Chapter 21 - Lucy

By the time Amanda arrives a few days later, my stress levels have exploded through the roof, leaving me exhausted and utterly hopeless about the situation.

I’m sitting at the kitchen table, miserably drinking herbal tea, when I get her text saying she’s finally arrived in town and is only a few minutes away.

All I can feel is relief. Since I told Peter she was coming, it’s been like living with a ghost. The easy conversation and deep sense of connection have vanished as if they never were, and he won’t come anywhere near me or touch me, let alone sleep with me.

I’ve missed his arms around me so much. I didn’t realize how much I loved it until it went away.

The stress is literally making me ill. I’m sick every morning, can’t stand the taste or smell of my favorite foods, and coffee makes me gag. It’s like my entire world has been shaken and flipped upside down, leaving me in the wreckage of a life I once loved.

I go into the living room, where Peter is sitting on the couch, watching TV with a blank stare. Blankets and pillows have spilled onto the floor around him, and several cups and bowls are littered across the coffee table. Since he stopped sleeping with me, he also stopped cleaning up after himself or helping with general housework.

“Peter?” I say.

“Yeah?” he mutters, not looking up.

“Amanda just texted. She’ll be here in a few minutes. Can you get ready?”

“I am ready,” he replies, glancing down at his baggy shirt and tracksuit pants. I don’t bother to argue with him; I just get my bag and stand in the hallway.

Amanda knocks on the door a few minutes later, and when I see her bright smile, I immediately feel better. It’s been years since I saw her, but back when she lived in Silver Meadows, we were extremely close.

She wraps her arms around me and gives me a hard squeeze. I lean into her, feeling my emotions welling up inside, almost ready to spill over.

“Oh, my dear girl,” she says. “That bad?”

“Yeah,” I murmur, sniffling. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Amanda looks up, staring down the hall, and I turn to see Peter watching us.

“I agree with Lucy,” he says. “I want this thing done. What do we have to do?”

Amanda squints her eyes as if she’s looking straight through Peter, not at him. She takes my hand and gives it a little squeeze.

“You’re an interesting one, aren’t you?” she says. “Your aura is all kinds of colors.”

“I don’t care if I’m a fucking rainbow!” he barks. “Fix this, like you promised. Or are you just as bad at this as Lucy?”

“I should throw a sugar spell on you,” she says, glaring at him. “Sweeten you up a bit. Trouble is, I think you enjoy being sour.”

“Please,” I cut in before Peter can make another remark, “we don’t have to do this. Just break the spell, Amanda.”

“Where did you do the spell, Lucy? Can you take me there?”

“Sure,” I answer, wiping my nose and sniffling again a little. I don’t even bother to fight the tears that start trickling down my cheeks. I’m so stressed, I don’t even know what I’m crying about.

It can’t be Peter leaving, because I can’t stand to be around him another second.

I lead Amanda out the back and head for the woods. Peter follows a short distance behind until we reach the trees, then catches up to us. When we reach the small clearing, Amanda takes a quick look around, then asks us to stand in the center, facing each other and holding hands.

“You guys ready?” she asks.

“More than ready,” Peter answers. I just nod, trying not to cry.

I’m so exhausted, I’m just going straight to bed to sleep for a week when this is all over.

Amanda chants a few words, waving her hands above ours. I feel a strange prickling feeling at the back of my neck as her magic permeates the circle, then the air becomes electric, like lightning is about to strike.

She taps our joined hands firmly, breaking our grip. There’s a strange fizzing sound, then the thickness in the air just bleeds away.

“Hmm,” she murmurs with a frown, looking around.

“Is that it?” Peter asks. “Can I go?”

He’s desperate to get away from me.

“Yeah,” Amanda replies. “I think you can. But here’s the thing—there was no magical tether between you.”

“What?” Peter shrieks.

“I can sense that there was one,” she says, “but it’s not there now. I’d say it’s been gone for over a week, at least.”

“What are you saying, Amanda?” I ask, grabbing her arm. “We felt the effects of the spell recently, just a few days ago. It had to be there.”

“What exactly did you feel?” she asks.

“I tried to bail the other night,” Peter says. “I went down the street and started to feel anxious, so I came back.”

Amanda chews her lip, a troubled look in her eyes. “Lucy, what did the spell do initially?”

“It was a forced teleport,” I explain. “When we got about a hundred feet apart, the air would get thick, like it was too difficult to move forward. And it was hard to breathe. If we kept pushing, then the teleport would kick in, and we’d find ourselves back in the same room.”

“When was the last time either one of you pushed the spell that hard?”

Peter and I look at each other with almost identical expressions of shock on our faces.

“Not since the wedding,” Peter says.

“Wait, you got married?” Amanda exclaims.

Peter nods. “Yeah, there was a lady who said it would work for a love spell gone wrong. The elders performed the old ritual.”

“I’m sorry to tell you this,” Amanda says, shaking her head. “Both of you. But the ceremony worked. You aren’t tethered. The reason the wedding works is because the binding under the witness of nature surpasses the spell. The vows you made ensure that no matter how far away you travel, you will always return to each other, which means the magical tether becomes obsolete.”

“Are you telling me I could have walked away anytime?” Peter yells, looking outraged.

“Why didn’t you?” Amanda asks, giving him a shrewd look.

“Because I was afraid of getting a nasty electric shock and being dissolved by freaky magic,” Peter snaps.

“Wait,” I say, interrupting them. Part of what Amanda said has stuck in my brain. To me, it’s the most important element. “When you said the vows surpass other bonds, and we’d always return to each other, what did you mean?”

“I mean that your marriage is binding,” Amanda answers. “Not just by law, but by nature. So long as you remain a witch and he remains a wolf, you will return to each other eventually, and always yearn for each other.”

“What if we get a divorce?” Peter demands.

Amanda laughs. “Unfortunately, the gods of nature don’t care about the laws of men,” she says. “According to the mountain, you’re still connected, and you always will be.”

“This is a fucking nightmare!” Peter groans. “Are you telling me I still can’t leave?”

My heart sinks, right down into my churning, ice-cold guts. I feel completely lost, bruised, beaten.

He really, really can’t stand me.

For fuck’s sake. Just go, Peter.

“Of course you can,” Amanda says patiently. “But like I said, I think you should ask yourself why you didn’t leave earlier.”

“Because I thought I couldn’t!”

“Really?” she asks pointedly, trying to hide her grin.

“Peter,” I say, stepping forward so I can take his hand, “just a week ago, we were happy. Well… I thought you were happy. I know I was, but I was scared my feelings were a result of the spell. This means it was real, all along.”

“No,” he gasps, stepping back and wrenching his hand from mine. “That’s not possible. I was being manipulated, and I dealt with it as best I could.”

“I’m afraid that’s just not true,” Amanda counters. “Anything you felt since the wedding is completely genuine, young man. You might want to just own it.”

He looks at me, and his green eyes are wide and full of panic. Even as my heart rips in two in my chest, I feel bad for him. I know how hard his life has been, how strong his walls had to be just to protect him enough to survive.

But it was real, my love. You were truly mine, and you let me into your heart. Just accept it. Please don’t shut yourself down again.

He takes another step back, glaring at me, then at Amanda. “You’re both witches,” he snarls, shaking his head. “I can’t trust you—either of you. I don’t know what the fuck is going on here, but this isn’t me. None of this is what I want.”

“Peter, no—” I reach out for him, but he leaps away before I can touch him. He gives me one last wide-eyed look of panic before he shifts into his wolf form and disappears into the forest.

Tears pour down my cheeks as my chest heaves with painful sobs. I wrap my arms around myself and sink down to my knees as the sorrow rips through me.

He’s gone… he’s really gone! He left me!

“Oh, Lucy,” Amanda says gently. She kneels down next to me, wrapping an arm around me and stroking my hair. “My poor girl. I’m so sorry.”

“I thought he really wanted to be with me!” I cry, forcing the words out through my tears. “For a while there, it was so beautiful. We were happy together—I know we were!”

“He is a wild wolf, Lucy,” Amanda says, holding me. “His ways are not like other people’s. I can see deep hurt in him, so ragged and painful, it may never heal. But one thing I know for sure—he will be back. I don’t know how long it will take, but he will return to you.”

“Is that really a good thing?” I ask, trying to calm myself down but not having much luck. “Aren’t we just going to argue and split up again?”

“Lucy.” Amanda holds my shoulders and forces me to look at her. “The spell wouldn’t have worked if he wasn’t the one. Furthermore, the marriage vows wouldn’t have been binding if it wasn’t meant to be.”

“What are you saying?”

“That he really is your true love.”

“How can that be? He just ran away from me.”

“Because he’s afraid,” Amanda answers. “He’s not just afraid of this not being his choice; he’s afraid of settling into life with you.”

“But he did. We were doing great together. I know we were.”

“And he has never had that kind of safety or security, ever before,” she reminds me, brushing my hair back from my face. “He’s terrified of being truly happy for the first time in his life because he would have too much to lose.”

My sobs have settled down, even though tears are still running down my cheeks. I lean into Lucy, letting her comfort me.

“So, what should I do?” I ask. “You’re telling me he’s going to come back, but what do I do when he does?”

“Be patient,” she answers. “Just be honest with him and give him plenty of space. Remember the person he was when he was truly with you, and know that is the man he could be—if you support him enough to help him change.”

“That’s the thing,” I whisper, staring into the forest where Peter disappeared. “I don’t know how to let him back in again. What if we make up… then break up… and keep doing that over and over? I can’t take it, Amanda. I can’t live like that!”

“And no one should have to,” she agrees. “You’re right about that. You shouldn’t have to be the strong one and bear all the burdens. But what you do about it really is up to you.”

“I think I preferred it when I was under a spell,” I mutter, getting up off the ground.

Amanda chuckles. “Well, it certainly absolves both of you of any responsibility, doesn’t it? Just remember, the spell and the marriage vows only created an opportunity for the feelings to come out. It didn’t create them. Neither of you were forced or tricked.”

I shake my head. “But now I have to decide if I can trust him, and I don’t know if I can.”

“That means you never trusted him, Lucy. If you are going to be together, that’s the hurdle you need to pass.”

I shake my head, feeling tired, sick, and completely helpless. “I don’t think I can,” I murmur. “I really don’t think I can.”

Can my love for him outweigh my fear? The only thing I know right now is that I can’t handle this pain, and I never want to feel it again.