36. Jenner

Chapter 36

Jenner

"A few minutes, my ass," I grumbled under my breath, pacing the room in pale blue scrubs. It felt like hours since they'd wheeled Evie out.

I was right back to where I was when Hope was born, feeling out of control and out of the loop, and I hated it.

I'd done a bang-up job of staying calm in front of Evie, but the truth was that I was fucking terrified. So many things could go wrong, and my anxiety shot through the roof as I ran through all the possible complications.

"Mr. Knight?" My head popped up to find a young nurse standing in the doorway. "They're ready for you."

"Thank fucking God," I breathed out, rushing across the room to follow the nurse through the maze of tunnels before we pushed through double doors that led to the wing containing the operating rooms.

"We're right through here," she said, gesturing to Operating Room 2.

Stepping inside, I stopped short. Holy shit, there were a lot of people in here.

My chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. I pressed a palm against my sternum and rubbed, hoping it would loosen it, to no avail.

"How about you come over here and hold my hand before you have a panic attack," Evie's voice broke through the darkness coming in from all sides, and I was able to suck in a large lungful of air.

My wife was propped up on a bed in the center of the room, and I walked over, pressing a kiss to her temple, instantly calmed by her presence.

"And you didn't want to come to the hospital." My lips grazed her skin as I spoke.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you'll be telling that story for years to come," she grumbled.

It was easy to smile when she gave me a little bit of her signature sass. "How can I not?" I teased right back. "I'm the hero in that story."

Evie's eye roll was audible. "You call a guy a hero one time , and suddenly, he has a complex."

I barked out a laugh, pulling back and scanning her form. They'd covered her with a blanket to move her, but she was back to being indecently exposed. Yes, I knew that was required for this to work, but that didn't mean I had to like it.

"Feeling any better?" I squeezed her hand.

"No more pain," she confirmed. "Just a lot of pressure."

Dr. Roberts, wearing a surgical gown over her scrubs, stepped up to the foot of the bed. "That's what we like to hear. Pressure means it's time to push."

My eyes bulged. "Already?"

She nodded. "Every mom progresses differently, but an epidural often helps in terms of letting the body relax and do its job. Seems that was the case today with Evie."

Stunned, I turned to my wife. "Oh my God."

Shifting on the bed, she eyed me. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah." In a daze, I nodded slowly. "Just wasn't ready for it to be go time the minute I stepped into the room."

"Lucky for you, big guy, you get to stand by and watch."

"Hey." I pressed my forehead to hers. "You know I'd do this for you if I could."

"Yeah," Evie breathed out. "I know."

"You're the strongest woman I've ever met. Everything we've been through led us right here. And now, we're at the finish line. Our sons are ready to join our perfect family, and you're the one who's gonna make it happen. Trust me when I say I will never be able to thank you for all you've given me, Evie."

A tear leaked from the corner of her eye. "I love you."

"I love you, too. So fucking much it hurts."

"Evie, are you ready?" Dr. Roberts's voice cut into our private moment.

My amazingly strong wife nodded with determination glittering in her violet eyes. "Yes."

"Jenner?" Dr. Roberts spoke to me next. "You're good where you are right now, but I need you to listen to me very carefully. I know it's going to go against every instinct you have, but when Baby A is out, you go with him." All my muscles tensed at the idea of leaving Evie. "And I will tell you why it's extremely important." Swallowing, I waited for her to explain. "With Baby A out of the way, there's going to be a lot of extra space for Baby B to do some gymnastics. My team needs to ensure not only that Baby B winds up head down but that Evie's uterus clamps down enough to get him out. Understand?"

Fucking logic. I understood, but I didn't like it.

"How long is that going to take? Between the two of them?" I asked.

"It varies. But usually, the average is half an hour."

I hummed. "Thought it would be faster."

Dr. Roberts let out a light laugh. "Most people are used to seeing the birth times of twins only being minutes apart because a good majority are born via C-section. Going this route requires a bit more time and the cooperation of both the baby and mom's body."

"Okay," I agreed. "I'll go with the baby."

She winked. "I knew I could count on you, Dad."

A set of nurses came over and removed the lower half of the bed before taking it away. When they returned, they pulled stirrups up from underneath the remaining portion, helping maneuver Evie's legs into them.

"Evie, the next time you feel a wave of pressure, I want you to grip the back of your knees and bear down while I count to ten, take a few deep breaths, then repeat until the pressure wanes," Dr. Roberts instructed. "You've got Jenner on one side to help with your leg and Jana on the other."

Right. I was on leg-holding duty. I could do this.

After a peek at the monitor, Dr. Roberts asked, "Do you feel it coming?"

Evie nodded.

"Good. Let's do this."

Wrapping my arm around the back of Evie's thigh, I held it back as she pressed her chin to her chest and pushed while the doctor counted.

"Perfect. Just like that," she encouraged. "And again."

Only the softest grunting noises escaped past my wife's lips as she worked on bringing our first son into the world.

Collapsing back on the bed, Evie sucked in air.

I was quick to move with her, pressing soft kisses to her forehead, whispering, "You're doing so great, baby. I'm so proud of you."

Resting between contractions, her eyes were closed, but she nodded, letting me know she'd heard me.

"Deep breath, Evie, and then let's go again," Dr. Roberts said.

Focused on my wife and her incredible strength, my eyes widened when Dr. Roberts remarked, "He's right there, Evie. Keep going."

I shifted to peek at my son making his grand entrance when Evie barked, "No!"

Stunned, my head whipped to her. "What?"

Tension marred her pretty face, flushed by the effort used to push. "I don't want you to look. I watched Hope come out. It's not pretty."

Scoffing, I countered, "Evie, I think I deserve to watch our son being born."

Eyes narrowing, she gritted out, "So help me God, Jenner Knight. You peek down there, and I will divorce your ass so fast your head will spin."

That was enough to have me straightening instantly and my eyes avoiding the area between her spread-open legs.

The nurse opposite me, Jana, chuckled, giving me a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry, they all say that."

I gave her a tight smile and a nod. "Uh-huh." It might be an idle threat to most, and I was fairly certain it was in this case, but I wasn't about to press my luck.

"The head is out," Dr. Roberts declared.

Evie's eyes popped open, and her lips parted. "Really?"

"Give me your hand, and you can feel for yourself."

Sinking her teeth into her lower lip, Evie slid a hand around her belly and between her thighs. "Oh my God," she breathed out.

"He's almost here," I whispered against her temple. "You've got this, babe."

She nodded, and after another few pushes, a garbled wail pierced the air.

Tears leaked from Evie's eyes as a relieved sob flew past her lips.

"You did it," I said, in awe of my wife and her sheer force of will that had made us into a family.

Those tiny cries continued, and I shifted my gaze to catch the first glimpse of our son.

Overwhelming love crashed over me when laying eyes on the little person we'd created. He was squirming in Dr. Roberts's hold as she suctioned his mouth, and another set of nurses clamped and cut his cord before he was handed off and carried to one of the waiting warmers across the room.

Her eyes met mine, and she tilted her head in the direction they'd taken the baby. "Go, Jenner. We've got Mom and will call you over when it's Baby B's turn."

With one last kiss pressed to Evie's forehead, I gave her hand a squeeze and forced my feet to move.

"Take pictures," my wife called to my back.

When I stepped closer, several people were surrounding the warmer, but when the two nurses from earlier saw me, they made room for me to approach where my son lay.

Emotion clogged my throat as I stared at the perfect baby boy. My hand twitched, and apprehension stole through me.

"Can—Can I touch him?"

"Of course," one of the nurses replied.

I skimmed the skin of his clenched fist, stroking the tiny knuckles softly until his fingers spread wide before closing over my much larger digit.

Tears burned behind my eyes, and I swallowed thickly. "Hey, buddy. Happy birthday."

A groan from across the room stole my attention, and I turned to peek at Evie.

Several people were pressing on her significantly smaller belly as she lay there, eyes shut, grimacing.

Almost like she could sense my eyes on her, she muttered, "I'm fine. And I know you're not taking those pictures."

She knew me too well. I had been so caught up in marveling at our son that I couldn't focus on much else.

With my free hand, I reached into the pocket of the scrubs pants and produced my phone. Swiping to open the camera, I snapped a few shots of our boy as his mama had instructed.

Viewing him through the screen, I said mostly to myself, "He's so pink."

A doctor with a stethoscope pressed to the baby's chest replied, "That's a good sign. For being a thirty-four-weeker, he's looking healthy and strong. Bigger than we'd expect at this gestational age for a multiple, too, at five pounds, four ounces."

My heart swelled. For all my worrying, he was here, safe and sound and thriving.

"Do we have a name for this little guy?" the nurse beside me asked.

Evie and I had nailed down names a few weeks ago, so there was no hesitation when I declared, "Hunter."

"I love it," she gushed.

I smiled to myself, knowing his twin brother's name and how adorable it would be every time we introduced all three of our children together.

They put a diaper on Hunter and placed him inside a clear plastic incubator atop a wheeled cart.

The doctor explained, "He looks good, but we're gonna make a pit stop at the NICU as a precaution for further evaluation since he is a preemie. My colleagues will assess Baby B after delivery and join us there. At that time, we can discuss whether they can be moved to the main nursery in L her head lolled to the side. It took a minute for me to process what I was looking at.

Evie was unconscious.

Then, I saw the blood. So much fucking blood.

Coating the doctor's arms up to the elbow.

Streaked along Evie's thighs.

Pooling beneath the bed, the crimson stain growing larger by the second.

"What's going on?" I rasped as fear gripped me in a chokehold.

Barely sparing me a glance, Dr. Roberts commanded in an authoritative tone, "Get him out of here! Now!"

"What? No!" I cried when two members of Baby B's waiting team approached me. "I'm not leaving!"

The look of pity on their faces had my knees threatening to buckle.

That's when I realized this was bad—life or death bad.

The blood and alarms should have tipped me off to the severity of the situation, but shock had severely diminished my powers of deduction.

"Listen," one said softly like I was a horse about to spook. "They're gonna do everything they can for your wife and your baby, but they can't do that unless you let them do their jobs."

I tried to peek around him, but there were too many people surrounding Evie for me to see her.

"Come on." He clapped a hand on my shoulder, gently urging me from the room as I dragged my feet.

The terrifying thought crossed my mind that if I left, it might be the last time I ever saw my wife.

The male nurse eased me into a chair in a small waiting room and explained that someone would come to update me as soon as there was any news.

I was numb.

I couldn't feel anything. Not when I'd left half of my soul in that operating room.

If Evie didn't make it, I wasn't sure how much of me would be left to give my children. This whole thing didn't work without her at the center of it. This was her dream, what we'd fought so hard for, and now it might very well be the thing that killed her.

A vibration in my hand had me jolting. Until that moment, I hadn't realized I was still clutching my phone after taking pictures of Hunter.

Glancing down, the lock screen showed a text from Maddox asking for an update.

I couldn't do this alone, and my best friend had never let me down in his constant support over the years, so I swiped a finger across the screen, pressing the button to place the call.

My trembling hand could barely bring the phone to my ear. By the time I did, I heard Maddox's cheerful voice, seeming so out of place when my world was crumbling around me.

"Hey! Is Hope a big sister yet? Ready for us to bring her to visit?"

A strangled noise clawed its way up my throat.

Concern filtered into Maddox's tone. "Jenner? What's wrong?"

Everything. Everything was wrong.

But instead of voicing those words, I couldn't hold back anymore and began to sob loudly.

"Fuck," Maddox cursed. "I'm on my way."

It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Not without Evie.

Time stood still as I stared unblinkingly at the double doors that led to the operating rooms, waiting for someone to emerge to let me know if my wife was dead or alive.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when a massive body dropped into the seat beside me.

"Talk to me, Jenner." Gone was my friend's usual gruffness as he sat forward to rest his forearms on his knees so he could see my face.

My gaze flicked away from the door for a split second to find Bristol standing beside where Maddox sat. Her sad blue eyes were more than I could handle right now. Not when my life—and Evie's—hung in the balance.

Voice hoarse from crying, I managed to ask, "Who's got Hope?" Even if the unimaginable came to pass, I was still a father and had at least two kids who would be depending on me.

"Emmy came by," Bristol whispered.

"That's good." I nodded, eyes fixed back on the double doors.

"What happened, Jenner?" Maddox tried again to get answers out of me.

Taking in a shaky breath, I said aloud the thought rolling around in my brain since they forced me from that room. "I killed her."

"What?" they cried in unison.

Fresh tears threatened to break free. "Everything was fine. Hunter came out perfect. Then there were alarms and blood and . . ." My words trailed off. "I did this to her. We had everything. Hope would have been enough. We would have been happy raising her as our one and only. But then I had to go and knock Evie up, and now she's going to die. Because of me."

My friends were silent for a minute, processing that massive information dump.

Maddox gripped my knee. "This isn't your fault, Jenner."

"It is!" I yelled. "If she never got pregnant, this wouldn't have happened."

Sighing, Maddox replied, "I know you're scared—fuck, I'm terrified for you, and she isn't even my wife—and it's easier to blame yourself than accept that, sometimes, life is outside of our control. But I need you to understand that you did nothing wrong. You gave Evie what she always wanted, and I saw how happy that made the two of you. She's your life; I get it. More now than I ever did before." His eyes shifted to his fiancée. "We are here for you, no matter what happens, okay? You and Evie and the kids are our family."

Done with words, I simply nodded.

Bristol couldn't hold back a moment longer and threw her arms around my neck, hugging me tight.

I knew these two loved my wife, and there was the tiniest bit of comfort that they were by my side as I waited to hear if I would be forced to live the rest of my life without the only person who'd ever given it meaning.

"Knight?"

A strange sense of déjà vu washed over me at hearing my name called in a hospital waiting room. I'd been just as scared that day, waiting for news of Evie's condition, but today, there was so much more at stake.

But my brows drew down when I realized that whoever was looking for me hadn't come from the double doors where my gaze had been glued for what felt like hours.

"Over here," Maddox replied for me.

A man in scrubs wearing a white coat over them—signifying his status as a doctor—stepped into my line of sight.

I stood instantly. "Is she—?"

The pity flickering across his features had me reaching blindly to grip Maddox's forearm for support.

Shaking his head sadly, the doctor replied, "Unfortunately, I don't have any details about your wife's condition."

Confused, I asked, "Then what are you doing here?"

"My name is Dr. Morris, and I was the one heading up the team designated for Baby B."

I sucked in a sharp breath. I wasn't sure I could handle learning I'd lost both of them today.

"I wanted to come down here and tell you myself that he's doing well after being delivered via emergency C-section."

"Emergency C-section," I repeated those words in a daze. They'd been forced to slice my wife open to save the baby.

"Four pounds, eleven ounces. A little smaller than his twin but just as feisty. Both boys are breathing on their own, regulating their body temperatures without help, and showing good sucking reflexes. We feel confident in our decision to have them moved to the main nursery. The team there will monitor them for signs of jaundice, which is extremely common, and if at any point they feel the babies need additional interventions, the nurses have a direct line to my team, and we can reassess."

"Okay." I didn't know what else he wanted me to say. I wanted to be overjoyed that my son had been safely delivered, but my mind was firmly rooted on Evie.

"If you'd like, I can take you to them now."

"Um." I tugged on the back of my neck, my gaze shifting to those double doors that hadn't been pushed open once in all this time. "I'm not sure . . ."

Turning his head, Dr. Morris acknowledged my concern. "We'll make sure your wife's team knows where to find you."

Maddox's voice finally broke through my panic at the idea of leaving this spot. "Come on, Jenner. Let's go meet your boys."

Swallowing, I nodded. "All right."

I pressed a hand against the glass door to the nursery, almost afraid to step inside. It felt wrong meeting our second son without Evie.

"Hey, we're right here," Maddox said in reassurance, noticing my hesitation. "Whatever you need."

Taking a deep breath that did nothing to loosen the tightness in my chest, I asked, "Come in with me? I don't want to do this alone."

Placing a hand on my shoulder, my best friend vowed, "You're never alone, Jenner. I've always got your back."

Bristol gave my hand a gentle squeeze before stepping toward the giant glass wall that showcased the rows of newborns nestled in glass bassinets. She was gracious enough to give Maddox and me this moment.

With the support of the man who'd always gone to battle beside me, I pushed through the door.

Dr. Morris had placed two hospital bracelets around my wrist that linked me to my sons. When I showed them to the nurse, her face lit up with a bright smile. "Oooh. The twins! Simply precious little guys."

We followed her to two bassinets side by side near the back.

I stared down at my sleeping sons, blissfully unaware that their entry into this world might coincide with the worst day of my life.

Maddox bumped my shoulder. "Surprisingly good-looking kids considering who their father is," he teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Without hesitation, I replied, "That's because they look like their mom."

The nurse remarked, "We didn't get a name on Baby B."

"Hendrix." The word was said on a whisper as I stroked a finger over his soft cheek.

"Oh, I love that," she chirped. "Hunter and Hendrix."

Maddox chimed in. "And don't forget about big sister, Hope."

She placed a hand to her chest. "Stop it right now. I love when parents give siblings matching names like that." Gesturing to the babies, she said, "Feel free to cuddle with your little guys. We can try feeding in a little bit if you'd like." With that, she walked away.

This was wrong. All of it was wrong.

I shouldn't be the first one to hold them or feed them. Evie had earned those experiences, a reward for her perseverance in making this dream a reality.

"Come on, Dad. Show me how it's done." My head whipped to the side to find Maddox smiling at my boys, dipping his chin toward them.

My jaw dropped. "You—you want to hold one?"

He shrugged. "Might as well log some practice hours for when it's my turn someday. And there happens to be two of them and two of us. Only makes sense we share in the cuddles."

A surprised chuckle flew past my lips. The sound was foreign, given the circumstances that I was sharing this moment with my best friend and not my wife.

"Yeah. Okay." I nodded. "Let's do this."

I reached into one of the bassinets, and Maddox mirrored my actions. I chose to hold Hendrix first, since Hunter and I had already had a moment in the delivery room.

I'd thought Hope was feather-light the first time I held her, but if I hadn't had my eyes on this little guy in my arms, I wouldn't have been able to believe he was even there. I was certain the blanket he was wrapped in weighed more than he did.

"This is wild, man," Maddox said in awe.

Hunter was smaller than that man's bicep, and I shook my head in wonder that these two tiny humans were half me and half Evie.

I could stare at these beautiful babies all day.

"Jenner?" a familiar feminine voice broke through my trance, and I spun around to find Dr. Roberts.

My throat closed up, and I struggled to draw in air. I couldn't bear to ask the question that had been burning at the back of my brain for hours now.

Was my wife alive?

She must have seen it in my eyes because she nodded, answering, "Evie's okay."

"Fuck." I sagged against the nearest wall, clutching my infant son to my chest. Willing my racing heart to settle, I asked softly, "What happened?"

Dr. Roberts took a deep breath. "Long story short, after Baby A was delivered, the placenta he and Baby B shared decided its job was done and began to detach too soon. The sudden and extreme bleeding caused Evie's blood pressure to tank, and she lost consciousness."

I shuddered. I would never be able to remove the image of Evie lying lifeless and covered in blood from my memory.

"Thankfully, we were already in the operating room and were able to take action quickly. Evie was placed under general anesthesia, and we delivered Baby B via emergency C-section. The hemorrhaging was extensive and took time and several transfusions to get under control. She's going to have a difficult recovery once she wakes up, but the important thing to remember is that she will recover. We were able to save her uterus, but after the trauma it went through today, I would strongly recommend against future pregnancies."

Stroking the back of the tiny infant in my arms, I nodded. "I think we've got our hands full enough."

She smiled warmly. "That you do."

"When can I see her?"

"I can have someone take you to her now."

Placing a kiss on Hendrix's forehead, I whispered, "Mommy's gonna be okay."