Chapter 59

Ash

"I t's unfair to kiss me the way you did and then not answer my calls for days," Soren said over the phone, his voice rough, almost like he'd just woken up from a deep sleep.

My stomach flipped with his sexy drawl, and I turned around to face the ocean. I was busy washing my board after I'd been surfing when my phone rang. At first, I wanted to ignore Soren's call like I had for the past week but then decided not to.

"I know… I'm sorry." I moved my hand through my wet hair and bit my lip. "I didn't plan to ignore you. I'm just—"

"Confused?"

I snorted. "To say the least."

"Then I'm assuming my calling to let you know how much I miss you won't help."

My heart skipped a beat, and I placed my hand on my chest, right where it felt warm and fuzzy. This feeling brought me back to when we had just started dating, to how each call or text he sent me filled my stomach with butterflies. I was thirty-two, and yet, hearing his voice through the phone still brought those same damn butterflies.

"Definitely not," I chuckled, eyes pinned on the spreading ocean and pink-washed sky. The sun would go down soon.

"At least I'll see you on Friday."

He was talking about Kai's dinner.

"Yeah… about that. You can still cancel."

"Why would I turn down such an invitation? I've heard he's quite the cook."

I rolled my eyes. "There are moments I think you've changed, but then you say something like that, and I remember what a sarcastic jerk you are."

Soren laughed, his voice so damn sexy. "Eiv used to tell me the same thing, only he used the term sarcastic bitch . His words, not mine."

The mention of Eiv brought an unpleasant feeling to my gut, and I clenched my phone a bit harder. "Do… Do you still sleep with him?"

"Ah," he sighed. "So he told you about that?"

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me.

"Yeah."

Holding my breath, I waited for him to speak again.

"We don't have that kind of relationship anymore, so don't worry about it."

His answer settled some of my nerves, but I was still far from satisfied.

"But you did sleep together."

"A few times."

I frowned. "Define a few."

Soren laughed. "My, my, I never thought of you as the jealous kind, Ashton."

Heat spread through my face before I dropped my head with a deep grunt. "Just answer my question."

"We slept together for quite some time."

I hate this.

"But like I said, it's a thing of the past, and besides, it was never more than quick hookups in hotel rooms."

Hotel rooms?

"So what was he doing at your house when I came to yell at you?"

"We were working."

"If that were the case, why did you push me away that evening?" I hadn't thought about it until now. Frankly, I assumed I'd interrupted them in the middle of something other than work and preferred not to ask, knowing I wouldn't like the answer.

"Let's just say there were moments I doubted myself, but it's no longer relevant. And besides, who are you to be jealous over me sleeping with someone else?"

Annoyed with the truth, I kicked some sand before I sat on the steps leading to our back porch. "You're right."

Now feeling like a complete asshole, I considered going for another surf, just to keep my mind busy from this mess I'd created.

"Ashton," Soren said, breaking the silence that drew between us.

"What?"

"I quite like it when you're jealous."

Despite the chilly air, my temperature rose with his words.

"Oh, shut it," I muttered, thankful that he couldn't see how red my cheeks and ears had turned.

"You know what I can't get my head around?" he suddenly asked.

"What?"

"Why would Diesel leave Shay-Lee behind if he's clearly still in love with him? It makes no sense."

"Why did you?"

He chuckled. "Fair enough."

"I mean it, Soren. You might have had your reasons, but ultimately, you just got up and left me." I paused for a moment and took in some air. "It hurt so much for so long, and I can't help but think how everything could have been different if you'd just said something."

I could hear him breathing through the phone before he cleared his throat.

"I know, and I'm sorry."

"No, you don't get to say that." My eyes stung, so I squeezed them tight and then looked up at the sky. "You had seven years to speak up. Seven fucking years Soren."

If he'd just told me sooner about the things he went through, I wouldn't have suffered for so long—erase that. I would have been there for him. But because he didn't say a word and instead chose to go through this hell alone, I was forced to do the same.

"Why don't you come here right now?"

"Seriously?" I tsked. "That's what you have to say in your defense?"

"No. I have a lot to say, but it's better speaking in person than over the phone."

I shrugged. "It's easier this way."

"Why?"

"I dunno. Maybe 'cause it rules out the possibility of having hot sex?"

Like the superhot, dirty sex we had in the surf shack last week. My back still hurt from that damn counter, but it was the best type of pain.

"We can have phone sex." He let out a low chuckle that went straight to my cock. "I've been told before that I have a sexy voice."

I could definitely vouch for that, but luckily, I had enough willpower this time to stop it before we got swept away with lust.

"Stop avoiding my questions."

"Fine," he sighed. "I left, and I agree it was stupid of me, but look how much we've grown through the pain."

I wanted to get angry with him, but he made perfect sense. If I didn't reach rock bottom, who knew where I'd be today?

Overly emotional, I looked around me, then cleared my throat. "I'm going to hang up now." Because talking with you is becoming too addictive.

"That's a shame."

"Bye, Soren," I said and quickly hung up before he could say another word that would lure me in. Smiling, I stared at the black screen and shook my head. He was always so smooth with his words— the jerk .

After that, I took a long shower before deciding to make myself something to eat. The kids were out, and Kai was still at work, so it was just me and my three Musketeers; although the dogs were sleeping, so I was pretty much on my own. Since I was a terrible cook, I settled for a sandwich with cheese and lots of mayo. I loved that crap. Adding a bit of chips on the side, I then poured myself a glass of soda and was ready to sit down and eat when Kai walked in.

"Tell me this isn't your dinner," he said, already grabbing half a sandwich from my plate and taking a bite. "Disgusting as always."

"Hey," I grunted and stole it back from him. "That's my hard work you're talking about."

He laughed, smile lines appearing on each side of his handsome face. "I can cook you dinner, you know?"

Taking a bite from my sandwich, I shook my head. "Nah, it's good enough. Besides, you just came back after a long day—" My words were cut short as he moved his thumb over the corner of my mouth, cleaning me from the mayo, then brought it back to his lips and sucked on his thumb.

"Mhmm." He licked his lips, then bent down to kiss me. Not minding the fact I'd just eaten, Kai pushed his tongue in and groaned into the kiss. His tongue fought mine for dominance before I gave up and allowed him to do as he pleased.

"You know I love feeding you," he chuckled over my lips.

It seemed as if my confusion didn't stop my body from responding to Kai's flirting, as my cock just grew harder in my pants. I felt guilty, but in the same breath, I wanted him to touch me more. Was I a bad person for wanting both men at the same time? Probably yes, but it wasn't like Kai hadn't slept with hundreds of people over the years. The same went for Soren, who just got up and left me after I gave him my heart. So, while I didn't know what I wanted, I did know Kai's hands on my body felt good, so when he asked if I wanted to shower with him, I agreed, and when he got on his knees and sucked my cock, I allowed the pleasure to take over me without stopping to think about it. And later on, I did the same to him.

After we were done, Kai cooked dinner for me, and we sat down to eat.

"You know, I had a thought," he said after passing me the salad I asked for.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't we have kids?"

I nearly choked on the tomato I was chewing on and had to cough for a long minute until I calmed down. Kai handed me a glass of water, which I drank up in one go before I cleaned my lips and looked at him. "What?" I gasped, still shocked.

"The boys are all grown up and will probably leave soon, so it feels like the right time. Besides, isn't that what you've always wanted?"

Yes.

Since forever, my dream was to have kids and build a family, but I gave up on the idea once Soren told me he would never have children. After we broke up and I started this thing with Kai, having kids never came up. Ignoring the fact that we weren't an actual couple, I also struggled to picture us as parents… it just didn't feel right. Why? I had no idea—maybe because I didn't see him as the fatherly type. The sad thing was that Kai was a dad. That fact sometimes slipped away, and I wondered what it said about him.

"Where is this coming from?" I asked after putting my fork down.

"It's about time, don't you think?"

I frowned. "Kai, we're not even a real… you know what I mean."

"What? We're not actually dating?" He placed his hand behind my armchair and leaned in a bit closer. "Because if I recall correctly, last time we talked, we decided to be fully committed to this." He pointed between us.

We did, and since then, I'd slept with my ex. Twice . Not that Kai had a clue.

"We can be awesome dads, Ashy. Just think about it." He smiled at me, his blue eyes flashing with excitement. Although, I knew better than to just fall for it. Whenever Kai came up with an idea, it started with him being hyperfixated until he lost interest. Only it didn't work the same way with kids. A baby wasn't a project you took upon yourself only to put aside when your interests moved on to something new. A baby was, well, a baby .

"It's not all fun and games, Kai. Kids take a lot of energy and are a big responsibility. Not to mention, this is all so sudden. We still have so much to focus on with the boys growing up and Diesel being away—"

He cut me off with a deep sigh, then leaned back in his chair. "You always see the negative in things. I thought you'd be happy with the idea."

"Kai, we're talking about a kid, not a dog."

He rolled his eyes. "You know, I keep trying to be what you want, but it feels like it's never enough."

That was a very cute thought, but it was incredibly off-putting. Besides, I was in no place to even start considering having a kid with him. Not until I figured out what to do about Soren and my undeniable feelings toward him.

"You are enough, Kai. It's just not the right time to talk about it. In a few months, when everything calms down, we can bring it up again."

Kai studied me with a raised brow before he rubbed his jaw. "I just thought you'd be happy with the idea." He got up and took his plate with him to the sink.

I hated that he was hurt.

"You know, I brought this thing up now because when I spoke with Zoe the other day, she mentioned she was thinking about having another kid."

My body tensed with where this was going, and I straightened up in my chair, my full attention on Kai's back as he washed his plate.

"And?" I asked, eager to know the rest.

Turning off the tap, Kai dried his hands and then turned to face me with his arms crossed over his chest. "She asked me if I was willing to be the father again. She said it only made sense with us already having Paris."

For a second there, I felt like I was having a minor heart attack. Zoe's audacity to even suggest such a thing while knowing Kai and I were together brought back all the crap from when they were teens, when I was forced to watch them from the sidelines and smile like an idiot.

"She actually asked you that?" I hissed, anger flowing through my body like lightning.

"Don't worry, Ashy. I told her no." Kai quickly came to calm me down, his hands rubbing my arms. "You know I'd never do that to you."

Biting my lip, I shook my head. "It doesn't matter." I was so pissed. "She has no right to ask that of you. No fucking right, Kai—"

He pulled me into a tight hug that forced me to swallow back my fury. His warm skin, strong body, and familiar scent helped to calm me down, but not quite enough. I still couldn't believe Zoe would cross such a line. We might have had our differences in the past, but I assumed that by now, she'd accepted the fact that Kai had chosen me.

"I think I'm going to call her," I said, my face half-buried in Kai's chest.

"No, don't do that. I already told her off for suggesting it."

I pulled back just enough to face him. "Are you sure? I feel like I need to do it, too."

Kai brought his hand to my face and softly caressed my cheeks. "I've already settled it with her. She even cried. You know how she is."

Zoe was always more emotional, and so was I.

"Why would she do that?" My brows pulled close as I studied Kai's face, hoping he'd have some kind of an answer.

"She was always jealous of you. You know that, right? Maybe it's what led her to that… I mean, she broke up with her boyfriend recently, and maybe seeing us being stronger than ever bothered her."

"Oh." Now I felt a bit sad for her.

"I also told her that she shouldn't come to visit next month."

I gasped. "You shouldn't have done that. What about Paris?"

"I'll fly to meet him. I think it would be for the best."

My throat constricted, and I swallowed hard before speaking. "Are you sure about that? I don't want to stand in your way."

His eyes gleamed before he pulled me back into a tight hug. "Your way is the only one I care about, babe."

If Kai was willing to risk his family for my sake, how could I not give him a real chance? And if the mere thought of him having another child with Zoe bothered me so much, didn't it mean he was the one I wanted? If not, why else would I react the way I just did? Even now, so worried that he might leave, I couldn't bring myself to let go of his body and instead hugged him tighter.

"Guys, did you hear the news?" Andrei said as he burst into the kitchen, not minding us at all before he made his way to the living room. When did he even come back home? Confused, we quickly let go of each other and followed him into the living room in time for him to switch on the TV. The split screen showed photos of a fire in the middle of the ocean, and it took me a few seconds to realize that it was the remains of an airplane. Confused, I immediately read the headline displayed at the bottom of the screen: A private plane crashed in the middle of the sea; among the passengers, the multi-billionaire Christian W. Rogers. All four passengers, including the two crew members, are suspected to be dead.

My eyes widened with shock as I reread the headline, not believing what I was seeing. Beside me, Kai and Andrei were just as stunned with disbelief because this accident felt like a divine intervention.