Chapter 5

5

Davey

"Hey, baby," Mom says, pulling me into a hug when I step inside. Van and Kiera take off to find Pa while Mom and I head for the kitchen. Every day after school pickup, I stop in here to see them, and since retiring, Dad is the best source for town gossip. Between the golf club, his old construction friends, the fishing group, and the people he's known for years, he's always one of the first to know everything about anyone.

And today, I'd kind of like to know who the man is sniffing around my husband.

"Mack still at work?" Mom asks, filling a teapot.

"Yeah, I'll grab him at four."

"I tell you, the knitting girls love him. Now, I'm not old enough to be one of them yet"—I snicker, earning myself a whip from the dish towel—"but sometimes those ladies are on school pickup, and they're always gushing about my son-in- law. The mothers too. Do you know he runs kids days at the library? Princess picnics and robot building and …" She waves a hand. "Very clever, that man. All these women lamenting that he's gay."

Well, that's offensive. I don't point that out to her, though, because my parents weren't exactly thrilled with me over the divorce. Dad tried to be neutral, but Mom took Mack's side, begging me through tears to quit my job and stay home with my family.

It hurt almost as much as when Mack did it.

I doubt my choice enough without everyone else putting their opinions in. I hate leaving my family, I hate what I've done to us, I hate that I lost the greatest husband in existence. But it was clearly going to happen either way.

Mack loves his job at the library. Dad loved the building industry, and Mom loves teaching so much she still does it two days a week when she could have easily retired when Dad did.

But me? I think I'm broken. I could live without the travel, but I fucking love what I do. The pressure-cooker contracts. The brainstorming. The putting together a package and seeing it transformed into something real. And now, I get to run a whole fucking team. My work keeps me busy. It keeps me social. It keeps my mind alive, and giving that up wouldn't be good for me. At least with how we are now, Mack and I still get along. We're still close and care about each other.

If I quit and wound up waiting tables at Killer Brew, would I still be the same guy without the job satisfaction? The short answer is no. That right there would ruin us.

"I guess I did gay men everywhere a favor by divorcing him, then," I say, trying to keep the bitter tone out.

Mom presses her lips tight, and I know she wants to call me an idiot again, but ever since I reminded her that I'm the one she gave birth to, she's switched tactics. No more putting me down. A whole lot of talking Mack up.

"I'm just saying," she tsks. "He's a beautiful man. Bakes cookies with the kids every week before he comes to visit."

"I know." I might be gone a lot, but I'm still very present in their lives. "And I also know the cookies taste like pure sugar and you throw them out when he leaves."

"We would never waste them like that." She checks the tea and mutters, "Not while we have hungry chickens out back."

I watch while she pours out tea, debating whether I should even bother bringing up Luke. It's dangerous territory, and I'm risking being snapped by the towel again, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about the guy for the past few days.

He was friendly. Too friendly. I mean, what new guy doesn't at least throw the tiniest bit of shade at the ex?

I know there's no way I'll be able to leave here without mining for information on him, and I have to pick Mack up in half an hour.

"Do you know someone called Luke Dawson?"

She frowns as she thinks. "Dawson … Not Sharon's boy?"

I shake my head. "He's new in town."

"How old?"

"Ah …" I have no idea, but he didn't look that much younger than us. "Mid to late thirties, I'd guess."

Her gaze sharpens on me. "Did you meet him through this app of yours?"

Here we go again. When Mack and I first got divorced, I thought the fastest way to move on would be to start meeting with other people. There wasn't a single one of them who could measure up to him, and that idea died quickly.

Mom huffs. "You know I bite my tongue, but why would you look at dating someone else from town when you have Mack, right here, who'd take you back the second you gave up work?"

Well, on top of Luke being a pain in my ass, that plain pisses me off. "You know, most parents are proud of their kids for building a successful career."

"I'm nearing the end of my life?—"

"You're seventy . Stop with the guilt trip."

"I'm only saying, I know what's important and what isn't." She points toward the back door. "Those two out there are important."

"Plenty of people don't have kids and are happy."

"Of course they are. They don't have to have frustrating conversations with dumbass children."

I pin her with a look. "I think we can move on now."

"Fletcher?" Mom yells.

A couple of seconds later, Dad pops his head in the back door. "Yes, honey?"

"You're needed."

Dad kicks off his boots and walks inside, throwing his thick jacket down on the back of the couch. "We're shoveling pig shit. What is it?"

"You do know Kiera and Van have to get back in my car, right?"

Dad looks completely unbothered.

Mom sighs. "Davey is asking about a boy."

"He's not a boy ."

"Luke … something."

"Dawson."

Dad tilts his head, thinking for a second. "New guy round here? Red hair?"

Trust Dad to know. "That's him."

"What about him? "

Mom answers before I can. "Davey's interested in him."

"Goddamnit, woman. Not me. Mack."

Silence falls between the three of us, and I think it's because I got snappy, but I'm wrong.

"Mack's dating ?" Mom shrieks.

"No. Well, maybe. This Luke guy's interested."

The pang in my chest only has a second to make itself known before Mom groans loudly.

"It's over."

"Mary …"

"No. All this time, I've been hoping you'll grow up. Stop taking trips all over the country and work out how good you have it here. How good you are with Mack, and now he's … he's …"

"Why do you think he's interested?" Dad asks, talking over the top of Mom.

I want to tell Mom to shut it, but she isn't saying anything I'm not already beating myself up over. "He showed up the other morning and offered Mack a lift to work. I could tell. Luckily we've left early the last two days, so I haven't had to see him again, but I get the feeling it's only a matter of time."

"Then you need to move fast," Mom says. "You're home for three whole months. Win your husband back."

"I'm not going to try and manipulate him into being with me again. Especially when nothing's changed."

I can read every reply going on behind her eyes. Then change it. Quit your job. Put your family first . But my job is putting my family first. Our mortgage is finally at a manageable level, and the college funds we've set up for Kiera and Van are off to a healthy start. Quitting means moving back here and saying goodbye to all that because when we can't afford our mortgage and insurance and everything that comes with having kids, the first thing we'll have to do is dip into those savings. How can I focus on having a good life for me if it means my kids could struggle one day because of it? That might not be the reality, but it is a huge risk if I can't find something else. And I've tried. Since before Mack suggested the divorce, I've tried. The few roles I've applied for were highly competitive, and not many outside of New York pay what mine does.

I can't gamble with my kids' futures.

I'm their dad. It's my job to support them. To set them up in life. And I'm doing it.

It's hard to get the next words out, and my voice is weak when I manage it. "I want to know if Luke will be good to him."

Dad scratches his thinning hair. "Ah, yeah. I'd say so. He's fit in quickly around here. His friend though …" Dad shrugs.

"Thanks. That's all I need."

I finish off my tea, still ignoring the loud thoughts Mom is sending my way, and then I round up Kiera and Van. Van needs a change of clothes, but otherwise, they just need to wash their hands and hose their boots off before we're good to go again.

On the drive to the library, I keep glancing back at them. Van is staring out the window with his mouth hanging open, and Kiera is bouncing in her car seat and kicking the passenger chair in front of her. At three and five, they're at the easiest stage they've been so far, but that doesn't mean they're not hard work.

"Please don't do that."

She pauses and looks over at me. "What do you want Santa to bring you? "

Mack . Fuck, I'm an idiot. "Santa doesn't bring gifts for adults. Just kids."

"I don't want to grow up. That's not fair."

"Well … adults don't need toys. Santa makes toys."

"Then why did Harry Stevens ask for a PlayStation 5? A PlayStation isn't a toy."

"Ah …"

"Can we get a PlayStation 5?"

"No."

She doesn't look at all disappointed. "That's okay, I'll ask Santa."

Well, fuck. How do parents get out of this one?

I pull up in the parking lot behind the library, where Mack is already huddled on the back stoop. He's wearing a beanie, a scarf, and a heavy coat, and I'd bet he's got gloves on the hands buried in his pockets. I want to get out and hug him to warm him up, but instead, I turn up the heat on his side while he jogs closer and jumps inside.

"H-hey family!" he calls, sounding frozen but happy.

That's my Mack.

Always happy.

Always positive.

He makes my life that way too.

If he does start dating this Luke guy—or any guy—would that be taken from me? If he gets in a serious relationship, things will change. They'll need to. There's no way I could stay living in the same house they hang out in. There's no way we'll be able to have family movies cuddled up on the couch together. Or breakfast every morning when I'm home. Or … this.

Mack talking to the kids about how their day was and excitedly sharing his .

This will all become someone else's.

And I'm going to have to live with that.

"You okay?" he asks, all bright blue eyes and red flushed cheeks.

My smile comes easily because for right now, he's still mine. Kinda. "Yeah, I was just wondering whether to get takeout tonight."

"McDonald's!" Kiera yells, setting Van off into a chant of "Fries, fries, fries."

Mack palms his forehead. "You've done it now."

"Anything to keep my family happy."