35. AMENDS

35

AMENDS

A iden leaned against the wall in the hallway of the bottom floor of the main building. After Charlotte left the cafeteria, the turbulent emotions burning through him like a wildfire finally abated.

With her there hitting him left and right with confusion, sadness, guilt, and her own anger, he couldn't process his own emotions properly.

Never had he struggled with keeping his temper in check before.

When he killed the rogue in the alley, his fury was justified. But this? This felt wrong. Snapping at Charlotte for asking questions she had every right to ask him left him feeling like scum.

He didn't like the queries because they called his feelings for her into question, and he had no doubts how he felt about her. But she was right. Other than in moments of shared passion, he hadn't been crystal clear in his words. He'd thought the things he said and did would speak for him, but it seemed Charlotte needed something direct. It wasn't her fault. He'd misunderstood.

His friends tried to help him when she left. Seth and Lukas understood what he was experiencing more than anyone. Even Blaire on some level. She had her own struggles with anger. The only one of them who didn't have a strong affinity for anger was Riley.

Every Korrena struggled with their most volatile emotions, their strongest desires and needs riding them to act in ways they normally wouldn't to obtain them.

He wondered what that was for Charlotte.

Considering the overwhelming rushes of insecurity and emptiness that sometimes took his breath away, he wondered if the bond made the depression she spoke of worse. Did she struggle more now that she was with him? He hated that. He hoped as the bond grew he could counteract that with the love he could show her.

He pulled his phone out of his jeans.

Aiden:

Where are you?

When she didn't answer for five minutes, he grew impatient and worried.

Aiden:

I'm serious. Please tell me where you are. I'm worried. I'm sorry.

Another several minutes. He gripped his hair.

Aiden:

Charlotte don't do this to m e

Aiden:

come on

After finding out a rogue snuck onto campus, he didn't want her to be alone; but more than that, he didn't want to leave their encounter in the cafeteria unresolved.

His eyes burned. The blurred screen made writing texts difficult. He blinked away the moisture in his eyes. If he weren't running on sheer panic, he might feel embarrassment for texting her like a needy child, but he needed to know he hadn't messed up.

He couldn't mess up; he'd just got her.

Aiden:

Where are you

Charlotte:

I'm in the woods.

He stuffed his phone in his pocket and ran down the hall until he burst through the back doors of the academy into the shaded back path that ran between the forest and the back of the academy.

She could be anywhere in the forest.

Aiden:

Where in the woods?

Charlotte:

The benches across from the back doors. I went straight back from those. Are you coming out here?

He didn't want her to run or try to stop him. If she asked him not to come, he would respect her wishes, so he didn't answer to avoid being put in that situation.

Stuffing the phone back in his pocket, he ran into the forest, looking left and right, searching for any sight of her. She shouldn't be in the forest alone with rogues about.

He'd moved so deep into the forest he wondered if he'd passed her when a shock of vibrant red hair caught his eye. His steps slowed, and he rubbed his chest. He needed to make things right. After witnessing how the unstable bond between his friends came close to tearing them apart, he would do anything to avoid it with his own bond.

"Why are you all the way out here?" he asked, voice low as he approached with cautious footsteps.

He couldn't even see the academy from where they were. Pine trees surrounded them deep in the forest. The sizeable gaps overhead between the skinny pines reaching high above them allowed the sun to filter through and make it easy to traverse the dense foliage.

Climbing over a fallen log, he came to a stop a few feet in front of Charlotte.

"I've come out here a couple of times when you've been busy." Her lips twisted to the side. "Before the stalker, I mean. When I thought he was dead and I was safe." Her shoulders sagged, and the defeat she felt echoed his own. "I probably shouldn't be out here now that we know otherwise." She cleared her throat, holding a hand up to shield her eyes from the sun that hit her face when she looked up at him.

"Can we talk?"

When she nodded her agreement, he moved to sit next to her, gauging if she felt uncomfortable about it. She didn't react negatively, so he took it as a win.

"It's peaceful out here," she said. "I've always looked at the academy's surrounding woods from down in the plaza and wondered what it was like around the campus. I like how it feels separated from the hustle-and-bustle of town."

He took a moment to study her while she talked. She seemed relaxed now that she had gotten a break from him. Her bare legs were curled beneath her, hiding the cute sandals tied at her ankles that he liked so much. Her denim shorts riding high on her legs showed off the small beauty mark at the top of her thigh. A navy-blue blouse hugged her body, with a neckline high enough to not expose too much of her cleavage. He wasn't sure if that disappointed him or not. While he didn't want others to look, he couldn't deny his fascination with her breasts. He didn't even know he was a breast guy until her.

Shaking his head to rid himself of his thoughts before he derailed his purpose for being out here, he said, "I'm sorry." When she looked up at him, he elaborated. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

She pulled her hair up high on her head, clipping it in place. The heat wasn't as bad in the forest, but he imagined having dense curls down one's back would make anyone hot. "I'm sorry if it seemed like I don't believe you care. I do. I just…" Her lips tightened in a frown as if she were trying to think of how to word her thoughts. "I just feel like if you need to hide things from me when I've already witnessed so much—experienced so much, then what else could you hide from me? What else would you hide from me?"

He cursed. She was right.

"I didn't think of it like that. That was a mistake on my part. I understand where you would draw that conclusion, though. I probably would too." He rested his head back against the tree trunk. "I want you to know you can trust me. I thought I was protecting you, but now I understand I was only isolating you further when you're already so different in our world."

"Which isolates me enough as it is."

"You're right." He rubbed a hand over his thigh, the feel of the denim scraping his palm distracting him from focusing on his emotions too much. "I planned to talk to you about the letter after I helped calm you down when we found it, but things went sideways, and you went to shower. You were already asleep when I got back from the canteen… I didn't get the chance." He closed his hand into a fist. "I called them while you were showering. I wanted them to know what we were facing, too. I should have consulted with you first. But I did it to protect you. Everything I've done has been with your protection in mind."

He met her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I promise it won't happen again. If I discover anything, I will tell you everything I know." He turned toward her, lifting a hand to brush his thumb over her cheek as he cupped her jaw. "I do care about you. I want you to try to not give up on me. I know this whole Korrena thing is a foreign concept to you, and I'm not asking you to commit to sealing the bond and completing the bonding ritual, but I want you to consider what life might be like with me. Give me the chance to show you."

Charlotte's brows rose, and the way her lips parted distracted him. "What's a bonding ritual?"

"We've already done most of it," he said with a shake of his head, unable to hide the smile it brought to his face. "To make the bond permanent—which would make our marks permanent like you've seen on Lukas and Blaire's neck—we have to have sex."

"Which we've had. And you've tasted my blood before," she added confidently, as if she knew the steps to sealing a bond.

He couldn't hide the full body shudder the memory of the taste evoked. Nothing on this planet compared to the silky, sweet taste of her lifeblood.

"The headmistress said we almost sealed it, but I didn't get a chance to find out what the other step was. What is it?"

This was the point he would know for sure if she could handle being with him. She'd witnessed him kill and didn't falter. Could she do the thing it took to complete their bond? Even if their life would be short together, he wanted whatever time fate would allow him.

"You need to drink my blood too."

Her head raised; bewilderment, and a hint of curiosity took over her features. "I do?"

"We share blood. I drink yours, and you drink mine. At the same time."

"The same time?"

"It has to be an exchange of our life essence flowing between each other without interruption. It's kind of like a link. My blood entering you, and yours entering me concurrently. While also being . . . connected."

"Connected? What do you mean?" Her head angled, her mouth working as if she were talking to herself. She looked back at him. "I mean, wouldn't we have a connection through blood and biting?"

"Sex," he said, smirking at the way her brows climbed. "When we share blood and make love at the same moment, the bond locks into place. It's the ultimate connection we could ever have with one another. It has to happen all at once." His gaze dropped to her mouth when her tongue peeked out over her lips. He wondered if she realized she was doing it. "It binds you to me, and me to you." Their gazes connected. "You'll own me for as long as I live," he whispered.

"You mean as long as I live, right? I won't live hundreds of years."

The flicker of sadness in his chest he knew didn't belong to him made a spark of hope light in his heart. Did she want something more? It killed him to know he couldn't give that to her.

"When you're… gone," he started, swallowing when his voice cr acked as he forced the last word out. "there will never be another for me. I'll always belong to you." He brushed his thumb over her cheek, stealing the tear that rolled over her fair skin. Leaning in, he stole a tender kiss from her lips.

It surprised him when her arms came around his neck, chasing his retreat. She deepened the kiss, pivoting her body to swing a leg over his lap, straddling him.

"Hello," he said, chuckling.

"Hi."

He loved how breathy her voice sounded when affected by him.

"I really am sorry if I hurt your feelings," she said, lowering her gaze. Her fingertips slid up and down the back of his neck, making his skin pebble. "I don't know what happened, but I was feeling so many awful things, and then I could feel your anger and it just fueled the fire. It became this endless loop of misery."

Hooking his finger beneath her chin, he angled her head to look at him. "I've never had such a hard time controlling myself, but it wasn't your fault. You know that don't you?"

She shook her head from side to side, and he closed his eyes. He suspected she blamed herself for it. Between her emotions and her retreat, he gathered she blamed herself for his inability to keep his primal urges at bay. Seeing her confirmation did nothing to make him feel better.

"First of all, my behavior is never your fault. No matter what you might say or do, I'm in control of my own actions. I choose if I react poorly or not. I might have a hard time with impulse control, but in the end, it was my decision to respond the way I did and not another way."

When she tried to look away, his fingers tightened on her chin.

"And second? You have every right to call me on it. Like I do you. This might get worse before it gets better. Even when we seal the bond, it won't be the end of it. Young bonds aren't the most stable. We get the chance to learn about it from childhood until high school, but nothing they teach us prepares us for the actual experience."

"Does it get better?"

"Yeah. I know you haven't spent much time with Mera and Kai, but they are the longest-bonded pair in our group. Since we started here at the academy, I haven't seen them fight. I think it was the end of their junior year in high school that they bonded. I honestly can't remember." He settled back against the tree trunk, releasing her chin. She slid her arms around his neck to rest on his shoulders. "But the point is, they got it under control. Lukas and Blaire still struggle sometimes, but they are significantly better than they were a year ago."

"What about Riley and Seth?"

Aiden laughed. "I think they're a special case." He smiled when her face pinched, not getting the joke. "They've known each other their entire lives, so it helps them come down faster from a heated situation, but they still have their moments. In fact, Seth's jealousy rivals Lukas's, but he keeps it so suppressed, you wouldn't realize it."

"He's jealous of Dom."

Putting his head back against the tree, he laughed louder. "Yeah, he is. Even though he knows he has nothing to worry about—he's told me—he still can't help the way his body responds to Dom like a threat. Dom tried to date Riley, so I don't blame him, but I wonder if it isn't a situation like it was for Blaire and I."

"What do you mean?" She shifted on his lap, her hands sliding down to rest on his abs. They tightened at her touch, sending a delicious shiver up and down his torso.

"The Oracle said he's connected to Riley's future. What that means, none of us know. But he's important to her future, so Seth has to accept Dom's here to stay."

Charlotte giggled. "That must be hard for him."

"I get it, though." He lifted a hand and brushed a few curls back from her face. "I'm just as bad—probably worse."

"Huh?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "You have no idea how much I wanted to kick Noah's ass."

"Well, I don't blame you. He was with the rogue who attacked me." She frowned. "I never suspected he wasn't human."

"That's because we're good at hiding it. We grow up learning how to integrate into society." His hand tightened on her hip. "But what I meant was when I saw him for the first time. Not only did I feel threatened because he was like me and hanging around you, but also, I could see his interest from the jump."

Her mouth parted. "What? How did you know that?"

"Oh, he didn't hide his contempt for me that first day on campus when I drove up to visit you." Aiden smirked. "You didn't notice?"

"I knew you two seemed to really dislike each other, but I couldn't sus out why."

"Other than the natural reaction to seeing our kind around someone of interest to us that is human, we could each see the other's intent. I don't think I did a good job hiding my feelings, either."

He remembered their first encounter where he suspected Noah felt the same apprehension about a Vasirian hanging around the human he had his sights on that Aiden felt toward him. Their kind didn't take special interest in humans; it went against the natural order of things. Unless they had ulterior motives.

"I know he was involved with the rogues, that he was one himself, but—"

"He's a rogue? "

The corner of Aiden's mouth slanted. "Yeah. If he's hanging around with a rogue, he's a rogue. The only things that differentiate a rogue from a regular Vasirian is their disregard for the law and/or their association with other rogues. They aren't a different subspecies or anything. It's like saying ‘he's mafia' in reference to a human."

"Oh." Charlotte's gaze dropped again.

He didn't stop her from taking a moment to herself. He wouldn't enjoy hearing someone he thought he could trust, or at least considered a friend, was someone different from what they led him to believe.

Her fingers curled into his shirt on his stomach. "So it was all an act? Did he do all those things to get to me because of Blaire, like the stalker wanted to do?" Her eyes met his, and the vulnerability there stole his breath.

He lifted his hands to cup both her cheeks. As much as he loathed to admit it, she needed answers to reassure her. "Noah liked you. It's hard to mistake genuine affection. I don't know what his intent was, but there was more to his actions."

It crossed his mind that his words meant to reassure might make the betrayal hit harder, knowing Noah wasn't faking it. That her friend sold her out. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything.

When she leaned forward, resting her head against his chest, he looped his arms around her, placing a hand on the back of her head.

He didn't know what it felt to have a friend betray him, but he didn't need to know firsthand. Charlotte's emotions flowed into him, giving him an intimate understanding of the pain it brought.