Chapter Nineteen: If Our Love Is Wrong

Mac

IF OUR LOVE IS WRONG

Performed by Calum Scott

The week tugged by at a pace that drove me crazy. The Hill was slowly filling back up as people came back into town from their summer homes and vacations. And with them, came the waves of people in and out of the senator's office. People looking for handouts, people looking for his support, and people who were just downright awful. People threatening, and cajoling, and leaving behind what they intended to be political time bombs.

Granddad and the senator relied on Dani more than I'd ever expected to defuse the bombs and set things back on track. Whereas, before, we'd sat at our desks, reading reports and writing bill language, now we were hardly ever at our desks. Dani was constantly in and out of Guy's office as well as the other senators'. I tagged after her, feeling ridiculously more like a notetaker than an influencer. I gritted my teeth, trying not to let my ego take over.

At the Pentagon, I was known―not just because of my father—but because of my own achievements. Because the work I'd done had made a difference to the success of our JSOC missions. It was harder than I had imagined it would be to take twenty steps back and be, once again, the person who had to earn their spot.

Dani, on the other hand, was a force to be reckoned with. She was doggedly persistent, knew exactly what pressure points to hit upon, and rarely left a room without getting what she wanted. She was professional and respected wherever she went. She reminded me of Téa Leoni in Madam Secretary . I would never want to be on Dani's wrong side when it came to politics.

On Thursday, we entered Senator Fenway's office to leave talking points on the Matherton's gun bill. The senator's secretary smiled at Dani as she made her way into his office without stopping. The senator was on the phone but smiled once he saw us, waving to come in. I think Dani would have approached regardless.

He hung up and came around the desk.

"Dani. Nice to see you. What has Guy got you pitching today?"

"Don't even start, Senator. You know perfectly well I'm dropping off the talking points on the gun bill."

"Just dropping off? Maybe we should discuss it over drinks," he said, and the way he took in my sister from head to toe had me clenching my fists.

"I'm sure Abigail will want you home long before I'm ready to leave the building," Dani smoothly deflected him, handing him the notes we'd brought with us .

"Abigail won't be back in D.C. for another week," he said, and I swore his fingers held onto her wrist way longer than necessary. I cleared my throat, and he looked toward me as if seeing me for the first time.

I wasn't na?ve. I knew there were plenty of power-hungry, whore-mongering politicians in D.C. I just hadn't paid attention to which ones were which. I'd been focused, instead, on wanting to change it all, and now it felt ridiculous and childish. Exactly the emotions I'd started to feel on Eli's beach in Rockport. Had I really never thought further past my goals than an eight-year-old's determination to "be the difference we wanted in the world"? I thought of my journal at home, full of aspirations and very little reality. My disgust with myself and the man in front of me continued to bloom when he spoke with his own, barely veiled, derision.

"Who's your shadow?" he asked Dani.

"This is my brother, Macauley. He's come over from the Pentagon to work for Guy."

The senator extended his hand, and I shook it, even though I'd need an entire bottle of hand sanitizer afterward.

"What did you do at the Pentagon, Macauley?"

"Can't really talk about it," I answered with a shrug.

His eyes narrowed, and he looked back at Dani, fake smile disappearing. "Tell Guy if he wants my spot on the Intelligence Committee, he'll have to have me shot and hanged first."

Dani sighed. "You know that isn't what this is about. "

"Do I?" He waved the notes Dani had handed him. "Gun bill. Pentagon spies. What the hell is next?"

I stepped between Dani and the man, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up for the first time in ages. Dani placed a hand on my arm, stopping me before I said something I shouldn't.

"You don't have anything to worry about from Mac or Guy unless you're the representative from the state of Delaware, because Mac's the only one gunning for anyone's spot," she said, heading toward the door, and I followed.

Senator Fenway barked out a laugh. "A politician, huh? I'll make sure Lester Coats knows he's coming."

We didn't respond as we left. I fought every instinct that told me to go back inside and give the man a black eye. We were twenty steps down the hallway before I breathed a word. "What the hell, Dani?"

She shrugged. "While Guy Matherton is one of the good ones, Todd Fenway is one of the sleaze buckets."

"He hits on you like that all the time?"

"Please. That was nothing."

My blood boiled further, but I was also pissed at more than just Senator Sleaze. "And Granddad just sends you to meet with him anyway?" I asked.

Dani stopped short, turning to look at me with her hand on her hip. "Granddad has more important things to worry about than whether some scumbag is hitting on me. Don't you dare say anything. I've taken care of myself for nine years without you here. I can certainly take care of myself now."

She kept going, and I dogged after her. "Shit. I didn't mean anything by it, Dani. You're fricking incredible. I mean that. But why doesn't anybody do anything about it?"

"Like what? Tell his wife he sleeps with the staffers? You don't think she knows that?"

"Jesus Christ," I breathed out.

But inside, I was freaking out. Not only because of Dani and the situations my sister must have been in over the years that I'd never once heard about, but because I wasn't sure I could be in the same room with those kinds of men and not end up punching someone. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do any of what Dani did with grace and ferocity. It had me wondering if maybe Dani should run for office, and I should be her campaign manager.

? ? ?

By the time Friday finally hit, I was ready to forget everything I'd seen and heard all week. The dog-and-pony shows, the "What's in it for me?" discussions, and especially, the grubby men who hit on my sister. The number of those had grown substantially as the week went on. In fact, they'd outnumbered the ones that I put in Matherton's "good guy" category by about nine to one. Dani had ignored every single one of their looks and backhanded comments, simply going in for the kill every time she needed to. She knew exactly when to push and when to back off, and I continued to be amazed by her.

If it wasn't for the fact that I would have Georgie on my arm that night, I would have bailed out on the embassy reception so fast that I wouldn't have left any contrails behind. But Dani had plans for me that involved discussing a human rights bill with an embassy aide, and continuing the gun legislation discussion with another of Senator Fenway's schmucks after I'd made her promise she wouldn't confront Fenway himself.

She'd snorted, saying there was nothing to worry about when she had Russell with her. But somehow, I couldn't imagine Russell, who'd barely spoken ten words to Dani in my presence, standing up for her to anyone.

Which was what I was thinking when I opened the door to let him into our apartment while I waited for Dani and Georgie, who were getting ready in Dani's room. All I'd done was shower, shave, and put on the tux that had been delivered by courier that afternoon. The rented tux tugged at my shoulders a bit too snugly, but it would do for the night as long as I didn't do any calisthenics.

Russell looked—surprisingly—good in his own black tux that certainly wasn't a rental. It looked like it had been made to fit him and accented the muscles I hadn't known he had until that moment. He'd left his glasses behind, or maybe he was wearing contacts, which only made me wonder what color contacts Georgie would have in when she emerged from Dani's room.

"Russell," I said as I let him in.

He eyed me just as I eyed him. "Tantini's?" he asked, referring to my tux.

I nodded.

"Dani said I should give you the name of my tailor so you can have your own made. You'll need one, at a minimum."

He handed me a card, and I took it, setting it on the counter. I was just going to give him my two cents on what I was now considering his protection duty when I heard the clatter of heels on the wood floor and heard his intake of breath. I turned to see Dani coming toward us.

She was in a sapphire-colored dress that suited her blue eyes and dark hair. She looked beautiful with her hair down in soft curls and diamonds around her neck that I recognized as having belonged to our grandmother.

"You look stunning," Russell said, lifting her hand to his lips, and I didn't know whether I wanted to strangle him or slap him on the back for being a gentleman with my sister.

"You do look pretty spiffy, Gooberpants," I teased. She smacked me across the chest with her handbag.

She turned to Russell. "Drink?"

He nodded, and Dani went to the makeshift bar we had in the corner of the room. She poured what looked like two whiskeys. Dani, the whiskey drinker. My sister continued to surprise me.

"Where's Georgie?" I asked, looking down at the watch my grandfather had given me the day I'd graduated from the Navy's Officer Candidate School.

"Putting on her dress," Dani responded.

My whole body tensed at the thought of Georgie in her bra and underwear in Dani's room. In the stiletto heels I'd seen in the box on the coffee table earlier today. It was too much to even process before she was there, in person, coming toward me and making me forget every single thought I'd had in my head all week.

Georgie was in a green dress so dark it barely escaped being black, and I knew, before she was even close enough for me to see, that her contacts would be green, too. The sleeves sat just off her shoulders flowing into a sweetheart neckline that barely covered the top of her breasts while the rest of the material molded to her, showing off every gorgeous hill and valley. As she walked, her whole body swayed, drawing attention to every curve beneath the silky surface. Her dark hair was twisted into a sleek and gorgeous updo that almost hid her white streak and put her sun-kissed skin on display.

All I could think was, "Holy hell." And I guess I'd whispered it out loud, because Dani laughed as she came to stand next to me, watching Georgie come down the hall.

As she got closer, I could see her eyes were green, but they weren't her apple green contacts. They were the pale, jade that was her real eye coloring. The way she rarely wore them, and the way that always stunned the breath from me when she did. Maybe because they were really her. Like she'd been the day on the boat when I'd first kissed her. And suddenly, I knew there was no way I was getting out of this night without kissing her. No way that I could just say goodnight when the evening chimed midnight, and we were supposed to scurry back to our real lives.

I held out my arm, and she took it with a gentle smile. "You clean up pretty good, Mac-Macauley."

"That I do. "

"You're such a conceited jerk," Dani said, and Georgie smiled.

Dani's phone buzzed. "The limo is here."

"You rented a limo?" Georgie asked.

"Of course. No one can show up at a black-tie affair in a Mini Cooper. Maybe if you had a two-hundred-thousand-dollar Jaguar, you could arrive in it, but otherwise, you get a limo."

"I feel like I have more to learn about D.C. than I do about the law," Georgie commented as we headed down the hallway for the elevator.

We got in, and Georgie nudged my arm. I looked down into her soft-green eyes and barely held myself back from kissing her right then and there—Dani and her date be damned. Georgie inclined her head toward Russell, and I brought myself back to reality instead of the dream of Georgie.

"Sorry. Georgie, this is Russell Cooper. Russell, Georgie."

They shook hands. "Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you," Russell said.

"You have?" Georgie and I both said at the same time, looking at Dani.

Dani didn't even blush, but it made me realize that she was way more into Russell than she'd ever let on. I couldn't wait to tease her about it once we were alone.

"Dani says you're working with Theresa Sedgewick on her immigration case," Russell said.

"I am. She's pretty impressive."

"She was my favorite professor at Georgetown. "

"You have a law degree?" Georgie asked.

He nodded.

"Russell has three bachelor's, two master's, and a PhD, in addition to having passed the bar," Dani said, looking into her bag as if she didn't have a care in the world. But I'd figured it out. Dani's nonchalance was her tell. She cared a lot about this man, and I could only hope he knew how to defend her.

"Wow," Georgie said next to me.

We stepped out of the elevator and into the limo, and I wondered if Georgie was truly impressed with his credentials. I wondered if she was the type of woman to go for an academic versus a military man. She was sexy and smart, and I bet she had men hanging on her every word no matter where she was, but I hadn't really thought about what her type might be before now. I guess I'd only thought about how she was my type.

When we arrived, the Chinese Embassy's ballroom was decorated to the hilt. All glitz and glamour. It was full of politicians and their spouses, circling the room waiting for the next carcass to fall. It was yet another thing I didn't like about politics. I'd wanted to change all of that. To make D.C. events less about a deck of cards that got passed around with the biggest hand winning and more about what our country and our world really needed. I had wanted to put aside partisan politics and truly make a difference.

But everything I'd seen this week with Dani and the senators had continued to bat at my idealistic thoughts on politics and change. For someone who prided himself on seeing things others couldn't, I really had been na?ve, and that reflected in my unusual quietness in a setting where I normally was outgoing.

As Georgie and I moved around the room, greeting people, it was Georgie who did the most talking. When I introduced her, she cut me off before I said her last name, and I quickly realized she didn't want people to hear it, to know who her father was. And to anyone not familiar with her, it wouldn't even have been noticeable. Instead, she appeared graceful, confident, and informed on my arm, easily keeping up with almost every topic that came up. She effortlessly turned the conversation with as much ease as Dani. I stood, watching with awe, the two undeniably brilliant women who had entered the room with me.

At some point, the appetizers disappeared just as the cocktails got stronger, and people shifted to the dance floor. I watched as Russell pulled Dani gently away from a group they were talking to and wrapped her in his arms, moving across the dance floor in a waltz that was unexpected, like so many things tonight about him and Georgie and me.

Georgie put her hand over mine. "Are you okay?"

I looked down the inch or so into her eyes, her tall body in those sparkly stilettos almost matching my own height. "Do you want to dance?" I asked, deflecting.

"I'm not sure I could do that," she referred to Dani and Russell's movements across the dance floor.

"We don't have to waltz." I handed our glasses off to the waitstaff and then joined my fingers with hers, leading her onto the dance floor where I pulled her tight up against my body. I could feel her curves through her green satin dress, and my whole body burned at the thought of removing it. The dress. My tux. Just skin. Even more skin than had existed when we'd been in our swimsuits.

"Do you waltz?" she asked.

"I can, but I'm not as good at it as him," I said, referring to my sister's date.

"They look good together."

"I'm not sure if I should shoot him in a dark alley or ask him to put a ring on her finger."

Georgie laughed, and it brought me back to her and away from whatever was going on between my sister and Russell. It brought me back from my week full of doubts, to the woman in my arms with eyes that I wanted to stare at for days.

"I haven't said it. I wasn't sure I could without embarrassing myself earlier, but you look gorgeous. No. That isn't the right word. Maybe there isn't a right word. You look like the stars came down and kissed you with their sparkle. Shit. That's really bad. You look―"

Georgie put a finger on my lips and smiled. "Thank you."

"I don't have Eli's way with words."

"Good thing you'll have speechwriters, then."

It was yet another reason for me to wonder if I'd done the right thing, leaving my Navy career behind to join the ranks of the political masses. It made me wonder if what I thought I wanted was what I really wanted. If maybe my heart was telling me something my brain hadn't quite caught up to yet.

"What is it?" Georgie asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked as our bodies swayed together to a tune that was slow and sultry .

"You keep disappearing into your head tonight. You're usually all smiles and bravado. But tonight, you seem…pensive."

I shouldn't have been surprised that she caught on to my mood, but it still caught me off guard.

"You're good at that," I said.

"What?"

"Reading people. It'll make you a really good lawyer."

She flushed. "Thank you. That means more than you trying—and failing—to compliment my looks."

"I've always thought I was good at reading people. Situations. It's why I thought I'd be good at politics. That I'd be able to see past the bullsh―crud people were spouting."

"You don't feel that way anymore?"

"I'm not sure what I was expecting..." I trailed off, not only because I was unsure of what I was trying to say, but also because I was losing my way with her body brushing against mine.

"It's only been a few weeks. You have to give yourself time to adjust," she said.

As she spoke, she somehow moved closer in my arms, as if she was trying to soothe me. Her curves crushed tighter into my body, and I lost any train of thought except the wave of longing coursing over me. I brought the hand that I had on her waist up to caress her full lower lip that had lost most of its lipstick throughout the night. I wanted my lips to be the ones that made the color ebb away. I wanted my lips to give hers a new color. A deeper shade of red that came from kisses burned across them .

She turned her head slightly and pressed her lips against my palm. And I was done. I needed to get out of the ballroom before I lost myself like a teenage wet dream on the dance floor. I needed to take her with me. I needed to make love to her…her family be damned…my future be damned.

The song ended, and she pulled away from me, and I felt empty. Scattered. Like I needed an anchor to hold me down in the storm.

"I'm going to use the restroom. I'll be back."

I watched her move gracefully across the room, drawing eyes as she went. Tall and beautiful.

I turned back to where I'd last seen Dani and Russell, wanting to leave, wanting to forget everything but Georgie and the desire that flitted between us.

Dani was by herself at the edge of the dance floor, and I joined her.

"You ready to go?" I asked, surprised at the normalcy of my voice. I'd expected to squeak like the teenage boy I felt like tonight. Na?ve. Full of longing for things and people I shouldn't want.

"I'm spending the night at Russell's," Dani said.

For a moment, I came back to my senses, my protectiveness rearing up once more.

"What?" I growled, and she laughed.

"We have some work to do in the morning."

"You don't need to spend the night at his house to do work in the morning."

Dani kissed me on the cheek. "Thanks for being all big brotherly, but I'm the older sibling, and I can take care of myself."

"But it's Russell."

She smiled. "I know. Russell is very good at certain things."

I put my hands to my ears. "No. No. No. Do not say that. Do not tell me anything further. I don't want to know. It'll make me see things in my head that I do not ever want to see about you or Russell."

She laughed again. "Goodnight, Mac. Have fun yourself." She winked at me as Georgie made her way across the ballroom toward me. "Just don't make her leave, because I kind of like having her around."

Then, she moved away to join Russell as he appeared from nowhere with two glasses in his hands. I didn't want to think about it—Russell and her doing who knew what godawful things together. It made me want to puke up the champagne and appetizers.

Instead, I turned my attention back to the elegant woman who was smiling at me.

"Are we leaving?" she asked.

"Yes. I guess Dani is going back to Russell's." The growl was still evident in my voice.

Georgie laughed, tucking her arm into mine. "She knows what she's doing."

"What? Has she told you something she hasn't told me?"

Georgie shook her head. "I'm not going to tell you anything. She's my friend. If she wants her brother to know, she'll tell him."

I let it go because I didn't want to think about Dani anymore. I texted the limo, and Georgie and I were quiet while we waited.

When it arrived at the steps of the embassy, I followed her into the back seat, and as she went to scoot farther into the car, I pulled her gently back toward me. My palm slid across the green silk covering her long legs.

"This does look beautiful on you."

"Thank you."

My hand moved up her thigh, edging toward the place I hoped craved me as much as I craved her. When I drifted over her core, I was rewarded with her breath hitching, and as much as I ached to stop there, I didn't. Instead, I slid up to her waist and pulled her tight against me.

I'd been watching the movement of my hands, but once I had her where I wanted, I raised my eyes to hers. My heart stopped at the emotions there―ones that mirrored my own. Desire. Longing.

I bent my head. "If I don't kiss you, my body will slowly dissolve into nothingness."

"I don't think you need a speechwriter, after all," she said quietly.

"What?"

"When you speak from your heart, your words are beautiful."

And that was all it took. I broke. I took her lips with mine. It was just like both times we'd kissed before. All stormy seas and wells of passion bubbling over into feelings I'd never had for another woman.

I wasn't going to survive this easily. It was going to take months to rebuild myself if and when we were done. But I couldn't duck under the bridge any longer. I wanted to stand in the eye of the storm. I wanted to succumb. To give in to the beauty and the depths of her. I just had to hope there would be an us left when the storm passed.