Chapter 24

He thinks he’s your birth father.

My birth father.

Wesley Hayes.

Like that name was supposed to fuckin’ mean something to me? What the hell kinda name was that anyway? It sounded snooty. Was he rich? I bet he was rich. It would be just like rich asshole to abandon my mom while she was pregnant and show up when I was an adult and didn’t need him anymore.

I was a jerk to Beckett the whole way to work. I wouldn’t talk to him, and when he tried to touch me, I pushed him away. I didn’t know why. I didn’t really want space from Becks, but I couldn’t stop myself from doing it. Then, when we got to the restaurant, he wouldn’t fuckin’ leave. I knew he had to be late for his shift by the time I stormed up to where he was hovering outside like I couldn’t see him and told him I didn’t fuckin’ want him there. The look on his face broke my heart and I almost relented, but he couldn’t miss another shift. He just wrapped his arms around me, even though I was as stiff as a board, kissed my head, told me he loved me, and walked away.

It was only 20 minutes later, when I fucked up my fourth table in a row, that my boss sent me home to rest. I considered calling Beckett then but hesitated. I knew he’d leave work right then and there and he couldn’t, especially since I was the fuckup who missed an entire shift. We couldn’t afford for both of us to miss. So I went home on my own.

The whole ride back to the apartment was a blur. It was a miracle I’d even gotten on the right train. But I somehow stumbled to the apartment building and into the right unit.

I froze when I saw Jay and Dakota in the middle of my living room, making out.

“Don’t mind me. I’m just gonna go get drunk and cry in the bedroom. Have fun!”

They jumped apart like they were on fire.

“Riley! I thought you were at work! You were supposed to call me for a ride!” Jay exclaimed as I stormed past them and into the kitchen. I ignored him. Why would I need him for a ride? Besides, he was busy.

By the time he followed me, I was on my knees in the cabinet under the sink, pulling out all the plastic bags that we kept in a bucket way in the back. Wrapped in about 6 of those bags was a bottle of vodka. It was the only alcohol we kept in the house, besides an occasional beer, and we hid it so Dad couldn’t steal it if he broke in. We’d never drunk it so it’d been there for years, and I didn’t even know why we had it. I thought maybe Beckett kept it to prove he wasn’t Dad and could control himself.

Well, fuck that today. Jay and Dakota were hovering by the door, and just watched as I kicked the bags out of the way, unscrewed the lid, and drank right from the bottle.

“Fucking Christ, kid, what the hell are you doin’?”

He reached for the bottle, but I spun out of the way and took another sip. “I thought y’all were sleepin’ at Dakota’s.”

“We were. Are. I forgot somethin’ so we just stopped by to get it. We’re headin’ back soon.”

I raised an eyebrow and pushed past them, bottle still in my hand. “And decided to take a detour to fuck in my living room?”

“We weren’t fuckin’! Fuckin’ A, Riley, what is goin’ on? Becks is gonna kill you.”

“Yeah, well, my ‘dad’ crashed our fuckin’ date. So I think I’ve earned the right to drink.”

I saw Jay’s bag sitting right there on the couch and immediately beelined for it. “You got anything good in there? You’ve always got somethin’.” I needed something besides pain pills and anxiety meds. Those were saved for when we really needed them.

“I ain’t givin’ you drugs, kid. Becks will kick my ass. And whatchu mean your dad crashed your date. Michael showed up?”

I laughed loudly. “HA. I wish. At least I’d have known how to handle that. No, apparently I have a bio dad. I mean, I guess I knew that, but I didn’t know, know that. But now he’s just fuckin’ showin’ up on the street, sayin’ ‘I’m your dad.’ Like, what the fuck is that even supposed to mean?”

Since Jay still didn’t answer me, I took another swig of vodka before then put the bottle on the ground and dug through his bag.

Jay didn’t even try to stop me. His eyes were wide, as if he were trying to process everything. Dakota sighed and slumped into the chair. Jay reached between my legs and grabbed the bottle, takin’ a swig himself before he sat on the couch.

“Are you for real? Like, your actual sperm donor? There are gummies in the front pocket.”

I grinned. “I knew I could count on you, Jay.” I unzipped the front pocket and sure enough, there was a bag of multicolored gummies. I pulled out two and shoved them in my mouth before he could stop me and tell me to take one.

“I don’t know if he’s my real sperm donor. It ain’t like he showed up with a DNA test. But that’s what he said. And why the fuck would anyone claim that if it wasn’t true?” I took the bottle from Jay and took another sip before I gave it back so he could have some. He grabbed the baggie from me and took some gummies for himself.

Dakota groaned. “I guess I’m ordering pizza. We’re going to be here a while, aren’t we?”

“Ooh! And cheesy bread, babe!” Jay exclaimed excitedly. Babe?

“Does Beckett know you’re here?” Jay asked about 10 minutes later, after I’d finished telling the story and had shared about a quarter of the bottle with him.

“Nah. I mean, I’m sure by now he’s stalked my location, but I didn’t tell him. I just . . . wasn’t ready to tell him I got sent home.

Jay snorted. “Ya think? You know you gotta tell him, right? He’s gonna lose his shit. Or I’m gonna let him know myself.”

“Can you give it another half an hour please? I just need some time.”

“Yeah, kid. Pass the vodka.” I grinned and handed it to him as Dakota sighed heavily. I glanced at him, but he didn’t seem pissed, more resigned.

“Sorry,” I mumbled to him. “Didn’t mean to cockblock you.”

He laughed. “That’s okay. I’m already getting used to expecting the unexpected with you and Beckett.”

Out of nowhere, Jay started to crack up, like hard-core, hysterical laughter. “What the fuck is so funny?” I asked him.

“I lost a parent and you gained one.”

My jaw dropped and I stared at him for a long ass minute before I lost it and nearly fell off the damn couch, I was laughing so hard.

“Holy shit, Jay. You’re dark as fuck.”

I knew Dakota must’ve thought we were crazy, but he didn’t leave. He even got the pizza—and cheesy bread!—when the delivery driver got here. At one point, when Jay and I were both on the floor and trying to play Mario Kart on the secondhand Switch we’d gotten from a garage sale once, Dakota forced us to sit up and drink water. But he never complained, never got annoyed, and never seemed jealous that most of Jay’s attention was on me. Which made me feel guilty cause I didn’t know if I’d be as understanding if this were Beckett.

“I was such an asshole to Beckett. He’s gonna hate me.”

Jay snorted and stretched out. “Fuck that. Nothin’ you do would make Beckett hate you. You could fuckin’ stab him and you’d still be his favorite fuckin’ person. And by a landslide.”

I flipped to my stomach, ignoring the way it went woosh as I turned, so I could look at him. “He said the same thing. Well, he said I could shoot him, but same idea.”

Jay waved his hand as he fell to the side. “See! Told ya, kid. He more than loves you. He’s consumed by you.”

I snorted. “Consumed. That’s a funny word. You make him sound like a cannibal.”

“If you asked him to be a cannibal, he probably would be.”

“Why the fuck would I want Becks to be a cannibal?”

“I don’t know. Just sayin’ he don’t hate you, even if you were a dick to him.”

“The biggest fuckin’ dick. Oh! I need to apologize.” I pulled myself up to my hands and knees and crawled on the floor until I found my phone.

“Riley, honey, Beckett’s on his way home. You can tell him in person,” Dakota said in that reasonable tone that grown-ups used on kids.

I shook my head. “Can’t wait.”

“You already texted him earlier, remember?”

I did? I didn’t remember that. That was okay. I’d tell him again. Somehow, Dakota had my phone in his hand, so I crawled up and rested my chin on his knee, takin’ it so I could type.

“Beckett.” I talked out loud because the screen kept moving on me. I wasn’t sure if it was helping, but I thought so. “I’m sorry I was bein’ such a big, veiny dick. I love you. I’d choose you over my fake new dad every fuckin’ time. Don’t hate me.”

“I could never hate you, butterfly. You gotta know that by now.”

I blinked and was looking right in Beckett’s face. “Beckett! How’d you get here?”

“Holy shit, kid! Your phone is magic!”Jay called out from . . . somewhere.

“C’mon, butterfly, let’s get you outta here before I murder Jay’s boyfriend for touchin’ you.”

I frowned. “His leg was my table . . .”

Beckett’s eyes were shiny, and I thought he was trying not to laugh as he bent down and scooped me up into his arms.

“Oh! Oh, I’m not on the ground anymore. Jay, look, I’m flyin’!”

“Babe, can I fly too?”

From somewhere behind me, I heard someone laugh. Dakota! “Yeah, no. I can’t pick up your big ass, sorry.”

“See, bein’ small ain’t the worst!” I shouted toward Jay because he was getting farther and farther away.

“Where are we goin’, Becks?”

“Shower first, butterfly. You smell like a distillery.Then, I’m puttin’ you to bed. Heard you dug out the vodka.”

“Was that bad? I keep fuckin’ up, don’t I?”

I was flying again as Beckett put me on my feet. Why was the room spinning’?

“Why the hell would you think you fucked up?”

“First ‘cause I yelled at you and pushed you away and was mean. But I don’t want you to go away. I want you close always. And then I drank your ‘fuck you, Dad’ vodka.”

Becks’s lips tipped up in a small smile. “My what vodka?”

“Well, you don’t drink it. I figured it was to tell Dad fuck you.”

Becks kissed my head. “I guess it sorta was. But it’s okay. I ain’t mad. You needed to let go. It’s been a hard day.”

Beckett started takin’ my clothes off. “Are you gettin’ me naked, baby?”

He kissed my shoulder bone. “Yeah, butterfly. But just so you can shower.”

“You gonna shower with me? I need you.”

“‘Course, Ri. I’ll always be here.”

I was smiling as Becks took his own clothes off and helped me under the water. By the time he’d scrubbed me down and guided me back to the room, I was feeling a little sober and everything was starting to hit me.

“Do you think he’s really my dad?” I asked as we climbed in bed.

“I do.”

“Where was he then? Why show up now?”

“Let’s talk about it in the mornin’. You need some rest.”

I pouted, but before I could get one complaint out, my eyes started closing. “Don’t leave me, Becks.”

He kissed me softly and wrapped his limbs around me, pinning me to the bed. “You ain’t gonna puke on me, are you?”

I glared. “No. Squish me hard, Becks. I need to feel you.”

His arms and legs tightened and he burrowed his face in my neck, his scruff scratched my skin in the best of ways.

“I love you, Becks.”

“Love you too, Riley. We got this. I got you.”

“Forever?”

He nipped at my skin. “Always.”