Chapter Twenty-One

Saylor

“Where are you going?” Lux passes me in the Rogue parking lot. I didn’t even realize anyone else was around until her voice reached through my thoughts. I was in a hurry to get out of sight before they left. Before Ciaran went back to New York again. After I left him half flabbergasted, and half turned on, outside of his apartment a few weeks ago, we’d been tangled in an awkward dance moving around each other. I get it. I took him by surprise, and probably upended the plans for how he thought this was going to go. I haven’t been giving him space because I regret it, but I have been giving him the time to get in the right headspace for this mission.

Ollie had reached out with a code red call to Rogue the day after I was on Ciaran’s door step. His wife had received a threat that was meant for Ghost Operatives, which meant they knew who Ollie, Nash, and Miles were. Enough to know who Ainsley was. They immediately went into lock down, which triggered our own lock down of all Rogue homes. It really did feel as if the past was haunting us. Curfews were instated, and households were in constant check in. I had numerous meetings with individuals and groups in my office to discuss preparations for the worst case scenario. The last time Rogue had to activate a simulated destruction of the town, I had been a teen, but I saw the devastation in the unsuspecting people of the town. Most, who were not part of Rogue, believe a tornado ripped through Savage Lakes. Only we know that it served as a distraction. Still, the destroyed homes, and the fear, had caused some trauma amongst the targets that resided there.

The guys spent the next few weeks checking in with all homes. Silas was working overtime to make sure there were no compromises to our security. He was in constant contact with Mila, as Reed was currently working in the shadows of the underground to see if he could get any intel, a whisper even, of what was happening. With all of them busy, I had taken steps back from pursuing Ciaran so there were no distractions. Even with him leaving today, I kept a smile on my face and decided to stay busy.

I turn finally, flashing Lux a small smile. “Hiking, actually,” I respond with a shrug.

Her brow arches and her lips twitch. “I’ve never heard you say anything about that before?”

My eyes cast to the ground and emotion claws its way up my throat. “I just started a few months ago. I needed a hobby to stay busy, to keep my mind off of things.”

“Oh, shit, Say,” She bites her lip and regret fills her eyes. “I didn’t even think of that. Is it helping?”

I lift my shoulder. “It helps my thoughts. It’s easier to think, and have time to breathe without everyone around, and people asking if I’m alright.”

Lux’s eyes roam over me, and this time her lips turn up in a smirk. “Well, all the hiking is doing wonders for you. Ciaran is an idiot to turn away from those legs, and that booty.”

We burst out laughing and it feels good. The worry melts away, and I won’t lie, the confidence boost feels nice as well. My girls always know what I need, even when I pull away from them sometimes. “I never did say thank you. For sticking around after and talking Silas out of beating his best friend’s ass over the holidays.”

She rolls her eyes. “Those idiots. And I would do anything for my friends, Saylor. You needed me and Oaklynn. My assignments can wait when it comes to family.”

I nod, knowing what she means, and trying to let go of the guilt I have been holding onto. “I know. Sometimes it felt like the pain would never stop, and I’m thankful I had you both there.”

Lux reaches out and gently squeezes my arm before I wrap my arms around her. When I pull back we both have tears in our eyes. She glances at the auto body shop before looking back at me.

“They’re leaving again tomorrow.”

I knew already, but hearing it confirmed makes my stomach twist. “How bad is it really?”

“Bad. Maybe even worse than last time, if that’s possible. It’s not just warring families anymore, the magnitude of how large these groups are is unthinkable,” Lux exhales slowly, before wiping a tear from under her eyes.

I wrap my arms around her, never forgetting the awful experience that Lux had before she was taken into Rogue. These missions, and being back in New York, are more difficult for her than the rest of us.

“Watch out for them for me?”

She gives me a small smile and squeezes my hand. “Always. Be safe here too. Keep an eye out on everything.”

I nod, feeling that same sense of dread and awareness seep into my bones as before. Lux walks back towards the shop and I keep going to my car before jumping in. With one last look over my shoulder I make my way north and out of town.

I found my favorite hiking trail, by accident, off a dirt county road. It technically does not fall within the town limits of Savage Lakes, but neither does it border the neighboring town. I looked all over Matt’s maps on the area, and since no one has ever told me I couldn’t be here, it’s become my favorite hiking trail. I drive about a mile before there is an inlet where, after parking, I grab my bag and make sure I have my cell phone with me. The hike up to the ridge itself is about three miles, then another two to my favorite look out point.

Cutting through the brush, my feet kick up rocks, while I take in the sights and sounds. With the early spring weather, the birds are making the most noise in the silence around me. I can feel my blood pound in my veins while I breathe in deeply and exhale. My mind stops whirling and the worry I’ve been carrying around starts to lessen. By the time I reach the lookout point, I’m starting to feel better. Once my eyes can see the town lights and the sparkling nearby river, peace descends into my bones. I can pretend here. My mind conjures up the long drive that leads to a large house on this bluff. Half cabin, half brick. Dark enough to fade into its surroundings, but with enough floor to ceiling windows that to let light in. Enough rooms for kids that look like a combination of Ciaran and me, and for our families that visit and stay often. I’d stand by our master bedroom window each night, rocking our baby until they’re too big to be carried, and then it will just be us, old, holding our coffee mugs and still enjoying the view below.

It’s the future I envision, the one I dream about. Once this is over, and I can bare my heart and soul to Ciaran, I hope we can start here. This dream keeps me from sinking into despair. Even when I see that black Rogue helicopter taking off in the distance, I breathe through the pain, pushing away all the doubts and letting hope and love push through my heart. They will be okay. Ciaran will be back. I can’t give up. I will never give up on our happy ending.