17. Wishlist

WISHLIST

Lincoln ateme out with his cum still inside of me and then fucked me boneless. We're in the shower and I'm truly trying to push reality far, far away from my mind.

He kisses my shoulder and for that small moment it feels like nothing else matters, just this moment.

That no kissing rule sucks, but I do agree with it. If Lincoln kissed me like he ate me out, there would be no functioning after this weekend.

This weekend is my escape.

That's all it can be.

A little taste of what could have been, but then we need to face the reality of the situation.

"Are you going to tell me what things you want to do this weekend?"

I shrug, and he shakes his head, smiling as he washes the shampoo out of his hair. I've, of course, seen him in a bathing suit a million times, but it's so different now.

He's not overly ripped or anything, but he has delicious pecks and dark hair that's scattered across the impressive expanse of his chest.

"There's nothing you could say that will make me disgusted or look at you different, Pen," he says.

God, fuck him for being perfect. So many guys that I've dated have gawked at the most tame things I wanted them to do to me. One of them acted like fuzzy handcuffs were beyond deranged.

"I like…" I clear my throat and just watch the rivulets of water travel down his body. It's just the weekend. He wants to bring my fantasies to life and then we'll forget it happened. "I like the idea of being taken, of being used for pleasure."

"That's it? What else is on that little wishlist?"

He's so casual about what I just told him and it has me relaxing tenfold.

"Well, glory holes have already been checked off."

He laughs, and damn, have I ever seen him this carefree and happy? Lincoln's smiling is addictive as a mirrored smile takes over my face.

I shrug my shoulders. "I'd like to explore more with bondage and being taken. What about you? What's on your wishlist?" I ask, stepping under the spray, washing his products out of my hair.

He grabs me by my hips, squeezing my ass and leaning down to whisper in my ear.

"You."

I shiver, knowing this is the stupidest idea, but I know I'm going to give in anyway. He's too tempting to resist, especially when he's offering me everything I want.

"So you want me to take you unexpectedly?" he confirms and I shrug.

"Yeah, I want you to be desperate for me," I say, biting my lip.

"I think we've already crossed that fucking bridge. Is there anything you don't like, and are you okay with simple color safewords?" he asks.

"Yeah, colors are fine. Mmm, I think I need to explore more to see what I really like and don't like." I bite my lip and shake my head. "Up until Key Club it"s been pretty vanilla. I don't think I'll ever be much of a exhibitionist, into sharing?—"

"No sharing," he reiterates.

I can't help but to smile. "I think I'd be okay with some spanking, I liked what you did at Key Club, but I don't see me as a whips and chains type of girl."

He shifts my hair and nods, taking all my words in. "You need to promise me that if you're ever truly uncomfortable or don't like something, you'll speak up."

I swallow and nod, looking up at him.

"I mean it, Pen. I don't want to accidentally hurt or upset you and you just suffer in silence because you feel like you're letting me down. I want to do this because you want it and I'm gonna enjoy the fuck out of myself, but your comfort and safety is number one, especially with something like this."

"I promise," I tell him, wrapping my arms around him.

Why does it feel like this is exactly where I belong?

I groanwhen I wake up, thankful that the curtains are closed as a tray clanks next to me.

"It's too early."

"It's nearly noon," his voice says.

"Ugh."

I shove my hand under the pillow and cradle it against my face.

"I forgot you weren't a morning person."

"There's nothing likable about mornings."

"Breakfast," he supplies easily, both as an answer about mornings and as an offering as he places the tray between us.

"You made this?" I squint as he turns on the lamp on his nightstand.

"I placed the order on my phone and had a man named Levi bring it to my doorstep. I think it counts."

I grab the breakfast sandwich and scoot up the frame of the bed. A part of me wants to bring up yet again how we shouldn't be doing this, but I don't want to ruin it. The sandwich is delicious and I eat every last bite, before crawling back into bed.

Lincoln hands me the remote.

"Put something on."

"You want to watch trashy TV with me?" I question, and he shrugs, getting comfortable.

"My dick can only get hard so many times, and I'm not letting you leave. So yeah, I want to watch trashy TV with you."

I put on the show where people fall in love with a wall between them, and he laughs.

"You've got to be shitting me."

"You said to put anything on."

"You're right, I did."

Three episodes later, he's fully invested.

"He's so ugly. Why did he think he could land someone who looks like a model?" he questions, pointing at the screen.

"Men are delusional."

"This is beyond delusion."

"I've dated guys that aren't considered attractive."

"Yeah, I know," he says bitterly. "The worst was what's his fucking name? Justin? The one who looked like his name should be rainbow bliss or some shit. I thought crickets were hiding in his beard."

I laugh so hard my stomach hurts before lightly smacking his chest.

"He wasn't that bad."

"Didn't he want to do shrooms in the woods with you to reach some sort of elevated spiritual enlightenment?"

"He did… and we did."

"No way," he says, resting his head against the pillow.

"It was actually a pretty good time. Until he started fucking Willow right in front of me," I say with a grimace and Lincoln scoffs.

"You know how to pick ‘em, Pen."

"Obviously." I smack him with the pillow. He takes it and holds it next to his chest. "Maybe I should go on one of these stupid shows."

He glares at me.

"What?"

"The only men who go on these shows are ones who want to be on TV. That's not what you're looking for."

I plop down on the bed, lying on my side, looking at him.

"How would you know what I'm looking for?"

He pushes some hair out of my face and I have to contain the shiver that wants to wreck my body. After this weekend he can't touch me like this, and that feeling stings.

I shake the thought from my head; I have to enjoy now, it's all I'll get.

"You want to be someone's everything. These men with their repeated pattern button-up shirts and receding hairlines with over proportionate egos aren't for you."

"Then who is for me?" I ask.

He stares at me a long minute before he speaks. "The man who you can finally be yourself around," he says softly, turning his face to watch the stupid show.

I continue staring at the side of his head, and he doesn't call me out on it. When was the last time I felt this comfortable and safe being myself? It's not even just about the sexual stuff, it's actually being me.

I'm not afraid of making a bad joke or saying the wrong thing. I'm not lying here wondering if he finds me attractive or if he finds me annoying.

For the first time in forever, I'm lying next to a man, not wondering if I'm good enough. It's freeing and heady, but it has an expiration date.

My family is the most important thing to me. My parents have given me everything, along with my aunt Maggie and uncle Jeff. Blowing up the entire family structure because I have chemistry with Lincoln is just not possible.

I could lose everything because of what we're doing.

"Penny?" he says my name but doesn't look at me.

"What?"

"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything," I snark back.

"You're thinking so fucking loud you're giving me a headache."

"You're a real asshole, you know?" I say, and he smiles. Quickly flipping me on my back and crawling on top of me.

"I know. I think you kind of like it."

"Nobody likes an asshole."

"That's simply not true. I like yours just fine. It's too bad they don't allow phones at the Key Club or I would have taken a picture of how good you looked. Your body bent like a pretzel to please me. Your needy pussy dripping cum down to that cute little hole I'd like to see more of."

I swallow thickly. The man seriously has a way with words.

"Are you wet thinking about it, Pen?" he asks, rubbing his nose against my jaw and cheekbone. "When I ripped those naughty little stockings and took what I wanted?"

"If I say yes, are you going to do something about it?" I ask.

He pulls back and smiles. It's devastating.

His dark hair is a loose mess around his face, his blue-green eyes focused on me. I don't think I've ever seen him so relaxed—so happy.

"No. I think I'll take what I want when I want it."

Lincoln leans down, his teeth grazing against my jaw before lying back down on the bed.

"So, you've convinced me to spend this weekend with you and we're going to spend it lying in bed and watching shitty reality TV?"

"Is it so bad that I just want to spend time with you, Pen?" he asks, grabbing my waist and resting his head on my lap.

I play with his hair and realize how completely and truly fucked I am—this is more than just sex, and that's not what I bargained for.

Too late now.

Lincoln ordered us dinner,and I expected us to have sex tonight, but he didn't try anything and I'm definitely not going to be the one who brings it up.

For the first time in weeks, I've felt like a whole person, and it's all because of Lincoln. We joked, laughed, and just talked all day. It felt so natural and easy. None of my relationships have ever felt like this, not even close.

We haven't had a single sip of alcohol either. All of this is clear-headed and consensual. It's just hard to grapple with the idea that this is all I can have, this is all I get.

The universe truly is a cunt.

I look over to my left, and Lincoln is passed out. He looks so much less stressed and unbothered when he sleeps. A sick part of me wonders if it's because he's sleeping next to me. A rabbit hole I definitely don't need to be digging into.

Eventually, I close my eyes and dream of a reality I know I can never have.

A large weightis pressed against my back, and I try to gasp as a hand wraps around and covers my mouth.

My heart races as panic fills my entire body, and my lungs expand, searching for air. I'm dazed and confused from waking up in the middle of the night in an unfamiliar room. I blink a few times to adjust my vision.

"I'm taking what I want. Red if you want me to stop," the dark voice next to my ear whispers.

Immediately I know it's Lincoln. Yet, I don't stop struggling.

I try to shift and turn around, but he's far stronger than me. I mumble against his hand and he laughs while still restraining me.

It makes me wet.

It's wrong, it's fucked up, it's… what I always fantasized about.

"You think you're going anywhere?" He grinds his hard dick against my ass roughly. I'm only wearing one of his shirts, so it's just the soft material of his boxer briefs rubbing against my skin.

"Yell when I take my hand off your mouth and I'll give you something to really yell about," he says.

His hand drops from my mouth and grips the base of my throat, squeezing lightly.

"That's it," he says, accentuating every word with a thrust of his hips. "You want my cock, don't you?"

"No," I say, trying to be convincing.

His nose is pressed against my hair and his lips against my cheek. "We'll see about that," he says.

Lincoln grabs my hip roughly, his body still on top of mine as he slides his hand over my stomach and attempts to finger me. I squeeze my thighs together and I can feel him smiling against my face.

"Are you trying to hide how wet your pussy is right now? Are you embarrassed how bad you want it, baby?"

A little whimper escapes me and he laughs again.

"So needy for a stranger who broke into your apartment in the middle of the night, aren't you?"

"No," I say. It comes out breathy no matter how hard I try.

His weight feels perfect on top of me and as badly as I want to turn around and have him fuck me, I also don't want this role play to end.

"Such a little fucking liar," he says, pushing my thighs apart and cupping my wet pussy. "I could slide into you right now and you'd be gushing around my cock."

"Stop."

His hand pauses, a moment broken, but only briefly.

"I didn't say red," I whisper and his hold on me tightens again.

"Don't lie to me. Be a good girl and maybe I'll let you come too."

I try to move from under his hold, but it's no use. He's so much bigger and stronger than me. I like that even if he can overpower me, if I said red, he would be off of me in a second. It's a game, one where I'm completely safe but can also fully express my desires.

"Get off of me," I say and he just pushes harder against my body, his palm rubbing against my clit.

"That's not what you want, is it? You want me to take this pretty pussy? Make you beg for more?" he asks and I moan. "That's what I thought."

There's a brief moment when I'm able to move as he unsheathes his cock from his boxers, but I don't get far before he's pushing my body back against the bed with a hand between my shoulders.

"Where do you think you're going? I haven't gotten what I want yet."

He slides his cock inside of me with so much ease it's borderline embarrassing how wet I am.

My body is flat against the bed as he lies on top of me, his pelvis hitting my ass with each thrust and his chest arched against my back. He tightens his hold on my throat as he kisses the side of my face.

I think about turning my head and stealing a kiss from him, but it would break the scene and our rules.

"Are you going to come?" he asks menacingly.

"No," I hiss out and he shifts my body so that one of my legs is bent out to the side, which has my clit flush with the sheets.

Each thrust of his hips has my sensitive clit dragging over his over-indulgent sheets.

"What about now, little liar?"

"Fuck," I hiss out.

His hand slides from my neck to the back of my head, holding it still against the bed while he fucks me.

His thrusts are hard, unrelenting. He takes what he wants from my body, wringing me dry in the process.

"I'm going to fill your pussy up with my cum whether you finish or not," he says.

"Please," I rasp out.

"Please what? Fill this pussy? Let you come?"

I fist the sheets in front of me, panting and taking every thrust of his hips. His fingers graze my scalp in a rough controlling way, but not too tight to truly cause pain.

"I…I…"

"I know what you need. Just lie there and take it, we both know you want it."

It throws me over the edge, my clit rocking against the sheets, his heavy body on top of mine, and how deep and hard his cock is situated inside of me.

I fall apart, moaning into the sheets as his hips slap against my ass. He just keeps taking what he wants from my body and I shiver and shake as the crest of my orgasm reaches me.

He fists my hair, more of his weight falling on me as he whimpers into my ear and fills me with his come.

"Look at you coming all over a stranger"s cock. Can't lie and say you don't want it now," he says in a euphoric way against my face.

I'm catching my breath, which is still hard to do with him still being on top of me, but he doesn't move right away either.

Lincoln kisses the side of my face before sliding his cock out of me and giving me some relief of him not being on top of me.

I'm about to turn around and get up when he grabs my hips.

"Wait," he says, adjusting me so that I'm on all fours. "Let me watch it drip out of you."

It should be humiliating, mortifying even. For me, it makes me want to do it all over again.

He doesn't push it back in, but I can feel his release drip down my thighs as he watches my pussy with rapt focus.

"Let's go shower," he says, once he's seen everything he wanted.

We're quiet for a moment as he turns on the spray and we both step into the foggy glass capsule.

"Was that all okay?" he asks me, his face searching mine and his hands cupping the sides of my face.

He looks serious, like he does when he talks about work.

I approach him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head on his chest.

"It was more than okay, Linc," I say.

"What do you need?" he asks.

"Just hold me," I reply, and he does just that, the warm water spraying against our backs as he holds the back of my head with one hand and holds me close with another.

Too bad this weekend was also way more than I ever imagined it would be. I hold on to him tightly, not knowing how I'm supposed to let go come tomorrow night.