nolan groaned and I knew exactly why. If Derek Allen saw the two of us do anything compromising Friday night, it was equivalent to the town gossip knowing the biggest secret the town had ever had.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," I told Nolan as I began our pregame treatment routine we'd been doing so far this season.

"If you think Derek Allen isn't going to act like Paul Revere and tell the entire locker room the moment he sees it with his own eyes, you're mistaken."

My head snapped up to meet Nolan's gaze once I'd secured the electro-stimulation pads around his knee. "Should we be worried?"

"With the guys on the team?" Nolan clarified. "No. Everyone loves you and there are other things to be concerned about than the two of us dancing at a party. Derek doesn't know anything else; I haven't spoken with him about it."

Relief washed over me. The two of us sat in the training room in silence as a few of the linemen filtered in and out to get their ankles taped.

"Can we talk after the game?" Nolan asked, breaking up the silence. He didn't say that he wanted to talk about going on another date. Gone was the tough exterior he had given me this morning.

"Yes, we can," I told him. "But you've got a game to win first."

Shortly after Nolan left the training room, I bundled up against the cold for the game and headed out to the field. Everything started normal this game. Nolan threw a touchdown pass to Derek. Hawthorn kicked the extra point. It was starting off exactly how everyone thought this game would go—a sure win.

That was until just before the second half.

Nolan had taken the snap and dropped back into the pocket only to have to scramble to his left when pressure came from the right side. He tried to give himself more time as his eyes stayed down field, hoping for an open receiver before he'd get sacked. But he couldn't get the ball out before he was brought to the ground with his legs tangled up underneath one of the defenders that had brought him down.

The entire stadium gasped when they saw it because everybody knew there was no way Nolan was going to get up from that hit completely unharmed. I took off running onto the field as soon as the referee blew his whistle. It took only a few seconds to get to him with my heart beating wildly the whole way.

Nolan had rolled over onto his back by the time I got there and was groaning in pain as I kneeled next to him.

"What is it?" I asked, trying to assess where the injury occurred.

"My knee," Nolan groaned as his hands went to grab at his injured knee.

"Can you bend it at all?" I asked as I noticed swelling already.

"Not well," he told me. Pain marred his face as I prodded the injury.

This was my job. I was used to dealing with my athletes getting injured. I was always a sturdy pillar for them during moments like this, never showing them any panic. So, the worry deep in my stomach as I tried to get Nolan to sit up was a new discovery.

Zeke and another trainer helped me get him to his feet and support his body weight as we walked to the training room. I heard the crowd cheer behind us as Caleb took the field in place of Nolan.

"Goddamnit!" Nolan yelled as soon as we were the only ones in the training room. "This can't be happening. Not now. Why now?"

Nolan was falling apart in front of me, with the threat of an injury pushing him off his equilibrium and toward an unknown outcome.

I stayed quiet as I helped Nolan slide onto one of the beds. I needed to assess the knee first to see if he needed an MRI or if the team doctor needed to be called in, but I also wanted to give him a few moments to work through what was currently happening. Injuries could be devastating for athletes, and even more so for an athlete in Nolan's position in the middle of his last season. If this was serious, there was a good chance he had just played the last snap of his career.

"Nothing feels torn," I told him after I did my initial assessment. Nolan had covered his eyes with his arm and still hadn't looked at me yet. "But I still want you to have an MRI done."

"If you think it's fine, then it's fine," Nolan replied with an edge to his voice.

"I also think you should get an MRI," I fought back. It had been over a month since the last time that Nolan had second-guessed my professional judgement.

"I'm not getting the MRI."

"This isn't up for discussion."

Nolan finally dropped the arm covering his eyes and looked at me, where I was sure he saw a steely gaze that was seconds away from turning into a blazing fury.

"Lottie, if that MRI comes back with bad news, that's the end of my career." The desperation that I normally saw in Nolan's eyes when it came to his hopes for this season was nearly pure anguish now.

Understanding dawned on me. Nolan was like a wounded animal backed into a corner, lashing out at anyone—even someone trying to help him. I had to remind myself that this wasn't personal. When this was all said and done, he didn't mean what he was saying. He wasn't mad at me. He was mad at the game.

"You still have your entire life after this year, Nolan. This is for your lifelong health, not just to throw a ball down a field," I told him, trying to reach him in his moment of hurt.

Cold silence filled the room after I finished.

"I'm not sure I want anything other than your medical opinion right now," Nolan finally replied.

"Well, it doesn't seem like you want that either," I told him as I called for the MRI specialist to come to the training room.

Nolan's gaze drifted away from my face and back up toward the ceiling. I slipped out of the room as soon as he was in someone else's hands. It was clear I wasn't going to get through to him right now. I forced myself to let all his comments roll off my shoulders as I walked away, but I knew I'd still be thinking about them later tonight simply because I cared about him and I hated seeing him feel like everything was out of his control.

When I got back out to the field, it looked like Caleb had managed to score another touchdown to keep the Bobcats ahead. I noticed the way Caleb moved on the field and realized there was something familiar about it.

He looked like a younger version of Nolan Hill.

But the real version of Nolan was being a complete asshole with only a narrowed focus on himself. I understood the pain an athlete went through during an injury—both mentally and physically—but having to take the brunt of Nolan's felt different after last night.

Suddenly I was grateful it had been only one night between us—if only to spare my heart from the pain of realizing Nolan only had the space in his to care for one thing this season, himself.