50. Ambrose

Chapter fifty

Ambrose

T he hardwood beneath the thin cushion of this god-awful chair digs into my ass. Augustus and I sit across from each other in Adriano's hospital room. He's still in surgery and no one seems to be able to tell us how long the surgery might still be.

The tension in the room is palpable and the silence is deafening. I may be quiet but I'm far from blind, the way he shifts in his seat every few seconds shows me how uncomfortable he truly is.

I haven't said a word to him since we left the house out of sheer fear that I may say the wrong thing and jeopardise this already fragile relationship even more. Antonio, as much as I hate to admit it, was right. I haven't been much of a brother to any of these boys for years and it's only gotten worse since my papá passed away.

He coughs and my eyes shift up to see him staring at me, but they quickly shift off towards the door.

"Augustus," I say and my voice cracks slightly.

His eyes are on mine again, a silent permission to speak.

"Cazzo," I whisper, "I.. uhm." I swallow. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" The face that looks at me doesn't hold any malice but instead seems genuinely confused .

"Antonio is right, I have been a horrible brother, especially to you." I rub my palms against my thighs, the action reminding me of Antonio. "Ever since papá died, and even before that. I should've been there for you more."

He remains silent and simply stares at me.

"I-I, uh, now understand what you felt like when Papá died. The shock and how it made you freeze. I felt that today with Adriano and when Valerie jumped in front of the gun. I shouldn't have held you responsible for it. I was dealing with so much and I see now that I was looking for someone to blame. It was all so much responsibility to take on at once and I was so angry... It isn't an excuse but that's how I felt in the moment and I'm so sorry you had to be the one at the receiving end of it."

"It wasn't supposed to be your responsibility to bear alone you know," he says and I look up to meet his eyes. "We were ready to help you. To be there whenever you need it, you don't have to do all of this alone."

"But I'm the eldest."

"Can you stop with all that bullshit, I know Papá practically drilled that into you since you were sixteen, but we're brothers and we used to always have each other's backs. We wanted to help you but you kept pushing us away trying to act all tough and in control."

"I had to be strong for all of you," I shrug.

"No, you didn't, we needed our brother not a replacement for papá, I'm sure Mamá has that covered with Uncle Luca." We both burst out into a chuckle. "You have to let us in sometimes Ambrose, we want to be there for you but we can't if you keep shutting us out."

"Well, I don't think Antonio would agree with that right now," I slump back into the horrible seat.

"You're so incredibly stupid," Augustus says. "Antonio is upset because he feels like you've betrayed him, you're his idol, Ambrose. He's always looked up to you and right now you've hurt him in a really big way, but even Antonio isn't stupid enough to throw away his bond with you over this. It's just going to take him a while to heal and forgive you and Val. "

"Fuck, when did you get so good at shit like this?" I chuckle trying to hold back a tear threatening to escape. I already cried into Valerie's chest, once for the day is more than enough. I barely even cried at papá's funeral.

He shrugs. "I've been going to therapy since Papá died. I'm recycling all the things she's taught me."

God, I am a horrible brother. How did I not even realise he was going for therapy? Or that it affected him this badly, and there I was probably making it even worse.

"For the record, I accept your apology." He stands and walks over to me.

I'm standing before he even reaches me, he offers me his hand to shake and I take it but I quickly pull him into a hug. "Grazie fratello" Thank you brother .