Chapter Eighteen: Butterflies

Georgie

BUTTERFLIES

Performed by Kacey Musgraves

The competition on the courts was brutal, but Mac's grandma, Gladys, kept me thoroughly entertained with stories about all of them, even Mac's parents. There was no hiding anything in this family it seemed. You laid it out on the line, and they never let you forget it.

As people were ousted from the tournament, they drifted into and around the pool where Gladys and I were chatting. The noise level and energy increased as the number of people did. When Mac and his mom finally won, securing their spots in the tournament the next day, he dove into the pool, splashing and playing with his niece and nephews without a care―showing the side of Mac that I'd just discovered the night before—the big, goofy uncle who wasn't afraid to be silly.

As the afternoon turned into evening, dinner was delivered in white catering vans just as more people started to show up. The backyard lights were turned on, and it suddenly looked like a party instead of a family gathering. I'd been warned, but it still felt slightly overwhelming.

Dani introduced me to Stan, a skinny computer engineer who used to be Mac and Dani's roommate. He seemed completely out of place, and yet, everyone greeted him with the same welcome they'd greeted me. Open. Accepting. There were also friends of all the siblings, including a woman who Dani claimed was her best friend but seemed the snootiest of the entire bunch.

Mac tugged my hand toward the buffet line. I was surprised to find typical barbecue fare instead of something fancier. It hardly seemed worth catering, and when I said as much, Mac shrugged. "Mom and Dad want to make sure we have time to just be together without worrying about who's bringing what and having to spend time in the kitchen."

We'd just sat down next to each other at a picnic table when a large, heavily muscled arm wrapped around his neck and tugged. "Macauley!" a deep voice boomed.

Mac licked the arm, and the man laughed and pulled away. The man was all military. Muscles on muscles and tattoos on tattoos. Brown hair shaved to a stub. Dark eyes that were shadowed.

"Nash the Ass!" Mac returned.

"Robbie!" Bee hollered, waving her fork at the kids littered around the table.

Mac got up and hugged the man, and then turned to me. "Nash, this is Georgie, Georgie this is Nash."

Nash grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it, and Mac pulled it away with a roll of his eyes but was interrupted from saying anything by the arrival of another muscled man accompanied by a woman with a baby in a sling that hung from her body. Mac hugged them all, kissed the baby, and then turned to me.

"Georgie, this is Darren and Tristan and their adorable little girl, Hannah."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I told them.

"Otters!" Dani said, coming up and giving both Darren and Nash a hug.

"Don't you look gorgeous," Nash said, slowly taking in Dani in her bathing suit and cover-up.

"Don't think you can get out of that beer you owe me with flattery." Dani waved a finger at him.

"Wait, I thought you owed him a beer?" Mac said.

"He wishes." Dani smiled and moved off. Nash went to follow her, but Mac shoved him toward the other side of the table where Darren and his wife had sat down.

"Go sit by Tristan; she knows how to control you," Mac growled, and I laughed because it was yet another interesting side of Mac. The protective brother. He had all these facets to him that were fascinating to see unwind like a multicolored thread, each layer making him more attractive to me when I hardly needed the additional push.

Dani returned with beers, handing one to both men and taking a pull on her own. "So, tell me, Otters, how exactly did you cheat at poker with my baby brother?" she asked.

Darren chuckled. "We rigged a camera behind a poster."

"Shh," Nash whispered. "Not so loud, we might need that strategy tonight."

"No way. We're going to beat him for real this time," Darren responded.

"Good luck with that," Mac said, waving his fork at them. "You're at the Whittaker estate now, boys. We take no prisoners, and Dad has the place wired to explode at the mere sight of surveillance he hasn't approved."

I was smiling, and when Mac turned to me and saw my smile, his eyes journeyed to my lips and then back before winking. I turned to his friends. "What did Mac do when he found out you cheated?" I asked.

Mac groaned, shaking his head.

"Someone," Nash growled with a nod of his head toward Darren, "couldn't keep a fucking straight face, so he caught on as soon as I tried to reel in the winning hand."

"But you should have seen the look of pure shock on Macauley's face. It was—" Darren burst out into laughter—light, jovial, nothing I would have expected from a serious S.E.A.L. team leader.

It was all a little enthralling. Mac, his winks, his laughter. The easygoing attitude that flew from him and all of the family. My heart felt so full that it might have exploded. I hadn't ever had this. Ever. Not even when Raisa and Malik and I had played games, hiding from the bodyguards, or going skinny-dipping in the pond at the back of Petya's estate. Because our time apart had always been wider than our times together.

"You all going to sit out here, nipping at those beers, or can we count on winning your money?" Gladys called from the doorway .

"We're coming in, beautiful lady, but I want the spot next to you!" Nash called out.

"Watch it, Frog, I have friends in high places," Mac's granddad hollered back, but it was with a smile.

Tonight, there were several poker tables going with the winner from each table going on to the final game, much like a Vegas tournament. I was completely in awe of Gladys as she lost every ounce of friendly sheen she'd had all day and slowly thrashed her competitors.

I'd always considered myself to have a decent poker face, but I hadn't played much real poker, so just like the night before, I didn't last very long. Instead, I ended up with Tristan and Nash, watching as Darren, Stan, and the Whittaker family battled it out.

The baby was asleep again in the sling around Tristan, but she still swayed back and forth as she talked to me. "This is slightly more competitive than I expected," she said.

"I was warned, but it still surprised me. You should have seen them fighting on the tennis court this morning." I smiled back at her.

"How long have you and Mac been a couple?" Nash asked on my other side, sipping from a beer and eyeing me in a way that told me he was on the prowl. He was handsome—probably poster-boy-for-the-Navy-S.E.A.L.s kind of handsome—but he wasn't appealing to me like he would have been before I'd spent weeks with Mac. Nash seemed like a man with secrets while Mac was an open book.

"Don't even try it, Nash. You saw how Mac looked at her," Tristan scolded .

Nash smiled a wicked smile over the top of his beer. "He left her unguarded to compete with his family. It's his own fault."

"I'm right here, and Mac and I aren't really a thing," I said.

"Does Mac know that?" she asked, lips twitching.

I nodded. "He does."

"I know what?" Mac asked, coming up behind us with Darren in tow.

"Your lady friend has thrown you over for me already." Nash winked at me.

"I'm pretty sure that isn't what I said. Did all that S.E.A.L. training pound a few brain cells out of you?" I teased, and they all laughed.

An uproar from the dining room had us all making our way in to see what had happened. Gladys was triumphantly pulling all the poker chips from the middle of the table toward her, and the rest of the table was groaning.

"Did your grandmother just beat everyone?" I asked, because even though they'd all joked about it the night before, it was an entirely different thing to witness firsthand.

Mac grinned and nodded.

Nash made his way over to Gladys, kissed her on the cheek, and said, "Where you taking me on our date, Grams?"

"This one is claimed," Robert retorted, pulling his wife away from Nash.

"Man, all the good ones are taken." He pretended to sulk .

"What happened to Angie?" Mac asked Darren as they both watched Nash continue to talk with Mac's family.

"She left him. Said she couldn't handle the time he was gone," Darren spoke quietly.

"Were they married?" I asked and then cringed, the years of cutting hair popping in at unexpected moments, asking questions instead of staying quiet. "Sorry, not my business."

"No," Darren responded anyway. "But they'd been dating for about a year. It's tough to find someone who will put up with this career like this one does."

Darren pulled Tristan to him and kissed her forehead. And my heart tugged.

I hadn't thought I wanted that—a relationship or a baby. But I'd felt the same pull when I'd been around Ava and Eli this summer, and now, seeing Mac here, in his comfort zone, had me aching for things I'd never imagined. I was overwhelmed with an image of Mac pulling me to him just like Darren had Tristan. I needed air. Or space. Or both.

And thankfully, I got that, because on Sunday, Mac spent almost the entire day on the court at the club with his mom. I sat with the entire Whittaker clan, cheering them on, but it at least gave me a moment to stop and process all the multi-faceted aspects of Mac that I'd encountered.

Mac and his mom ended up taking second place, and it was late by the time we adjourned back to the Whittaker house for leftovers and one last round of poker. Mac watched me over his cards, and I was almost certain he threw in his hand about the same time I lost my chips, because the rest of the family seemed to gloat at what was, for him, an early departure from the game. He brought me a piece of pie, and we watched in a peaceful silence as Gladys easily eliminated everyone once again.

When Robert and Gladys went to leave, I was surprised to find her pulling me into a tight hug and whispering, "Next time you come, I'll tell you my secret to beating this bunch."

Mac overheard and said with mock horror, "Grandma, you can't tell a stranger your poker secrets. You need to pass those down to one of us."

"I have a feeling this young lady will be around for a while," she retorted and then departed with her husband for their house a few miles away.

My face flushed at her words and the implication behind them. Mac and I hadn't even had a real date, and yet, here she was, insinuating a future that he and I both knew was a rocky idea at best. I hid my embarrassment in a quickly whispered goodnight, and Mac looked like he was going to protest, but his dad called him into the kitchen, and I retreated to the Blue Room for one last night.

It was a sleepless one as I tossed in the sheets, thinking about Mac and me. Thinking about the kiss in his parents' kitchen. About how comfortable I'd felt at his side. The discord that had existed between my heart and my brain was slowly easing. I not only could see us together, I wanted us together. I wanted him to choose me, even knowing what he knew about me.

But after seeing him with his family, I worried I was being selfish. Because if we were together, I was asking Mac to do more than just accept me in spite of my family. I was asking him to risk everything he'd ever wanted. Tying himself, even in a short-term relationship, with the daughter of a Russian oligarch's wife and a Ponzi-scheming jailbird would always trail after him when he ran for office. There would always be a taint on him from his association with me.

Mac's grandfather rode back with us to D.C. the next day, so I took up residence in the backseat with Dani. The conversation in the car circulated around the gun bill and Guy Matherton's platform. While the three of them discussed politics, I opened my textbooks, but while I stared at the words, I was still trying to figure out the answer to the dilemma of us.

Mac and I didn't get a chance to talk once we arrived back in D.C. because Dani pulled me onto the couch to watch the latest episode of Fighting for the Stars that we'd missed. Mac did sit next to me, and I found myself tempted to lean against him and rest my head on his shoulder, but I held back, unsure with Dani in the room. Unsure because we hadn't had a moment to discuss what came next.

"Well, that just bites," Dani said after her favorite contestant got voted off at the end of the episode. She got up and headed toward the hallway. "I'm off to bed."

"Goodnight," Mac and I both said.

She'd gone two steps before she came back. "Before I forget, did you order a tux for Friday?"

"Yes, Mom. I have the tux reserved," Mac teased.

My heart flipped a little at the thought of Mac in a tux, remembering the conversation Ava and I had had this summer about how deadly Mac would look in one. I wasn't sure my poor heart and already weak resistance would be able to stand it .

"You should just buy one. You're going to be in one quite often now that we're back in full session." Dani leaned on the wall, and I had the odd sense she was leading up to something more than Mac ordering a tux. She seemed almost too nonchalant. The shoe finally dropped when she said, "Who are you bringing with you?"

I tried not to flush, because I finally saw where this was going, but it felt completely unfair for her to put us both on the spot like that. As if we hadn't just spent the weekend deflecting their entire family's veiled comments about us together.

"What?" Mac asked, frowning at her.

"You can't show up to a reception at the Chinese Embassy without a date."

"It's for work. Why would I have to have a date? I just assumed I'd be going with you."

"I'm not going as your plus one, Robbie. That's just gross. Besides, I have a date," she tossed out.

"You do?" More frowning from Mac.

"Yes. I'm taking Russell."

He snickered. "That's not a date; that's a trainwreck."

Dani didn't disagree with him, but she did say, "He and I have an arrangement. If neither of us is in a relationship, we go together. It's been our thing for four years."

"He's not for you, Dani."

"Why, because he has glasses and speaks five different languages?"

"He can barely converse in any of them. "

"You're just whining because I won't let you go with me. But we can't show up together. People will start muttering things about incest on top of the nepotism we already encounter. Why don't you take Georgie?"

"What?" I choked out just as Mac said, "I'm not subjecting her to that."

Dani ignored both of our reactions and just looked at me as she said, "Mac needs a date for the reception. He's a stupid male and obviously left this until the last moment. Do you have plans for Friday?"

"Yes." I swallowed hard. It wasn't really true. But the stack of law books and folders by the door would be enough to keep me busy. Plus, Mac had just basically said he didn't want to take me. I was trying hard not to read anything into it at the same time I was trying to give him every out he wanted. This was asking him to put me and my family ties on display on our very first date. It was too much. Too fast.

"Plans other than studying?" Dani pushed.

I avoided her eye contact but risked looking at Mac from under my lashes. He was staring at his sister, obviously trying to tell her something without words, but she just continued.

"Great, that's all settled then. You can go shopping for a dress with me on Wednesday if you'd like. I did leave my dress till the last minute in hopes that I'd somehow grow more boobs between the beginning of the month and now. But that dream will never come true unless I get a boob job, and the thought of them cutting these open just gives me the willies," Dani said, grasping her boobs.

"God, Dani. Keep it to yourself. I'm your brother, not your girlfriend."

"Lighten up, Macauley," she said before disappearing toward her bedroom.

We were both staring after her. Like a tsunami called Dani, the air she'd left behind was full of unspoken words and friction.

"You don't have to go," he finally breathed out.

"Okay," I said, but it hurt just a little. I'd sort of fallen for him and his entire family over the weekend, and I wasn't sure now if he still felt the same way. I hated feeling like an insecure teenager, but he was good at bringing it out in me. I rose from the couch and headed toward the stairs.

I hadn't heard him get up, but suddenly, he was at my side, pulling me back from the steps and turning me toward him. His eyes took in every inch of my face, and I tried hard to not have any tells. To not let him see that I actually wanted this more than I'd wanted anything but law school in a really long time. That he and his family had wrapped themselves up into my soul, and I hadn't been prepared to let go so soon after discovering them.

"I didn't think it was going to be that kind of an event," he said. "I thought it was going to be all work. And I don't want you to feel like you have to go, because I'm sure it will be boring as hell. You don't have to go just because she's basically asked you to."

My hand went to my ponytail, smoothing it, a tell that I knew Mac's family had read while we played poker and that Mac could read now. He reached out and tugged at it too, pulling the white strands through his fingers .

"Have you always had the streak?" he asked.

"No," I replied, trying to step back but being stopped by the steps.

"When did you get it?"

"The night my dad was arrested."

"And it never went away?"

I shook my head, not wanting to talk about my dad because he was part of the balloon holding Mac and me apart.

"Mac…" I gulped, wanting to let him off the hook, wanting him to know he didn't need to feel like he had to do any of this. To date me at all. "You don't―"

"Don't you dare say it." When he spoke again, his voice had gone down a deeper notch so that it resonated across my chest and into my stomach and farther down to places that had been yearning for him for weeks.

"You have no idea what I was going to say," I said.

"I do. And I don't want off the hook, Georgie—from taking you to the reception, or from dating you, period. I can't imagine letting you go without having tried everything I could to make you mine."

My heart leaped into my throat, thudding, trying to escape this poor human frame that contained it. His words were powerful and yet frightening. I wasn't sure I'd ever belonged to anyone. Not truly. Not completely.

When I finally found my voice, I said quietly, "We're complicated."

He nodded. "I know. But I still can't walk away. I don't want to walk away. "

We both looked down to where his hand was gently caressing the inside of my elbow.

"I feel like I'm asking my high school crush to the prom," he said, lips twitching. "Georgie, will you please go with me to the reception this weekend?"

The humor sparkling from his gorgeous blue eyes blew away any resistance I had left. "Yes, Mac. I'll go with you."

? ? ?

I didn't see Mac on Tuesday because I stayed late working with Theresa, and by the time I came home, the apartment was dark. Mac and I had texted enough for him to know where I was at and for me to know he was heading to bed because they had a five o'clock call the next morning with Japan. I tried not to let his "I missed you today" text go to my head or my heart, but even Theresa commented on my goofy expression.

Wednesday, I got a text from Dani while I was at school.

DANI: You going to be free at around two?

ME: Why?

DANI: Dress shopping, remember?

I had forgotten. I was sure I had something in my wardrobe that would have been acceptable. I'd gone to enough black-tie events in New York with Jared and the model clan, but the thought of going in a dress that Jared had seen me in didn't settle well in my gut.

ME: I believe I can leave by then. Let me just make sure Theresa doesn't need me.

DANI: I'll pick you up at the south entrance of campus, unless I hear otherwise.

When I asked Theresa, she waved her hand at me before making sure I was going to make time for her the following day. I agreed and then headed toward the campus entrance where Dani was waiting. She was in her normal office wear of a pencil skirt and button-down blouse, looking like the epitome of a businesswoman—both classy and sexy, somehow. I hoped to get a few pointers from her eventually so when I started my law career, I'd have the same vibe.

"There's a dress shop just outside town I go to for these things. They're really good about doing any alterations on the fly, so if we need any, they can still have the dress ready for us by Friday," she said as I got into the car.

When we got to the shop, it was an exclusive boutique, and I was sure it came with a budget to match. It wasn't that I didn't have money in my bank account, but I was trying to be frugal these days. Trying to ensure the money lasted me through law school and any nonpaid internships I needed to get under my belt before being hired on somewhere after passing the bar.

Dani sensed my hesitation before I was able to disguise it with a smile.

"I'm sorry. I didn't even think to ask how much you wanted to spend. "

I smiled. "It's okay. As long as the dress doesn't cost ten thousand dollars, I'll be fine."

"It's not that high class. I'm on an aide's budget, remember?"

But I had a feeling, after seeing them all in action this past weekend, that Mac's and Dani's incomes were assisted by trust funds.

We entered the store and were greeted by a salesclerk Dani knew. Dani introduced us, and they chatted about their lives and people I didn't know as she led us back to a fitting area. There had been a few artfully displayed dresses on the mannequins out front but no racks of dresses. This shop was all one-off styles by top-notch designers, like the ones I'd used when I'd been with Jared. It wasn't something I'd thought would come with me into my new life.

"I know what Dani's looking for because she texted me some details earlier, but maybe I can get a few ideas from you so I can bring out a few things for you to try?" the clerk asked.

"I'm not really sure," I told her honestly.

"Okay, long or short?"

"She has to go long. It's the Chinese Embassy; there are all these hidden rules."

"You have beautiful brown eyes. Should we go with something to make those pop?" the clerk asked.

Dani laughed. "It isn't her real color. I'm not sure what is."

They both looked at me expectantly.

"Green. Pale green."

"And you have the perfect runway figure. Let me get Dani started, and then I'll pull a few things for you."

She brought a handful of dresses from the back into the dressing room for Dani. They were in shades of blue and gray that I knew would look stunning on her with her dark hair and blue eyes.

Dani ducked into the cubicle and came back out a few minutes later in an elegant gray dress that fit her at the waist and then flared out from there. It was beautiful, but not really up to Dani's normal flair. I made a face.

"Thank God," she said. "I wasn't sure if you were going to be one of those people who said everything looks good, or if you were going to be honest."

"It's not terrible; it's just not exactly you."

She nodded. "It isn't a dress that screams ‘Take me off.' I want Russell to be thinking that from the moment he sees me." When I laughed, she frowned at me—so uncharacteristic of her. "Don't you dare mention that to Rob―Mac," she said.

"I wouldn't think of it. So, this thing with you and Russell isn't new then?"

"This thing with me and Russell isn't really a thing."

"But you like him?"

"I like him enough to let him take me home."

She ducked back into the dressing room.

In the meantime, the clerk had come back into the room with a handful of dresses for me. They were in shades of greens and purples that tended to be my go-to. It made me think of Ava, because whenever we'd shopped together, we'd been drawn to the same colors, as opposed to Raisa and my mom who were always drawn to reds and blues.

"Thank you," I said and went into my own cubicle.

First, I tried on a purple dress that had a halter top and a slit up the side. Gauzy and almost sheer in places where the lining had been cut to emphasize the skin underneath. It made me feel glamorous, but I wasn't sure it was tasteful enough.

I came out to find Dani in a stunning sapphire-blue dress. It was strapless, tight on the top before floating to the ground in soft rows. It was fabulous on her. "It's perfect," I told her.

"I can't say the same about yours," she said, as honest with me as I'd been with her.

When I came back out in a teal dress, Dani was back in her own business attire, sitting on the soft sofa and drinking a glass of wine. She looked up and shook her head. I agreed. It wasn't perfect.

I went back in and tried on two more dresses, but neither was screaming at me, either.

"Hold on, I'll grab a couple more," the girl said, rushing to the back.

"I have a beautiful black dress I wore to a runway party. It'll do if I can't find anything today," I told Dani.

"No."

"What?"

"You have to have something new for your date with Mac," she said, her words mimicking my own thoughts from earlier.

"It isn't really a date," I tossed back, even though I knew it was .

"You two are ridiculous," she said.

"It's just…complicated."

"So your family sucks. It isn't the end of the world," she responded. I hadn't really told her much about my family, which meant Mac had. Siblings. Friends. They'd talked about me. It made my stomach lurch slightly, even though it wasn't unexpected.

"They don't really suck," I told her.

She looked slightly flustered, when Dani never looked flustered. "I'm sorry. That was rude. I didn't mean it that way. I just meant that your family background isn't ideal if Mac truly wants to run for office, but it's not like you're tying the knot or anything. It's just a date."

I went back into the fitting room with two more dresses. One was a deep forest green—so dark it could almost be black. The silk was so smooth that it could have almost been lingerie. I unzipped it and slipped it on. The neckline was heart-shaped, sweeping into cuff sleeves that sat just off the shoulder. It was beautiful, the back dropping even farther, showing off curves in a way that was decadent. It fit like it was made for me, running down my legs and pooling just enough that any heels would barely peek out from beneath it when I moved.

As soon as I looked in the mirror, Dani's words about Russell flew through my head, because all I could think of was Mac running his hands over the silky threads. Running his hands over me and over my exposed skin before unzipping the dress and removing it from my body. My heart sped up, and my body ached at the thought. Of him, and his hands, and this dress .

"Georgie, you alive in there?"

My face was flushed at where my thoughts had journeyed. I wasn't sure I could move yet.

"Yep," I croaked out.

Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself and then opened the door. I'd taken two steps when Dani smiled. "That! That is definitely the one."

I nodded and turned toward the three-way mirror. It was perfect. The best dress I'd bought in a really long time.

"If Mac doesn't make a move on you in that dress, my brother will be dead to me."

I laughed. "On our first date?"

She shrugged. "You never know, maybe that's all you need to get each other out of your systems."

Her biting words were just Dani's way. It was like she didn't know when to hold back. And maybe she was right. Maybe that was all Mac and I really needed. A night of bodies entwined so we could leave whatever it was that existed between us behind.

The salesclerk came back into the room and stopped dead. "That dress was meant to be taken off."

Dani and I shared a look before bursting out in laughter.

Dani finally said, "Yep. That's definitely the one."