49

Side By Side

Jonas looks at me in question, and I incline my head once. He exhales quickly, reaching forward to knock three times.

I hold the food tray in a death grip, grateful Jonas and I caught Dorit with a plate of food. I stole it from her, knowing I needed it for Jerrick. I tremble with exhaustion and foreboding as the last and final knock echoes in the hall.

"I said go away," someone says on the other end, quick to dismiss us.

Jonas clears his throat and says with trepidation, "Jer, it's me. It's about Tove." He helps me a step when he hears footsteps on the other end rushing toward the door.

I move tentatively, watching my footing and catching wind of the door.

The frame fills with Jerrick.

My heart sinks at him so disheveled and so… broken.

He looks bewildered and angry, no sign of flirtation or charisma. Not even a sign of the King of Palaena. Just a man who was betrayed by someone he thought he trusted.

I hurt him. So much.

"Wha—"

Jerrick's anger ceases, and he goes rigid.

Disbelief is visible as he looks at Jonas, me, then the tray of food. When our eyes lock again, his entire posture slackens. So many apologies surging forth, and I tremble, my determination faltering.

I take a small step forward, Jonas helping me as I extend the food tray Jerrick.

"I-I hoped food could h-help with my ap—"

Jerrick lunges forward, snatching the tray and shoving it into Jonas's hands.

The swiftness of his movements sends me off kilter. I sway, but Jerrick catches me, pulling me to him.

I'm frozen in a state of shock, unsure of what I did to deserve his embrace.

Jerrick pulls away, his hands finding my cheeks as he hunches over me. Emotions are thick in his expression, and I cannot help tears from lining my vision. His face pinches, and he tucks himself into the crook of my neck, shuddering.

Tears run down the sides of my cheeks despite wanting to buckle from exhaustion. I do not know how I remain standing, but I fight it, smelling salt in the air mixed with the leather and cologne.

"Frostbite," Jerrick murmurs against my skin.

I close my eyes at the damned nickname I've grown to love, my heart breaking as I realize this could be the last time he says it to me.

I remain silent through my fears, needing to commit it to memory, too.

Jerrick glances at his brother. "Jonas, could you?" he asks, with pure kindness brightening his features into a smile.

"On it," Jonas says, walking into Jerrick's room.

Dizziness makes me sway again and Jerrick is so in tune with me. He lightens his hold to pick me up with ease.

I don't protest, too tired, as he carries me into his room, placing me on his bed.

Jerrick remains in front of me while Jonas sets the tray down. From over Jonas's shoulder a closed-lip smile lights his features as I mouth, Thank you.

Anytime, sis, Jonas mouths back, closing the door behind him.

The disarray of Jerrick's bedchamber is the first thing that draws my attention. The moment of tidying Jerrick did on our wedding night was light. Cleaning the room now would require more than that.

Rumpled sheets are piled by the bathing area, discarded, and barely covering full trays of food. The chair by his working table is broken, with fissures on the back end where the legs are slanted from one of the legs being broken off. Papers are scattered across the floor near the mess, crinkled and torn.

And when my attention finds Jerrick, the same neglect of the room reflects in his appearance.

Oil builds up in his onyx hair. The small wisps that typically escape throughout the day are many and cover his face. His black tunic is half tucked, half open, as if he did not know whether to keep it on or change. The shadow of stubble on his jawline is fuller, covering the red undertones from him scratching it insistently. No dimple or smirk, only features pinched and pained.

And when his cold blue eyes meet mine, all I can think is how sorry I am for being the one to cause him such pain.

My fault.

Jerrick touches my cheek, and I melt into it, caressing it as tears stream down my face.

I reach for him, and he obliges.

He sits beside me, resting a leg on the bed and turning our bodies to each other. He tugs me to him and closes the gap between us. His hand remains tight on my hip as his voice lowers.

"Forgive me."

I shake my head, not understanding why he is apologizing. "I should be the only one apologizing, Jer."

He rests his head against mine as my heart constricts, needing to share everything I meant to the night before disaster struck.

I take his hand, looking down to draw circles with a trace of my fingertips. "I-I should have told you. The second I knew how to break the curse, I should have raised a party to find you in the woods and tell you. And I should have told you about Nikolaj. I should have. But I thought he loved me, and like a fool, I thought it would have been enough for him to stand down. I know it was stupid of me to believe that. And I know I betrayed you and used you. There are not enough food trays in the world that I can give to tell you how sorry I am. Jerrick, I am so sorry."

Tremors shake through my body. I fight the tears, trying to get everything off my chest.

But it hurts so much.

"There will never be a day that I am not sorry for what I did to you, to Jonas, to everyone—"

Jerrick moves and grips my chin, jerking it up to meet his stare. "You are not stupid, Frostbite. You trusted in your royal advisor. He wanted a fight and convinced you. But when you changed your mind, he didn't listen. I can't fault you for that."

I hold his wrist. "But I lied to you."

"You withheld information," Jerrick says, trying to make my deception lighter than what it really is. "I withheld information from you as well. Do not think you are the only one that has done that. You didn't know what I was dragging you into when you arrived here. I would have done the exact same thing if I had been in your position."

I shake my head. "I still withheld information from you for months, whereas you didn't." I pull his hand away from my chin and lower my head in shame. "I know we got off on the wrong foot, Jerrick, but you put your trust in me to help you break your curse. And then you were kind enough to help me understand Palaena was not behind my parents' deaths, and you helped me with my magic. And you did so much more, too. I never deserved any of that."

"You deserve the world," he gushes.

"No, you deserve the world, Jer!" Tears still run down my cheeks, knowing he doesn't understand me.

Jerrick's eyebrows lift in surprise at my vigor.

I keep at it, needing him to understand his value and not try to give me any. "You deserve to be surrounded by good people! You deserve to pave a path that is separate from your father! You deserve to find your happy, to find love, and have your curse broken. You did nothing wrong to be cursed. And you deserve the world. You"—I poke the center of his chest and push hard before laying my palm on him—"you deserve everything."

Resigned at the dreadful choice he has to make, I utter, "And I need to be out of your way in order for that to happen." The death of my life stutters in my soul as I force out, "I need you to decide whether to execute me or divorce me. I won't keep you from finding your happy, Jer."

The silence fractures my heart more, the knowledge of losing him hitting me like a forceful wind. A choked sob escapes, and I cover my face, pinching my eyes shut and concealing my shame and rejection.

Jerrick pulls down my hands and softens his voice. "Is it my turn now?"

His question catches me off guard. But I nod twice, since hearing him out is the least I can do.

Jerrick takes a deep breath, his fingers moving to my chin. "Open your eyes."

Our eyes meet, and I take this last chance to appreciate his face up close.

His features are hard and serious and yet so damned handsome. His scar and dimple tug at my heart, and I curse this heartbreak.

It is an out-of-body experience with how many tears I shed. Even if I tried to breathe, I do not think I could stop. I fully embrace being the epitome of sorrow and despair now.

A fitting punishment.

I struggle to blink the tears away, annoyed they are ruining the image of Jerrick I am desperately trying to etch in my mind. I try to focus on him, but the more I try, the more my soul is breaking.

Each crack is its own fracture, an open wound that will break again and again and again. I know what comes next, and my heart shatters repeatedly.

I turn from his stare, covering my face once more before even giving him a chance to speak. I tremble through each sob. "I-I-I am so sorry."

I just need to let the tears run their course. And then maybe I can look at him again. Deities, will I ever be deserving of even that?

I lose myself deeper into my own personal Oblivion.

"Look at me, Frostbite. Please," he urges.

I sniff, trying to brave through meeting his gaze once more.

Jerrick cradles my face, his thumbs drying away my tears. His blue eyes stare deep into me, his gaze softening.

"Don't you understand?" I shake my head as Jerrick lifts his lips. "I already have it all."

"But you don't. You need to leave me and go be free."

"No, Tove. I told you I wasn't going anywhere, and I meant it."

"You're still cursed, Jerrick," I sigh, hating he is making this harder than this is.

"Not anymore."

My mind goes blank, unease settling in my gut. "H-How do you know?"

Jerrick breathes, taking a more pleading, serious tone. "I know because, when I came to check on you that one night, I was scared when I heard you screaming and found you on that ledge. And then when we went hunting? I watched the only person I've ever truly cared about these last five years drown. Sweet Makers, I can't even begin to tell you the sheer terror that ran through me when I reached you in the water." He closes his eyes and looks away. "Your skin was so gray. Your lips were so blue. And all I could think was, What if I never get to see her eyes open again?"

The break in his voice makes me wish I never caused him so many problems.

Jerrick turns to me, eyes rimmed with tears.

He swallows, pressing on. "I know because, even when the night of the ball arrived, I was shaking the entire day, filled with nerves and a weird unfamiliar feeling I couldn't put my finger on. I know because my entire world illuminated when you laid eyes on that piano, and something inside of me lit up, too. And I know because, when I spent an entire night with you, I woke the next morning with a peace I hadn't felt in a long time."

My eyes widen. "But—"

He stops me, holding my hands and leaning in. "Even when Jonas told us everything the following morning, even when I asked you if this was all a distraction."

My heart pounds in my ears as I try to wrap my mind around everything he is saying.

"I woke that morning, and you shifted before my very eyes. And after news broke about the fighting? That—that fucking sucked. And no matter how much it tore me apart to watch you deflect my questions, what really broke me was your hope of a divorce."

"I was trying to help you!" I blink away my tears. "Even if I broke my own heart in the process, I wanted you to have the chance to break your curse. I never wanted to hurt you."

He consoles me, pure understanding in his gaze. "I know. I never wanted to hurt you, either. But my powers just… surged. I didn't know how to handle it, and I didn't understand what was happening. So, I was stupid and reckless and hid it away from you, as you did me."

I sniff, remembering my own mask slipping when his showed.

Seeing him fighting his tears, the two most injured people from the battle are me and him, and I hate that sharp-edged truth.

Jerrick strains to keep his composure, and my soul breaks to see him like this.

His voice wobbles as he explains, "But even when I was heartbroken with what happened, I knew when he held you hostage and when I was too far away to stop him. I knew when I held you as you were dying that my curse was broken, and it was broken because of you."

My heart stops.

Jerrick caresses my skin softly as tears stream down our cheeks. "I am utterly and fiercely yours, Frostbite. My mind, body, heart, and soul are yours, my love. And I think a part of me knew when I first saw you, you were meant to be my queen—even beyond the marriage arrangement. My heart loves you. My soul loves you—I love you, Tove. Even when I am absolutely out of my mind with anger, hurt, and confusion, I will never want to leave you because I did find my happy again. I found it with you."

His words—his love.

My soul tethers itself to Jerrick, melded together again. Melded by love.

A love I cannot help but fear some unknown force in the future will try to use to wedge us apart because of my own mistakes.

"But what if—"

Jerrick crashes his lips against mine.

I melt in his hold, opening for him as our kiss deepens. I tug him closer, and he, once again, obliges me.

This damned man.

I don't deserve him, but I cannot deny how much I fucking love him. I clutch his tunic, his body heat warming my own cold hands.

Jerrick breaks our kiss, pulling my hands to his chest. He leans in, giving me a soft peck as if we both needed it. Jerrick's tear-filled gaze pierces into my own.

"There is no what if this or what if that, Tove. I am here, my love, and I've always got you. I am not going anywhere. The Makers themselves will have to tear me to shreds before taking my soul away from yours."

Tears stream down his cheeks as I weep silently. I move, my soul leaving my body and reaching for Jerrick. I pull him in and wrap my arms around his neck, keeping him close.

My tears are that of joy, happiness, and—love.

Love and admiration and devotion to this man.

My king, my husband—my Jerrick.

I pause our kiss, uttering the words I've longed to tell him. "I love you."

Jerrick's smile brightens the entire room before he kisses me again.

The kiss shifts, deepening from joy into passion. The sweetness of his tongue works through mine, sending desire straight to my core.

I nibble lightly on his lip, hearing a rumble vibrate from him.

I sigh contentedly.

Even when our kissing slows enough for him to break away, his entire demeanor shifts into that of ease and comfort.

"I also think I may have solved your predicament," he adds.

Confused, I ask, "What predicament?"

"Do you feel well enough for a little trip?"

I shrug, unsure. "I guess?"

He pats my upper thigh gently, standing and offering me his hand. "Come with me."

I take his hand, the heat coming off him in waves, and he smirks. He scoops me into his arms, catching me off guard.

I can't help the giggle escaping me. With my arms draped around his shoulders, he winks, and I lean in and kiss his cheek.

Jerrick carries me from his room, guiding us down the hall and the staircase leading to the other levels of the castle.

When we reach the ground level, I study him with anxiety as he guides us to the throne room. Dark thoughts crawl to the forefront of my mind, and I can't help but think this is all too good to be true.

Maybe Jerrick isn't in love with me and is taking me to a group of people to kill me on the spot for my part in the catastrophe.

My grip on his tunic tightens with each step he takes.

The guards are armed at both sides of the throne room, smiling at us as the doors open, and I brace myself for the crowd, an executioner, something.

"Are you alright?" Jerrick asks when a whoosh of breath leaves me at the very empty room in front of me.

"I-I…" I chuckle. "I thought you were taking me to my death."

Jerrick rubs the underpart of my knee in his hold. "We might need to work on removing that fear of me killing you," he jokes, kissing my brow gently and easing me down.

I look at a frozen section of the throne room in confusion. "Where is…"

"Nikolaj?" he finishes my question, guiding me closer to the frozen area. "I hacked his frozen carcass out with my sword and a few other weapons, used my magic to make sure there was no chance of him living, and got others to help cut him down and carry him away to burn his body."

Nikolaj and I did the same with Runa.

I wanted to clear the ice from her frozen state, and I'd tried for months before Nikolaj convinced me to give her peace and remove her body from any prying eyes. The memory returns of us having to make a pyre. Nikolaj constantly retreated into the woods to ensure we had enough fuel to feed the fire.

The stinging sensation has me rubbing my chest.

I try to block Nikolaj from my thoughts, crafting Runa's features instead. When her image runs to the forefront of my mind, I can't help but feel a surge of love flicker at her memory.

I try not to think too much at the odd sensation, directing my attention to where I had frozen Nikolaj.

The floor is cracked and broken into various chunks, some from the brunt force of removing a block of ice atop it and some from the pressure of frost and ice looming from this one spot.

I can't help but stare at the bloodstains across the ice. My blood.

Jerrick catches my line of sight. "Have you tried calling forth your magic since you woke?" he asks carefully.

I shake my head and look up at him. "No." I had not even thought about my magic.

He lifts my hand to his lips, kissing it softly. "I have a theory I would like to try. Do you think you could call your magic?"

"I can try," I reply, closing my eyes, trying to find my concentration.

Jerrick touches my upper arm encouragingly before leaning in. "I can always use my magic to help speed it along," he teases, earning a peek from my right eye.

"Already wanting to kiss me again?" I taunt.

Jerrick smirks, pulling me closer. "Always."

I sigh joyfully as he draws my breath into his. I relax in his hold, trusting the heat running down my throat and skipping across my skin, reveling in the energy coming alive.

Jerrick's magic is warm and companionable against mine as he draws it out, a small tentative spark of power within me, stretching, yawning as if it, too, was in a deep slumber. And then a familiar, loving ripple of a chilled magic perks its way up along my spine as Jerrick breaks the kiss, our eyes opening to the frost drifting across my skin.

"I don't think I'm ever going to get over how magnificent you are," Jerrick sighs, watching the swirls of snow flurries appear on my hands, a cold breeze of air manifesting in my palms.

I smile at the sight, appreciation and a fondness deepening for my abilities. "What is your theory?"

Jerrick eases us both to the floor, touching the frost near us. His eyes meet mine with mischief.

"Kiss me while you try to melt the frost."

"Wh-What?"

Melt? I can barely remove my own powers.

"Just trust me," he says across my lips, kissing me deeply, wildly, and very thoroughly.

I almost lose my balance from the force of his lips on mine, a snicker escaping in between our kisses. But I indulge in Jerrick's theory, concentrating on the task at hand.

I count our kisses instead of my breaths, letting my mind wander in meditation as his magic streams through me. Recognition of my own powers is quick, and I tap into them, breathing through kisses, love pulsing through me.

Jerrick's power runs down my arms as the frost pours outward.

I nip at his lip, teasing him in my distraction. He growls wickedly against my mouth, and it sends a shiver up my spine. The sensation of warm and cold from our magic intertwining is nearly forgotten.

But when Jerrick whispers "Look" against my lips, I break away, balking at the sight.

There, on the marbled floor, is my own melted handprint.

I cover my mouth in astonishment as my eyes line with tears.

I-I removed the ice—no. I melted it.

I didn't pull it back into me, but I melted the ice.

"H-How did you know this would work?" I shake my head in disbelief, glancing between Jerrick and the handprint.

I gasp when the magic expands, melting more ice and frost surrounding us.

He rubs the back of his head as his cheeks redden. "I thought your power might have been too cold, so I thought if I was able to help warm your blood while you are using your gifts, it would help your magic recognize the difference, allowing you to melt rather than try to pull the frost back into you."

I… I can finally remove winter from Axidoria.

Sobs wrack through my body from relief at the miracle bestowed upon me.

A comforting touch has me smiling up at an already beaming Jerrick, my husband, my king, my love, illuminating my entire world.

Each of my wishes to Yeva was granted before I even realized it. I've found a way to save my kingdom. I've found there is more to life than grief. I've found it all through my friends and my family.

And I've found my happy again with Jerrick.

My husband kisses me tenderly through my tears, letting my emotions be what they are, simply existing beside me, supporting me, and loving me.

"And I know, with time, you'll be able to do this and more without me," he says when he pulls away.

"Oh, already tired of kissing me?" I flirt.

Jerrick's eyes twinkle with mischief. "Never."

A giggle escapes me as his lips find mine, and the energy between us buzzes with our power.

Our love.

I adjust my position, straddling him and kissing him deeper.

He cups my backside as he leans into the kiss once, twice, and a third time, allowing us to sink together in perfect harmony. He rests his forehead along mine, my eyes closing and taking a long, selfish inhale of him. Jerrick's lips meet my brow, and my soul shines in happiness I didn't know, didn't think I would ever find. It cocoons me, rooting itself deep inside of me.

I gaze at Jerrick, the two of us infectiously making the other smile brighter, and I can't help but hold his cheeks and kiss him again.

He laughs. "My conscience is telling me we need to pack our bags."

"Pack our bags?" Worry etches across my features.

"We need to go melt the winter in Axidoria too, right?"

I gasp with excitement, drawing my hands over my mouth as he chuckles lightly. I pull him in tightly—eagerly—baffled this day is truly here.

I am finally returning to help my people—our people.

I kiss him. I squirm to escape his hold, desperate to sprint to my chambers to pack my bags. But Jerrick applies a light pressure, giving me pause.

He smirks, patting my thighs.

I move awkwardly as he guides my legs to wrap around his lower back.

His hands drift under my backside, and he squeezes it before pushing our weight to help himself get enough momentum to stand.

I lock my legs tight as my butt loses the comfort of solid ground. But I know I am safe in my husband's arms, especially when Jerrick keeps his hands on my ass. I lean in, brushing kisses across his cheek.

"As much as my conscience tells me to pack our bags and head out, I can't help but think it might be in our best interests to leave tomorrow," he whispers seductively as he squeezes my ass and we exit the throne room.

I bite my lip as it curves into a smile at his promise.

"Oh?" I ask, leaning into his ear and nibbling the lobe in response to his touch.

He groans before whispering, "Tonight, I am in desperate need of exploring every inch of your body."

Thrill creeps down my spine at his declaration, and I can't help myself as I lean in once more with lust pouring into my next words. "Tomorrow, it is."