Chapter 20

20

A fter learning that Hell's amusement park was called EraLand and not that other name I'd almost used, and then finding out that corporate lawyers—alive or dead—were terrifying, I decided that, yeah, that was where I wanted to spend my eighteenth birthday. Who wouldn't want to spend an important birthday someplace like that when they've basically been prevented from having any real fun their entire life?

With that decision made and the fireworks over, Stefan dragged me into the kitchen to help make the icing. He also neglected to tell me not to turn the mixer on high when the bowl was full of liquids, and I have a feeling he did that on purpose, if the hysterical laughter after his poor kitchen and I ended up covered in it was any indication. After we cleaned up the kitchen as well as we could and Gabe fetched me one of his shirts from next door, we made the icing properly and finished the cake. Then we devoured it like we hadn't just had a metric ton of ice cream floats. And hot dogs. And potato salad.

Where was I even putting all that food?

Disturbingly ravenous appetite aside, the cake was delicious, and Stefan promised to teach me his method for cookies soon. "I'll have Connie make you an apron, too," he said. "And teach you how to make her sugar cookies because fucking hell, they're the most amazing cookies ever. There's just more labor involved than my regular method, so I don't often make them."

"Who's Connie?" I asked, sorting through every name I'd heard in the past few days to see if it was someone I should know.

"A random grandma that Stef befriended because that's what he does. He befriends strangers," Gabe answered with a snort.

"We were at the same bakery in the werewolf district and had the same opinion on their pecan pie." He made a face, then grinned at me. "The opinions were not, in fact, favorable. Anyway, we started talking about cooking, and it turned out we both enjoyed it and became buddies. She's living upstairs, making cookies and quilting until her loved ones arrive. She started trying out all the bakeries in Hell because we have all the best food, and that's how we happened to meet. We get together sometimes to try new places, or she comes over so we can bake."

"You never go up there?" I asked. "You said something about vampires not going anywhere. Is that related?"

"It's the vampires in the sun thing," Stan told me. "No one knows if it's true, and Heaven's a pretty well-lit place, even if it's not actually the sun."

I wondered if their sky must have been kind of like the sky in Hell, then—a void, but...brighter, maybe. I wasn't sure which concept was more unnerving.

"It's not like we never go," Stefan added. "We just do it at night. And most of us don't have the clearance to go to the living world. I've never had reason to go."

"So you've never been in the sun for yourself?"

"Nope," Stefan said, popping the P sound at the end and grinning. "I don't fancy being turned to ash."

"But everyone down here recovers from wounds," I pointed out. "You said so yourself. Even if you turned to ash, you'd be okay."

"Logically, I know that," he admitted, looking slightly embarrassed. "But that doesn't make me any less nervous about it. I'd like to continue to be immortal, thanks."

"He once asked me to describe mortality to him," Gabe said. "Later, he admitted that he had nightmares about it for a week."

"Well, what do you expect? Your answer was a fucking horror story as far as I'm concerned." Stefan half-grinned, half-sneered at him, then turned to me with a smile. "You'll have to come bake with me again," he said, completely changing the subject. "We could make an orange creamsicle cake."

"Oh, that cake is amazing ," Gabe said brightly, his entire face lighting up as if someone had told him he was getting a pony for Christmas. "I'll help eat it."

"You don't get any," Stefan said with a disdainful sniff. "You mocked the trauma you caused me."

"Come on," Gabe whined.

"Nope. No cake for you. Zeke and I will eat it all by ourselves." He narrowed his eyes and looked at me. "Speaking of cake, though... What kind do you want for your birthday?"

My eyes went wide. "You're already all taking me to EraLand. You don't need to get me a cake, too."

The vampire pointed a finger at me, frowning. "I am not getting you a cake," he said. "I am making you a cake, and you will eat it without complaint."

"Who complains about cake?" I asked, bewildered. "Of course I'm not going to complain about cake. I'm just saying you don't have to give me one, that's all."

Stefan's frown deepened. "This is going to call for the big guns."

Gabe gasped. "You mean...?"

Stefan nodded. "Yeah. Chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting."

"Are you two done?" Stan asked, amused. "It's getting late, and three of us have a meeting in the morning. Plus, there's a hellhound next door that might chew through the wall if he thinks Stefan will keep us all night."

"Oh, you're right," Gabe said. I loved my brother, but sometimes I couldn't tell if he was just easily distracted or what. Not that it mattered. It was part of what made him Gabe. "It's pretty late. Should we just stay at the apartment?"

"Your apartment is a one-bedroom," Stefan pointed out. "And sleeping on your couch is torture. Zeke can sleep on my couch, where he won't wake up feeling like gremlins have been beating his joints with hammers."

"Are gremlins real, or is that just an analogy?" I asked.

All three groaned as if I'd just reminded them about something they'd rather forget. I had a feeling that meant they were real.

"What do you want to do?" Gabe asked me. "We could go back to Stan's if you prefer."

I shook my head. It was late, and I was pretty tired. "I'll stay here," I said. "Stefan's right. His couch is way more comfortable than yours. I mean, yours is fine for sitting but awfully stiff for laying down."

"No, I get it," Gabe said, clapping a hand on my shoulder. "If he tries to talk you into sharing his bed, you know where he keeps the knives."

" Hey ," Stefan protested. "Stabbing me would dull my kitchen knives. Don't do that."

"Really?" Stan asked. "That's your concern?"

"I just sharpened them," Stefan said with a pout. "Also, for suggesting your brother should stab me, I'm only making pancakes for Zeke and me in the morning."

"Rude," Gabe said. "Fine, I see how you are. I'm taking my boyfriend and going home."

"Do that, you drama queen," Stefan countered fondly. "We'll see you in the morning." He looked at me and winked. "So, I mean, we could share my bed..."

"I know where you live," Gabe said threateningly before slamming the front door behind him.

"He's so much fun to rile up," Stefan admitted with a grin. "I should probably stop doing that, but I just can't help myself."

"You're close friends," I observed. "I like watching the two of you interact."

"He's like family to me," Stefan said with a sad smile. "Because my dad is who he is, it's hard to get close to other vampires because they're intimidated. I mean, he's the sire of our entire race."

Something occurred to me. "Wait, does this mean you're all related?"

"Well, it's been a long time. Since my father was born, I mean. So yes, technically, we're all related, but most of those relations are distant now."

"So are you all like half-vampire or something? Since the only true vampire is your dad?"

Stefan shook his head. "Oh, no, you misunderstand. Dad was created that way on purpose. It wasn't some weird genetic fluke. So every child born to him and his descendants are all full vampire because that's how he was made." He grinned at me, mischief in his expression. "If I knocked you up, our kid wouldn't be some human/demon/vampire hybrid. They'd just be a vampire."

I gaped at him, my brain broken, and tried to respond, but I'm pretty sure all I said was something like "Ajidfsg?" Could vampires impregnate someone of the same sex? Where would the baby even come out? Would it tear its way out of me? Or would it find a different way? I considered possible openings and felt the blood drain from my face.

"Shit," Stefan reached out and grabbed my shoulders. "Zeke, look at me."

I looked at him and said the first logical thing that came to mind. "I would have hemorrhoids for all eternity ."

Stefan stared at me for half a second, then burst into laughter. He laughed so hard that he ended up curled up on the floor, tears of laughter dripping down his face. I sat down on the floor next to him, more reassured than irritated that he was laughing at the spiral my brain had gone into. He wouldn't have found it so funny if my guess had been correct. "How was I supposed to know?" I muttered. "Vampires are supposed to be a myth. How would I know who they could or could not procreate with?"

"I'm not laughing at you," Stefan wheezed.

I snorted and crossed my arms over my chest. "That's not convincing coming from a guy on the floor crying because he's cackling like a maniac."

"No, it's just..." Stefan struggled to sit up and finally held out a hand so I could help. Despite being kind of irritated, I took it and helped him right himself. "I thought I'd said something to give you a major panic attack or whatever, and you were thinking about butt babies."

"Butt...babies..." I said. My lips quirked before I could stop them, but I held back a laugh.

"I'll loan you some of the mpreg books Alec has subjected me to," Stefan told me. "That would be short for 'male pregnancy,' in case that wasn't obvious. But no, I could not get you pregnant. That was hypothetical. Unless gods are involved, a uterus is still required for births down here. Or up in Heaven, for that matter." He waved his hand at me again. "Here, help me stand up, please."

I grabbed his hand again and pulled. He lurched to his feet and stumbled, bumping right into me so that I had to catch him. "Well," he said, after we stood there awkwardly for a second, "this isn't how I'd hoped to get a hug from you, but I'll take what I can get."

I burst into laughter and squeezed him before letting go. "You're ridiculous."

"Yeah," Stefan said with a grin. "It's one of my better qualities." He stared at me, cocking his head to one side before asking. "Seriously, do you want to share my bed? Before you freak out, I'm asking because it's a big bed, more comfortable than my couch, and I thought you might still want the company."

Gabe must have told him about me asking if we could all sleep in the living room the night before. He wasn't wrong to think that, though. It was a lot, and I was still overwhelmed and in a strange place. "You promise not to knock me up?" I asked with a grin.

He laughed, and when it exposed his fangs, I realized I was used to them already. It's weird how you can quickly get used to something like that. He had a nice laugh and smile, though, so maybe that distracted me from noticing the pointy teeth. "I promise," he said. "No butt babies. I'll find you something to sleep in since I just realized no one thought to bring you something from next door. I've probably got at least one pair of jersey shorts that should fit you."

He did end up finding a pair of shorts that fit, along with another t-shirt, and sent me off to his bathroom to change and get ready for bed. I was grateful he'd found a spare toothbrush because I was weirdly concerned about having bad breath while I was in the same bed with him. When I entered his bedroom again, he waved at the bed and said, "Climb in and get comfy. I'll be back in a minute." Then he stepped into the bathroom himself.

I half-wondered which side of the bed he preferred but eventually decided that he probably would have said something if he had a preference. So I climbed into the side closest to the wall, hoping it would make me feel a little more secure, and reveled in his mattress's softness. It was bliss, and I was already starting to doze off when he returned. He chuckled as he climbed into bed next to me. "You look like you're going to melt," he said as he switched off the bedside light.

"Cozy," I mumbled happily. Then I remembered something. "Oh, earlier you talked about it being hard to get close to other vampires, but what about Dev and Alec?"

There was a pause. "Dev and Alec... They grew up together. You could call them childhood friends, though obviously they're much more than that now, so they've always had a solid bond. I met them much later, and while we're great friends, there's still kind of a wall. Like I'd feel awkward bitching about my family to them. I can do that with Gabe, though. I could talk about anything with him and he'll just listen and give his honest opinion. I mean, yeah, he's kind of a jerk about it sometimes, but I know he'll never bullshit me. He's fun to hang out with, too. When he got here, he was kind of neurotic—for totally legit reasons, of course—but the longer he's here, the more amazing he becomes."

"He's found his place here, huh," I said wistfully.

"You'll find your place, too," Stefan promised, grabbing my hand. I was glad the lights were off because my face had probably gone red again. "You're already starting to find it, I think. Gabe's been telling me about you since the day he stepped into your dream, and you thought he was you. From everything he's told me, I can see you're starting to open up to the possibilities around you." He squeezed my hand. "You're doing great," he assured me. "You're going to be fine, Zeke."

I sniffled, surprised to discover I was crying. I guessed I'd needed someone to tell me that. The bed shifted a little as Stefan moved, and suddenly, he wrapped his arms around me. "Everything will be okay," he promised.

I was alone when I found myself in the dream version of the house. I was grateful for that because it gave me time to decompress. I strolled down the hallway and straight into the conservatory, only to find Abby sitting on the edge of the empty fountain. She looked up when the door opened and shrieked.

I shrieked back because she startled me. We stared at each other briefly, and then both broke into laughter. "Why are you in my dream?" I asked her.

"No idea," she said. "I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, I was still in my room, so I thought I was just having trouble sleeping. Then I went into the living room, and the couch from your dream was there. So I came here because I figured you'd show up eventually." Abby gave me an apologetic smile and shrugged. "Sorry I accidentally barged in on your private time."

"Not like you did it on purpose," I pointed out, sitting beside her. As it turned out, I'd been right that the wide edge of the fountain was perfect for sitting on. I just needed to maybe find some cushions for it. "We should do something with this," I told her, waving at the fountain.

"We're in a drought," she pointed out. "And does it even have a working pump? At least one that isn't steam-powered?"

"California is always in a drought," I countered. "And I wasn't necessarily talking about using it as a fountain. We could fill it with dirt and use it as a planter or something."

She thought about that for a moment, then nodded. "That could be fun. I'm kind of sad that it would be irresponsible of us to fix its inner workings and use it as an actual fountain that we could keep fish in, though."

"Oh, yeah," I agreed. "Those big colorful fish. And we could have some interesting water plants." I looked at her, and we both sighed. "Maybe in the next life," I said. "Don't think we have to worry about water consumption there."

"Maybe Grandpa would have ideas," Abby said after some thought. "We should talk to him about it. "We both lapsed into silence for a minute before she asked, "What do you think of Hell?"

"I thought you didn't want spoilers," I smirked.

She huffed at me and glared half-heartedly. "You don't have to tell me about Hell itself," she pointed out. "What do you think of it? Is it fun? Is it scary? Are there piranhas in the tap water?"

I laughed, partially because I'd already mentioned piranhas recently, and wondered why we'd both associated them with Hell. "It's...interesting," I said. "Everyone is trying to keep me from seeing the scary parts, though I've been through some that are unpleasant in other ways." Like the fragrant yellow snow. I could have done without that particular odor experience. "But once I got back, we went to Stefan's and he taught me how to bake a cake, and we had hot dogs and potato salad and root beer floats for dinner. A place nearby was shooting off fireworks, so we watched fireworks and ate cake after dinner." I wouldn't spoil the surprise and tell her where the fireworks came from. She could find out for herself in another seventy years or so. "Then we decided to stay at the apartment complex instead of going back to Stan's, but Stefan offered to let me stay at his place since there wasn't room for another person at Gabe's. So I'm sleeping over there."

"Oh man," Abby said with a heavy sigh of longing. "I'm so envious right now. I want to do fun stuff like that."

"I...could teach you how to bake the cake next time I'm at the house," I offered shyly.

Her answering grin came close to outshining the sun, and she bumped her shoulder against mine. "I'd like that."

"And I could bring you more of that weird chewy tea when we meet tomorrow."

She laughed and bumped me again. "I'd like that, too." We grinned at each other, and then she changed the subject. "Have you decided what you want to do with your room yet?"

I shook my head. "I haven't had time. Is that what you did this evening?"

She nodded, grinning widely as she leaned closer to me in excitement. "I found the most amazing wallpaper," she said. "I'll try to remember my phone tomorrow to show you."

"I have a better idea," I said. "Why don't we go into your room here so you can put it on the walls and see what you think?"

She gaped at me, her eyes practically bulging. "Can I do that?"

"You're just as much a dream demon as I am," I pointed out. "If you're worried about it being my dream, don't worry. I wouldn't have told you to try it if I didn't like it."

"You're brilliant," she said, grabbing my wrist and hauling me to my feet. "Come on, you have to tell me which you think looks best."

I woke up to a warm hand gently shaking my shoulder. "Zeke," a voice said quietly. "Rise and shine. It's time to get up."

I grudgingly cracked open one eye to find Stefan beside the bed, smiling at me with amusement. "Don't wanna," I croaked. I felt like I hadn't slept at all after a night of Abby constantly changing her dream bedroom's walls and making me rate the results.

"I made pancakes," he coaxed.

I opened my other eye and sat up. "I'm awake."

"Well, that was easy. Wash your face, get dressed, and join me in the kitchen. I'll go start the kettle for hot chocolate."

I bolted out of bed, and Stefan's laughter followed me to the bathroom. I made short work of changing clothes and getting ready for the day, then practically ran for the kitchen. Stefan laughed again when I plodded into the room. "You didn't have to run," he said, setting two mugs on the table. "It's not going anywhere except in our stomachs. There's caramel in the hot chocolate, by the way."

"You're amazing," I said, meaning every word. Then I let out a huge yawn I couldn't stop.

"Still tired?" Stefan asked, his expression morphing into one of concern. "Did you not sleep well?"

"Oh, I slept fine," I told him. "It was just my sister." I told him about my night and Abby's foray into amateur interior design as he brought heavily laden plates to the table and sat across from me.

"She sounds sweet," he said as my story wound down. "I hope I get to meet her someday."

"You aren't going to be at the meeting?" I asked, frowning.

He shook his head and grinned. "As much as I like you, the meeting has nothing to do with me, so I wasn't invited."

"As if that would stop you," I said with a snort. "You should crash it."

"Gabe and I are a bad influence on you," Stefan said with a laugh. "You want me to crash a super-important meeting?"

I nodded and shoved a bite of food into my mouth. "Oh wow, this is amazing," I said, mouth still full. Then I realized what I'd just done, swallowed the bite, and said, "Sorry, that was gross, wasn't it? But it is amazing."

"You're fine," Stefan said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I appreciate that you like it so much."

"Anyway, yeah. I told her I'd go to the food court and get that tea we had yesterday to take to the meeting, so you should go with me there and then just coincidentally follow me to Stan's office. Maybe I'll order too much food, and you'll have to help me cart it up."

Stefan's grin widened and gained about fifty percent more mischief. "Only your second day in Hell, and you're already breaking rules," he teased. "Okay, I give. I'll go if you want me there that much, but you'd better buy me lunch. Causing chaos is hungry work, after all."