13. Radimir

13

RADIMIR

I froze. My brain just locked up with the impossibility of it. She couldn’t be there. She had to be a hallucination. I blinked, honestly expecting her to vanish.

She didn’t. She just stared at me, her eyes wide and her chest shaking. Then she was gone, sprinting out of the apartment.

Fuck. I launched myself out of the bathroom and out of the apartment, pulling the door closed behind me. I could see her on the floor below, already starting down the next flight of stairs, and I forced my legs to go faster.

It had all been going so well. The hacker I’d paid had disabled the security cameras in Borislav’s building and would delete the footage from cameras in other, nearby buildings. The guard was on his break, as planned. The lockpicks had worked like a charm. When they found the body, everyone would think Borislav had slipped in the shower.

Except she’d seen me do it.

By the time I reached the lobby, she was already running down the street. I raced out into the rain and chased after her. I had no idea what I was going to do. I just knew I needed to fix it, somehow.

I thought of that morning, at the warehouse, I’d sat straddling a chair, looking down at the naked and bloody Doyle and Yoz. “There’s something I’ve been struggling with,” I’d said slowly. “But I haven’t been able to tell anyone. I haven’t been able to...” —I’d looked at Doyle—“what do you British say? Get it off my chest. People would think I was weak. But I can tell you two.” I’d leaned closer. “I can tell you because I know you won’t leave this room alive.”

And I’d told them. I’d told them that I liked her. It felt good, to say it out loud, just that once. It made me sure that I’d done the right thing, walking away from her. And it made Doyle and Yoz understand what I was going to do to them, and why.

I’d picked up the pruning shears and made two quick snips. And then I’d waited until the screaming stopped and the blood slowed to a trickle, and they were dead.

I’d thought I’d never see her again. Now, somehow, she was here. I kept rerunning the look of raw horror she’d given me, my stomach twisting into a cold, hard knot. I couldn’t leave it like this. I have to catch her.

She was running with everything she had and even with my longer legs, it took me a full block to close the gap. Finally, I managed to grab her shoulder and tug her to a stop.

She spun around. “ Get away from me!”

I staggered back. It felt like she’d emptied a shotgun into my chest.

“Get away from me,” she repeated, her voice shaky.

I’d always been proud that I scared people. Until now.

“Get away from me.” This time, it was a plea. When her eyes filled with tears, I felt that protective urge take hold of me, and I reached for her, but she flinched back.

I wanted to kill the thing that was scaring her. But the thing that was scaring her was me.

I couldn’t fix it.

I stepped back, my hands raised in submission.

And for the second time in a day, I walked away from her.