22. Twenty-Two

Twenty-Two

Tillman

“Got to say, sir, I’m feeling pretty privileged being personally invited and escorted to the Vito mansion,” Codi says from behind me.

Standing from my crouch in the grass, I wipe the dirt from my hands and take another look out over the sea of green that stretches across the back lawn. It didn’t need any upkeep. It’s still flourishing as ever, but nonetheless, I pushed my element out across it.

Call it habit, maybe homesickness, whichever.

“You can call me Tillman here, Codi, and the invite was Willow’s doing. She needs to talk to you two,” I say, attempting to carry a lighter tone.

Caspian, over our mental link about twenty minutes ago, informed Corentin, Draken, and me, we were having an earlier lunch because Will needed to show us something and to get Codi and Trex. It was easy to assume it was because she saw something about their brothers, but Caspian wouldn’t give anything up and before the asshole cut the link, said he had to get back to taking care of her. If not for her mentally telling me she was fine, and the Amplifier room made her ill, I’d have transported back to the palace, whopped his ass, then took care of her myself .

I kept my cool and sent Ry and Nikoli to go get the two of them while the three of us came on here.

I’m still waiting for my little warrior to arrive, but rumbling overhead has us all looking up to see Tanith soaring over us with Keeper and Gaster on her back, so she’ll be here any second.

Fucking crazy how normal it is to just see a vampire flying on a dragon’s back nowadays.

“Well, that’s either a good thing or a fucking awful thing,” Trex says as he gazes into the sky before resuming his stare out over the vast expanse of forest in front of us.

“Probably a little of both. You’re looking less dead,” I say as we start heading to where Corentin, Draken, Ry, and Nikoli are all waiting around the patio table.

“Feel it. My lips are back to being sealed, unfortunately, but I no longer feel the Summum-Master’s fingernails in my brain. I’ll call it a plus for now.”

Grunting in agreement, my steps pick up their pace when finally, the others arrive, and my eyes lock on to where Caspian’s practically holding Willow up.

The rest of the realm ceases to exist as the three of us crowd around her. Her face is pale as paper, she’s wobbly on her feet, and the grim look on Caspian’s face has the hair on the back of my neck rising.

“I’m fine. I’m really not as bad as Cas is making me look. I just need another healing vial and some food. The double vision really kicked my ass, then Oakly transported me to CC’s room unexpectedly. Give me just a few minutes and I’ll be okay.”

“As bad as I’m making you look? Primary, she brought you into that room laid out on the ground, throwing up, and it took you ten minutes to stand. Don’t act like it’s me doing anything.” Caspian frowns down at the guilty look across her face. That look alone tells us that she does feel as bad as she, in fact, looks.

Instinctively, we all reach out a hand and lay it somewhere on her, and she sighs deeply, slouching into Cas’s chest. We give her a moment to soak it all in, then Corentin pulls out a healing vial from his pocket for her .

Won’t catch him without one ever again.

She gratefully chugs it down and smiles up at him like he just gave her a priceless jewel and me, Draken, and Caspian share a smirk.

“Thank you. Let’s—what’s wrong?” she asks, panicked, looking beside me.

Turning my head, Trex is gazing at her with a mixture of curiosity and a stern scowl that if he doesn’t wipe off in a second, Draken’s going to do it for him judging by the rumbling in his chest.

“What were you doing to cause this reaction?” he asks.

“Having a vision. Well, two back-to-back.”

“And your visions do this? Make you this ill?

“No, not typically. Not when they come on their own. I was in my Amplifier room this time, though. I was going to explain that to you in a minute. Why are you looking at me like that? You’re freaking me out.”

“May I?” he asks instead, holding his hand out, pointing to her head.

Despite my hesitation, as well as my brothers’, Willow nods confidently like she doesn’t have a care in the world, and Trex, with all his death wishes, rolls his eyes at us.

She sucks in a sharp breath, followed by a deep exhale the moment his finger touches her forehead. The color of her skin brightens, her eyes lose their tired droop, and the straightening in her back is nearly instantaneous. I don’t know where to look, at her or him, but I want an answer.

“What the hell is going on?” I ask.

“Your hypothalamus was lit up like a Star gem. It was working overtime. Just to clarify, you don’t typically have physical reactions when you have a vision?” he asks, completely focused on Willow.

“No, never, except for in there. The last time, I felt like I was burning from the inside out. It felt incredibly real, and I barely made it to the door to break the connection to the room.”

“Assuming based on the name of this room, it’s supposed to intensify your visions, correct? Or at least force them forward?”

“Yes to both. ”

“Let’s take a seat and get Willow something to drink. You can explain what’s going on to all of us, Trex, without all these damn questions,” Corentin says, finally growing frustrated.

Lacing his hand with Willow’s, he walks her a few feet over to the others and sits her right in his lap. Not a second later, Mrs. Grace is bursting out the back doors with a pitcher of coffee, water, a kettle of tea, and Chef is following right behind with two trays of food.

I try to be helpful and fix Will a cup of coffee for after her water, but Corentin literally knocks my hand away with a fierce glare that screams don’t you fucking dare.

Chuckling, holding my hands up in surrender, I lean back in my chair and look at Trex to carry on with his explanation. He’s much calmer now that he’s done whatever he did to her, but if there’s something going on in her mind, I need to know about it.

“Last question and I swear I can give you an answer after this,” Trex says as we all look at him. “How do you and your magic feel before you go into that room?”

Will startles and looks at him as though he’s lost his mind. I’d chuckle at the twitch in her nose and the glare in her eyes if I didn’t want that answer as well. If this were a one-off occurrence, then this would be different. But this is the second time now that she’s come out of that room in both mental and physical distress. If he has an answer to fix that, we need it.

“Why?”

“Because I need to know. Honest answers only. No bullshitting,” he says when he sees she’s about to downplay her answer.

Blowing out a breath, she readjusts herself on Corentin’s lap and her face grows more serious. “Nervous, scared, excited, determined…all of it. The whole point of that room is to help me get better with my sight. I’ve come to accept I won’t ever control it completely like I do my other gifts because of its nature to need to be able to tell me things on seconds notice, but I am supposed to grow to the point where I can call on it and it’ll respond. It’s both thrilling and intimidating. It’s hard to think straight before I go in there.”

He nods along like that makes perfect sense, and it does. That room is an other-realmly experience, and we all want it to do its purpose for her. But without these fucking side effects would be nice.

“Whenever you use a tool to amplify your gift, it disrupts your natural magic and mind, even if it doesn’t feel that way. Combine that with the flood of emotions you’re experiencing, and you’re making your body, mind, and magic vulnerable to imbalance. You might not notice it, though. You probably enter the room, calm your nerves, and proceed, but you’re doing things out of order.

“Most of us understand that our minds heavily influence our magic. Emotions often cause our magic to surge, and those emotions are driven by our thoughts and external factors. But few realize the full extent of the mind’s role. I’m more knowledgeable about the brain than most, and I can tell you—it’s responding to everything. It sees the amplification as a threat.

“When you go in anxious or afraid, your brain scrambles to fix the situation. Even when you think you’re calm, your brain isn’t. So when you jump into a vision with unbalanced magic and mental strength, you’re left vulnerable, both mentally and physically.”

Willow’s mouth gapes open, an argument, confusion, and acceptance all sitting there on the edge of her tongue. Without addressing Trex just yet, she turns her head to Gaster.

“He didn’t experience any of these physical side effects?”

“No, but at the same time, child, he had years to perfect his calm, balanced nature. He had to. He didn’t have a Nexus to help with that. Also, unlike you, he only had the gift of sight. He didn’t have to worry about balancing six other gifts and all four elements,” he says softly with tender eyes.

That seems to put things in a different perspective for her and her tense muscles relax back into Corentin. “I walk in with my magic, gifts, everything locked up because if not, as soon as I’m in, I’ll be sucked into a vision. I sit down in the middle of the room, clear my thoughts, set my intentions, and release my magic, while calling forth the sight.”

“You need to work on being balanced with everything before you go in. Let your mind, magic, and gifts know what it is you’re going to be doing. It may seem strange talking to yourself, but everything within you listens to what you tell it. If you go in there with the mindset that this is overwhelming or this sucks, that’s exactly what you’re going to get. You need to go in clear-headed and determined, with everything already open and on the same page,” Trex tells her, and I gain a little respect at the gentle coaching coming from him.

He’s not being his typical assholish self and seems genuinely concerned with helping her get this right. Granted, it still could have a little self-serving motivation behind it, but he’s willing to teach her something she needs to know.

“So what did you do to her just now?” Draken asks the burning question I know all four of us were waiting for an answer on.

“I sent a signal to her hypothalamus, letting it know everything in her body is fine. It’s a part of the brain that controls multiple different things. Hormones, body temperature, appetite, sleep cycles, emotions, behaviors. You fucking name it. It was in overdrive trying to figure out a problem it couldn’t find. It didn’t know what to make function or force to stop functioning. That’s also why the healing vial wasn’t working. There was nothing to heal.”

“But she’s fine now?” Corentin asks.

“Should be. Ask her.”

There went that small glimpse of the nondickish attitude. Fuck, I hope getting his brothers back causes him to chill out a bit. We’re stuck with him for a while, no doubt, and eventually, one of us is going to punch him.

“He’s right. I feel perfectly fine now,” Willow says, but it’s unconvincing.

She picks up on our doubts but doesn’t show that outwardly.

“How the hell am I supposed to balance everything in me before going in there? I struggle to balance myself before I even open the door,” she says in our minds quietly.

“You’re bonded to the most balanced person in the realm, princess,” Corentin says, smirking over at me.

“Mostly,” I tack on .

Her beautiful wide eyes whip to mine and hope shines through their depths, piercing me right in the heart. Her unwavering belief in me nearly knocks my breath away and I clench my fist against my thighs to keep myself from pulling her into my lap.

“We’ll work on it this afternoon, little warrior,” I promise.

This isn’t just a simple act of calming herself and balancing her emotions. What Trex is explaining is on a much deeper level that involves balancing everything within her. I would’ve already worked on this with her if I thought she truly needed the help, but she has an insane ability, in my opinion, to do it on her own. Of course, like any of us, she loses her cool every now and again, but she’s always able to rein it in quickly.

I’ve never noticed, even on a bond level, everything in her not being balanced. She always feels level if her emotions aren’t heightened, but I guess this room brings something out in her that we need to work on.

“Thank you,” she says and blows me a kiss.

“So what did you see that caused this today? I assume we can know since we got invited here,” Codi says after a moment of everyone taking some bites of food and starting easy conversations.

We chuckle as Willow grunts like the question surprised her, and she hurriedly takes a large gulp of coffee, then wipes the corners of her mouth.

How in the world she drinks coffee all day and doesn’t jitter out of her skin is still a mystery to me.

“I could take it by IV injection and would still want more,” she says, grinning over at me.

“I’m going to show you rather than tell you. There’s importance to both visions.”

Wiping her hands off and sitting up straight in Corentin’s lap, she waits for everyone’s go-head before latching onto our minds. I hold in my groan at the gentle caress of her magic flowing through me because I’m sure our guests don’t want to know how fucking amazing it feels to have your Primary’s gift rub against your own.

Closing her eyes, her mind floods ours and she skips right to her visions rather than what she does when she walks in. I’m caught off guard when the first thing we see is the five families gathered around .

I can identify each Primary in that room and the men are recognizable although some, to my annoyance, I can’t put the names I know to the faces. This is definitely Corentin’s area of expertise and since it’s been so long since I’ve been around the lot of them, I’m no help with anything here.

Except for the fact that it’s glaringly clear they’re having a meeting without Aunt Rory and I’m proud my little warrior picked up on that sly tidbit as well.

Moving on, she skips to the next, and her shift in mood, thought process, everything changes as soon as the unidentifiable image shifts from the quivering person to the Summum-Master. This is the moment she lost the tranquility she thought she felt, and the sensations start in her body.

The confusion in a few of the people at our table, namely Oakly’s Nexus, is evident in how the connection all of us are sharing shudders slightly. It’s just a small vibration of what they’re feeling, but I can pinpoint it.

I don’t feel that same. I know when I see a powerful Illusionist and the most powerful one I’ve ever met, known, loved, is no longer with me, so that only leaves one I can identify.

As soon as Willow cuts my connection to her, I turn to observe Trex and I’m taken aback by the shattered look in his eyes. I was expecting to see something, but he looks on the verge of throwing up, possibly crying.

“That…he was only eighteen, maybe nineteen at most then. There’s no doubt he’s had to strengthen it.”

“Wait, that was…” Oakly says, trailing off as she puts it together first.

“Yeah. Xander, our brother. I told you all, his illusions are on another level. If he’s concealing the Summum-Master’s identity, no one will be able to break that illusion but him, and that’s what appears to be happening.” He grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut. The anger in him bleeds out all over the table, and Codi reaches his hand out, gripping his shoulder.

“We’re going to find them. I’ll keep trying to get through to him.”

“How have you been trying?” Willow asks Codi.

“Really, just trying to think about him constantly, putting myself in deep sleeps at night to see if he can come through. Nothing’s happened yet, but I’ll keep trying. ”

“We’ll continue to look for ways to track or reach them as well. I need to let my mom know about this secret meeting of the five. Her decree is set to go out today, so it hasn’t happened yet,” Corentin says, pulling out his communicator and kissing Will on the top of the head before placing her back in his seat while he steps away.

“We’ve assumed the Summum-Master is a Fortifier based on what Keeper told us and I believe that vision confirms it, Primary. I’d hate to refer to a Fortifier as weak because their gift is honestly astonishing, but most of the time, without a form of defensive gift, they are lower on the power scale. So that black cloaked figure you saw, I think is the Summum-Master before he became the Summum-Master,” Caspian says with a faraway tone. His water twirls through his fingers as his shadows circle around him. He’s deep in his mind, trying to piece it all together.

“I thought the same thing, but I was more concerned about that weird feeling of his power. It didn’t feel…I don’t know, Elementrian, Elementrish. You know what I mean,” Will says.

“That’s because it wasn’t, child,” Gaster says quietly.

His pale face and glazed eyes silence everyone at the table as we take in the state of shock he’s currently in. He shakes himself out, but the seriousness that takes over his features makes us all hold our breaths and wait. Even Corentin notices and ends his call.

“When I was in the Valorian Veil, there was a being there that many feared. He’s one of the original Gods of the realm and his power was vicious, to say the least, if that’s how he wanted to wield it. The time I told you I sensed the realm was on a path to war, you remember?” he asks Willow gently, and she nods. “It was because I witnessed his gift. His name is Kirabaddon and he’s the God of Obliteration. I watched him lay his hand to the temple of the God of Boundaries and decimate it with one touch. In the Veil, an act like that is an act of war. That was his gift the Summum-Master was wielding.”

“But that’s impossible. He doesn’t have that capability from what we’ve seen and the portal to that realm is closed,” Nikoli says .

“It’s not impossible,” Willow whispers. A lone tear escapes her eye and she’s quick to wipe it away, then sniffles. “It’s not impossible to get into the Valorian Veil with my supply of blood.”

A muttering of fucks echoes around the table and I reach out to grip Will’s elbow, pulling her into my lap. There’s a rush of guilt washing through her as though she believes she is at fault for this, and I can’t stand the weight it’s bearing down on my chest. Nothing about any of this is her fault.

“Don’t blame yourself for this, little warrior. Any of it. You had no choice when your blood was stolen from you, and you have no control over what he does with it until we locate it,” I tell her softly but sternly.

She doesn’t respond, but instead, closes her eyes and lays her forehead to mine. I wrap my hand around the back of her neck, holding her to me, and I keep my breathing level until she mimics the steady flow.

“Caspian, Gaster, San, expand your searches to all known locations of the portals. We know the main five but find any mentions of secret or well-hidden ones. We need a count for as many or as little as you can find by the end of today. Tillman, be thinking about who you want to assign to those portals so we can post lookouts at each one for the time being. Princess…” Corentin softens his tone and kneels down in front of us, gripping her hands. “It’s time to open your Mom’s book.”

A shuddering breath falls from her lips and her fingers flinch against his, but nonetheless, she nods and cups his cheek.

Turning her hand out, he kisses the inside of her palm, then the bracelet we all made her as she strokes the ring around his finger. “Three weeks tops. For the next three weeks, we continue our training, research, everything. The guards will keep post at each one for the time being, then we will go ourselves to check and make sure they’re definitely closed. Yes, I know he has enough blood to open his own portal, but I don’t believe he will take that route first. It would expend far too much of his resources. After we confirm they’re still closed, we’ll track your blood right then. This is now a full-scale mission and we’ll treat and operate as such.”

“Okay,” she breathes.

That’s the plan.

“We’ll meet you all at the south wing. We need to make a stop first, then we’ll be in my room if you need us,” I tell the guys as they surround us in the gym.

After lunch, we carried on with the original plans of combat training this afternoon. For many reasons. One, Will was in her head about the visions and everything that came after. She needed an outlet, and I needed a way for her to calm her mind before we jumped into what we’re getting ready to do.

The guys give me a nod, then pass Willow around, drinking down her giggles and soaking up her affection. The training this afternoon helped get some of the more negative emotions out of the way and she’s ready to start her next training lesson.

Becoming balanced on her own.

“So where are we stopping?” she asks, smiling up at me.

“You’ll see, little warrior.”

Opening a transport, I whisk us away to a place she holds so dear to her heart.

When the darkness releases us, we step out into my greatest piece of work. The room we spent so many years planning, preparing, then perfecting once we met the woman who was going to make us one.

She happily hums and races around her bedroom in the mansion, checking and touching everything as if it may have changed or maybe it’s just because she needed to see and feel it all again. Her disappointment that we didn’t even come into the house at lunch was evident when we transported to the academy, so I knew this needed to be done.

When she scurries into her closet, followed swiftly to her bathroom, I chuckle and make my way to her desk. The object I need has been sitting here, waiting for us to retrieve it.

“Oh, Tillman, I’m so—Oh—” she stops mid-sentence and step when she rushes from the bathroom and sees me holding her box .

I run my hands over the smooth wood and let the now returned memory of that moment infiltrate my mind. My uncle was right in assuming I was questioning why I wanted this to be so precise. I had no clue at the time, but it felt so important, and I needed it to be perfect.

I smile down at my little warrior when she gently places her hand on top of mine while the other traces the rim of her box.

“It’s so perfect. It’s amazing to me you had never seen my tree, but the color of the box and the bark are nearly identical. I was convinced that someone had carved the wood to make this from it,” she whispers.

“Call it instincts maybe, I’m not sure, but I just knew.”

She hums and when she tries to take the box and place it back on her desk, I hold on to it.

“It’s coming with us, little warrior.”

“But…you know.”

“I do. I think we’ve all had an inkling to where we’d be staying for the foreseeable future, but none of us wanted to admit it. It’s a big change. This has been our home for over a decade. We’ve stayed very minimally at the palace since we started at the academy, and this is the only home you’ve known since being here. But it isn’t going anywhere, Will. It’ll always be here for us. We just don’t need to be here for now.”

Her eyes well with tears and I step closer to her, bringing her into my chest with my free arm. She has an attachment to this place just as we do, and she feels like she’s saying goodbye, but that’s not the case.

“This has been so impossible for me to just decide. I feel like I’m giving up so many amazing memories by not being here every day. Fuck, it’s crazy to be so emotional and indecisive over something like this.” She huffs.

“It’s not crazy at all and you’re not giving anything up. This place is ours, little warrior, and it always will be. I mean that very literally. It’s our Nexus’s now, and we never have to part with it. This has always been a vacation home of sorts to all the Vito generations before us. We were the first to decide to stay here permanently, make it our own, and Aunt Rory gifted it to us for good after Draken’s first year. Nothing about this mansion will ever change again if you don’t want it to and we’re only a transport away if you want to stay here for a night .

“You, me, hell, even the guys, we all feel that we’re supposed to be in the south wing right now. Why exactly, I don’t know. Could be secrets we still need to figure out, our own growth we need to work on, any number of reasons, but regardless of those, it’s time you accept the decision and put this war within yourself to rest.”

It didn’t dawn on me until Trex was explaining what was going on with her and her visions, that this hit me. It’s something I’ve had to overcome as well. Small things like this that linger in the back of your mind, distracting you randomly, are so much better off being put to rest. Little things add up after a while, and once you set yourself free by accepting your decision, the weight becomes so much less.

“I love it so much here.” She sighs, gazing around at the room lovingly. “But I know you’re right. I think I’ve told myself if we came back here, we’d somehow escape our troubles for a little while, but that’s not true. They’d just follow.”

“They would, but one day, that’s exactly what this place can be for us. An escape from reality where our Nexus can just be. Peacefully. It’s not going anywhere. And neither are we.”

Her small smile and glossy eyes turn up to me, and my heart thuds with the appreciation I see reflected at me. “Let’s go home.”

Laying my lips to her forehead, I pull us through a transport and deposit us in the middle of my new room in the south wing. The ambiance here is exactly what she needs. It’s exactly what I need for what I have planned.

Strolling over to my desk, I gently set her box down beside my family pictures and release a nervous breath. Now that it’s decided we aren’t going anywhere, it’s time I rebalanced myself. Find that inner peace I’ve barely had a grasp on since we’ve been here.

With the frame in my hand, I turn back to her but then pause.

Standing in the middle of the room, barefoot and glowing now that she’s got that emotional decision out of the way, she giggles lightly as the moss carpet tickles her toes. The light coming in through the window casts a halo of light around her and I swear, this is the most stunning I’ve ever seen her .

“Whatcha got?” she asks, peeking through her bangs as I take a step closer.

Lacing my fingers with hers, I sit us down on the floor with her nestled between my legs and bury my face in her hair, taking deep breaths until my racing heart slows itself down.

Linking my arms around her until I can hold the picture frame in front of us both, I point. “This is one of my fathers, Ian. You’ve heard Aunt Rory talk about him. He was an Illusionist. The strongest one I’ve ever met in my life. This is Hudsen. He could manipulate electricity. An Electro. Sean, he was a Plantist. Think of being able to grow, control, and flourish any vegetation known, even those not of this realm. This is Wesling. I think it’s a little obvious, but he was a giant. And of course, my mom. Matilda, or as everyone who’s ever known her calls her, Tilly. She was a Shield. The best one to ever walk this realm. I don’t say that because she was my mom. Her reach was the largest one ever recorded, ranging up to twenty-eight people at one time.”

“She’s beautiful, Tillman.”

“She is. I’ve been told my whole life I look just like her.” I smile at the small snort that escapes her.

“You do favor her a lot, but I see each of them in you. Wesling’s height came through strong.” She chuckles, leaning further into my chest.

“I have a little piece of each of them, but the piece I’ve strived to hold onto the hardest was my mom’s balance. You’ve heard the horror stories of our grandma Drudy. Well, of her three kids, Mom was the most neglected. I don’t just mean the physical, what my grandma would’ve called discipline, but mentally, emotionally, she was completely ignored as if she didn’t exist.

“That rejection fueled my mom’s motivation to be the best at everything she did. Despite my grandma’s shitty treatment, she wanted her approval, bad. Desperately. So she worked hard, nonstop, and eventually became the fiercest E.F. member this realm has ever seen.

“Typically, the commander over the entire E.F. is a member of the Ruling Nexus, but the rumors and talk about Mom’s success forced our grandfather, who held the position, to succeed it to her. He made it a grand thing. Put on a show that it was in the best interest of the realm, for the ruling family, everything.” I sigh, shaking my head.

I was much older, long after she passed, that Uncle Orien and Aunt Rory told me this whole story. Mom had given me bits and pieces of the truth, but they spilled all the beans once I was old enough to truly understand.

“He didn’t mean it, did he?”

“No, he didn’t. After the ceremony, my grandma and her Nexus called all of them together. Uncle Orien, Aunt Rory, her Nexus, and my mom. Told my mom she was a disgrace for accepting this position and it was a test, to see what she would do, and she failed. They forced her to take the post at the academy. They gave her instructions to find and appoint an E.F. Leader and they would oversee the palace members.”

“Wait, one of your dads, he was E.F. Leader like you are.”

I chuckle at her quick thinking and good memory, then grip her hips to keep her from turning to look at me.

“You’re beating me to the best part of the story, little warrior.”

“Oh shit, sorry. Please continue.”

“Mom was much, much older to be finding her Nexus, but my grandparents didn’t care enough to try to arrange her one early on like Aunt Rory. They were content with whenever because they didn’t care, so by this point, my mom was in her thirties, Nexus-less, and didn’t give a fuck to find one. The only pleasant example she’d ever seen of one was Aunt Rory’s and they were still in their honeymoon phase.

“But lo and behold, she sent out the notice to the Nexuses around all the stations of the E.F. Leader Trials, and here came my dads, coming to compete. Approaching their forties, mind you, and Primary-less. The first time in nearly ten years that anyone had ever got her off her feet and pinned her in training was against Wesling. And her first awakening happened.”

A hot tear hits my arm, and I tilt Willow’s chin to look at her, but she quickly turns away, wiping them away before I can. “Gah, why is that so damn romantic?” She groans, something between a laugh and a sob.

I can’t help but laugh as she carries on, and I pull her as close to me as possible. “They were romantic. All the time. It was like Aunt Rory and my uncles multiplied by two. My dads had a long road with breaking through to my mom. Not that she wasn’t ecstatic that she had a true Nexus, but she didn’t know how to be affectionate. She’d only been that way with her siblings. But they never gave up and together, they helped her heal from the damage my grandparents had caused. Like everything in my mom’s life, she had to become the best at regulating her emotions, staying calm, collected, balanced. She mastered it, so she could protect herself, her men, and eventually…me.”

I swallow the lump forming in my throat. I never knew any other side to my mom beside the affectionate, loving, caring one. A side that apparently was very absent from her personality until she met my dads. It kills me sometimes to think about how she was treated.

Who does that to their children?

“A lot of parents, unfortunately,” Will whispers and I kiss the top of her head.

“My parents, they…” I blow out a harsh breath, getting choked up over memories I rarely let surface. “There’s something I want you to see, little warrior.”

When she tries to turn to face me again, I let her.

The calm demeanor rolling over her is an emotional state I’m desperate to feel. And maybe after this, I’ll find it again.

“The memory I want you to watch is at the front of my mind. You probably saw bits of this when our souls connected, but if it was like anything I experienced, it was more blips in time rather than full stories.”

“Yeah, I saw it all, what felt like every moment of your life, but only snippets,” she agrees, and I nod.

“Watch this one, little warrior.”

Closing my eyes, I let her take us away.

“Go away,” I shout .

Every step I take has my walls shaking. Both the physical ones that confine me to my room and the ones that are crumbling in my mind.

“Open the door, son, please,” my dad Sean calls.

“No. Unless you’re here to tell me I can come with you all, I’m not leaving this room.”

“That decision will be made depending on how the next few minutes go.”

His easygoing voice halts my stomping, and I stare at the door in disbelief. I don’t believe there’s ever been a day he’s lied to me, or ever gotten mad. I think his gift as a Plantist makes him more levelheaded. Always having to make sure you keep the realm’s plants alive, never allowing them to die or go extinct gives you an appreciation for patience.

Something I severely lack even on my best days despite trying to prove to everyone else otherwise.

Today, though, my fuse is even shorter than normal.

Slinging my door open, I glare at my dad in newfound anger. It’s bullshit they’re not letting me go with them to rescue Caspian. It’s even bigger bullshit Aunt Rory gave in to Corentin so easily under the stipulation he stayed by my mom.

I can kick ass far harder than he can.

“That anger, son, is going to destroy a forest one day. Then where will the animals and vegetation live?”

I swear if my element were fire, there’d be smoke coming out of my nose.

“Are you going to let me go or not?” I grit the question out between clenched teeth.

“Come with me.”

Silently, we march—my dad walks normally—down the hall of the east wing. Every step has the picture frames vibrating and me sneering with every laugh that falls from his lips.

Exiting the wing, my other three dads are sitting in a circle in the grass, surrounding my mom. They’re all quiet and pay us no attention as we walk up.

“Sit with me, Tillme,” Mom says softly, patting the grass beside her.

Huffing, I do as she asks and drop down with the force of an earthquake. The ground may even shake a little and my mom blows out a steady breath.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you so badly,” she says quietly.

Guilt tries to force its way through my rage, but I swallow it down. She’s always so understanding, so gentle, sweet, but right now, I’m angry at her, and I don’t find any of this fair.

“I don’t understand why Corentin gets to go and I don’t. We’ve had the same amount of training, preparation. We’ve been on the same number of small-scale missions. He’s no more or less prepared than I am.”

“I never said any of that to be the case of why I said you couldn’t go, Tillman. My decision was solely based on the way you react to things, son. This is a high-stakes mission. One that could mean life or death, and in those situations, you cannot lose your cool or it could mean losing someone you love.”

“Then what can I do to prove to you I can do that? I’ll do anything,” I beg.

“Just sit with me, Tillme. Sit and listen to me. Close your eyes and focus on my words. Can we try that first?” she asks so low, I have to strain to hear.

Darkness presses in as I do what she asked and I close my eyes, but I still sense everything around me and inside my mind. The steady buzz of the earth, the rustling leaves, the thoughts of my dads surrounding us, although I try to ignore them. Each one is whispering reassurances and relaxing words to me, trying to calm my mind, but really, it’s just too much. Between the low tones, the outside noises, and the anger buzzing in my ears, it’s overwhelming.

“Breathe, son. It’s just us. We’re all here with you. Breath with me,” my dad Ian says quietly.

Taking a deep breath, I follow the breathing technique until our inhales and exhales sync up, and my racing heart slows.

“You have to find inner balance, my boy. In the moments that feel too much, too overwhelming, sad, angering, bitter. Those are the moments when your reactions mean the most. If you let the actions or words of others always bother you to this level of anger, you’re never going to be able to encompass the greatness lingering inside of you.”

The pressure building behind my eyes continues to get harder to fight back, but I try my best not to let the tears fall. I try to do what she says daily, but it’s days like today, when too many emotions hit me at once. It’s hard to balance them.

First, I was overjoyed to hear they believe they found Cas, then I was heartbroken to hear he’s at a location they assume to be some sort of lab, then I was pissed they told me I couldn’t go.

It was swift changes that I couldn’t settle all at once.

“I don’t know how,” I say quietly, and although I can’t see them, the vibrations in the ground tell me they’re all shifting closer to me.

“Take another deep breath, then follow this pattern,” Wesling says, and I follow. “In through your nose, out through your mouth. Breathe in, hold it, and let it out slowly. Do that until your mind silences.”

In through my nose, out through my mouth.

Repeatedly, I do as I’m told until silence.

“Good, Tillman. Now feel the ground beneath you. Not its power, not your power, just the strength of it. It’s always there, carrying you, no matter what,” Mom murmurs.

I focus on the earth and push the pounding of my element in my chest to the back of my mind. If given the chance, it’ll come out and call to its source.

After a few moments, the cool dirt calms the fever in my blood and my fingers wiggle around playfully in the soil. I focus on the way it feels constant, solid, yet, despite how strong, almost indestructible it is, it gives so much life.

It’s nurturing, comforting. I feel the thrumming energy it puts off flowing through my veins.

“That’s it, my boy. Good job, continue to focus on that balanced peace it brings,” my mom whispers not to break my concentration.

Pulling my fingers from the ground, I lay my palm flat on the grass, and instead of trying to mold it or bend it to my own will, I let it hold me up. I let it take away my frustration, my anger, my overwhelming thoughts and the constant noises, and I allow its blissful balance to consume me.

“Very good. Your will is always going to be your greatest asset, but you must know when to wield it. When is the right time, what is the right thing to do, who will be affected by the choices I make. You must balance yourself, your magic, your gift, your element, everything before you make those decisions. Accept the things you can’t control or change, and the things that you can, accept it fully and own it. Be so sure of yourself that everyone else has no other choice but to be sure of you as well. If you do that, son, then you can always be confident in anything you do.”

Breathing out, I finally let my tears fall.

“I will, Momma. I promise. I’m sorry for yelling at you. All of you. It’s just…he’s my best friend, my brother. I need to be there for him. He needs me.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for making my decision based on your reaction without considering that you and Corentin are struggling. This hasn’t been easy for either of you, and in times of worry like we’re facing, it’s easy to forget the feelings of everyone involved. I know you’re more than capable of joining us. I let my fear of what could happen cloud my judgment first without thinking it through. I’m still learning, just like you’re still learning, baby—in a realm that slows down for no one. But I’m so proud of you, Tillme, and I always will be.”