38. Charleigh

THIRTY-EIGHT

CHARLEIGH

Raven followed me upstairs to my apartment door. I felt weak as I put the key into the lock.

I led us into the darkness, and I trudged through the small living room and directly into the bedroom. I dumped my bag on the floor and flopped facedown onto my bed.

Raven only cast me a searching look as she passed by, and a light flicked on in the other part of the house before she started rambling around in the kitchen. Dishes clanked and the microwave ran, and a few minutes later she was shuffling in carrying two cups of tea.

"Here."

"I don't think I want anything."

"Come on, get up, Char-Bug. It'll make you feel better."

I peeked at her through one eye. "Char-Bug? I see how you really feel about me."

How I managed the tease, I didn't know, but Raven laughed and climbed onto the mattress on both knees while somehow managing to balance the mugs. "What are you talking about? Haven't you ever heard the phrase cute as a bug in a rug? That's what you are."

My brow that was smooshed against the mattress lifted.

"Well, except that rug was actually you all tucked under a blanket, holding onto my nephew while you were snuggled up against my brother during the movie." It was her turn for her brow to lift, except it was both of them and they were filled with speculation. "And here you claimed it wasn't like that between you two."

She sang it like an uplifting accusation. Half the time, I didn't know what to make of her.

"Now up you go."

Groaning, I rolled over and sat up against my headboard. She passed me a cup.

"Thank you," I said.

"Best bestie ever, remember?"

"Don't worry, I won't forget," I told her, taking a sip of the hot spearmint tea.

She sat in the middle of the bed, facing me, her legs crisscrossed, and for a few moments, we sipped at our tea before she hedged, "So what happened tonight? The three of you were all cozy and snuggled up downstairs, and then you were getting loved up, and then a few minutes later, you were running out the door."

The sip of tea I was taking spewed from my mouth, and I choked a surprised, "What?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, if you think I didn't hear what was coming from River's room…"

"Oh God." Mortification flamed on my face, and I tried to cover it with one hand.

Raven reached out and pried it away. "Don't be embarrassed. I only heard him shouting your name, but I think there's a chance the entire town heard it."

I died a slow death of humiliation. "Like that's supposed to make it better?"

A second later, she'd sobered, and her voice twisted in concern. "But then you left."

I breathed out a heavy sigh. "I just…" I contemplated for a moment before I whispered, "It all got to be too much."

"Why?" I swore, she always asked the most basic questions that never failed to shear through my defenses.

"Have you seen your brother?" I asked .

"He is kind of a brute." She shrugged.

I bit down on my bottom lip like it might keep me from letting her in, but she just kept watching me with that open expression on her face. With that kindness. I exhaled, then gave her some of my truth. "He saw some of the scars I have from when I was in that bad relationship I told you about."

Bad relationship.

There'd never been a greater understatement.

I felt so exposed right then, even though there was so much that remained hidden. This grief so big that there were some days it seemed impossible to put one foot in front of the other. Impossible to get out of bed. Impossible to keep moving.

But that moving was the only thing I'd been able to do.

The only thing I knew how to do.

Empathy and concern crawled through Raven's features, and her pretty eyes dimmed in awareness. I could feel her care radiate from her, as if she could sense everything I felt.

Experience it.

Her nod was slow. "I think I knew you'd been hurt. Really hurt. Maybe even the first time I saw you."

She paused, then pressed, "River is very protective."

Okay, maybe that was the biggest understatement ever made.

"You think so?" I tried to frame it a joke, but completely failed.

She wavered, looking down at her mug, before she looked back up to meet my eyes. "It's because of me that he's that way. Because of the abuse I suffered as a child."

My spirit clutched in the wash of pain that suddenly gushed from her.

Knives that impaled.

I'd felt hints of it before, had heard the implications from River, but I'd been so wrapped up in covering who I really was that I hadn't allowed myself to look close enough to really see.

I was definitely not the best bestie around.

Sorrow billowed, and I eased forward and touched her knee. "I'm so sorry, Raven."

She'd always been so confident and vivacious, but for a brief moment, insecurities flashed through her expression. "He saved me," she murmured so low I thought maybe she was afraid of admitting it, too. "Against all odds. At the highest cost. He saved me."

She pulled up her shirt a few inches, and a rasp of horror left my mouth when she exposed at least a hundred pockmarks and burns on her torso. Strategically placed so they wouldn't be visible.

"You can say he gets a little ragey when someone he cares about is harmed." Grief covered her words.

"Who?" I didn't have the right to ask it because she hadn't demanded those details of me, but I couldn't contain the lash of pain that cut through me at seeing the torment she'd been inflicted.

"My father. His stepfather."

"What happened?" For someone who was keeping secrets, I was asking her to reveal a whole lot of hers.

Her expression dimmed, and she reached out and squeezed the hand I'd had on her knee. "I think that's probably a story for my brother to tell."

Then she shook her head. "Anyway, this isn't about me. I just wanted you to know that I understood you from the beginning, saw something that I recognized in myself, and I think there might be a chance that my brother did, too, and maybe he deserves the chance to prove it to you."

She hesitated, then added, "He's holed up behind his own walls, Charleigh. Hiding behind his fears and secrets and scars. But sometimes, our souls know our match, and they're drawn to the only one who could really understand and accept everything we are."

I wanted to believe that. Accept it. Fall into it.

But she didn't understand that what I kept was greater than that.

"I don't know if I can give him that part of myself."

"River is strong enough to hold your burdens."

Maybe that's what I was worried about. He was too strong. Too ferocious. Too relentless.

And him seeking out that part of my life would destroy us both.