Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

Sienna

I grab my things and rush out after him, worried something's wrong. His face was strained. His cheeks were bright red, and he was breathing so hard I thought he was about to hyperventilate. It seemed like he was having some kind of attack—asthma or diabetic. I don't know what was happening, but I'm worried.

I rush outside, seeing his truck across the lot. The old beater I remember from back home. One of the many stupid reasons I never tried to get to know him better. My mother would've been horrified if I spent time with a guy driving around in that thing. Which is another one of the many regrets I have to add to the list of plenty. I chose my friends based on the price tag of their vehicles or the names printed on their clothes, and now, I don't have any friends.

As I get closer, I see that Matt's eyes are closed, and my heart leaps inside my chest. I think something's wrong. He may have passed out. I run the last few strides toward his truck, my feet slowing when I see his arm jerking. It looks like he might be having a seizure or a stroke. He suddenly grabs onto the steering wheel, every muscle in his face straining as his mouth parts. His eyes are squeezed shut, body practically convulsing, and I'm about to have a panic attack, unable to get to him fast enough. But then…I see it, ropes of what look like cum shooting up. His mouth parting on a moan, and his arm starting to slow its movement.

My feet come to a halting stop only steps away from his door. And his grunted curses can be heard through the window as pleasure casts over his face and the tension fades from his body. It's more than obvious now that he wasn't suffering from a medical attack; he was masturbating.

A rush of hot lust runs right down my spine, and a shiver rocks through me hard. My legs tremble, growing weak, but I need to get them working again and get out of here before…

His eyes fly open, head turning as he shifts in his seat, and he looks straight through his window. Our eyes connect, and the butterflies take flight in my stomach. I've just been caught watching him, and he knows it. I quickly turn and head toward my car, trying not to make things awkward by running. My body is trembling with every step. My hands shaking as I reach into my bag in search of my keys. A million thoughts are circling my mind like the wheel of fortune going round and round. I just saw Matt masturbating. Matt. The sweetheart. The do-gooder who's a VIRGIN. Matt, the boy who goes to church on Sundays and is saving himself for marriage.

But the intensity gripping his features…made him look like a guy with a savage appetite for sex. He looked fierce. Dominant. And so desperate for a release. God, it was so hot. Seeing him lose control like that. Shattering so hard his body was practically shaking. And knowing he ran out of the library because the need was too much for him to handle and he had to have a release, has me craving the same.

I wonder what it was that turned him on. He was reading his economics book from what I saw, and I doubt that would've been all that exciting. But it could've been something he watched earlier that came back to haunt him, some porn playing at the frat house. Or his mind could've drifted off from the boring numbers to a girl he has a crush on. But there's another possibility. And it's the one I'm hoping was the reason he got so excited. That it was me.

I quickly toss my bag into the back of my car and shut it. As I reach for my door, his deep voice stops me. "Did you need something, Sie?" A ripple of lust runs down my spine as his words penetrate my nerves. I can feel him at my back. His voice sounding like it's been roughened with sandpaper. So raw and gravelly. The sex still simmering in his system.

Another tremble runs through me. Yes, I need something. I need the ache between my legs to stop controlling my thoughts so I can form some semblance of a response.

"I…um…" I turn slowly, swallowing roughly. "I was worried. I wanted to make sure you weren't having a diabetic attack or something. Just wanted to make sure you were okay." Oh God, I'm rambling and trembling at the sight of him. His cheeks are blushed from the heat of his orgasm, making him look sexier.

"I'm not okay, Sienna." He takes a step forward, closing the breathing room between us and making it harder for me to fill my lungs. "I can't concentrate. I'm struggling to focus on anything other than your beautiful face." He moves in closer, his eyes nearly burning a fire into mine. "The way your hair is a sexy mess. The silky curls flying everywhere. The way your teeth sink down into your lip as you're studying." He takes another step closer, and another tremble rocks through me.

"The thoughts running through my head were sinful, Sienna." He stops inches away, forcing my neck back to look him in the eyes. "I should go to confessional and make amends for what I want to do to you."

"What…um…do you want to do, Matt?" I can barely breathe, let alone form a sentence past the raging desire constricting my nerves.

"I wanted to violate your body, Sie." A moan slips from my throat, his voice a gruff rasp grazing across my cheek. "I want to rip this shirt down and see what you have hiding inside your bra."

My back presses against the cool metal, needing it to hold me up since my legs are growing weak. His hands come up against the frame, caging me in. He's slowly moving toward my ear, and I feel myself soaking my panties as he draws closer.

"Do you want to show them to me, Sienna?" His lips brush against my skin, and I let a moan slip from my lips.

"Matt." I drop my head back as the heaviness of my need takes over. His hips are pressed against mine and I can feel how hard he is. He just got off in his car, yet he's as stiff as the metal at my back. And big. I feel it all the way down my hip.

"Tell me to stop, Sie." His hot breath hits my ear, as his tongue comes out and flicks me with fire. "Tell me to walk away before I do something I shouldn't."

My head turns into his neck, rubbing my mouth over his strained vein that's running down his skin. "I don't want you to stop." I start openly kissing over his jaw, trying to reach his mouth. "Please, Matt."

His head pulls back and he traps me under his stare. His eyes look different. They're usually full of light and shining with kindness, but there's a darkness in their depths, and it's such a contradiction to the boy I knew from back home. The sweet boy looks like he's on edge, and I'm the cause for his desperate state.

"Please what, Sienna?" His stare drops to my mouth, and I reach out and grab ahold of the back of his neck, wanting him to kiss me.

"Please take me back to your place and show me what you want to do to me."

His eyes sharpen and he shifts back, looking as though I just said something wrong. He shakes his head as if shaking himself out of a trance, and then a coldness settles in my veins.

"It was a fantasy, Sie. But it's never going to happen between us."

He steps back, putting more space between us, and I don't understand what just changed. I felt his hard cock pressing against me. But maybe I was too forward. Maybe his religious beliefs are what's holding him back. I'm forgetting that he's a virgin, which is probably why he freaked when I said we could go back to his place. If that's the case, I want him to know that I totally respect his choice, and I'd never force the issue.

"We don't have to have sex, Matt. I'm okay with waiting. Just don't push me away." Please don't push me away. For the first time, I feel like I can be myself, and that I'm not being judged.

He lets out a laugh, but it's devoid of any warmth, and sends an icy chill down my spine. "This has nothing to do with sex, Sienna. I don't think I'll ever be able to look past what you did to Lex." A sharp pain twists in my gut as he says her name. "The way you treated her shows what kind of person you are at the core, and I'm not interested in getting involved with a girl who's capable of being that evil. My dick likes you, but I have higher standards for a girl I want to be involved with."

The final slice of rejection cuts me deep, and once again, I don't measure up to the perfect Lexie. I'm not good enough. Like my mother has always said.

I stiffen my shoulders, shielding myself from the hurt that's trying to bring me to tears, self-preservation barely giving me the strength to stay standing, but I fight through the violent storm and say what I need to say.

"The next time you see me on campus, Matt, pretend like you don't know me, and stay away." A tear slips down my cheek right as I turn to open my door, and I hate myself for showing my weakness. But for a moment, I thought there was something between us. If my mother were here, she'd be laughing at how na?ve I was to think a guy as great as him would want someone as pathetic as me.