20. Charlie

CHAPTER 20

Charlie

T he night was cold. It seemed that all that unseasonable warmth had faded with the sun only a couple hours before. Still, I couldn't force myself to stay in the house any longer. As much as I didn't like being outside during the day, walking through town at night was incredible. It was so quiet and everyone was gone. The streets were empty and it almost felt like I was wandering through an episode of the Twilight Zone. One where everyone had disappeared overnight, leaving everything just as if they would return any moment.

I could walk through town without my headphones on, enjoying the sounds of nature calling down from the mountain. Night was always the best time to visit the creek just outside of town too. Something about the water burbling over the rocks created a peaceful ambience that couldn't be beat by anything I could find online. There I could light my little electric lantern and write in peace. It was the only time I felt like I could truly think. And, as a bonus, I could walk along the creek at night without anyone noticing I was traipsing through their backyard. More than once, I'd been heard and every time I was mistaken for a deer walking along the banks. So, I kept going that way. At night I could bypass all those pesky rules and fences and just go wherever I wanted to. The freedom was… wonderful .

If there was a time or place that I felt like I no longer needed my meds, it was sitting next to that creek at night. There I could pretend I was normal, that my life wasn't a mess, and that everything was alright.

So, as I wandered through the maze of backyards and up into the woods, I was just happy to breathe the night air and feel at peace. The terrain wound its way slowly upward as I headed north out of town. The creek switched back and forth, its descent nearly halted in places by dammed up rocks full of twigs and dead leaves. Of course, now that the snow was starting to melt in higher altitudes, it wouldn't be long before the debris was washed away and people found their backyards flooded. My secret spot would stay dry though. It always did thanks to the high banks in that section of the creek. That's why I kept my supplies there.

It took me a half hour or so before I finally came to that little clearing. The moon was high in the sky and there wasn't a cloud to be seen. The trees were mostly naked still, except for the pines, and that allowed the moonlight to reach the forest floor. In fact, just as I was coming up on the clearing, my eye caught a glint at the river's edge.

Adjusting my destination, I headed for the water. Carefully I slid down the bank and crouched down. Although the entire bed of the creek was made of stones, there was one in particular that was catching the moonlight and reflecting it like a mirror. Without hesitation, I reached in, hissing through my teeth as the nearly frozen water enveloped my skin. Goosebumps erupted all over my arm as I pulled it free. Turning it over I saw that one side was dull and sandy, but the other was shiny like black glass. It was a bit bigger than my palm and looked recently broken, possibly during the thaw in the past couple of weeks. I know I would've spotted it before had it been there. Either way, I wasn't going to just leave it in the water. A piece of obsidian that size would make a nice arrowhead.

I scrambled back up the bank and into the clearing once more, heading for the fallen tree just past the ancient fire ring I'd constructed in sixth grade. The ring was completely overgrown with moss and greenery. It was the special place that Nix and I used to come as kids and hang out. It was also the place where we'd shared our first kiss. Since that day, I hadn't been able to bring myself to start a fire in it. Something about doing it alone just didn't seem right.

Ignoring the fire ring, I went over to the rotting log on the far side and reached over it. On the other side was a flat stone concealing a small waterproof bag that I kept my journal and supplies in. I pulled the bag out and plopped down on the ground, pulling off my backpack and pressing my back against the log. I took out the small electric lantern and turned it on, propping it up on the log behind me to give me some light. The new piece of obsidian got tucked into my waterproof bag with the leather scraps while the journal came out. Pulling my knees tight to my chest, I flipped the book open, uncapped my pen, and began to write.

March 29th, 2022

It's been really warm the past few days. You'd think I'd get out here more often when the weather is good, but I've been keeping inside, mostly. My therapist says I should try to get out in the sun more, that it would help me feel better. But I'm not sure she's right about that. I mean, obviously she's right, she's a doctor. I just mean that when I go out during the day… everything is so bright and noisy that I have a hard time enjoying anything at all. Besides, people are always staring at me like I'm some sort of pariah. They see me and know that I'm the guy that's lucky to be alive. Whose life fell apart in an instant.

I feel like a carnival sideshow. Like they're all expecting me to put on a show or fall apart or make a big fuss. I don't know what they want. And the pity in their eyes… ugh… it makes me want to puke. Maybe if people would stop treating me like some sort of oddity, then it wouldn't be so hard to go outside.

But, like my therapist says, I can only control myself. Not them.

If I'm being honest though, I don't think the noise or the sunlight is what bothers me when I go out. I could get used to those with time. I think it's the fact that every single time I step outside that door I'm reminded that the world has moved on. While I spent six months in the hospital, everyone left. They went to college, they got married, hell a few of them even started having kids. I never had many friends in school, but to know that all of them… even Nix… moved on without me… I just… suddenly felt like I didn't belong anymore. Not in Creekside and not in their lives.

In the house I can pretend everything is mostly the same. The walls and the furniture and the decorations are familiar. I can pretend I'm still eighteen with a bright future ahead of me. And when I leave the house, I realize six years have passed and I've done nothing but be miserable.

The longer it goes on, the harder it gets to deal with it all.

Of course, I have another reason for avoiding the outside now…

Nix is here.

I heard a branch snap in the distance, and I looked up, my ears hyper-attuned to the sounds of the night in the woods. There were a few more far-off footsteps, and I decided that it wasn't anything dangerous. The animals were still making noises. If there was a predator nearby, like a bear or something, the forest would go silent. I figured it was just a deer or something and brushed the fear aside. No reason to panic just yet.

Still, just to be safe, I pulled my hunting knife out of my bag and placed it on my lap. There were bears, cougars, and maybe even a couple wolves roaming the mountains of Oregon. If the locals were to be believed, possibly even a bigfoot. But I had my knife. I always brought it with me when I went out at night. If anything caught my attention, I was sure I could handle it.

So, going back to my journal, I began to write once more.

Mrs. McKean stopped me the other day to let me know that Nix was coming back into town. His book is a national bestseller and she's very proud. I can't blame her for that. Even though I never want to see the guy again, I'm proud of him too. He was always such a mess when it came to finishing projects as a kid. I wasn't sure he'd ever get a book done. But he did and now he's touring the country doing book signings. His mom is so worked up about it, she's handing copies to anyone that will stand still. And that includes me.

Of course, I can't bring myself to read it. I miss him terribly and reading his book would be like seeing him again. Talking to him again. And I'm not sure I can handle that.

I don't want him to ever see what I've become. The boy he once knew is broken beyond repair… and there's nothing anyone can do to fix that. Seeing him again would only make it worse.

I saw him out my window two days ago when he got into town. He's just as handsome as he's always been. Maybe even more so now. A man that looks like that deserves a model on his arm and in his bed. The last thing he's ever gonna want is the likes of me. And even if we were to make up, I don't know if I could survive watching him love someone else.

Not… Not when I still ache for him so much…

But I guess it just wasn't meant to be. If he and I were supposed to be together, the accident never would've happened.

So, I guess god or the universe or my star sign just didn't have happiness in my future. Somehow… Although I'm not sure why, I feel like it's my fault. Like I brought this upon myself. Maybe if I'd insisted on staying home that day, none of this would've happened. If I hadn't gotten into college or applied for that stupid scholarship, Mom would still be here with me. I was selfish to want an easy and prosperous life. And because of me, everything I once loved is gone.

I guess I deserve this.

Another twig snapped, but this time it was much closer. My hand flew to the knife handle, pulling it free of the sheath in an instant. The journal and pen dropped beside me, landing on my backpack. The moment I noticed the other animals had gone quiet, I got to my feet. The last thing I wanted to do was face a predator sitting on the ground with my back against a tree.

No sooner had I stood up than the footsteps stopped. I reached back, grabbing the lantern and holding it high over my head to get a better look. And there, on the edge of the clearing, wasn't a predator at all. It was the dark figure of a broad-shouldered man, although it was too dark to make out any features.

"I'm just sitting here," I called, hoping it wasn't some crazy asshole wandering down the mountain in the middle of the night. Such things were known to happen. A lot of people liked to hitchhike out west and lose themselves in the woods. "I don't want any trouble. "

The man didn't reply. However, I could see him turn his head to the side like he was confused. Then, after a moment, he took a few steps forward, the light washing over him. He had jeans and a dark hoodie on with the hood pulled up. I couldn't quite make out his face in the dark.

"Charlie?" he said, his voice so soft I could barely hear it.

My heart sank. The last thing I wanted to do was run into someone and be forced into a conversation. Didn't people get it? I just wanted to be left the fuck alone.

"Who are–"

But my words caught in my throat as the man pulled his hood down, revealing his face at last. He had pale skin, a stubbly beard, auburn hair, and freckles over his nose. But the feature I noticed most were those green eyes dancing in the lantern light like they were full of flames.

"N-Nix…"