Chapter Eighteen

Deacon

Oh, come on , man, we're not going to have this conversation again, are we?" I asked, rolling my eyes at Damon's annoying question. I still hadn't heard back from Jenna and I wasn't going to push. I figured she would call me back when she was ready to talk.

"We are."

"You don't have all the facts, Damon. There's things you don't know." Considering whether I should tell him, I rethought that idea when I heard cackling on the other line. "What the hell is that noise?" I asked.

He sounded loud, like he was yelling through the phone. "It's the damn blender. Sabrina's making a smoothie."

"What were you saying before? I don't think I caught it," Damon said.

"Forget about it," I replied. "You go be with your wife." I had to go anyway, someone was at my door.

I hung up and answered the door, taking a step back when I saw who rang the bell. "Jenna," I said, stunned to see her on my doorstep. She looked confident, a smile on her face, but no makeup and a messy hairdo. She looked beautiful—as always. "What are you doing here?"

"You said you wanted to talk," she informed me, still smiling.

My brows stitched. "I never heard back from you."

"You're hearing back from me now. Can I come in?" She pushed through without waiting for an answer from me. "Do you know what this is?" she asked, shoving a box at my chest, but not releasing it from her clutches, either.

I looked down and raised a brow. "Uh, no. What the hell is that?"

She pursed her lips. "What isn't this, really?"

"What?"

"You said you wanted to talk and I don't know what you wanted to talk about, but if it's about us never seeing each other again and forgetting any of this ever happened, then I can't do it, Deke. I won't do it."

"Okay," I said, barely following her.

"You want to know everything? It's all in there. All of my deep, dark secrets about us. I never intended on keeping the news about our baby from you, you have to know that. I just didn't want to hurt you. I knew that pain all to well and as time went on, it became harder for me to tell you about it because I waited so long." She closed her eyes and swallowed, taking her first real deep breath since barging in.

"I was never afraid of a little pain, Jenna."

"No, losing a child is an immense amount of pain. No one should have to feel that. Ever. It's unbearable, really."

I looked down at the box and then back at her, her eyes staring into mine intensely, studying me. "You think I don't know the pain you went through? I saw it in your eyes that night I told you I knew. I could still see it in your eyes now. But," I stopped before continuing, "sometimes you need to open up and let someone share in your pain so you can start to heal."

"I should have told you sooner, but it's too late for that. I can't go back in time." She corrected herself, "We can't go back in time. The only thing we can do now is try to move past this and decide whether or not we have a future."

"Do you want a future with me?" I felt like I already knew the answer, but I needed to hear it from her.

"Yes!" She looked shocked, her mouth hanging open. "Deke, that is all I have ever wanted. To be with you," she clarified. "I know I tried to push you away when you first came back, but you had to know how I felt. It's just, by that point, I—"

"Feared I'd find out about the baby?"

She nodded, tears in her eyes. "And leave me."

"Which I did."

"It wasn't your fault, though."

She walked closer, went on her tiptoes, and brushed a light kiss on my cheek. Then she backed up and put the shoebox in my hands, finally releasing her grip on it. "Take a look, dig through the whole damn thing. I'll just be upstairs in your room, ready to talk whenever you are, okay?"

I nodded and turned my head to watch her leave. I grabbed her elbow and spun her around before she did. "Hey," I said. "Just so you know, I still love you, princess."

The color of her cheeks deepened and she smiled. "I love you, too." Then I watched her go upstairs and only turned back to the box when I knew she was gone.

I sat down on the couch and made myself comfortable, leaning forward as I put the box on the coffee table. I stared at it like it was a foreign object I had no idea what to do with. I knew to find out what I wanted to know I had to open the lid. She told me this box contained everything she had been keeping from me. That this box was the reason she came over here today. I needed to know what was in it. What was she keeping in it that had such an impact on her?

Oh, screw it. I took the lid off the box and revealed a whole slew of crap. Letters upon letters. Photos. Stickers. It was like a hoarder's dreamland in this damn thing. What the hell was Jenna doing with all of this?

There was a stack of what looked like hundreds of letters wrapped in a soft pink ribbon. I untied it and began flipping through them. My mind began reeling, realization that these letters were intended for me hitting me over the head like a sledgehammer.

I ripped one open and couldn't help myself. The pink paper brought back a flood of memories that made my heart clench in my chest.

My love,

I know we broke up, but sometimes I wish we didn't. Sometimes I wish so many things. That life was different. That you were here, with me.

I never thought I'd say this, but my life is sort of boring without you in it. I always thought it a miracle that you even gave me a second look. Me, the girl who didn't live on the edge, who needed order and structure in her life. We were like polar opposites, yet there you were asking me out. The leather jacket-wearing, soon-to-be-motorcycle-riding boy asking me, the academic cheerleader, out on a date. It makes my heart beat faster just remembering those days. They were such simpler times.

I had a plan, you know? I was going to ace high school, excel at my studies, go to law school, graduate summa cum laude, of course, and be the good girl my parents always wanted me to be. I was going to live up to their expectations and make them proud. I always wanted to hear those words, "I'm proud of you, Jenna." Pathetic, I know. I'm rolling my eyes just writing this.

Anyway, all that changed when I met you. None of that seemed to matter anymore. Nothing seemed to matter, but being with you, being your girlfriend.

Even to the day you left, I feared you would come to your senses that we're too different and leave me. I didn't think I could come back from a loss that great.

I'll confess this to you: sometimes I still dream you'll come home and we'll get back together. Like no time has passed at all, we'll pick up right where we left off.

Come home to me.

Your princess,

Jenna xxx

I put the letter off to the side and cursed to myself. Why did she agree to the break up if that wasn't what she really wanted? I knew it was hard on both of us, but I thought I was doing the right thing by her letting her go. I fisted my hands and slammed one of them into the coffee table, before running it through my hair. "Dammit!" I loudened my voice.

Every time we turned around there was an obstacle in our way, mostly of our own making, but not this time.

I had seen enough, I decided. I didn't need to know more. If Jenna wanted me to know, she'd tell me the rest of it. We had a lot to talk about, especially the baby, but none of it was going to stop me from being with the woman who loved me, who I loved.

Before pooling everything back together and dumping it back in the box, I came across a necklace. It must've fallen to the bottom when I was digging earlier. On the necklace was my mother's engagement ring.

I remembered it like it was yesterday. I had to make sure that she knew before I left that I planned on marrying her when I returned. "This is my promise to you," I remembered whispering. "When I come back, I plan on marrying you."

I stuffed the ring in my pocket for the time being and closed the lid on the shoebox.

I walked upstairs and found Jenna on my bed, holding a picture frame, staring at it. I glanced at my nightstand where she plucked it from and knew exactly which one she was holding. It was a photo of us. I was holding her in my arms and she was laughing, her mouth to my ear. "We make a cute couple," I said breaking the silence.

Jenna gasped, immediately turning around and sitting up. "You scared me."

"Sorry."

"So did you finish looking through the box?"

I nodded. "I saw enough of it. I'd like to hear the rest from you, though, if that's okay."

She nodded and smiled "Absolutely."

"Good. If this is going to work, we have to be totally honest with each other from now on. No more keeping secrets. Even if we think we're doing it for the right reasons."

She crossed her heart. "I promise. No more secrets."

I nodded again, getting to the part I couldn't gleam from the box, but had to know just the same. "Where does that leave your feelings for Michael?"

Her eyes widened and she gasped. "What? I don't have any feeling but disgust for that man."

"I saw the way you reacted when you saw him again."

She shook her head. "It's not what you think. I was shocked, that's all." She leaped off the bed and stood in front of me. "Please, Deke, you have to believe me. I have never loved anyone the way I love you."

I cupped either side of her face. "I believe that, princess."

"Where does that leave us?" she purred. "I want to be with you."

"Oh, princess, you have no idea how badly I want to be with you, too."

Her eyes possessed a playfulness I wasn't used to, but liked seeing in her. Her teeth raked over her bottom lip and she backed up, traveling her hands down her torso before bringing her shirt up over her head and tossing the fabric on the floor.

She was still wearing a bra, but her breasts were spilling out of it. Her cheeks turned pink. "Come on, Deke, you're not going to make me beg for it, are you?"

"Patience has never been one of your virtues."

Her gaze met my obvious desire and she tilted her head. "I don't know, it seems like you may be patient, but he is not."

I lifted her up and she squealed my name. "Deke!" I placed her on the bed, took off my shirt, undid my pants and brought them down, too. I was all for going slow and taking our time, but she was right, we were both impatient and I couldn't wait one more second to be inside of her, to feel her warmth around me. I lowered my body over hers and undid her bra. I hovered over her for a moment to fully enjoy her full breasts before rubbing them against my hands. "You fit perfectly in the palm of my hand. Always have."

She sucked in and began reaching for my boxers. "My turn," she said.

"Not yet," I insisted. "First," I said and slid down her panties, "let me pleasure you." I tapped her inner thigh and demanded, "Spread your legs for me, princess."

She did as I asked and I brought my head to hover just between her thighs. "I can't believe I've gone without your taste for as long as I have." I was so ready to taste her again, my mouth was practically watering.

"Never again." She breathed heavy. "I only want you," she said, pushing my head down where we both wanted it to be.

Before I could lap her up, I licked my lips and said with certainty, "There's only you." Because that was the truth, there was only her.

And she was mine.

All mine.