4. Serenity

The door to the guest bedroom that I claimed as mine was thrown open.

The force was so hard it cracked against the wall, jerking me awake.

My father and his two favorite guards, Trent and Brad, stormed into the room so quickly I didn’t even have time to throw the comforter off of my body. A swift backhand made my cheek sting, a sensation I was all too familiar with. My bottom lip trembled as my father hovered over me.

“Youve failed me,” he said.

Trent and Brad pinned me to the bed, holding me down as I tried to scramble away. My father’s hand darted out like a snake strike, clenching my throat.

He squeezed.

Hard.

I flailed, digging my nails into his hand, trying to pry it away as the air dwindled in my lungs. My heart slammed rapidly against my chest, adrenaline coursing through my veins as my body tried to fight off the three men.

My limbs slackened, tingling with their lack of strength until I was just smacking limply as he continued to squeeze and squeeze and squeeze.

I couldnt breathe.

The last thing Id ever see would be his angry, disappointed eyes.

I didnt want to die like this?—

A choking gasp tore through me, my heart racing furiously as I bolted upright in bed.

It took me a minute to orient myself.

I was in the same bed, in the same guest room, but I was alone.

Late afternoon sunlight trickled in through the partially slanted blinds from the bay windows across the room. I’d fallen asleep sometime after breakfast, having intended only to curl up for a minute and rest my eyes.

It was a dream. A dream.

I silently repeat this to myself until my heart stopped racing and my fingers stopped trembling. But try as I might, I couldn’t get rid of the sensation of my fathers hand wrapped around my throat.

I focused on my breathing, doing my best to ease my racing mind. It’d been one week since Id gathered the courage to knock on Gareth’s hotel door.

One week since he’d flown me to Vegas and given me his last name.

He hadnt touched me, except for a microsecond of a kiss hed given me at the altar. And even in a moment of rare boldness, like this morning in the kitchen where Id offered myself up to him, he’d turned me down as bluntly as possible.

He was determined to leave me as untouched as I’d come into this marriage.

I was determined to at least leave it with some form of power of my own.

Without my virginity, I was of no value to my father or the family. My father dictated my education, offering nothing outside of the basics. Anytime I’d begged my father to let me try something new, like painting or music or reading anything that wasn’t educational, anything that would give me some form of emotional escape, Id always been met with a stern lecture. The only thing I needed to grow my skill set in was being a good, submissive wife. Because thats what I was born for. Because I hadnt been born a male, a prince to the Irish throne, but a girl, nothing but a pretty, pure princess with an equally pretty price tag.

Emotion clogged my throat, tears building in the backs of my eyes that I couldnt stop, no matter how hard I cursed myself.

Tears were a weakness, and ground for punishment.

Just like speaking out of turn was.

Although these past couple of years, I had cared less and less about the punishments. Ever since my father started taking me to the billionaire’s game, and I was exposed to more of the outside world rather than the environment that was created for me. Somewhere along the way, I’d found a sort of courage. It hadnt been enough to stand up to my father, but I’d savored the little pieces given to me during the games when my father wasnt watching.

An easy, nonjudgmental conversation with the girls.

Or, more importantly, the few precious words and almost forbidden looks that Gareth had given me every game.

I looked forward to those brief moments in time more than anything else in the world, and maybe it was those treasured seconds that had given me the courage I needed to seek Gareth out the night I found out my father was planning to sell me.

Id always known my father was a cruel bastard, but I never once assumed that he would be the one negotiating the marriage. Yes, I knew that I’d been born and bred to be a mobster’s wife, but I had thought I could choose which allying family I wanted to give my life to.

Stupid of me, especially given all the other evidence in my life that took my choices away. My food, my clothes, my makeup, the way I wore my hair, the music I listened to, the people I was allowed to speak with. All had been selected for me. And there was such a lack of female companionship on that approved list that I found myself unsure how to interact with the girls at the billionaire’s game for the first few months.

They’d been so kind, though, so understanding and gentle with me and my social awkwardness. They never once made me feel out of place, even though I was well aware I wasnt like them.

I wasnt an independent woman with career dreams and aspirations of my own who happened to fall in love with somebody at that table.

No, I’d been a piece of luggage. A high-value asset dragged to each game to be flaunted and displayed. It was a test, taking me to every billionaire’s game after he won his seat in the match. He wanted to see how I would behave should he marry me off.

I’d obviously lived up to his every expectation since he’d been brokering a deal at the last one.

An icy drop of fear slid down my spine, making me shiver.

If I hadnt gone to Gareth’s room that night, if I didn’t win that favor chip, I’d be married to a seventy-year-old, cruel, emotionless man. One who had no interest in me beyond the heir I would hopefully give him.

I shuddered again, knowing in the very depths of my soul that even if I hadn’t had that favor chip, I would’ve gone to Gareth’s room.

Sure, Asher or Crossland or Ethan or Weston had been more than welcoming and kind to me, but they didnt understand my world like Gareth did.

And besides all that, Gareth had always spoken on my behalf, even when he knew it would cause a deeper rift between him and my father.

The tentative peace between our families hung by a thin string, and all his speaking for me threatened to snap it entirely. But he’d never cared, and when those pale green eyes would cast their gaze over me, a silent look asking me if I was okay, it felt more than natural to go to his room that night.

Of course, I thought Id been going just for a few minutes. Just to ruin myself as he liked to say, just enough that my fathers plans would be prevented. But he’d been right. In the end, hed been the one thinking clearly as opposed to me, who’d been spiraling.

He’d saved me by marrying me, but I knew our time was limited. I knew my father would work on a plan to take me back and make me pay.

I needed to get Gareth to understand that if my father thought there was a chance of getting his pure princess back, he would.

The only actual way Id be free was if Gareth took my virginity. He seemed as opposed to that concept as anything else. All under the guise that he would ruin me, that I would only be trading one monster for another.

I didnt believe that.

As cloistered as my family kept me, the one thing they never lacked to show me was the monstrous nature of the men in my family. And while I’d remained untouched, I’d witnessed the sales of my cousins and the aftereffects of such deals.

Some feigned happiness and complacency while others returned to family gatherings looking like a shell of their former self, worn down by the constant demands from their husbands.

Gareth was not the kind of monster I was used to.

And in my heart, I didnt believe he was a monster at all.

He hadn’t demanded one thing of me since Id become his wife, and according to the laws of the world we lived in, he could have demanded anything. Hell, Id once heard a story about one of my cousins’ husbands forcing them to wear skimpy lingerie and serve all of his friends at a weekend retreat, like they’d been hired entertainment instead of a spouse.

I couldnt see Gareth doing anything like that, but I also knew that I didnt know him as well as I wanted to. And maybe thats all it was. Maybe if I could get to know him, and he could get to know me, then he’d understand.

I certainly didnt have a chance at seducing him, even though I’d been trying in pathetic little attempts. The art of seduction was conveniently left out of my approved studies, and it wasnt like I ever saw my mother seducing my father, as disgusting as that thought was.

The two people were as cold to each other as floating icebergs who never wanted to cross each others paths. To the public, she was the perfect wife. Silent, submissive, and supportive. But when it was just us? She was a zombie. She was a shell floating in the wind, listless and unmotivated even to do things with her only daughter, like when Id asked for a lunch date or a conversation or even simply watching a movie together.

Whats the point in watching a movie if we cant even pick what we want to see?She would say to me any time I asked.

We could try,I’d begged.

The punishment isn’t worth the reward,she would say back.

And that would be the end of it.

She’d stopped trying a decade ago to have a relationship with me, and often I felt like I was a source of resentment for her. An anchor to a life she never wanted. A chain around her neck to tug in case she ever got out of line.

I wondered what she thought now. I wondered if she was happy for me, or if she assumed Gareth was just like any other mobster or worse, since he was from a rival family. I wondered if she cared at all? I wondered if Father had taken his anger out on her.

Guilt slithered through me, oily and thick and fueling the growing anxiety that bubbled in my chest.

I couldnt think about that. And as terrible as I felt at the possibility that my father took out my crimes on her, it was hard to linger in guilt for a woman who had never once stepped in front of a hit for me, even when she could’ve when I was a child.

No, I couldnt worry about that at all.

I had to get Gareth to see my side of things. To realize that the only way Id ever be safe was if I became worthless to my father. And that wouldnt happen until Gareth did me the favor I’d originally asked for.

Seducing Gareth Maxfield was probably an impossible task, even to the most skilled temptresses, but to someone like me? Someone who didnt understand half of what I needed to in order to tempt him? Escaping his fortified estate would be easier.

I shifted off the bed, pacing a little as I tried to focus on what I could control.

Getting to know Gareth.

That was something I could do. Something I knew how to do. I’d been trained in the art of conversation whenever I was allowed to speak, and at the very least, maybe we could become friends.

I knew he was my husband by law, but we were basically strangers. Sure, wed shared moments at the monthly poker games the last three years, but I didnt know what his favorite food was or how he liked his coffee. I didnt know if he enjoyed running outside for exercise or reading by a fire. I didnt know if he liked to listen to music in the shower?—

The image that formed in my mind at the tail end of that thought had me breathless and feeling like my skin was too tight for my body. I felt achy in a way Id never felt before, the image of Gareth in a shower and dripping wet doing everything to agitate me in ways I didnt recognize.

I shook off the sensation, or tried to, and the motion made the giant T-shirt I was wearing sway back and forth. I huffed in frustration, swimming in the material. While I loved that it was carrying the faint scent that was unique to Gareth, it wasnt exactly the most practical thing to wear.

Maybe if it had just been Gareth in the house, I wouldnt think twice about it, but it was hard to feel like a strong, capable woman when I didn’t have a real pair of pants or clothes that fit me. And as it was, his house was filled with not only the few staff he kept on hand, but what I assumed was way more guards than he normally kept.

I knew I needed to ask him for clothes. I missed my own underwear, despite how comfy Gareth’s boxers may be. When we’d first arrived, he’d said to just ask anyone for what I needed, but after years of being punished for asking for anything for myself, it was much harder than I think he realized.

Asking for things for myself resulted in degrading comments about being selfish and spoiled at best, and physical reprimands at worst.

I battled with myself internally for a few more heartbeats before deciding that if I could so boldly offer myself up to Gareth on a silver platter, then certainly I could find the courage to ask him to order me some underwear and pants and shirts. I guess this would be the genuine test if my instincts were right about Gareth or not.

His reaction would tell me everything I needed to know.

I padded barefoot down the hallways, telling myself I was slowly checking every communal space in the off chance that he might actually be leisurely lounging in one of them, when I knew very well it was a weekday and odds were he was in his home office. I hoped I would catch him between meetings and calls, because I knew better than anyone the repercussions of overhearing business that didn’t pertain to me.

The office was the last place I looked. The door was open, so surely he was free to talk. I walked through the opened doorway, but froze two steps in.

“The opening of the West Coast branch is on schedule,” Brooks said as he leaned casually against Gareth’s desk.

Gareth sat behind the desk in a large wingback chair.

“Good,” Gareth said. “Once its open, we’ll be able to distribute and handle more product. Which will mean we can lower our prices to our consumers.” Gareths eyes met mine, widening slightly in surprise as he found me standing there.

Icy dread washed over me, the fear telling me to both remain frozen and run in the opposite direction. “Im so sorry,” I said as quickly as I could. “I didnt mean…I didnt know you had business. Ill go?—”

Gareth was around his desk and within an arm’s length from me in a matter of seconds. He reached out like he might touch me, but then thought better of it and dropped his hand. “Hey, its okay. I told you, you never have to apologize for anything.”

“But, your business. I didnt mean to overhear...” I stopped myself, eyes widening as I looked to Brooks, who would no doubt carry out the punishment should Gareth say the word. Brooks slowly shifted his body to face me, putting his empty hands in clear view.

Right. Not my family.

They’re not like them.

“I didnt hear anything,” I said despite telling myself I was safe.

“Serenity,” Gareth said my name gently. “Nothing I work on is illegal, and even if it was, youd never have to be afraid of what you hear from me. I told you, you’re safe here.”

I could only nod, having lost my voice somewhere in the sincerity in his pale green eyes.

“What do you need?” he asked.

I looked down at myself, then back up to him. This was the moment of truth. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“Clothes.” It was the only word I could say. That old habitual guilt and fear ate away at my insides. My muscles clenched, bracing for impact even though Gareth hadnt moved an inch.

“Ill take you,” he said, and I released the slightest of breaths. “I need an hour to finish up here,” he said, tilting his head. “Is that all right?”

His question almost brought tears to my eyes, and then I internally chided myself for the ridiculousness of that notion. He was simply asking if that time frame worked. No need to get weepy about it. Though, to my credit, nobody had ever cared to ask me anything like that before.

I nodded. “Thank you,” I said, flashing a practiced smile at Brooks, then Gareth before spinning around and hurrying down the hallway and back to the safety of my guest room in order to quell the emotions storming inside of me.

Excitement overtook almost every other emotion, challenged only by the blossom of hope doing its best to bloom in my chest. Gareth hadnt reprimanded me, not for walking in on him unannounced while he was doing business and not for asking for something for myself. He hadnt even hesitated at my request.

He wasnt like the other men Id dealt with in the past, and if that was the case, maybe I really would be safe here.

At the very least, I was going shopping.

Gareth was going to take me shopping.

I was going to pick out my own clothes. Something as simple as that shouldnt feel like a thrill, but I couldnt deny it, so I embraced it.

An hour later, almost to the second, Gareth knocked on my bedroom door. My heart was in my throat as I hurried to open it.

“These are the only shorts I have with a drawstring,” he said, holding out a pair of black swim trunks toward me. “Hopefully, theyll do until we can get you to the store. I’m sorry that I didnt think of this before. I assumed you’d ask Hans to order some things for you to tide you over.”

“Its okay,” I said, taking the shorts from him. “I know youve had a lot on your plate, thanks to me. And…” I breathed deeply. I wanted him to know me. That should start with honesty.

“And what?” he asked gently.

“I have a hard time asking for things,” I admitted. “I’ve…my history has proven it’s not a smart action. I know that must sound ridiculous?—”

“It’s not ridiculous,” he cut me off. “I can’t pretend to understand everything you’ve been through, but I want you to know…I’m not them. You don’t have to be afraid of asking me for what you need.”

I swallowed the emotion clogging my throat and turned around, heading into the en suite bathroom before I started blubbering about how grateful I was for him.

After struggling with the board shorts for a couple minutes, I finally just rolled them up, and hoped theyd stay on as I came out of the bathroom. I slipped my bare feet into the flats that I had walked to Gareth’s hotel room in and faced him.

His brow was furrowed as he looked at the shorts barely clinging to my hips, me having to hold them in place with one hand.

“Theres a knot in the string,” I said. “I cant get it undone, but its fine. I can hold them up.”

Gareth breached the space between us, kneeling down as he reached for the string, but hesitated an inch from touching me. He glanced up at me. “Is it okay if I help? I’ll have to touch you.”

I looked down at him, nodding a little too quickly because I couldnt voice an answer. How could I, when he looked as good as he did like that? He was massive, even on his knees, and his hands were large and yet so damn gentle as he took the drawstring and quickly got to work on the knot.

A flush raked over my body with his hands so close to my hips, with his face so near that untouched part of me despite this not being anywhere close to an intimate moment.

It felt like one, if the fire in my blood was any indication.

Slowly, he loosened the knot, and then tugged gently on the strings until the fabric cinched firmly around my waist before securing the string. His hands went to my hips, and my heart fluttered at the contact.

He tugged lightly on the shorts, testing his work, and nodded to himself when he saw they werent going to fall off.

I blushed even harder at the thought, especially since I didnt have a scrap of fabric covering me beneath these shorts.

Did he know that? Did he think about it?

“Better?” he asked, his touch disappearing as he rose to his feet again.

“Much,” I said. “Thank you.”

Gareth gave me a nod, then motioned to my door. “Are you ready?”

I honestly didnt have a clue if I was ready to venture into the world and make my own choices, let alone be at Gareths side as his wife, but I knew I wanted to. And all I could hope was that I wouldnt fumble the opportunity he was giving me.

Two hours and countless bags of clothes later, Gareth led me into the last shop that he assumed I would like. I’d protested, saying I had more than enough, but he insisted, stating that I needed a wide variety of clothes since we had no idea how long Id be living with him.

And he wasnt wrong about the store either, not when I brought over ten items back to the dressing room. And bless Gareth, he never once sighed or even commented on my inability to choose a piece without trying it on. And I had tried on lots in the last two hours.

Because I’d never been given the option of choosing my clothes before, I wasnt entirely sure what I liked to wear. But, as I slipped on a pair of warm, cozy black leggings, I instantly realized that it might be something like this. I surveyed myself in the mirror, not quite recognizing myself in the casual outfit. The black leggings hugged my curves like a second skin, and the cream-colored top I wore cut off just at my waist, ensuring that the leggings displaying my ass didn’t go to waste.

I opened the fitting room door, stepping out timidly as I had done every time before today, always worried that Gareth would change his tone on a dime. He never had, always nodding and telling me I looked good in everything.

He looked up from his phone as he heard the door open, and something flashed in his eyes as they raked up and down my body. It was a look hed never given me before, and I swear it felt it like a caress down my spine.

His silence became unbearable.

“What do you think?” I finally asked, slowly spinning around for him to see the full outfit.

He wet his lips as I turned back around to face him, and I saw him visibly swallow.

“Is it that bad?” I asked, my shoulders dropping slightly. Every other outfit hed been vocal about saying you look beautiful or that color looks good on you, but now nothing?

“You look...” His voice trailed off.

“What?” I asked. “I look what?”

“You look...delicious.”

A flash of heat streaked down my center at his words, at the way he said them like he was hungry.

I held his gaze, trying to gather the courage to jump at this opportunity. To cross the distance between us and do what little I could do to sway him in this moment.

“Did you need me to grab any more pieces for you?” the shop assistant asked as she rounded the corner.

And without taking my eyes off of Gareth, I smirked, pointing to the leggings. “Im going to need these in every color you have.”