9. Phoenix

CHAPTER 9

Phoenix

" H oney… you need to get ready for school," my mother said for the sixth time that week. "There's only a few more days until classes start and you can't miss freshman orientation."

I huffed out a sigh, not looking up at her. I was too busy watching Charlie and making sure all his monitors were working correctly.

"I don't need to go to orientation," I replied. "It's just a bunch of stupid ice breakers with strangers. I'm not interested."

"But what about the freshman trip to the coast?"

I looked up at her, furrowing my brows. "You want me to go on a field trip while my best friend is in a coma? What is wrong with you?"

I'd decided not to tell my parents about the kiss Charlie and I shared under the stars. It just added an unnecessary amount of complication to an already overwhelming situation. Besides, they didn't question my unwavering loyalty to him or the fact that I'd spent all summer sitting in the recliner across from his bed. They knew we were close, and I didn't want to have to explain myself any more than I had to. I needed to focus on Charlie.

"Honey… you know that's not what I meant." She let out a long sigh, stepping up beside me. "Charlie wouldn't want you wasting away in this hospital room. Not when you have so much life ahead of you."

"You don't know what he wants," I scoffed. "Nobody does. And I'm not gonna leave him. What if he wakes up and I'm off gallivanting on the beach? How do you think he'd feel then?!"

"We don't know if he…"

I snapped my head to the side, glaring up at her. "Don't fucking say that," I growled. " Never say that!"

She shook her head, her eyes glistening. She was tired of arguing with me and at the end of her rope, but I didn't give a shit. The man I loved with all my heart was still in a coma even though they'd taken him off the medication over a week ago. He was fully healed now as far as the doctors could tell, but he'd been under for a long time. They figured it would take a couple of days for him to come out of it. But he didn't. They were hopeful for the first couple of days since he was off life support completely. However, their faces became less hopeful as the days went by.

And now people were starting to say that he might never wake up.

But I wasn't going to listen to it. Not from doctors, nurses, and especially not from my mother. I wanted to blame her, to call her terrible names for even suggesting that my Charlie wouldn't come back to me. But I held my anger at bay as much as I could. We were all exhausted. The past three months had been some of the most difficult of my life.

We buried Charlie's mother a week after the accident. The funeral service was small, and I was surprised at how little family showed up to see her off. My parents took care of most of the arrangements and paid for them out of pocket. Since everything she owned technically belonged to Charlie now, there was no way to see if she had money to cover such things. My stepdad made enough money to make sure it was nice despite the circumstances.

I've been calling the college almost daily to let them know what was going on and assure them that Charlie would wake up in time to claim his scholarship. The deadline came and went for his final paperwork to be signed and even with an extension from the Dean himself, it was too late. I knew that if Charlie woke up right that instant and somehow was well enough physically and mentally to go to college with me, all his funding would be gone. Class registration was over, and everything was locked in place. He wouldn't be going to school with me. Not this year at least.

I tried to get my parents to agree to let me drop out and wait another year, but they wouldn't hear of it. Not after all the hard work I'd gone through to secure my place and my funding. I didn't have a full-ride like Charlie, but I won a large enough scholarship that turning it down would be a damn foolish thing to do. The chances of me securing it again if I quit now were slim to none. In four days I had to start classes whether I liked it or not and taking them online wasn't an option. I was dreading the moment I had to leave and pushing it off as far as I could. Freshman orientation was optional, but starting on Monday was not.

But I didn't want to leave Charlie. Despite his constant care at the hospital, he'd dropped a scary amount of weight. His skin was loose and nearly colorless after three months under the fluorescent lights. His hair had grown past his ears and curled near his neck. He looked so lifeless and sallow compared to the bright, smiling man I'd known the night of our graduation. That night under the stars felt like it was a lifetime ago. Sometimes, late at night, I would sit in his hospital room staring up at the dark sky through his window and wonder if we'd ever find our way back out to the creek again. I sure hoped we would.

I'd taken to wearing the opal arrowhead I'd given him so long ago. It was one of the few things that survived the crash. The string had to be replaced with a leather cord, but I kept it tucked under my shirt at all times, the cool stone resting near my heart, right where Charlie should be. It was the only piece of our old life I had besides the memories. Even holding his hand had lost its previous comfort. Now I spent nearly every day praying to a god I didn't believe in and begging Charlie to come back to me.

So far, none of it had worked.

"Please, honey," my mother said, interrupting my thoughts. "You really need to get things packed–"

"Will you stop badgering me?!" I snapped, glaring at her. "I know you want me to abandon my best friend but I'm not going to do it!"

Her hand went to her mouth, and I knew I'd gone too far as her eyes filled with tears. Shaking her head, she walked out of the room, pushing my stepfather aside when he tried to comfort her.

I let out a long sigh, knowing I'd done wrong by her. But I was just so tired… of everything. I leaned forward, letting my head rest against Charlie's bed, his hand still held in mine. I wasn't sure how long I sat there, but a hand on my shoulder snapped me back to my senses.

"Son," Ted said, his voice low and soft. "I know you're upset. We all are. But yelling at your mother isn't going to help."

"I know…" I sighed.

"I understand what we're asking you–"

"Do you though?" I replied, looking up at him. "Do either of you really understand what you're asking me to do? You want me to leave my best friend… my only friend behind in his time of greatest need just for some school that I don't want to go to anyway. How is that fair?"

"It's not fair."

I stared at him, perplexed by his answer.

"None of this is fair, Phoenix. Not the accident, not the loss of Mrs. Miller, and definitely not the fact that Charlie has been in a coma for over three months. If anything, this is the most unfair thing I've seen in my entire life."

I didn't know what to say, but it was nice to be heard for once. Ted understood. I could see it in his eyes.

"But sitting in this hospital room rotting away is not what Charlie would want you to do with your life." He gave me a good long look. "Am I wrong?"

My jaw worked as I tried to come up with something to prove to him that he was wrong. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized he was right. In fact, I could almost hear Charlie's voice in my ear telling me to go. And I hated it.

"I want you to be wrong," I finally said.

"I know you do, son. I know." His thick hand squeezed my shoulder affectionately. "But giving up everything you've worked so hard for just to be here the moment Charlie wakes up… it's just not worth it. And I think he'd agree with me." He took a long pause. "And… there's a very good chance he's going to be inconsolable for some time if… I mean, when he wakes up. His entire life has changed and not for the better."

"That's why I want to be here though. I want to help him through it!"

"I know you do, Phoenix. And it's admirable and wonderful in more ways than one. But it's not going to spare him the pain. "

I turned back to Charlie, staring at his calm, sleeping expression. A tiny voice deep inside of me wondered if he would be better off never waking up. At least, in that way, he'd be spared the horror of knowing everything he had was gone.

But I couldn't bear the thought of letting him go. Tears rolled down my cheeks the moment the thought crossed my mind.

"What we're asking you to do is hard and unfair and it never should've been like this. But your mother and I would both like to see you continue living. Then, when Charlie wakes up, you can tell him about all your great adventures and the pair of you can go on new ones together. He's gonna need time to rebuild his life and you'll have a college education so you can help him with that."

"I don't even want to go to college. I hate school. The only reason I ever agreed to go and worked so hard for those scholarships is because I knew Charlie would be there."

"And wouldn't it be disrespectful to let all that work go to waste? Especially when he stayed up countless nights with you helping you prep for entrance exams?"

I nodded. He had a point.

"Charlie's lost his scholarship and his chance at a normal life. At least for a little while."

"That wasn't his fault."

"No, it wasn't," Ted replied. "But it will be your fault if you throw yours away. And I doubt Charlie will forgive you easily for that. I know how badly he wanted you to go on and be a successful writer."

"I don't feel much like writing," I sighed. "Not anymore."

"I think you should write more now." The hand lifted off my shoulder as Ted headed for the door. "That way, when Charlie wakes up, you can read your book to him. I'm sure he'd love to hear it. "

He was right. Charlie always loved listening to my stories, even when they were only half finished. We used to sit around the campfire for hours dreaming up fantasy worlds, creating epic romances, and solving the darkest mysteries of the world. It didn't matter what I was working on, Charlie loved every minute of it.

"Ted?" I called.

His footsteps stopped and I turned to look at him standing in the door.

"I… I'll go," I said at last. "I'll go to school like you and Mom want me to. But only on one condition."

"Name it."

"You have to call me the moment Charlie wakes up, okay?"

Ted just smiled. "Phoenix… we would've done that anyway."

A sad smile pulled at my lips as I nodded, my cheeks still wet with tears. Ted nodded back and left the room, probably going to look for my mother and tell her the news. I had no doubt she would be happy about it even if that still made me more than a little angry.

"I won't be far away, okay Charlie?" I lifted his hand to my lips, kissing each of his fingers one after the other. "I'll never be far away from you. All you have to do is tell me you need me, and I'll be right there." I pulled his hand to my chest, placing it over my heart. "We're not over yet. Not by a long shot. So don't you give up on me."

I stood up, leaned over the bed, and kissed him softly on the forehead.

And then I left the room for the last time.