Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

ELIJAH

My hand grips Julien's as the preacher recites his scripted words of grief, loss, and remembrance. All around us, brilliant bursts of color from various flower bouquets are sprinkled among the manicured lawn, giving beauty to the sadness. Bright red cardinals and majestic blue jays fly from tree to tree, chirping their unique calls. An Eastern swallowtail floats by, riding the currents of the soft breeze. So much life in a place of death.

"Babe."

I'm tossed back to reality when Julien guides me along the procession of mourners to David's closed casket laden with flowers and floral wreaths. I gently lay my white rose on top of the others.

"Thank you for being my friend," I rasp, the torrent of tears constricting my throat and making it hard to talk.

Julien leads me away and back to the spot where we stood behind David's mother just minutes before. Her head is bowed, her shoulders shaking, as she weeps and watches as attendants prepare to lower her son into the ground.

Julien lets go of my hand, and his arm comes around me. I turn into his body and bury my face in his chest.

"It's okay to fall apart. I've got you, sweetheart," he whispers in my ear.

And I do. I let my sadness tumble out and drench the lapel of his suit jacket.

Someone touches my back.

"Thanks for coming."

Wiping my face, I turn and hug Shaun. "How is Yo doing?"

I briefly spoke to her earlier at Lamar's funeral. This entire day has been filled with deep sorrow and endless tears.

"A mess. She misses her brother. Can I, uh, talk to you privately for a sec?"

Julien lightly kisses me. "I'll be right here."

I follow beside Shaun as he walks toward one of the large, majestic magnolias that dot the landscape. Spotting a cat's ear dandelion, I bend over and pluck off the foliated leaves before pinching off the yellow flower at the stem.

Most people consider dandelions an ugly, unwanted garden pest. The rough, crinkled leaves are broad and ugly, and the stuff takes over if left unchecked, much like kudzu. Kind of ironic how something ugly can produce such a beautiful, yellow flower that smells like citrus and rose. Nature's lesson not to judge a book by its cover, I guess.

"How are you dealing?" I ask Shaun.

"The apartment is too quiet."

"You can have my bed in the dorms. That place is the opposite of quiet. Or you can stay at the condo with me and the guys. Julien wanted me to mention it to you."

He kicks at a mangled seed cone. "Yo is sticking around for a while to pack up Lamar's stuff. Coach was able to find me temporary student housing. I can't stay in the apartment without them." A lone tear races down his cheek. "I miss them. I miss them so fucking much."

"Me, too."

"Fuck, Elijah. I'm so sorry. David and Lamar knew better." He punches the side of the tree. "They knew goddamn better. I was supposed to be with them, but I decided not to go. Something told me not to go, so I made an excuse that I had a test to study for. It should have been me, too."

Survivor's guilt. It's something I've been discussing with my therapist. Remote therapy. Easier than making the drive to Highland twice a week for an office appointment.

I take him by the shoulders, willing him to hear me. "You have to take care of Yo. Give her a good life. A life Lamar would want her to have. He trusted you with her heart. She's going to need you to help put it back together."

Shaun's resolve visibly firms right in front of me. "I will. I swear to God I will. I won't let Lamar down. You're coming to the wedding, right?"

He and Yo planned a winter wedding because she loves Christmastime.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

He digs something out of his trouser pocket. "He would want you to have this," Shaun says and places a gold link necklace in the palm of my hand.

My fingers close around it, the metal warm to the touch. A piece of David.

"Thank you."

"I need to get back to Yo. Don't be a stranger."

We give each other a brief, back-slapping hug.

"I won't."

He stops and says something to Julien, who glances my way as they shake hands.

It hits me. Life is too precious and too fucking short to waste even a second of it. I make a vow to never take it for granted. To never take Julien or our love for granted.

I know what I want. I'm looking right at him.

No more waiting. I'm going to ask Julien to marry me.