Chapter 57

Ash

W ith my back leaning against my truck, I checked the time again. Diesel was supposed to be out by now, but I guessed he'd been delayed. While Andrei and I drove here to pick him up, Jessie and Levi stayed home with Kai to prepare one heck of a welcome home meal. We were all so damn excited because fuck, after a long eight months, the kid was finally coming back home. Putting my joy aside, I was well prepared for Diesel to be different from before because who knew what he'd gone through in there? From the little I did know, it hadn't been easy. Diesel appeared beaten up more than once, and after months of hardly speaking to anyone, he had clearly suffered significant trauma. Not that he could be blamed. He had been torn away from his life in the blink of an eye, was forced to separate from Shay-Lee, and then faced the worst allegations one could ever think of. On top of it all, I highly doubted that Diesel was aware of the amount of publicity his case received. By now, most Americans knew his face and name, as well as Shay-Lee's. This whole case had blown up all the media outlets, even more so after Shay-Lee's testimony. In fact, since the afternoon, my phone had been buzzing with news channels asking to interview him, and if not for the police switching Diesel's facility to avoid attention, this place would also be filled with reporters and paparazzi wishing to get Diesel's first pictures out of prison. I knew this was a passing stage and that, eventually, they would all move on to the next story, but for the time being, Diesel would have to stomach it.

So, with the new reality he'd return to, I was sure Diesel was going to have a hard time adjusting, but I was also certain that I'd be here for him. For real, this time. The day before the trial ended, I did something I hardly ever did: I prayed. I prayed to God and promised that if Diesel would walk out of that court as a free man, I would forever do my best to help him. No matter what choice he made, I'd respect it and be of full support because, for the love of God, I would not repeat the same mistakes I'd once made.

"There he is," Andrei said while nudging my arm and snapping me back to the present.

Looking ahead, I saw Diesel stepping out of the prison gates, his duffle bag tossed over his shoulder. Seeing him in jeans and a T-shirt was such a nice change from the awful jumpsuit, and I smiled, already pushing back from the car and joining Andrei, who was calling for him. Diesel looked up from the ground, his stare landing on us. There were about ten feet between us, but I easily detected how the expression on his face hardened before he looked away and kept on walking.

Oh, no.

"Didn't he see us?" Andrei asked with a deep frown on his confused face. "Yo, Diesel," he called out again, louder this time, while waving his hand in the air. When Diesel didn't turn around and kept walking in the direction of the bus stop, Andrei darted toward him with me right behind.

Andrei reached him first and placed his hand on Diesel's shoulder. "Hey, man, where are you goin—" His question was cut off when Diesel shrugged him off.

I couldn't see Andrei's face, but his body tensed as he took a step back. "What the hell, man? What's the matter with you?" he asked, but Diesel didn't answer and just kept walking. At that point, Andrei's anger erupted out of him like fire. "Hey, I'm talking to you," he shouted. "Where are you going?"

"Anywhere that isn't here," Diesel finally answered with his back to us.

I wanted to jump in and say something, but Andrei left no room for that.

"What do you mean? The guys are waiting for you at home. We're all waiting for you."

"It's not my home." Diesel's answer was short and precise, like a dart to my heart. Clearly, I wasn't the only one taken aback by his words.

"What the fuck are you talking about, saying crap like that," Andrei spat out before he rounded Diesel and forced him to stop. "We're your family."

"My family is buried six feet under," Diesel hissed, his fists clenched tight.

Andrei's face twisted with shock before he visibly swallowed, his neck working.

"Guys, let's calm down," I offered and tried to step in. Looking between them, Diesel stayed true to his words and still didn't so much as glance my way. It hurt, but I half saw it coming.

"I'm done here, with this place, this city. With you . I've got nothing more to do here," Diesel said, jaw tensed. He didn't wait for an answer, rounded Andrei, and kept on walking.

"What do you mean you're done?" Andrei turned around, his eyes pinned on Diesel's back, which was only getting further away. "We've fought for you for months, you asshole!"

"I didn't ask you to do that."

Wow.

"But we did anyway." Andrei's voice broke at the same time my heart did. "We fought for you to come back to us, and now you want to leave?"

Diesel didn't answer, and when I saw Andrei was about to charge after him again, I reached forward and wrapped my arm around him.

"W-What are you doing?" Andrei asked me, unshed tears in his furious eyes. "He's getting away!"

I understood his pain. Fuck that, I felt it in my bones, but at the same time, I chose to stay true to my words. I promised to respect Diesel's choices no matter how hard they would be, and that was exactly what I was doing right now.

"It's his right to do whatever he wants, Andrei."

"Fuck that," Andrei snapped and released himself from my hold, then took a few steps forward. "What about Shay-Lee?" It seemed as if his scream finally reached Diesel because he stopped walking.

For a moment, I thought that Andrei had managed to reach him, but then Diesel half turned to look at us over his shoulder.

"I'm done with him, too."

Diesel's words were so cold, said without an inch of remorse while he stared at us through dark eyes that left no place for his soul. He then turned around and moved on. I flinched, my throat turning dry with fear. Yes, he was free, but I couldn't help but think that a part of him had stayed in prison.

His heart.

"W-What?" Andrei gasped, mostly to himself, while waving his hand in Diesel's direction. "Are you just going to let him leave?" he urged me, eyes begging. I hated to disappoint him, but what other choice did we have?

"He's free to do whatever he wants," I told Andrei.

"Bullshit!" he spat out. "That's bullshit!"

"I know," I said, my hand resting on his shoulder and squeezing him tight. "I know it's bullshit, but it's what he's choosing to do. If Diesel is done with us, then it's his choice, Andrei, whether we like it or not."

Biting his lip and grinding his jaw, Andrei squeezed his eyes shut. A single tear fell down his cheek, and my heart ached for his loss. Our loss. But we had no right to decide what Diesel should do with his life. We'd fought for his freedom and won; now, it was up to him.

Andrei cleaned his nose and turned back around just in time to see Diesel climbing on a bus that had stopped at the nearby bus stop. He didn't glance back at us, and we didn't get the chance to say goodbye before he rode off and left his old life behind.

Did I see this coming? Of course not, and I felt like I'd just lost a son, but for an entirely different reason. Diesel had every right to leave and move forward with his life. But the look in his eyes after Andrei mentioned Shay-Lee's name broke me. For years, I avoided getting too close to Diesel because of fear. I never realized what it was that made me so fearful of him until he looked at us with those sad eyes, and for the first time, I saw what it was that made me so easily rebuff him in the past.

Regret .

His eyes were a pitch-black vortex full of regret, and whenever I was met with those dark pits, it forced me to face my own regrets. Never being one to face his problems headfirst, I did the same thing I always did—turned the other way. Only with Diesel, it was impossible to look away, and perhaps that was why he finally left.