13. HAZEL Graduation day

13

HAZEL Graduation day

"Nina! Nina, Nina, Nina! Get in here quick, I need you!"

Nina arrived in Magnolia Point last night. We had a complete girls night with candy, snacks and pizza and all the trash television while we caught up on each other's lives.

"What would you do without me?" she asks smugly. "I can't believe you've lived away from me for four years and still can't do your own hair. "

"Just get in here and do it please." She zips up the back of my dress and takes the curling iron from me. She takes a section of hair and wraps it around the wand, turning it sideways and holding it for ten seconds before letting out the most perfect curl.

"This is why I need you to move here because my hair has not looked this good in four years."

"Stop pushing me to move, you know I love it at home."

"You don't love it at home, that guy you're dating is an asshole and you deserve so much more than what he's been giving you. Now that you have your degree, you can go anywhere. There are libraries everywhere."

Nina graduated with a degree in library science. She's going for her masters and I'm hoping she moves to Magnolia Point to finish it. The guy she's dating is a football coach at the local high school, and she really wants to start a program for student athletes. Problem is, he's a complete dick and I don't see him supporting her at all. He's too much of a child to help anyone but himself.

"So tell me when I get to meet Wes." She looks at me in the mirror and the smile that takes over my face is instant, and the butterflies begin to bloom again.

"He'll be at graduation today. Actually, I should send him a text. He's been working and I haven't spoken to him since Friday."

I grab my phone and scroll to our chat and see that our last message is still from Friday. A bit of doubt creeps into my mind, but I brush it away, excusing it for nerves about graduating today, and I shoot him a message.

Me: Good morning handsome! Today is the day! I can't wait to look out and see you sitting in that chair. See you soon!

I send the text and place my phone down on the counter. Nina finishes my hair, and I assess myself as she stands next to me. "You are gorgeous. I am so proud of you, and I could not be happier to be here with you today."

"I'm so sorry I couldn't come home to watch you graduate."

She quickly brushes my words away."Don't even think twice about it. It was a simple thing just like high school graduation, and you know it doesn't mean anything to me. I just wanted to finish. This means something to you and I'm here because it's important to you. Wes is important to you, and I cannot wait to meet him."

We hug and I grab my cap and gown and jump in the car, heading to the school, excitement filling the air.

And then, just a few short hours later, we return to my house in a completely different mood.

I left my house feeling excited, carefree and in love with Wes Parker, but then he didn't show, and I returned home brokenhearted.

I held it together, searching the crowd up until the last minute. But by the time I stepped off the stage and into Nina's arms, I cried. I let her think my tears were from happiness about receiving my diploma, but it was more so because he didn't show.

We made our rounds congratulating some friends in my class and then we left. I explained I was exhausted and just wanted to get home and relax with my dear friend. Once we were in the car, I checked my phone and couldn't believe the text that was waiting for me.

Wes: I'm sorry.

"Is that Wes? I thought he was coming?" Nina asks me as we pull out from the university.

"Yeah, he ended up on an emergency job. He said he's sorry."

She glances at me as I swipe out from the message and turn my phone off. I give my best smile, which I'm sure she sees right through, but she lets me get away with it and doesn't question me.

As we pull into my driveway she asks, "Do you want me to stay? We can order takeout."

"No, it's fine. I'm really tired and emotionally, today has been a day."

"I get it," she replies, pulling me over for a hug. "I'm proud of you. And I'm so happy I was here with you today."

"Me too." I smile, returning her hug then getting out of the car.

I walk through my front door, then through my silent house and sag onto the couch holding my phone in my hand. I debate whether to call him again or not, unsure if there's any point given how long I've been waiting for there to be an us and how quickly he ended up disappointing me on such an important day.

Sighing, I scroll through my emails, bringing up the one I received from Boston Medical a few days earlier. I type out a response and hit send before I can talk myself out of it.Regardless of his reasons, I know I can't continue to put Wes before my own future.

A few minutes pass and a knock on my door jerks me from the couch. Before I can open it, Wes comes through, but when I see it's him, I turn my back on him and walk back to the couch, slumping onto it.

"Hazel! I'm sorry!" He slams the door shut and hurries into the living room, stopping beside the couch. "I tried to be there! I wanted to be there with everything inside me, but I got stuck on a job. Then my phone died. I'm lucky I was able to get one text to you."

"It's fine, Wes," I reply mildly, not even looking at him.

"It's not Hazel. I know it's not."

I shrug and grab the remote, flipping on mindless television. "It's too late now anyway. Today really woke me up."

"What's too late? What do you mean?"

"I told you my plan was to stay here in Magnolia Point, and when I was placed on the waitlist at Boston, I figured it was a sign. But last week I got the acceptance letter. I still was going to pass on it, but when you didn't show today, I accepted the position."

"Hazel! Boston? That's hours from here."

"It is." I continue to stare at the television not seeing a damn thing on the screen. "It's always going to be something though, Wes. You have a late job, you have an age thing, you won't commit." My last word comes out as a sneer. I know I'm being unfair, but I'm hurt, and hurt people lash out. "All these years I overlooked all of that, but you reminded me of it today."

"I wanted to be there," he says again, his tone defeated.

"I'm sure you did. But no one wanted it more than me. And that's the problem. I want too much and you don't want enough."

"Do you really think that?"

"Yes," I exclaim, turning to face him. "What have you shown me that would tell me differently?"

"I've been trying Hazel. It's not easy for me. I'm doing all I know how."

"I don't need you to learn anything new, Wes. I just need you . I just need you to be here ."

I watch the questions dance around his face until a stoicism wins. "I didn't want it to end this way, but I want you to fly, Hazel. You deserve everything that's out there waiting for you. Not some small little no name town with a blue-collar guy giving you a half assed feeling."

He stands and walks towards the door and it feels so much bigger than how I saw it in my head. I wanted to make a scene, I wanted him to feel bad, even though, deep down, I knew he already did.

But I'm being the brat now and pushing him away, so I continue to do just that, saying, "If our paths cross again, I'll be grateful. But you were right all along when you said we're in different stages of our life. I have to do this."

Unfair and unrealistic as it is, I say these words looking at him, hoping he'll see a kink in my armor and run to me. But he doesn't. Instead, in true Wes fashion, he steps back, his words quiet as he says,"Just know if our paths cross again it's because I've been waiting for you to come home."

He says nothing else, just walks to the door, opens it, then walks through, shutting it quietly behind him. I wince at the click of the latch, like that small sound is punctuating the end of our relationship.

I never pressured Wes or asked for anything more than what he was willing to give me, but I can't keep hoping and waiting for something to change. I can't put my life on hold and wait for something that may never happen, especially someone who finds it so easy to always walk away.

I remind myself that I never cared about what others thought of me, but I know that's only partially true.

Because with Wes? I do.

Or I did, anyway.