Chapter Eighty-Two

Ghost

I pulled back into traffic but didn't comment.

Respecting her space for now, giving her the room to breathe, I drove.

She lasted eight miles.

"Was your sister taken by Ibrahim al-Hashimi?"

Already past fucked as far as intel versus speculation, I didn't deny her the answer. "Yes."

"Did he take her because she is your sister?"

My jaw ground. "Yes."

"Did you come back for me or for her?"

I glanced at my hayatim. "You."

She looked straight ahead. "Because you had already gotten her back."

Exiting the highway, remaining silent, I didn't insult her by acknowledging the order of my actions.

"You are still blaming yourself for your sister being taken."

"I blame myself for a lot of things, Safiya." I glanced at her. "Eight years was a long time to make you wait for me."

She looked out her window. "Is that what you were doing? Making me wait?"

"Yes." I wasn't only feeding the beast each time I checked on her. Every one of my visits was calculated courting.

She didn't comment for a minute.

Then she turned back and gave me the honesty I'd been after since I'd walked her into that break room. "I cannot adequately express my gratitude for you doing what you did. You saved your sister, you saved me, you saved those women. There are no words to measure the fortitude of your actions or the honor in your heart." Her voice went quiet. "You have never dishonored me. You have spoken your intent. You have given me beautiful words…. And still, I feel very insecure."

"Because we haven't had sex." She hadn't bonded to me. Not on that level yet. When she did, her jealousy would dissipate. I'd make fucking sure of it.

Rapidly inhaling, turning her head, her clasped hands shifted. "I do not think—"

I didn't let her finish the sentence or thought. "You've been alone your entire life." She'd described her childhood. I'd heard everything she had and hadn't said. She'd spent more time with her sheep than with humans. She'd been ostracized for her mixed heritage and her mother's windowed status, and I'd left her on her own for her entire adulthood. "You don't know intimacy."

"And you do."

She didn't deliver the blow as an accusation. It was pure fucking hurt, but it may as well have been a direct hit.

I rephrased. "You don't know intimacy with me." I grabbed her chin and turned her head until I got her eyes. "Yet."

Wary sadness covered her expression. "But other women do."

I stopped in front of Feralyn's gate and threw the SUV into Park. Then I cupped my woman's face with both hands and set her straight. "There's a difference between fucking, sex, and intimacy. The latter's going to be new for both of us." I'd fucked countless women, but I didn't do this. I didn't let anyone in. Never had. Not until a terrified young woman from Turkey stole my fucking reason.

Her eyes welled.

I gave her transparency. "You think I saved you, but for eight years, you've been saving me. Every visit, every meal, every time I got to lay eyes on you and hear your voice." She'd kept me grounded.

Her hands wrapped around my wrists. "Grayson."

I owed her more than roadside gratitude, but this was where we were at. "You were my soft landing."

"I did not know I was your soft anything."

That was by design, because I'd done what I'd had to. "Now you do." I wasn't fucking hiding from this woman ever again, but she needed full disclosure. "You also need to know you're safe from your past. You saw the fallout in Venezuela, but I'm telling you now, one time, explicitly, that you are safe from al-Hashimi. What you are not safe from is my past or what you saw. You will never mention al-Hashimi, Venezuela, the plane crash, the Solace, or any of the events leading up to your kidnapping or from the moment I retrieved you. You will not mention the other women, Helios, Ares, Talon, or the pilots. If you ever see any of them in public, you do not know them, you do not speak to them, you do not acknowledge them. As far as it concerns me, if you ever get into a situation where we're separated, which I'm not going to let happen, but if it does and you're questioned by any government agency, you deny all knowledge of me. Understood?"

Tears fell down her face. "I understand, but you are frightening me."

"I'm being realistic." I swiped a thumb across her cheek, then spread her fear across her lips. "I live off the grid. I've designed your life to be the same. I'm not on any watch lists, but I'm also not in favor with any government, including the US. I understand that it feels like I've stripped you of choice and don't take into consideration your wants, but every step I've taken is out of caution for your safety. I'll protect you, always. But I won't lie to you. This will be our life."

"Our life," she whispered.

"Yes, Safiya. Ours."

She searched my eyes, then my hayatim nodded. "Okay."

I slanted my mouth across hers.

Then I ate the fears of the woman who cried for me.