Chapter 23

23

M y birthday did not go as expected. Honestly, it wouldn't have gone as expected no matter what happened because I wasn't sure what to expect—every other birthday had kind of been ignored. However, I hadn't expected to enter the living room to find my brother shouting into his phone and my demon-in-law pouting. "What's going on?" I asked Stan as I plopped down onto the couch in between them, trying to ignore the long strings of profanity coming from Gabe. I felt bad for whoever was on the other end of his rage.

"We have an issue at work," Stan said, his voice so icy it was a wonder the interior of the house wasn't an Arctic tundra.

"Okay," I said, wondering what could have possibly happened to cause this much rage. "Is it the issue that has both of you so pissed off?"

"No," Gabe barked. "What has us so pissed off is that some motherfucking moron asshat fucking let this bullshit happen on my little brother's fucking birthday." He was still shouting into the phone, so I was confident this was for the benefit of whoever he was ripping into proverbial shreds. "We had fucking plans for the first fucking birthday I got to spend with my favorite little brother ? — "

"I'm your only little brother," I pointed out. "You disowned the other two."

Gabe turned his glare on me, and I cleared my throat, trying not to laugh. He didn't look as intimidating as he thought he did.

"So, yeah, that," Stan said, gesturing at Gabe. "We'd made plans for your birthday, but thanks to the idiot who let the fire-breathing geese out , we have to go in to work." I hid a grin as he said part of his words loud enough for Gabe's victim to hear. Man, whoever was listening was in a boatload of trouble if he'd even made Stan mad.

Then it dawned on me what he'd said. "Wait, fire-breathing geese?"

"Have you ever been near an actual goose?" Gabe asked. "They're mean little fuckers. Imagine that times the hundred in our flock but with flammable belches."

Okay, yeah, that was kind of terrifying to think about.

"We've called for backup," Stan said, "but we'll have to go into the office for a while." He pondered something for a moment, then smiled. "Do you want to come with us? Stefan should be off work soon, so the two of you could hang out until we get the situation under control. You could get breakfast at the food court. It might not be the best start to your important eighteenth birthday, but? — "

" Yes ," I said immediately. "That sounds amazing. I want to do that."

Stan's grin widened, and my face went hot. I'd been a little too obvious, but it was too late to take my words back. "Send him a text and let him know," he told me. "Can you be ready in about fifteen? Dress for comfort. We'll be doing a lot of walking later."

"We will?"

"Yeah," Gabe said, hanging up on whoever had been on the other line. I was glad they finally escaped my brother's wrath for a while. "We're taking you to Era, remember?" He grinned as my eyes went wide. "What? We told you we'd go. Did you think a flock of flaming fowl would stop us? Especially right now, while the really fun older stuff is still open. Like the microscope ride."

Stan leaned over to whisper to me loudly so that Gabe could still hear. "Don't get him started on what science they got wrong."

My brother rolled his eyes. "Look, I understand it was technically built for kids, but you can't see electrons even if you're the size of an atom. They move too fast, so all you can really do is calculate the probability of finding an electron in a specific region around the atom's nucleus."

"Nerd," Stan said fondly.

"We're all nerds here," I pointed out.

Gabe grinned at me, the happiest he'd looked since I'd walked into the room. "Damn right we are." He reached out and ruffled my already horrendous bedhead. "Go get dressed. We have geese to wrangle." He paused, his grin turning into something softer. "And Zeke?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Happy birthday."

By the time I finished getting ready, I had a string of texts from Stefan waiting for me, the first of which was just a long string of exclamation marks. Then I got a 'happy birthday,' followed by several texts telling me he'd meet me in Stan and Gabe's private break room so we could go down to the food court together. That preceded suggestions on where we could get breakfast from and another 'Happy birthday.'

Gabe remarked on how red my face was. I kicked him in the shin.

Stefan had yet to arrive when we got to the top floor of the skyscraper that was Hell's HQ. I made myself comfortable at Gabe's desk when they left to do whatever screaming and yelling was involved with wrangling fire-breathing geese. Sure, Stefan had said he'd meet me in the break room, but if I were waiting at Gabe's desk, I'd know when the elevator was coming up. I'd only been there for ten minutes (leaving sarcastic sticky notes in various spots for Gabe to find later) when the elevator dinged, and my stomach did a little dance. The doors slid open, and Stefan immediately pounced. "Happy birthday. French toast."

"French toast to you too?" I said, confused. "Is that some strange new morning greeting I should be aware of?"

He burst into laughter, deepening the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. "Sorry, I'm hungry and craving French toast. Can we go someplace I can get some?"

"Well, it is a food court," I pointed out. "If I didn't want to get something where you were getting food, I've got options. It's not like there aren't half a billion places to get food in the basement, like some weird culinary Tardis."

"I see Stan's got you watching Dr. Who," Stefan said with another laugh. "Your description is accurate, though." He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, and I felt my face go aflame as I stared at him with wide eyes. I had not expected something like that, even though Stefan had been increasing the amount of flirting he did with me since Yahweh outed our crushes, and if I hadn't been firmly aware of the fact I was in Hell, I might have wondered if I'd died and gone to Heaven. "Happy birthday," he said again, his grin full of mischief. "Let's go eat."

My face was still warm by the time we got downstairs and had wound our way through the crowd in the food court. I'd never not seen the place busy, but considering Hell was kind of a twenty-four-hour, seven-day-a-week operation, I supposed that made sense. It was mind-blogging, though, the different types of beings I saw in this place. I'd been a little too nervous to notice some things the first time I'd been down here, but now I saw people—humanoid and not—of all shapes and sizes. As I thought that, a giant tentacle, looking gooey and out of place, oozed by. Stefan noticed it and brightened, waving in its direction. "Sean!" he yelled. "Thanks for the help!"

The tentacle gave a complicated wriggle, then continued to splorp toward the exit. "We had a shift together yesterday," Stefan explained. "Good guy. A little strange, but funny. Great writer. He's got an obnoxious sibling, too. I recommend avoiding the sibling unless you want to start getting pictures of rubber duckies on your phone."

I gave him an expectant look, making it obvious I was waiting for an explanation.

"Unsolicited duck pics," he clarified with a grin.

I closed my eyes and groaned.

"So, what are the plans?" Stefan asked as we got into line at a stall that smelled of vanilla and cinnamon. "I'm assuming the day's schedule has been altered. You were kind of short on facts when you messaged."

I snorted. "Well, apparently, something regarding fire-breathing geese happened. I guess we'll go after that's been dealt with."

Stefan groaned and rubbed at his face. "Not the geese again. The last time they got out, they managed to escape Hell completely. They were trying to setTengliu on fire by the time they were caught. And let me tell you, the snow goddess was not pleased."

I couldn't see anyone being pleased about being set on fire, but I kept that thought to myself. I had a feeling if I didn't, I'd learned way too much I didn't want to know about people I'd likely meet at some point. I didn't need that in my life, not without a bucket of brain bleach at my disposal.

"Oh, but I have a great idea," Stefan said, thankfully changing the subject. Before I could ask, he pulled out his phone. "Hey!" he said cheerfully when the other party answered. There was an angry voice on the other end. I couldn't hear the words, but I knew that shout. "Oh stop yelling. It's just geese."

The yelling got louder, and Stefan had to fight not to laugh.

"Please don't torment my brother," I sighed. "We have to deal with him later."

"Hey, so I heard you were still going to take Zeke to Era later," Stefan said, giving me a wink and causing my face to turn red again. "Why don't I just take him after we eat? You and Stan can just message us when you're on your way, and we can meet you somewhere. That way, he still gets a full day." He listened, and I was relieved to note the lack of yelling in the response. "Okay, yeah, I promise not to take him on that one. Okay, fair. Mm-hmm. Sure. Have fun with the geese!"

There was more yelling, then suddenly a scream of " MY HAIR!" that I understood all too clearly before the line cut. "Uhhhh, is he going to be okay?" I asked, worried.

"Oh, sure," Stefan said as he pocketed his phone. "It'll have grown back by the time you see him."

That hadn't been my point, but I let it go.

"The important thing is that Gabe agreed to let me take you to Era until they're done with work. I just had to promise not to take you on that microscope ride. He wants to go on that with you. It's weird, but it's his thing, so I get it. It's important to him. But we can go on other stuff, including the rides he won't go on because he's afraid of motion sickness."

I furrowed my brow. "The dead get motion sick?"

Stefan shook his head with a grin. "No. But he had some nasty experiences when he was living and was so traumatized he refuses to chance it. You, though, it could happen. Do you get motion sick?"

I shrugged. "Not sure how I'd know. I prefer not to throw up in public, though—or anywhere else, for that matter—so if we could try to avoid that, I'd appreciate it. Madame Persephone..." I paused, unsure how much Stefan knew about the carnival and how much Gabe had told him. "Do you know about her?"

He nodded, grinning widely. "We're friends."

I wanted to know where he'd met her since he hadn't ever really ventured into the living world. I let it go. I could handle only so much in one day, and we were just getting started. "She advised me to 'start small and stay away from the Gravitron.' Given how I saw more than one person walk off that ride and heave up everything they'd eaten that week, I'm inclined to heed her suggestion."

Stefan nodded. "No spinning cups. Got it."

We finally reached the front of the line, where Stefan rattled off a long order, and I gave an equally substantial list. When we stepped to the side to wait, Stefan looked around at the tables and hummed under his breath in thought. "How about we take our order upstairs?" he suggested. "Then we can eat in peace without hunting down and defending a table."

"Sure," I said, giving a mental sigh of relief. I enjoyed the food in the basement, but the crowds were insane. "I'm not looking forward to carrying all this, though."

Stefan grinned and held up a finger. "Be right back." Then he disappeared into the crowd without waiting for a response. I just hoped he'd get back before our orders were ready and I was left standing there looking like an idiot.

My fears turned out to be unfounded when he almost immediately returned with a low, flat, cart-looking thing. "Here we go," he said happily.

"Carts?" I asked. "In a food court?"

"You've seen how much we eat," Stefan said with a snort. "They kind of have to have something down here to carry food unless you're Gabe and determined to carry it all by hand by sheer stubbornness. I figured you'd want to take a less extreme route."

I wasn't looking forward to spending time on the elevator, fearing dropping everything I was trying to hold, so I appreciated the cart and told him so. Once our orders were ready, we stacked the cartons in a sane manner and pushed them back to the elevators, starting the ride back to the top floor. The elevator stopped halfway up, and the doors slid open to show Lucy waiting. "Oh hey," she said in surprise before eyeing the cart. "Aw, you got me breakfast."

Stefan immediately hit the button for the doors to shut, but Lucy's hand was faster, and she held the door open. "Come on, I'm kidding," she said. "I'm just going to the top floor to grab a change of clothes from Stan's office."

"Shouldn't you be chasing geese?" Stefan asked as he made a little room so Lucy could join us.

She snorted. "I was about to head that way, then my phone rang, and Stan was asking me to bring him clothes. From what I gather, the geese got him, and he's currently naked. So I'll be taking clothes with me."

"You'd think he would have worn something fireproof," I said. "I mean, they breathe fire."

"He probably just wasn't thinking," Lucy told me. "He was in a rush to finish. Happy birthday, by the way. So you're officially an adult now, huh?"

"Yep," I said with a grin. "My parents no longer have any legal control over my life and can go suck eggs for all I care." The relief I felt over that thought was more than I would have ever been able to describe, but it was beautiful. I no longer had to worry about my parents telling me what to do or how to do it.

"Good for you," she said, ruffling my hair. I wasn't sure what it was with people and my hair, but I let her do it. It wasn't a big deal, and it made her happy.

When the elevator stopped, she headed for Stan's office, giving us a wave and telling us to enjoy our breakfast. We went the other direction and headed for the small break room, where we took cartons off the cart and stacked them on the table. Once the cart was empty, Stefan wheeled it out of the way. "The housekeeping staff will take it back down," he explained before stepping in front of him and reaching up to smooth my hair back into place. After a moment, he stopped and smiled. "There, that's better."

"Thanks," I murmured, my face once again feeling warm.

"So," Stefan said as we began to attack our food cartons, "what do you want to do while we're there?"

I paused, a bite of omelet halfway to my mouth. "Honestly, I have no idea," I admitted. "I've never been to the original park, and the year at Era changes every few months, right? I only have a general idea what's even there, based on both those things."

Stefan nodded in understanding. "Well, it's 1985 there right now. But I suppose that doesn't really help you, does it?"

I shook my head and was relieved when Stefan started telling me about the things he wanted to see and do. "Some of the things that are in Era... I can't believe they're gone now in the living world. I mean, they really should have been either preserved or updated instead. Gabe bitches about some of it, but most of what's in Era is kind of before his time. Some of it he caught the tail end of before it was closed or removed." He shrugged. "Honestly, I wouldn't know. It's not like I've ever been to the other park. It's Era I... Well, I can't say 'grew up with' since I was around long before it was, but you know what I mean. It's the only one I've known."

Something about what he'd said gave me pause because it was part of what we'd discussed about a vampire's nature before, but I hadn't wanted to ask. His age. "Exactly how old are you?" I asked.

Stefan coughed, looked away from me, and mumbled something.

"Stefan," I admonished.

He sighed heavily and rested his head on his arms, face down on the table. "I don't want to tell you," he admitted in a muffled whine. "Then you'll think I'm super old, and things will get weird."

"Technically, things are already weird," I pointed out. "We're in Hell."

"I was born here. This is normal for me." He sighed and lifted his head enough to look at me. "Pretty sure I'm nine hundred fifty this year. Or close to it. Give or take. You kind of quit keeping track after a while."

I stared at him. "You're over nine hundred years old?"

"I told you it'd make things weird," he groaned as his head dropped back onto his arms.

"My grandfather is technically still older than you, right?"

Stefan looked up again, confusion written across his face. "Well, yeah. By a lot, actually. Why?"

"Thank goodness," I said, letting out a heavy sigh of relief. "That means you're not old enough to be my grandfather."

This immediately made the blond choke out a laugh. "Seriously, Zeke?"

I grinned at him. "Well, we already give my grandfather crap about being a cradle robber. Wouldn't want to give anyone the opportunity to say the same about you."

"Oh?" Stefan asked, a sly look crossing his face. "And who exactly would be giving people a reason to say that about me, hmm?"

My face immediately went hot. Yeah, I should have known better than to try to fluster him. I'd probably always come out on the losing side of those battles of wit.

"But you know," he said, his face still sly but his smile widening, "I'd be okay with the comments if it were because of you."

I groaned and hid my face in my hands. "You win."

He laughed. "Come on, let's eat," he said. "Then we'll go have some fun. You've definitely earned it."