20

Confide and Mortified

Betina stands next to Niko in my old bedchamber, both bundled in warm clothing. The flames from the hearth are still bright and luminous in the morning light. Winter in Palaena has eased, the season drifting by to allow the long plentiful spring and summer to flourish in their lands.

But back home, it looks as if winter has only just begun. Axidoria is cursed by my magic that nibbles away each season, significantly shortening them.

From the looks on both Niko and Betina's faces, I know my time in Palaena has done nothing to improve my kingdom's situation.

"That fucking asshole!" Niko says, folding his arms.

I did not want to reach out to them last night, my own anger evident from Jerrick's harsh words on a constant loop keeping me awake.

Then you mustn't be trying hard enough.

My lack of sleep allowed me to reach out to Niko or Betina in the early hours of the morning. I'm lucky Betina was awake and I caught Niko between trips around Axidoria.

But Niko's fury-filled gaze unsettles both me and Betina. His chest rises and falls, his emotions tense and dark.

I try to offer him hope. "At least he agreed to help me with my magic."

Betina says, "Yes, at least there is that."

Niko's golden eyes flash, his body relaxing a little, and he lowers his arms. He glances between us, a long sigh escaping him before he pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Forgive me for my outburst. I did not sleep well last night."

"Neither did I," I admit, and he gives me the briefest of smiles.

The stress I have thrown at him dims his normal lighthearted demeanor and shows in his lackluster skin, dark circles, and stubble.

"How is home?" I ask, hoping for a status report on everything.

Niko shifts into seriousness, his jaw flexing and fists clenching. "Fine."

It feels like he is hiding something from me. And whatever he is keeping could be in regard to the bannermen or my winter spreading. Perhaps he is withholding the details to protect me and grant me a chance to focus on training my magic.

I try to peel something more from him. "Did you receive the extra supplies sent over from Palaena?"

Niko is distant when he gives me another one-word answer. "Yes."

My stomach sours.

Betina glances to the window and elbows Niko, angling her head toward the light.

Niko looks, taking in the time of day before facing me. "I need to set out."

My face falls, and my lips quiver at his need for departure.

His amber eyes soften as he steps closer to the mirror, addressing me. "I'm sorry I am not in the best of moods today. I-I—" His head drops, and Betina pats his shoulder gently.

Deities, I wish I could wrap my arms around him.

His red hair moves with him when he faces me again. "I-I didn't think this would be so hard, but it is. Fuck, I miss you, Tee."

"I miss you too, Niko." I clutch the stem of the mirror, wishing I could touch him.

Betina coughs harshly, and I roll my eyes. "I miss you too, Betina."

She smirks, each of us laughing. My eyes find Niko's again, longing pulling me toward him.

"I'll see you soon," he whispers, his baritone voice soft and kind.

I smile faintly, watching him leave.

Betina's gaze tracks him before she turns on me. "He is not handling your marriage well."

I sulk deep into my bed. I figured that out myself by his shifting demeanor today.

"Y-You didn't tell him anything, right?"

Betina's eyes widen as she shakes her head. "No! Absolutely not!"

Relief swims over me at that, at least. I doubt Niko would want to know the details of my relationship with the King of Palaena, so I've kept them tucked away for both of our sakes.

Betina continues, "What happens between you and the King of Palaena while you are married is your business. Not mine or Niko's."

I crack a laugh, unable to suppress the reality of my arranged marriage. "Yeah, nothing is happening on that end."

Betina cocks her head, lifting a brow as she asks, "Do you want something to happen?"

I blanch, blurting. "No!"

Betina rests her hands on her hips as my face warms.

My defenses rise to prevent further focus on my marriage. "You said it wasn't any of your business," I scold.

Betina rolls her eyes. "That doesn't mean I won't ask."

I groan, smacking my head. From everything that happened when I first met Jerrick in Axidoria to now, I still couldn't shake the consuming thoughts of Jerrick touching me and kissing me on our wedding night. How he pinched my nipple so tightly I could've burst right there.

Sweet Makers, that could still happen, and I don't know what I'd do then.

Looking back to my friend, I say, "If I were to tell you anything, you'd have to swear not to tell Niko."

"Tove, you will always be my priority." Betina places a hand over her heart. "What you say will always be held in confidence."

The validation of our friendship warms my chest, leaving me feeling fuzzy. I can trust her, and it eases some of the tension in my shoulders, knowing that, with everything swirling in my mind, I can always count on her.

"What you say will always be held in confidence with me as well," I tell my dearest friend, hoping she knows I share the same sentiments and admire her loyalty to our friendship and my role as queen.

A knock comes at the door, and I jolt, blurting to Betina. "I have to go."

She swishes her hands with complete understanding I will never deserve. "Go, Go. Love you." Betina's tight-lipped smile matches mine.

"Love you, too," I whisper, doing a rotation around the frame of the mirror and severing the connection from home.

"Tove?" Dorit sings.

I rest my mother's mirror on the bedside, scooting up in bed as my heart races. She knocks again, and I brace myself for a quick inhale of breath.

"Come in," I say.

The door swings open, and Dorit enters holding a tunic and trousers. She holds them up with a bright grin.

"I was told you have plans with the king today, so I've brought you new clothes."

My own mortification sets in. I take in the pants and boots, terrified by the idea of wearing them.

Women in Axidoria do not wear trousers and tunics, and this is a custom often looked down upon. And I never worried about that because I love wearing gowns. Love them. But to have one of the last things I enjoy be taken away while I'm here is the final tear in my control.

I snarl.

This outfit, Jerrick's words, and the abrupt end of talking to Niko and Betina at home have my skull rattling. The King of Palaena married me, ignored me, and promised to answer all my questions. And Jerrick's failure to deliver has rage fueling through me.

I hurry in getting ready, stewing in my fury before seeking out the king himself to emphasize he is not the only one who is feared by others.

I am a monster, too.

Adrenaline drives me forward. Not even knowing his gifts will keep me from giving him a piece of my mind.

He will train me, and I will go home.

I stumble through the castle, wearing trousers and a simple cotton tunic for the first time. Staff members glance when I pass by, and I fight the embarrassment and stifle my anger.

My lungs search for air when I reach the bottom level, catching Jonas and Jerrick conversing.

My feet are throbbing when I approach the brothers, smiling in surprise when Jonas steps forward and wraps his arms around me. "Tove! I was told you would be with Jerrick today." He ends the embrace as Jerrick's blue eyes flick to me.

My jaw works. "Yes," I manage through gritted teeth, hatred, and pure annoyance fuming from my pores. "Your brother is supposedly, ready to deliver one of his promises."

Surprisingly, Jerrick is here and hasn't scurried off. I take that as a hopeful sign.

The adrenaline building from my fury is hard to settle, but I inhale a deep breath. I need to play nice if I am going to get answers and wield my gifts.

But that damn dimple makes an appearance on Jerrick's face, and fuck if it doesn't cool my temper.

Instead of saying anything, he turns and walks in the opposite direction.

My face falls. "W-Wait! Where do you think you are going?"

I can't have him leaving. I just got here.

"We'll be starting small. Now, come along," he says over his shoulder.

I try to argue and look at Jonas for help. But Jonas shakes his head in amusement, shrugging as if he, too, doesn't know what to expect from his brother.

Jerrick takes further strides down the hall, and my irritation doesn't stop me from fumbling after him.