Chapter 14

Ash

"A sh, make sure you put the clean laundry back in your closet before you go," Mom said, snapping my attention away from the chocolate pudding I had my eyes on.

Popping my head out from behind the open fridge door, I looked at her.

"Will do," I said, then kicked the door closed after deciding to give up on the pudding. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, actually, there is." Mom stood at the entrance to the kitchen, her shoulder leaning against the doorway. "How about introducing me to your boyfriend?"

Soren and I had been dating for several months now, and ever since I'd foolishly mentioned to Mom I was seeing someone, she'd been nagging me nonstop about wanting to meet him.

"It's too early for that," I said while taking the laundry basket away from her, ready to sneak back to my room and avoid the topic.

"Too early? You've been spending more time with him than with me lately. We're way past the too-early stage." She leaned her arm over her waist while giving me a raised eyebrow. She was half-joking, but I knew she was dying to meet Soren.

"I'm not spending all my time with him. It's just that senior year is keeping me busy." That's a lie. Ever since Soren had found out about my age and agreed to give me a second chance, we had been inseparable. It started with spending the whole summer vacation together, and now that I was halfway through my senior year, I spent every free hour with him. I did my homework at his place and canceled plans just to see him. Even when he was busy with work, as he was done with law school and had started his internship at a big law firm, I'd stay at his condo and watch him work. I was absolutely desperate to be around him, to the point it made me feel obsessed.

"You're sleeping there half the week." Mom gave me a knowing look.

"So?" My cheeks had already taken on a deeper shade of pink.

"At least tell me you're being careful?"

Grabbing the basket handle a bit tighter, I cleared my throat. "Mom."

"What? I just want to make sure you're having safe sex. There's nothing to be ashamed about getting it on, baby. If you want, I can give Soren a call and ask him myself—"

"No need." I quickly cut into her ongoing monologue. "I'm safe. We're safe. You'll meet Soren when I'm ready."

If I put aside the awkwardness of this conversation, she really had no reason to be worried about us having sex because even though we did plenty of things, Soren and I still hadn't gone all the way. And despite wanting more, I didn't complain because other than penetration, we did pretty much everything else. From teaching me how to give a blowjob that didn't involve scraping him with my teeth to training me to take four of his fingers in my hole, Soren made sure I was ready. My impatience for losing my virginity was replaced with gratitude because taking it step by step lowered the pressure. A few weeks ago, we almost did it, but it hurt too much, so Soren stopped, promised me we'd get there, and cuddled me through the night.

He was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Snapping out of my Soren-daydreaming, I offered Mom a kind smile and quickly went up to my room and began putting back my clothes. While hanging some of my T-shirts in the closet, a flash of bright lilac caught my eye, and I fumbled with the hangers until pulling out my hoodie. As I ran my fingers along the cotton, I paused when I reached the sleeve. Despite washing it several times, the blood didn't come off, and now the sleeve had a few brownish stains, a cruel reminder of what had occurred almost nine months ago.

So much had changed since then. Since the day I turned eighteen and lost my best friend.

A few weeks after telling me about their wedding, Zoe and Kai got married. Despite promising her I'd come, I didn't. From what I heard, it went bad, really bad, with Kai getting shit-faced at the reception and ruining the party. After that, his folks realized he had a problem, and Kai spent his summer vacation in rehab. I tried visiting him there, but he refused to meet me the three times I came. Understanding the message, I decided to wait until we were both back at school, only to find that he'd dropped out.

My heart ached for him and for the friendship we used to have, but with Soren's help, I came to realize that whatever Kai was doing to himself wasn't my fault. Everything he did was his decision, so I shouldn't feel guilty or obligated to a friendship Kai himself had ended.

Now, halfway through my senior year, I had big plans for my future. Not only was I doing great with surfing, and even won a few competitions lately, but I'd also checked some college options.

My plans were to go pro after graduation, and Mom supported me, claiming I should chase my dreams. School wasn't always easy for me, and sitting in class was hard, so I was thankful for her support. Yet, Soren thought I should apply to some colleges just in case a career in surfing would not go as planned, and he had a point. Besides, becoming a professional surfer meant traveling the world, and I wasn't sure I wanted to be away from Soren. Especially after he'd said he didn't believe long-distance relationships could work.

Putting my hoodie back inside the closet, I took out the sweatshirt and slacks Soren had bought me the last time we were out. After putting them on, I checked myself in the mirror. Until Soren, I'd dressed terribly, but thanks to him, I now looked elegant. Satisfied with my clothes, I left the room and grabbed the keys to my truck. We had a date tonight, and knowing how punctual Soren was, I always made sure not to be late.

"Why don't you want to meet my mom?" I asked Soren, who came back to the room wearing his black robe. He always took a shower as soon as we finished getting off, saying he disliked feeling dirty.

Sitting on the edge of the mattress, he turned to me.

"I never said I don't want to meet her," he said while rubbing his palms together so the hand cream he'd applied a few moments ago would soak in.

Flopping to my stomach, I moved closer to him. "You said it was too soon."

"And it is." Putting his hand on my lower back, he ran his fingers over my dimples of Apollo. His palms were soft and moist from the cream, and I enjoyed the aromatic scent. "We've only been dating for several months, so what's the rush?"

I pulled my shoulders up. "She keeps asking about you."

"It's because you keep telling her about me." He gave me a raised eyebrow, then got up from the bed and walked to his closet. On his way there, he picked up the clothes I'd left on the floor from when he stripped me earlier and began folding them.

"Take a shower, Ashton. Then we can have something small to eat before I need to go to the office."

"You're going back there? I thought we'd have the whole evening." I pouted and forced myself to get out of the warm bed.

Rather than answering me, Soren continued to scan his clothes until he picked out a pair of black trousers and a gray polo. I could never tell the difference with his clothes since they were all the same color, yet he took his sweet time picking his outfits.

"I think you should try eggshell."

"Eggshell?" He turned to look at me with a questioning brow.

"Yeah, for your shirt. It would suit you."

Soren turned back to pick up his glasses from the dresser before he glanced at me over his shoulder.

"Why are you still standing naked in the middle of the room? Go and shower." He gave me a slight smile. A smile I'd learned was his way of telling me the conversation was over.

"Okay."

After I showered, we had a quick dinner before Soren had to leave. Since he'd told me to stay for the night, I found no reason to go back home. An hour later, I made myself a bowl of yogurt with fruit because Soren hated it when I munched on junk after dinner. I was licking the yogurt lid when my phone rang. Caught off guard, I double-checked the screen when I saw who was calling.

"Zoe?" Because of the pregnancy, Zoe had switched to homeschooling, so we hadn't really talked for a couple of months.

"It's actually Hanna."

Hanna was Zoe's baby sister. Only a year younger than us, I knew Hanna by name and face.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked, a bit confused.

"Sorry for calling you from my sister's phone… I didn't have your number and…" She paused for a moment. "It's just that a few hours ago, Zoe gave birth."

My heart stopped, and not because of joy.

"Oh." Losing my appetite, I put my yogurt aside and faced the empty room. "Congratulations."

"Thanks, but it's not why I called."

"So why did you?"

"Kai's nowhere to be found, and even though Zoe says she doesn't care where he is, I know it isn't the truth. Since he's your best friend, is there any chance you can find him?"

Clearly, Hanna hadn't been informed that Kai and I weren't even speaking anymore, but before I could stop to correct her, she went on. "Please, Chief, please. My sister deserves it, and the baby, he's so precious."

I swallowed hard. "It's a boy?"

A son.

Kai now had a son.

"Yeah. He's beautiful, and he needs to meet his dad, so can I count on you?"

"Yeah." I bit my lip and nodded despite not wanting to agree. "I'll find him," I said, and I did. It might have taken me over an hour and dozens of phone calls, but eventually, I tracked Kai down with Nico at a big party in Topanga Canyon. Going into the packed mansion, it was hard to hear my own thoughts over the loud music blasting through the halls, mixing with the hundreds of teens that squeezed together to party. Since Soren and I had started dating, I'd hardly been to any parties. The only ones I had been to were ones he invited me to himself.

I walked around for a bit before I spotted Nico standing by a staircase, drinking beer with a few other guys.

"Yo, Chief." Nico high-fived me. "Been too fucking long, bro."

"Yeah." Rubbing the back of my neck, I looked around. "Where's Kai?"

"Oh, the dude got shit-faced, so I left him to sleep in one of the rooms upstairs."

My brows pulled into a deep frown. "He's drunk?"

Nico laughed. "Drunk, wasted, high. You name it." He was ready to go back into his conversation with his friends when I grabbed his shoulder.

"What do you mean? Didn't he get sober last summer?"

Nico didn't answer me and instead gave me the most pitiful look I had ever received. It was a look that told me how naive I was.

"Better get used to it now. It's how addicts are." Nico smiled, then cocked his head in the direction of the stairs. "Second room on the right."

Better get used to it now. It's how addicts are.

My stomach turned into a bundle of nerves with his cold words, and I refused to believe them. Parting ways with Nico, I began walking toward the room, each step I took making breathing harder. Even though we hadn't talked in months, I still hoped Kai was doing better. I hoped that he was doing better without me in his life. Holding on to those shreds of hope, I opened the door to the room and walked in.

The first thing I was hit with was the stench of smoke and booze. Then, I noticed the empty cans of beer scattered around the bed Kai was passed out on. Stepping further in, I stopped near the bed and studied the person who looked like the shell of my best friend. He'd lost weight—enough for it to stand out. His pale face was covered with zits he'd never had before, and if I didn't know better, I'd say he had a cold with how red and puffy his eyes were. The only thing that had stayed the same was his hair. His beautiful, long, dirty-blond hair that I loved so much.

Feeling the strong urge to touch him, I moved closer when something caught my eye, and I looked at the white powder spread on the nightstand beside Kai's bed.

Coke .

So not only was Kai not sober, but he was doing coke? For God's fucking sake. It was one thing to drink, but fucking coke?

No wonder he was tossed on the bed like some zombie, probably unaware that he'd become a father. I now understood why Nico had given me such a pitiful look. Not because I was naive, but because I was stupid as fuck. Stupid enough to think Kai had any intention of recovering.

"Kai."

He didn't move.

Saying his name again, I raised my voice while slapping his cheek. It was still not enough, and he didn't move a muscle. Grunting, I walked back and searched the room for something to help me wake him when I spotted a bottle of water. That's helpful . Grabbing the bottle, I went back to the bed, not lingering another second before splashing Kai with the water.

His face scrunched up, and he began coughing before blinking his eyes open and looking around, confused.

"W-What the fuck?" Half rising from the soaked mattress, he rubbed his face and then looked down on his wet clothes.

"Good. You're not dead," I hissed, then put the empty bottle back on the desk.

Kai's eyes moved from his damp clothes to the plastic bottle, then to me.

"Ash?" His brows pulled close as he hardened his stare, probably trying to understand if he was hallucinating me or if I was really here.

"Coke, Kai?" I pointed over to the nightstand and the drug scattered on it.

Tearing his eyes away from me, he shrugged. "It's not mine."

"Really?" I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to hold back from punching him for throwing his life away for drugs. "You think I'm that stupid?"

Still not looking at me, the muscle in his jaw twitched. "So I got a little high, big fucking deal."

Was he serious?

"It is a big fucking deal when you're supposed to be sober. What was the point of going to rehab if not?"

"Rehab is fucking bullshit," he bit back. Bouncing his knees repeatedly, he brought his fingers to his lips and began chewing on the skin around his nails. He'd never done that before, and that explained why his fingers were covered in small wounds.

"Why are you here?" he asked, his voice hostile.

Drops of water still dripped from his hair, so I grabbed a towel from the hanger and threw it at him.

He caught it.

"I'm here to tell you you're a dad." His face paled. "Congratu-fucking-lations."

Pressing his lips in a hard line, he tossed the towel to the floor and lay back down.

"What the hell? Get up."

Shifting to his side, he turned his back to me. "Go away."

Staring at him with my eyes so wide they nearly popped out of my head, I took a deep breath. This pathetic, pitiful, and disappointing behavior was a whole new side to the guy who used to be the biggest sunshine in my world. I realized Kai wasn't the same person because now he had new priorities in life, and those were drugs. He preferred getting high over meeting his newborn baby. Why wouldn't he? Getting fucked-up was much easier than taking responsibility. Right?

Fuck no.

Anger burned through me like fire, and I moved toward the bed.

"Get up!" I shouted, grabbing his shoulder and trying to shake him. He'd lost enough weight for me to feel his bones. Ignoring this change, I continued to shake him while he resisted me, pushing my hands only for me to bring them back.

"S-Stop!" he grunted when I pulled him by his shirt. "You fucker."

"Get up, and I'll stop."

"Fuck off!" He grabbed my arm and somehow managed to pull me down so that I was now lying on top of him.

We were both panting because of the short struggle, and for a few seconds, neither of us spoke as we caught our breath. Staring into each other's eyes, I learned that despite everything that had changed, Kai still had the dreamiest blue eyes in the world. It wasn't just blue. It was turquoise, like shallow waters on a sunny day. The beautiful turquoise that used to make me feel so safe in this world.

My heart hammered a bit faster in my chest, but not the way it used to. It wasn't love beating inside me but sadness, pain for how he was ruining his life.

I quickly got up.

Turning my back to him, I took a deep breath and cleared my throat.

"If you don't get up this second, I'll call your parents and make sure they know you've relapsed." My voice was strict and determined. "I'll be waiting for you in my truck. You have five minutes." With that, I left the room without looking back, hoping that was enough to make him move.