Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

Peacemaking

The tea and toast did wonders for my mood. I hadn't realized how exhausted and emotionally spent I'd been until I felt better.

While Aiden was running the bath, I went to my bedside table and picked up the photo of Daniel.

"Have I showed you this?" I asked.

Aiden looked at the picture and shook his head.

"Well…this is Daniel," I said.

Aiden took the photo frame and looked at the image of my late husband. He was on the ground in a pile of leaves with Cocoa on top of him, grinning like a fool.

"He's…handsome."

"Yeah, he was."

"Gorgeous blue eyes."

I sighed. "Recognize them?"

"Of course. Lucy's are the exact same shade," Aiden said. "She looks like him."

I nodded, then held out my hand. Aiden put the photo frame back in my hand and I placed it back on the bedside table. Then I opened the drawer and got out a piece of folded notepaper.

"I want to show you this letter."

Aiden sat on the edge of the bed. "Is it from Daniel?"

I shook my head. "No. I mostly have emails from Daniel. I have a folder of them."

"That's good."

I passed the letter over. Aiden unfolded it.

"It's from our surrogate, Tamara—the woman who carried Lucy while she was growing."

"Oh!" Aiden said.

"We kept in touch. She sends Lucy a birthday card and Christmas card every year."

"Is she… Did she…?"

"We used a donated egg and Daniel's sperm."

"That's really incredible."

"It really is."

"Why…why Daniel's?"

I smiled, remembering the conversations we'd had.

"We almost flipped a coin, but that didn't feel right. So we looked at family histories. Daniel doesn't have any relatives with cancer. I have two in my lineage. That was basically the reason." I realized I'd used the present tense. "It's hard to remember to use the past tense."

"It must be."

"Tamara has three kids of her own, and it was something she wanted to do for us." I sighed. "She saw the obituary. I wasn't in any state to inform her of Daniel's passing and nobody else thought to. She wrote me this letter."

I watched as Aiden started to read.

I had memorized it, because I'd looked at it so often in the months after Daniel's passing.

Dear Fletcher,

I'm so sorry about Daniel. I can't possibly imagine what you're going through right now, but I wanted to tell you that Lucy is very lucky to have you to look after her in this trying time. It must be very hard for you both, but you have each other to lean on.

I know that none of us expected this to happen and didn't even think of the possibility when we were expecting Lucy. It was a beautiful, wonderful time, only to be topped by the day of Lucy's birth. When the doctor took her and put her into your arms, and Daniel looked over your shoulder, it was such an important moment in my life.

You might not have realized how much I felt honored to be chosen and trusted with such a precious cargo. Thank you for letting me carry your daughter inside my body, and nurture her, and grow her, so that you and Daniel could experience fatherhood.

Lucy is so special, and so are you. And so was Daniel.

Please remember that he is still a part of this universe, watches the two of you and cares for the two of you. I am completely certain of that.

Take good care, and don't be a stranger.

Love Tamara.

P.S. I've enclosed a note for Lucy as well, basically saying the same things. I will leave it up to you if you want to give it to her now or wait for a later time.

"Fletcher, this is so lovely," Aiden murmured.

"It helped a lot. I gave Lucy hers. We talked a lot about Tamara and the process we went through to make Lucy happen, and I think that helped her grieve her father. Finding a surrogate, having a successful pregnancy, the waiting and hoping and planning… It was a crazy, wonderful, terrifying time, which I imagine it is for any couple. It just so happened there were three people involved."

Aiden blinked rapidly and nodded.

I sighed. "There are no guarantees in life. I know that. There were some scary moments during the pregnancy. And we had no idea if the baby would be healthy or not. But we decided we were in it, no matter what," I said. "And we still are. I mean…I am."

"And Lucy is amazing."

"If I didn't have her, I probably wouldn't be standing here right now."

"Are you talking about…?"

"Yes."

"I'm so sorry, Fletcher. I have no idea what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. And I want you to know that with the help of a lot of therapy, and I guess, time, thought and realizing there is so much to enjoy in life, even now, I'm…I'm not anywhere near that place. But I was in it for a while. And it's only because of Lucy that I'm here." I took a deep breath and glanced in the direction of Lucy's bedroom. I shrugged. "Maybe it was the same with her. We kept each other going—for Daniel, for each other. And we're both really solid right now. But…if Annie goes ahead with this custody thing, I don't know… I don't know…"

Aiden put the letter down and came over, wrapping me in his arms.

"Hey. It's going to be all right. Whatever happens, you'll both be okay."

"You can't know that."

"Maybe. But what I do know is that I'm here for you and I'm here for Lucy, and we're going to get through it. I promise."

"I want to believe you."

"Then do it. It's an order."

I sighed.

"And now you need to get into that bath and relax. I don't have a teaching gig tomorrow, so we can get Lucy off to school then figure some of this stuff out."

"Okay."

"But please don't worry about it tonight."

"Okay."

"I think Tamara's right. I think Daniel is up there looking down on you and Lucy, and he'll do what he can to help."

I glanced at Aiden with a twinkle in my eye, starting to feel like myself again. "Do you think he's watching us in the Bordello?"

Aiden threw back his head and laughed. "I mean, how could he not? I'm sure he's enjoying himself."

"I hope so."

I was starting to think the late hour and emotionally draining evening was catching up to me.

"Now, into the bath…then to bed."

"Yes, Dad."

"Sure, we can play it that way," Aiden murmured, taking my hand and leading me into the bathroom.

* * * *

I couldn't bear to wake Aiden when my alarm went off and he didn't stir. So I went downstairs and got some coffee going and made breakfast for Lucy.

She was eating her scrambled eggs and bacon when Aiden wandered into the kitchen. Her eyes got huge, and she looked back and forth between us.

"Oh!" she said. "I mean. Wow. Did you sleep over?"

Aiden blushed. "Well…we got back late from our date, so…"

"Yes, Aiden slept over," I said, "How do you feel about that?"

Aiden pulled out a chair and sat down at the breakfast table, winking at Lucy.

"How do I feel about it?" She shrugged. "I like Aiden, so it's cool." She looked at me with waggly eyes. "How do you feel about it?"

Now it was my turn to blush. "Well, obviously I'm okay with it," I said, glancing at the handsome man at the table.

"Oh my God," Lucy said, with a giggle. "You just went all schmoopy-eyed."

"I did not go schmoopy-eyed," I protested, giving her a look. "Robin said you beat him at Scrabble."

"Yeah, I did. I'm still the queen. He made a good effort, but"—she shrugged again, chewing smugly on a piece of toast—"I beat his sorry ass."

Aiden barked a laugh as I put some scrambled eggs onto his plate and offered him some buttered toast.

"Thank you. Wow, this is good service."

"Ha-ha," I said. "Maybe I want you to come back."

We saw Lucy off. I was pleased that she felt okay about Aiden sleeping over. She was twelve years old and not stupid. She knew there was sex involved. Sometimes I still felt weird about having a boyfriend, when I'd promised my heart to Daniel. But the vows were ‘until death do us part' for a reason. I had no doubt that Daniel would have wanted me to find someone else so that I could be happy and also so that Lucy could have another person to look out for her.

For the first time in a long time, I felt that I might actually survive this—except for the whole Annie and Brian factor.

Aiden and I sat down over second cups of coffee to discuss it.

"Have you told your therapist about it?"

"Yes."

"What does she think?"

"She's as concerned as I am. She thinks it would be further traumatizing to Lucy. It's already traumatizing me."

"Would Annie and Brian be willing to sit down with her?"

I shook my head. "No. They're from a generation that doesn't believe in psychological therapy. Fuck, I hadn't thought about that. They'd probably take Lucy out of therapy if she went to live with them."

Aiden made a face.

"So…what can we do about Annie and Brian?"

"I honestly don't have a clue…except try not to lose my temper again because that will only make the situation worse. They already think I'm a bad parent."

"I don't know about that."

"They thought I was pretty irresponsible last night, leaving her with Robin and going out with you."

"I think…they are under the delusion that they could do a better job, if only because there are two of them. Or…"

"Hmm? Or what?"

"Or it's something else. Some way to hold on to Daniel, maybe?"

"Huh. That's what my therapist said…and Catherine."

"Who's Catherine?"

"Daniel's sister. Patrick's mom. I told her what was going on, and she talked to Annie and Brian. But she says they're determined, and she can't stop them. She did try to talk some sense into them."

"You know, people grieve in all kinds of ways. Daniel was their son, and all he's left behind is Lucy."

"And me. Don't forget about me."

"How could I forget that? It's the only reason I've got you."

I reached out to hold Aiden's hand.

He continued. "But, for them, maybe holding tighter to Lucy is how they're trying to process their grief."

I let go of Aiden's hand. "But they can't have her! She's my daughter."

"I know that. But maybe what they're feeling isn't rational."

I frowned. "It sounds like you're on their side."

"I'm not. Fletcher, I'm just trying to look at this from their perspective. I happen to think it's horrible, what they're putting you through."

I nodded. "For Christ's sake they're acting like she's an orphan or that I'm incapable of raising her properly."

He gave me an indignant look. "We both know that's bullshit. And somehow, you have to help them see that they aren't going to win this, and that it's going to hurt Lucy to try to take her away from you."

I nodded. "Right. I suppose we could have them for dinner?"

It was actually a joke, but Aiden didn't laugh or smile.

"I think that's a great idea."

I sobered. "You and me?"

He held up his hands. "I'd only be here to support you, to make sure they weren't bullying you and overriding you."

"I don't know."

Would they even agree to come?

"You invite them for dinner. Get Patrick—or Robin—to take Lucy out for a special treat. Don't even mention me. But I'll be here, helping with the cooking and everything."

I grinned, feeling better to have sneaky Aiden on my side. "Oh. That's diabolical."

"You don't think they'd turn around and leave, do you?" he asked.

"I have no fucking idea. But I feel like we should try. If the three of us can talk about this rationally, maybe there's a chance to avoid hurting Lucy. I'm more than willing to give them more time with her. That would honestly help me out."

"Sure."

I shrugged. "It's worth a try. And if it still goes to court, I can blame Annie and Brian for Lucy's trauma."

"Oh, Fletcher. I'm so sorry."

"I never thought, in a million years, that Daniel's parents would ever want to hurt me like this…or their granddaughter," I said. "And, no offense, but just as I'm starting to recover from the shock and unfairness of Daniel's death, when I finally think I can possibly move on, I find myself wishing once again that he'd never died. And I know it's pointless, because I can't change my circumstances, but it just makes everything so damn confusing, because I feel so lucky to have you in my life, Aiden. You don't understand what you've done for me. What our relationship means to me."

He gave me a look that expressed his own vulnerabilities and emotion.

I continued. "It's not all about the kink, you know."

He smiled and reached out for my hand. I gave it to him.

"I know."

"Even though, a lot of it is about the kink. Can we talk about that last session?"

Aiden groaned. "Yes! I'm glad it went so well. I wasn't sure how you'd react."

"I can honestly say that that isn't something I ever did with Daniel. And that makes it super special and new and…I think that's what I needed. To know that…to know that my submissive, kinky side is alive and well and didn't end up buried with him."

My voice broke on those last words, and Aiden pulled me into his arms.

"It didn't. It definitely didn't."

"No. And apparently, it likes to play horsey," I said, my cheeks burning.

Aiden laughed. "Oh yes. You were fantastic. An equine dream."

I blushed. "What gave you the idea?"

"Huh. Honestly?"

I gave him a look.

"I'd always wanted to try it, and I had a sneaky suspicion that you might like it. My Treasure," he said, cupping my chin and kissing me softly. "I hope we get to play that game again."

"Aiden, it's my new favorite thing."

* * * *

In an email, I told Annie that I wanted to have them over for supper because I regretted the tone of the last conversation we'd had. I apologized for being tired, on my last nerve and raising my voice.

She agreed to come, only stating and I quote, If this is to try to change our minds about Lucy, it won't work. At least she'd admitted that they'd been out of line with some of the things they'd said that night.

I restrained myself from throwing my laptop across the room and, even though that was exactly the reason I wanted them to come over, said that I would try to keep that in mind. I also said that I would cook a lasagna from scratch, which I regretted as soon as I'd sent the email.

I was a decent enough cook. I'd made this lasagna a few times already, and it had been Daniel's favorite meal, so I'd figured I could make it again without too much trouble. When I actually began the process, I realized that Daniel had been alive the last time I'd made it.

"Here. Careful. Why don't I chop the carrots?" Daniel asked.

"It's fine. I've got it under control."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Go sit down. Have a glass of wine."

"Well, if you insist."

Fifteen minutes later, when I was swearing and cussing and trying to be quiet, because Lucy was in the other room watching Beauty and The Beast, he came into the kitchen again and placed a soft kiss behind my ear.

"Fletcher, darling. Let me help you. I'm a pretty good sous chef, remember?"

"Okay, fine. But I wanted to do it all myself."

"Why? What are you trying to prove?"

"I don't know. That I can take care of you?"

"You do take care of me. In lots of ways."

"I wanted to feed you. I should be able to do this by myself."

"Who says?"

"I don't know."

"Just shut up and move over. I'm only helping. You're steering the ship."

Aiden had come over to help get the house looking ship shape, so he was vacuuming and tidying up, bless his heart. Lucy had gone out with Patrick and Robin to see the new Marvel movie and go for dessert after. And I was in the kitchen remembering the last time I'd made lasagna and crying into my noodles.

"Oh my God, what's wrong?" Aiden said when he noticed.

I shook my head and waved him away. "It's fine. I'm fine."

"You're obviously not."

I grabbed a tea towel and brushed it over my face.

"Is it…not going well?"

At least that made me kind of laugh. I shook my head.

"It's not that," I said, trying to keep control of my emotions. "This was Daniel's favorite recipe."

"Oh, honey," Aiden said. "Come here."

He came into the kitchen, and I practically collapsed into his embrace.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, sniffling against his shirt.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"It's been so long since I've made a special meal for anybody. And I forgot that I hadn't made this since before he died."

Aiden looked at the ingredients and half-done lasagna on the counter.

"Do you want me to take over? I've never made it before, but I can follow a recipe."

"No. No, I can do it. But…could you chop up the carrots and celery?"

"Yeah, of course. Where do you keep your knives?"

"In there," I said, sniffling and trying to remember that Daniel was here with me, though not in physical form. He'd love that I was making this for his parents, even if they had misguided ideas about the raising of his daughter.

"And…can you just, I don't know, talk to me? While we're working? About whatever—the news, your job, the band. Are you playing any gigs in the near future?"

"As a matter of fact…"

So Aiden chopped and talked, and I did the rest. By the time I was sliding the casserole in the oven for its final bake, I had a hold of myself—and that was another thing got through. Hopefully it wouldn't be so hard the next time.

"Okay, what time is it?" I asked, loading the dishes into the dishwasher and turning it on. "Do I have time to change?"

Aiden looked me over. "I mean, I hope so. You've got tomato sauce everywhere."'

I looked down at myself. Sure enough, I was splattered with little red dots and splotches and smeared cottage cheese.

"Fuck," I said.

The doorbell rang.

I ran past Aiden and up the stairs. "Just answer it, and I'll be down in a minute!"

"But they don't even know I'm here. Fletcher, you look fine, I was only teasing."

"You'll have to wing it."

I felt bad for him. I really did, but as I flew into my bedroom and frantically changed into clean jeans and a blue button-down, I had faith that Daniel's parents wouldn't do anything drastic when Aiden answered the door, like leave immediately or yell at him.

As soon as I'd finished dressing, I checked my hair and face in the bathroom mirror, took a deep breath, and headed downstairs. Miraculously, Aiden was holding his own, and filling glasses for Annie and Brian while regaling them with some crazy work story.

"Oh, there he is," he said, with relief.

"Hi," I said. "I just had to change my clothes. How are you both?"

"Hello, Fletcher," Annie said, gazing at me with a smug smile while Brian shook my hand. He greeted me warmly. It seemed like Brian at least wanted to start things off on the right foot.

"It's so strange to see someone else in your kitchen," Annie said, gesturing to Aiden.

"Aiden offered to help. I haven't made a fancy meal in a long time."

"Smells good," Brian said, taking his glass of wine to a spot on the couch.

"Aiden's a supply teacher," I said, hoping to get him into their good books.

"Oh really? Elementary or high school?" Annie asked him, directly.

"Elementary," he replied.

"Oh. You must have to go through some kind of background check for that job, I suppose?"

I opened my mouth to protest when I felt Aiden's calming hand on my elbow.

"Oh, yes, of course. I must have checked out okay," Aiden said, laughing nervously.

"You're a wonderful teacher," I said.

Annie's eyes widened. "Aiden's not Lucy's teacher, is he?"

"Annie," Brian said. Apparently, this was the limit of his interference in his wife's meddling.

I stared at her. "Aiden is working as a supply teacher while he waits for a permanent position. He did teach her class, for a few weeks. We met at the school."

"Really," Annie said, crossing her arms and dripping with disapproval.

"Annie," Brian said, "would you please leave Fletcher alone."

Everyone turned to stare at Brian, who normally didn't say much.

"Pardon?"

"Annie, we're guests here."

Annie looked back and forth between Brian, me and Aiden.

"I didn't mean to cause a problem," she said, subdued.

Annie and I stared at each other for a long moment, neither of us sure how to proceed.

Then Aiden clapped his hands together.

"Anyone up for a game of Jenga?"