Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Sienna

Present Day

" D id you hear that Sienna's mom called and demanded she get moved to a single room?"

My feet stop when I hear Jill's comment. I tuck myself back behind the wall, waiting to hear what else is said about me.

"No way! Wow. Who does she think she is? The Queen?" That sounds like Stella talking, and she's right, my mother does think she's the queen. And the queen is still trying to rein over every aspect of my life. It sounds like she's stirring up more trouble for me. Interestingly, Mom never mentioned this when we spoke on the phone earlier. She never even asked if I wanted to move to a different room. But this isn't about me, so why would she?

"Are we really that surprised, girls?" I'd recognize Margot's snooty voice anywhere. She thinks she's the queen of this house, but she's only a sophomore. "She did buy her daughter's way into this sorority. It looks like the woman expects more favors now."

Not that I approve of my mother's actions, but this is coming from the girl whose father paid for the remodel on the sorority house. You can't tell me her king-sized room with its giant bathroom and walk-in closet aren't due to his generous donation. I don't see a soaking tub in anyone else's bathroom.

"Tinsley said that she's now going to have to figure out which room to give the bitch." Please tell me that's not Cara talking. "Talk about pissing off all the upperclassmen who have earned the right to have their own rooms. Just because the bitch's mom is a legacy doesn't mean Sienna should have any more rights than the rest of us. Most of our mothers were Gamma Zs so I don't see what makes her so special. And any of our families could buy our way to the top if we wanted. We just have more dignity than that."

Wow, I had no idea she hated me so much. Here I thought I'd been given the best roommate and was so excited to spend time with her, but apparently, she thinks I'm a bitch. It sounds like they all do. And they clearly all assume the only reason I got into the sorority is because of my mother's donation. I'd begged Mom to let me rush on my own and to stay out of it, but she didn't trust that I'd get in on my own merit. She thinks I'm incapable and would be nothing without her help. And now everyone else believes that as well.

"Well, at least you don't have to room with her anymore, Cara," Margot snickers. I really can't stand her. Ever since the moment we met, she's been rude to me.

"Right," my roommate agrees. "Every night she forces me to stay quiet so she can study. She's such a bore."

I don't force her to do anything. I asked her at the beginning if it was okay for us to have study time between nine and eleven at night, and she was totally on board with it. If she had had a problem with it, I would've gone to the library. And excuse me if I actually care about the college part of college. I'm not here just to be part of a social group and make besties and go shopping. I want to earn a degree, get a job, and go out and conquer the world. One day I'm going to be a high-powered businesswoman and show my mother that I wasn't such a waste of space after all, or a "drain on Daddy's bank account."

"The girl is pathetic." Jill's comment strikes me down even lower. That dreaded feeling of rejection is taking up residence in my stomach. I thought things were going to be different in college. I thought we were past all the high school bullshit. People being nice to your face, kissing your ass, only to turn around and stab you right in the center of your back. Though, it feels like I've been stabbed right in the gut based on the nerves churning in my stomach. And now, I have to shove down the insecurities, tuck them right under the pile of all my mother's negative opinions of me, and go in and act like we're all "besties."

"Hey, girls!" They all startle as I enter the room, hushing their voices and giving each other nervous looks as they quickly compose themselves. They look worried that I might have overheard their friendly little conversation. I'm sure they're afraid I'll go tell my mother what they were saying about her. How she thinks she's better than everyone else and can buy her daughter's way to the top. The woman would get them kicked out of the sorority if I told her what they'd said about her—and I think they know it.

But that would only make things worse for me here. The other girls would hate me if I got them into trouble. Although, it seems like Tinsley and the others already do hate me.

"Do you know what time the social is tonight?" I ask.

My smile has been perfected over the years. Years of being up on stage for my dance recitals. All the family photos. All the events my mother forced me to attend. Every time I had to listen to a friend of mine brag about going shopping with their moms. Or hearing how their dads actually wanted to spend time with them. I've mastered the skill of pretending to be happy. I'm not even sure I know what real happiness feels like.

"Oh…um… It's at seven." Jill grins, but her smile is not nearly as convincing as mine. "We're going to head over at six forty-five if you want to ride with us. I'm happy to be DD tonight."

Ride with the four that were just talking shit about me? No thanks. Honestly, if I had a choice, I'd drop out of the sorority and just focus on my classes. But it's one of my mother's stipulations if she is to pay for my tuition. Plus, I'd rather not give the woman any more reason to hate me.

"No thanks." I lather on the kindness. "But I appreciate the offer. Have you girls figured out what you're wearing tonight?"

"I'm wearing a red dress," Margot says, looking as if the fake smile is hurting her cheeks. She's the only one I could see right through from the very beginning. She looked down her nose at me, giving me the cold shoulder when I tried to talk to her during rush week. And that was before my mother even hinted to making a donation. Cara said she thought Margot was jealous of me, but I'm sure that was a lie.

"I'm wearing my navy A-line," Jill chimes in. She looks more confident now that she thinks she's in the clear and I'm not going to rat them out.

"I'm not sure yet," says the one who I thought was my friend but apparently is no different from the rest of them. "Do you want to come to our room and try on outfits with me?"

She's just going to act like we're still the best of friends when she just got done claiming how I make her want to scream. Margot lets out a witchy little laugh, giving Cara a look, and it's obvious that I'm just one big joke to them. Just the pathetic loser who everyone pretends to like, but no one truly does. It's like high school all over again.

The rejection surges up my spine, turning the blood in my veins to ice, and I decide I'm done playing nice.

"No, I can't." I shake my head. "I have to go study before the party tonight, but I'll make sure I go to the library, so you aren't forced into silence."

Cara's eyes get big, her cheeks flushing red, and now she knows. She nervously glances toward the others. Now they can all sweat it out, wondering if I'm going to tell on them. I'm sure by night's end, each one will be trying to kiss my ass, groveling for forgiveness.

I turn toward Jill. "Studying on a Friday. I know, pathetic , right?" Her face blanches. Serves her right. Maybe next time they'll think to gossip in private and not in the middle of the common room where anyone passing by is liable to hear them.

"I'll see you all at the social." I glance at the other two bitches and notice their plastic smiles have melted right off their faces. Margot goes around acting like she's better than everyone else, thinking she's the hottest girl in the house, but she doesn't look so confident now.

My phone starts ringing in my hand, and when I see the name on my screen, I smile. Perfect timing.

"Hi, Mom!"

The excitement in my voice is almost genuine. It's the first time she's called that I haven't dreaded picking up.

"Have they given you your new room yet?" She gets right to the point. Never a hi, Sie. How's your day been? Miss you. That's because she genuinely doesn't care. All she cares about is whether people are following her orders.

"The girls were just talking about that. Hold on one sec, Mom. Let me get somewhere private so we can talk." I look toward the catty bitches who are all watching me closely and I give them a wave before heading back to my room. Later, when they learn I didn't rat them out, they can thank me for it.

"Why would I be getting a new room, Mom?" I lock my door behind me, so Cara can't come in and eavesdrop on my conversation.

"I just put in a little call," she says as if it's no big deal. "After all, my daughter deserves the best."

Bullshit. This isn't about me. It's about her. This is about her showing how much power she has and feeling as though she's getting the value for her donation. "After the pledge I made, I think it's only right for them to give us some special perks. So, they should be giving you a suite by the end of the weekend?"

See, exactly. Heaven forbid she actually donate money for a good cause or from the goodness of her heart. The woman doesn't have a heart. And she certainly doesn't have an altruistic bone in her body.

"But I'm happy with the room I'm in, Mom. I've already decorated." Though Cara probably hates that too. "Besides, all the single rooms are currently taken by upperclassmen, so they would have to get someone to move out for me. I can't imagine the older girls would be too happy with me if that happens." They'll hate me even more than they already do. "Maybe they can just put Cara in with Margot and let me keep the room I'm in. Her room is certainly big enough." And then the two girls can talk shit about me all they want up in their castle.

"I don't really care what the older girls want. If the sorority wants to stay in my good graces, they'll give me what I want." See? It's never about me. All she cares about is yielding her financial power and having people bend to her will. And if they don't, she'll make things miserable for them. "I think you should have Margot's room. And the two of them can bunk up in that janitorial closet they've got you living in."

There are adults with master bedrooms smaller than the room I'm living in. But my mother grew up spoiled and has no concept of reality or struggle. She has no concept of love either. I don't even think she loves my dad. The other girls are always talking about being homesick and missing their moms, but I have only felt relief since being out from under her roof. And I know she feels the same. The first week I was out of the house she told me how happy she was to finally have her home to herself again, and that it was nice not having to deal with my presence. Apparently, Cara doesn't want to deal with my presence either.

"You will keep me posted on what happens." I won't have to. She'll be calling me every day to find out if they've met her demands. "Now, what are you wearing tonight? You need to look perfect, Sienna. The Omega Chis are very well connected. They are boys from money and will make excellent husbands."

It's all she cares about. In her mind, I'm solely here for an MRS degree. Forget about my goals and dreams. She thinks I'm not going to amount to anything because I'm not smart enough—even though I had straight As in high school and graduated at the top of my class.

I don't even get my answer out before she's cutting me off. "You need to wear that floral dress I sent you. That is, if it still fits. Have you weighed yourself today? You've probably already gained the freshman fifteen, knowing how much you love your chocolate."

The hatred grows deeper as my stomach twists. It's always the same with her. The knife cutting through any shred of hope that she could actually have a decent bone in her body. She told the house chef that I had dietary restrictions. No gluten, no complex carbs, and certainly no sugar or sweets of any kind. So basically, if I want something other than fruit, carrots, and eggs, I have to sneak it into my room, hide it like it's contraband.

"I still weigh the same as I did when I left." Even with my chocolate addiction and my love of barbecue potato chips—something my mother never let me eat . "But I don't think the floral dress is appropriate for a frat party, Mother." It would be suitable for a Sunday brunch or a church service. But not a kegger.

"These are respectable boys, Sienna. They are not like those hoodlums you used to date."

I went on one date with a guy who had a tattoo, and she freaked out, claiming I was into "bad boys." If she thinks these guys are going to be saints, she's wrong. They're frat guys at one of the largest party schools in the country. Whether they come from money or not, all they really care about is getting drunk and laid.

"Now, I also suggest you wear your pearls. They will complement the dress." Again, she completely dismisses my opinion. "And wear your pink flats. You never want to be taller than any of the guys." If I actually wore the outfit she's suggested, I would be laughed at by all the guys, and none of them would be interested. In spite of my mother's wishes, I'm going to wear my little black dress and pair it with my red heels.

"And if one of the Chis comes up to you, don't speak, just listen. You have a tendency to drone on about things no one cares about. Now, make sure you represent our family well, Sienna. We'll speak tomorrow."

The line goes dead. No goodbyes. No I-loves-yous. But there never are. I reach into my nightstand and grab my little box of chocolate-covered cherries, taking one out and popping it into my mouth. But instead of cherishing every single taste of its sticky sweetness, the piece of candy goes down like a bitter bite of my reality. And as soon as I swallow it down, shame hits.