Chapter Sixteen

Charlotte

Mixed emotions made my stomach do cartwheels as I walked back to the Millers’ house. On one hand, I’d finally told Jesse what happened and learned his side of the story as well. I felt like I’d cleared away years’ worth of cloudy misconceptions and assumptions in one fell swoop. Knowing he’d left, not because he didn’t want to be with me, or that he was avoiding any kind of commitment, and that he just thought I had a boyfriend, both saddened and lifted me. I was sad for all the time that we’d missed, the opportunity at reconnection lost, but happy that that’s all it was.

He'd never stopped having feelings for me, just like I’d never stopped having feelings for him. No matter how angry we were at each other, over years of time, we still wanted each other, even if that want was a secret to ourselves. From ourselves.

I looked back only once, when I was across the road and almost to the curve just after the Millers’. Jesse stood in the door of the side porch, holding his beer in one hand and watching me, waving with the other. I waved back and then turned back, my cheeks burning and a smile so deep that I couldn’t have gotten it off with a jackhammer.

Entering the Millers’ yard brought back some of the memory of the hectic night that had preceded my talk with Jesse. Deep tire marks in the mud where the Andersons had parked their cars were going to send Mrs. Miller into a fit in the morning, I was sure. One of her flowerbeds had been trampled as well, and I was sure that was on purpose. Oland Anderson had a history of doing just that, and it was one of those things everyone knew about him but no one said anything about.

The lights were off, save for the kitchen light and the porch light. As I came up the stairs, I looked down at my phone, trying to turn on the flashlight, and realized I’d been gone for almost an hour. It was funny, it sure didn’t seem that long.

I shined the flashlight on the doorknob, half expecting to try it and find it was locked and need to search for a spare key, but the door came open easily.

Mr. Miller and Mrs. Miller were already off to bed, it seemed, and Amber’s door was also shut. Tamara was on the couch, tapping away at her own phone, and looked up at me when I came in.

“Hey,” she whispered, “how did that go?”

“I’ll tell you about it tomorrow,” I said, dancing around the obvious question in her eyes. She wanted to know what Jesse and I could have possibly talked about that wouldn’t involve her. But I didn’t have the heart to tell her tonight.

“Fine,” she said, yawning. “I’m tired anyway. You can take the guest room if you want, or you can sleep on the couch. Either or.”

“We could share the bed,” I said. “If you snore, I’ll just kick you, like I did when we were kids.”

“Fine by me,” she said. “As long as I can elbow you for talking in your sleep.”

“As long as you write down what I say,” I said. “Did Luke come?’

“Yeah, he’s in Amber’s room. I get the impression he’s staying the night.”

“I would think so,” I said. “Come on. Let’s get to sleep. I have to be up early.”

“All right, all right.”

She followed me into the guest room, and we shut the door quietly. I took the right side of the bed, just like I had when we were little and slept on the same king-sized mattress. It didn’t take long after I plugged my phone into the little charger that Tamara had that I fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke up, there was a text waiting for me.

Tamara was already out of bed, but I got the impression that I’d probably woken up to the door shutting, so she hadn’t been awake long. Muffled low voices were speaking in the living room, and I thought I caught the cadence of Luke and Amber. I sat up, stretching, and then checked the blinking message on my phone.

It was from Graham.

You’ll need to leave Texas by ten PM. I’ll have the plane waiting for you in Dallas.

While it wasn’t a rude message, it did have that approach of a wealthy person who is used to giving orders. It was something I’d noticed about Graham but had filed away as normal for someone like him and excused the behavior. It was as if he expected the world to behave, and when it didn’t, he got a little cross. Not angry, per se, and never outright rude, but certainly grumpy when things didn’t go the way he wanted. Me not coming with him to Paris initially was one of those things, and he was making it clear he expected me to behave and take the plane he provided tonight.

I got out of bed, wondering what exactly I should do. I needed to talk to Tamara first, that was for sure, but I also owed it to Graham to tell him what was going on. Especially in person. Especially if he was thinking of doing what I had a suspicion he was going to do.

It didn’t make any sense, and yet, it might make perfect sense for him to propose. He was an older man who didn’t have time for games. I was a pretty piece of arm candy he could depend on. Even if we didn’t have much of a real relationship, he probably assumed that a woman in her thirties was out of most of her options anyway and would be grateful for a union with someone of his stature.

He was probably right. Any other woman in my position might be elated to be in this situation. Yet, for me, it was a nightmare. I didn’t want to hurt him, not only because he didn’t deserve it, but also because he was technically one of my bosses. But there didn’t seem to be a way around it. If I texted him from here or called, it would be a wildly impersonal way of ending things. If I went with him to Paris, it would feel like I’d strung him along and used him for a free trip.

I didn’t know what to do. But before I could get to all that, first things first. I needed to talk to Tamara.

Tamara and Luke were in the kitchen, standing by the counter with coffee mugs in their hands. Tamara saw me and immediately grabbed a mug, filling it and bringing it to me black.

“Where’s Amber?” I asked.

“Getting ready for the day,” Luke said. “She’ll be out in a minute.”

“Ahh, all right. Hey, Tamara, do you mind if we go talk for a minute?”

“Sure,” she said. “You want a donut?”

“There’s donuts?”

“Wanda made them,” Luke said. “She makes the best donuts.”

Indeed, the little closed glass tray full of glazed donuts smelled amazing when Tamara opened it, and I took one of the gooey treats and headed for the door. There was a little bench out near the garden, so I headed that way as Tamara came out behind me, bringing a couple of napkins and her own donut and coffee.

“What’s up?” she asked as she sat down beside me.

“I wanted to talk to you about last night,” I said. “About Jesse.”

“Ah, right,” she said. “Go on.”

I took a deep breath and started at the beginning, going over how Jesse had gone on a date with her, thought he would ghost her and then talked to me. How we kept it quiet because we wanted to give her time to move on from him and then before I could say anything, his ex, Lacey, ruined it all. How we’d reconnected in Oklahoma and then miscommunication made us lose touch again and how now that we’d reconnected, I didn’t know where things were going to go.

She took it quietly, taking sips of her coffee and staring out into the garden, occasionally dunking a piece of her donut into the light brown, sugary beverage and shoveling it into her mouth absentmindedly.

“Well, I can’t say I’m not disappointed,” she said finally, sighing heavily.

“I know. It wasn’t okay for me to do that to you. You clearly had a big crush on him, and…”

“No, not that,” she said. I stopped in confusion, and she smiled slightly, shaking her head. “I know… I know I’m boy crazy sometimes. I know I get these intense crushes and that it’s a bit silly and no one ever responds to them. I know that about myself, Charlotte. You dating Jesse isn’t what I’m disappointed about. I’m happy for you, if that’s what makes you happy. What I’m disappointed in is that you didn’t tell me. You kept it a secret, and that hurts.”

“I’m sorry, Tamara,” I said. “Gosh, I’m so sorry. I just, I thought you’d hate me for even going out with him.”

“Never,” she said. “It’s just a boy. Another one comes along eventually. Hell, I had five Galloways to choose from, each one of them as hot as the last. Sure, Jesse is the bad boy of the group, and that’s super hot when you’re a teenager, but now that I’m older, I think I prefer the nerdy one.”

“Collin?”

She shrugged and grinned. “There’s something about how cute he looks when he sits down with a book in the middle of a crowd of people and just checks out into his own world. He gets this grin on his face, like he’s doing something secretive. I started reading the books he reads. They’re really interesting.”

“So you don’t hate me?”

“No,” she said, leaning over to bump my shoulder with hers. “I love you, sis. I wish you were around more, and I wish you felt like you could tell me everything, but I love you anyway.”