Chapter 46

Kai

I t was the weekend again, and despite Ash promising we'd discuss my suggestion about becoming exclusive, we still hadn't sat down and talked. Each time I'd tried to bring it up, Ash found a way to avoid it. If it was offering to suck me off or saying he was too tired, both ways worked. Something was bothering him, and I mean something other than the usual trial concerns. Having had enough of it, I finally came up with a plan that would leave Ash with nowhere to escape.

With the guys out of the house for the entire weekend, we had the place all to ourselves. It was a rare occasion that happened once in a blue moon, and I'd planned to take full advantage of it. Ashy thought we were having Mel over for dinner; little did he know that I'd canceled on his mom and, instead, got us a sexy picnic basket filled with his favorites for an even sexier dinner we'd have on the beach.

"Why isn't the table set?" he naively asked after he joined me in the kitchen. "My mom will probably be here soon—"

"Oh, she had to cancel," I said, grabbing Ashy's hand to pull him close before he could say something else. "Which is a good thing because my dinner plans are meant for two." I lifted the picnic basket with my free hand, enjoying the annoyance growing on his face.

"You blew my mom off?" He frowned.

"That sounds wrong," I snorted.

"Eww." He grimaced.

Letting go of his body, I spanked his ass. "Enough complaining. Now, let's move. I want to settle down before the sunset begins." And settle down we did. Thirty minutes and one checkered tablecloth later, we were sitting on a cliff overlooking the ocean. I drove us to an isolated spot and also took the initiative to turn the bed of Ash's pickup truck into a cozy lover's nest with blankets, pillows, and, well… condoms and lube.

"I gotta give it to you, Kai; I didn't know you had it in you to be this romantic," Ash said, pouring us both a glass of the nonalcoholic champagne I'd brought.

"Well, I'm a man of many surprises." I raised my glass. "Cheers."

"Cheers." He smiled while we clinked our glasses.

Smitten with his beauty, I took a big gulp, unprepared for how bad that shit tasted. "Fuck," I coughed, spitting out the rest of the drink I didn't spill while choking, as Ash rolled in laughter beside me. He laughed until tears welled in the corner of his eyes, and he complained his stomach hurt.

"Stop laughing, you asshole," I swore, upset that I'd got my shirt all wet with that crap. Since I planned on getting naked anyway, I got rid of the shirt, and that was enough to quiet Ash down.

"Maybe lose yours as well?" I wiggled my brows, and he responded with an eye roll.

"Nah. It's too chilly." He grinned.

"I'll make it hot—" I reached for his side, but he slapped my hand away.

"We just finished eating. Let me digest first."

Fair point. Besides, we had the whole night ahead of us.

With the food out of the way, we both made ourselves comfortable on the tablecloth while watching the moonlight shining over the ocean. It was a beautiful sight, but it had nothing on the one right beside me. Ash didn't even notice I was staring at him the whole time, admiring his hot muscles, sexy lips, and hazelnut hair I wanted to run my fingers through. Licking my lips, I moved down his body, enjoying how juicy his biceps were with the way he leaned back on his arms. He was eye candy, and even though I said we had the whole night, my dick was already becoming impatient. The only thing stopping me right now from getting on top of him was knowing we still had to talk.

"Paris is going to be with me this summer." I decided to start with a different subject and slowly move to the main one.

"Really?" Ash turned to face me. "That's nice. I miss that kid."

"He misses you, too." I grabbed a cherry from the fruit plate beside me and popped it in my mouth. "I thought, maybe we can take him somewhere? Spend the summer together. Just the three of us," I said while trying to make a knot of the cherry stem with my tongue. I succeeded. And once done, I spat it out. Ash seemed to be more focused on the cherry stem than on what I'd just said, so I went on. "What do you say?"

"There's still a lot of time before summer." He took the used stem and moved his finger over the small knot. "I never understood how you do this," he murmured.

Annoyed that he was trying to change the subject, I grabbed his hand. "I know there's time, which is good. It means we can plan where we'll go. How about Bali? Maybe Hawaii?"

Ash took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "I don't know, Kai. What about the boys? Diesel?"

He'd either be in jail or out, and neither of those options should affect us. Despite how much I cared for Diesel, his future couldn't determine our life. But I couldn't tell this to Ash. At least, not in those exact words.

"What about us ?" I asked instead, my eyes focused on him. His mouth was set in a hard line, and he scratched his neck.

"What about us?"

With my hand still on his, I moved a bit closer. "At the beginning of the week, we said we'd talk about us being exclusive. You've been avoiding it." It wasn't a question but a fact. "Why?"

Ash seemed to be taken aback, and he tried to move away from me, but I didn't allow it.

"Talk to me, Ash. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," he answered quickly, avoiding my stare.

It was almost like he was hiding something.

"Come on, Ashy, I know you better than this. You seemed excited when I first brought it up. Now, it almost feels like you regret what you said."

He shook his head, still looking at the ground. "It's not that. It's just that… maybe we're rushing things?"

That made me laugh. "Rushing things?" I tilted my head down, trying to catch his eyes. "We've been fucking for almost seven years, babe. There's no rushing here."

His cheeks turned red, and as always, he was fucking adorable. Cupping his nape, I brought him close and kissed his forehead. "I think it's about time we stop playing games," I said, moving my lips to his neck and softly kissing him there. "I mean, we're meant for each other, Ashy. Since we were fucking kids."

"Kai." He placed his hand on my chest, but that didn't stop me from laying him on his back.

"What?" I chuckled, my fingers caressing his soft skin.

"I'm not in the mood," he muttered, a small smile on his face.

"That's okay." I slid my hand down his body until reaching the waistband of his pants. "I'll get you there." My lips moved to the shell of his ear, and I tugged on it.

"I mean it." He chuckled, pushed me off him, and sat back up.

With a grunt, I rolled to my back and squeezed the bridge of my nose. "Fine."

"I'm going to go get something warm from the car," he said before getting up.

Opening my eyes, I looked at the starry sky and decided to try again. Ash loved playing hard to get, but eventually, he always ended up beneath me, begging me to go harder.

"Jesus, Kai, you've only got this stupid hoodie here," he complained with his back to me while holding the lilac hoodie I'd stolen from his closet years ago.

"It's my favorite," I said, approaching him from behind.

Ash always complained that I'd kept that thing.

"I don't know why you still have it—Kai," he groaned when I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him tight.

Moving my lips to his neck, I sucked him there, ignoring his whining before going up to his ear.

"Kai, stop it," he rasped as I sucked on the shell of his ear and slid my hands underneath his shirt. "Kai—"

My hard cock ached in my jeans, and I pushed my hips forward, rutting against his ass while cupping him over his pants. He was getting hard himself, so I squeezed him firmly, enjoying how his erection fitted perfectly into my palm.

"Just relax, babe." My breath grew heavier with my arousal. "You're already hard."

"I said, stop it!" he yelled a second before he turned around and—

Smack .

"What the fuck, Ash?" I snarled after he punched me to the ground. Shocked, I moved a hand over the spot he'd just hit.

"I-I told you I'm not in the mood." He breathed heavily and took a step back until he was met with the truck while shaking his hand.

"So you punched me?" I snapped, getting up to my feet. "What the actual fuck?" I shouted in his face, not giving a shit that he'd flinched like a scared pup.

Fury ran through my veins at his rejection, and I spat some blood on the ground before bending down to pick up my shirt. "You actually punched me!" I rubbed my jaw, still not believing he did that.

"L-Let me see—" He tried touching me, but I pushed his hand away.

"Fuck off, Ash." I began collecting our stuff back into the car while trying hard to calm down and block him out because the longer he kept saying he was sorry, the angrier I got.

Ash

After Kai packed our things, we got inside the truck and drove back home in complete silence. Whenever I glanced at him and saw the bruise on the right side of his face, my stomach twisted with guilt. I'd already been feeling guilty this whole week over that kiss I shared with Soren, and tonight, I'd just added another match to the fire.

I knew Kai would bring up the being exclusive thing tonight, and after avoiding the subject for the past few days, I thought I'd finally be ready to discuss it. But when the time came, I got cold feet. He was already planning our summer together while I was still thinking about how good Soren's lips felt on mine and how hard he'd gotten me in a matter of a few seconds. I didn't want to feel this way. I didn't want to think of Soren when it was Kai's lips kissing me, and it was why I originally shoved him off me. Only that he kept pushing, and I snapped.

Literally .

But if tonight had taught me something, it was that I had to come clean and tell Kai about the kiss. It was only fair to confess and admit that even though I kissed Soren back, it was in the heat of the moment, and I had no intention of ever doing it again. I'd already made up my mind about wanting to be with Kai, and I just had to tell him that.

Kai pulled the car in front of the house, and I unbuckled myself, ready to get out, when I noticed he hadn't killed the engine.

"Are you not coming in?" I asked, anxiety already gnawing at me.

"I'm going home," he said, voice cold, not even bothering to look at me.

"Kai—"

"Good night, Ash." He sounded so angry.

Deciding not to make things worse, I exited the car and closed the door behind me. Kai didn't waste time before driving away, and as he did, a sharp pain pierced my guts, forcing me to my knees. It was guilt—pure guilt mixed with fear that I'd just made a huge mistake.

Tears fell down my face, and I let out a choked sob, one I tried to hush. I felt so lonely and hated myself for making one mistake after another. I was nothing but a fuckup. First, it was Diesel, and now Kai. Who knew who'd be next?

A wet nose rubbed the side of my face, and I turned to see Pacha staring at me with sad eyes.

"Hey, boy." I moved a hand along his dark coat, and he thanked me with a big lick. I chuckled, half choking on my snort, when Puma and Pooh also joined us. With the three dogs, I got back to my feet and walked into the house. It was dark and empty, and I hated it. I missed the sound of Jessie's music carrying through the walls. Levi's complaining that he wasn't catching up with his homework or Andrei's voice as he talked with Miles for hours over the phone. I mostly missed the sound of Diesel lighting up another cigarette on our back porch and even the arguments he'd pick with the others.

I have to fix it.

That was the same thought I'd had for months.

I'd have to fix it all because, without Diesel, this place would never feel like a home. And not just for me, but for all of us.

"Come," I told the dogs. "Let's go to bed."