Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

ELIJAH

One thing melds into another, like a fractal of colors and white noise. I'm a robot, responding autonomously to what the nurse says. Minutes pass like hours as I wait, my mind racing with worst-case scenarios. Every time someone walks by, I hold my breath, hoping for news, while also dreading what it might be.

I want Julien. I need to see that he's okay. I just need to see him.

I'm not a religious person, but I clasp my hands together and beg anyway.

After cleaning the cut above my right eyebrow, the nurse applies a butterfly closure.

"Doctor Nowak will be in shortly. I'll see if I can find out any news on your guy."

"Thank you."

She gently pushes my shoulder until I lay back on the bed and covers me with a starchy, thin blanket. "Try to relax and not worry."

Not likely.

I check my phone when it vibrates.

Jayson: With Jules. Liz and Ry are here, too. What room are you in? Ry will head your way.

Me: Room 5. How is he?

Dots bounce.

Jayson: Pissed because he wants to see you. They're taking him for a CAT scan. Hold on. He wants me to be his fucking secretary and dictate.

For the first time since the car plunged into the lake, I'm able to breathe.

Jayson: Are you okay? (that's him, not me)

Me: Tell him I'm fine. Tell him I love him. I'll be there as soon as they let me leave.

Jayson: I love you (him, not me, but yeah, me, too smile emoji). Goddammit, not yet (him). They're wheeling him out for the CAT.

Jayson: FYI. Ry just came back in. Said two police officers are at the nurse's station. They want to talk to you and Jules. They'll probably go to you first. He called Fallon.

Shit.

Fallon will call Dad.

Jayson: What the hell happened?

Me: I don't know. I think something hit us. Deer, maybe? I didn't notice another car on the road. It happened so fast.

DAD pops up on my screen. Well, that took two seconds.

Me: Dad's calling.

I brace myself because I know what's coming.

"Hey."

"Jesus Christ, Elijah?—"

I hold the phone away from my ear when his shout almost deafens me.

"Dad…"

More yelling.

"Dad…"

I wait for him to bluster out.

"I'm fine. Julien and I are fine."

"I sure as hell am not fine. I'll be there in a few hours."

"You don't have?—"

"Hold on… what?!" he yells at someone.

Lots of disjointed, static crackling. I look up when someone stops in the doorway to the room, and a tsunami of relief hits when I see that it's Fallon.

"Elijah," Dad says.

"I'm here."

"As soon as Fallon gets there, tell him to call me."

"He's here."

"Put him on."

Dad's clipped command has me frowning, but I hold my phone out to Fallon. "Dad wants to talk to you."

Fallon moves to the opposite side of the room, his eyes never straying from me as he talks to Dad. I don't know what Dad is saying because Fallon doesn't say anything back. It must not be good because he abruptly walks out… with my phone.

"Fallon!"

I'm off the bed and in pursuit. The ER corridor is a buzz of activity. Medical staff and orderlies rush back and forth between rooms, but I focus on Fallon's blond head. He starts talking to a woman in uniform, and I make a beeline for the nurse's station, wanting to hear what's being said.

Ryder intercepts me. "Jules is in room ten. Did they discharge you already?"

I switch gears, needing to see Julien more than I want to get my phone back.

"Not yet. Fallon is here."

Ryder gently eases me out of the way of the foot traffic and guides me to a quieter corner.

His focus goes directly to the bandage above my eye. "Don't try and placate me with a bunch of bullshit. How are you, really?"

A migraine makes itself known, and I rub circles on my temples to try and stave it off.

"Nothing a Band-Aid couldn't fix," I reply.

Ryder is usually the epitome of calm, but he keeps stealing uneasy glances toward the nurse's station.

Lowering his voice, he asks, "Who was driving?"

"Julien. Why?"

"Had he been drinking tonight?" He glances at the nurse's station again.

I gape at Ryder as if he's lost his fucking mind. "No, and if he had been, you know damn well he wouldn't get behind the wheel."

"It's something the police are going to ask about and something the hospital will check for in the bloodwork. Fuck, Elijah."

I suddenly find myself in a crushing embrace. One I return.

"Don't scare me like that ever again."

The memory of the crash floods my mind—the screech of tires, the jolt of impact, the water rushing in. My breathing quickens as the edges of panic start closing in. I shake my head, willing it away. Not here. Not now. But the reality of what almost happened lashes me with its cold, hard truth. We could have died. Julien could have—I can't finish the thought.

When my legs want to give out, I lean against the wall, hands covering my face, trying to block out the images as my thoughts spiral with every gruesome scenario of what could have happened. I could have watched him die right in front of me.

I wouldn't know how to live in a world where Julien doesn't exist. To never get to see his smile or hear his laugh. Never get to feel his kisses or his touch. Never get to hear his voice or look into his gorgeous gray eyes that look back at me with so much love.

The cacophony of the ER fades into white noise, and I feel like I'm moving through a dream. A nightmare.

Ryder jostles me. "Whatever you're thinking, stop."

"I need to talk to you."

Fallon is a few feet away, and there's a gravitas to his expression that sends a chill down my spine, compounded by the look the police officer sends in our direction.

"About what?"

Fallon steps in close, lowers his voice. "First, you and Julien do not say anything to anyone, and I mean anyone, without Charles Worthington present. He's on his way."

"Who's Charles Worthington?"

"Family lawyer, who's now your lawyer. Understand?"

No, I don't. I don't understand anything happening right now. I'm living in a fever dream where nothing makes sense.

"Why would we need a lawyer?"

He hesitates, his aqua eyes filled with a sorrow I've never seen before.

"There was another car involved in the accident."

The flickering beacon of light on the roadside. The light that guided me as I pulled Julien through the water to safety.

Another car did hit us. Or did we hit them? There were no headlights or taillights. Nothing.

"Are they…" I don't know if it's a him or a her or a they. Please don't say children were in the car. "Are they alright? Is everyone okay?"

Fallon shatters me completely when he replies, "David and Lamar were in the other car. I'm so sorry, Elijah. They didn't make it."

That can't be.

Fallon must be mistaken because… no. Just no.

But his penetrating silence is confirmation enough. The tears come then, hot and uncontrollable.

David and Lamar.

My friends.

Oh, god. David.

The last things I said to him were spoken in anger. I'll never be able to take them back.

I'm on my knees, the weight of grief and guilt too much to bear. Ryder is beside me, his arm around my shoulders, his attempt at comfort futile because it doesn't matter. Nothing matters except the pain of loss, the unbearable thought that two of my friends are dead. The unimaginable thought that I could have lost Julien, too.

Fallon kneels in front of me, his hands circling my neck. "I'm so fucking sorry."

All I can do is cry, the sound of my anguish filling the sterile halls of the hospital with my pain.

I'm sorry, too.

I'm so sorry, David.