Chapter Thirteen

Lucien knew he was losing control of what was going on. He knew that his sexual relationship with Aksel could no longer be described as casual by any stretch of the imagination. It frightened him. And it made him giddy. He caught himself smiling randomly at odd times, unable to contain his happiness.

But at the same time, a part of him couldn't trust this happiness. Part of him waited for the other shoe to drop. It wasn't normal for him to be so content, to feel so good about himself, so happy. Part of him didn't expect it to last.

And of course, it didn't.

But it blew up in his face in a way Lucien hadn't expected at all.

It took him longer than it should have to realize that Dainiri was at its full phase and yet he wasn't experiencing any symptoms of a heat. He should have been experiencing the usual symptoms: the high sensitivity and higher libido, the moodiness and need for comfort. He might be on very strong suppressants, but even the strongest suppressants couldn't entirely suppress a Dainiri omega's heat.

Lucien felt a twinge of anxiety. He couldn't be... he couldn't be pregnant, could he?It was highly unlikely for a male omega to get pregnant outside of a heat.But not impossible.Especially when it was a Dainiri omega and the partner was a Xeus alpha —the pairing that was considered the most fertile. It wasn't impossible.

Not impossible .

His heart beating faster, Lucien made an appointment with his doctor.

On the way to the clinic, he could barely think of anything else. The mere idea of... of being pregnant again... It didn't make him nauseated and scared as it had decades ago. It would be Aksel's baby. A baby given to him by Aksel...A baby he could give to Aksel. A cute little baby with Aksel's blue eyes and dark hair. Something they had createdtogether.

And God, he... He wanted that. Lucien pressed his hands to his stomach and smiled helplessly.

His smile was gone when his doctor shook her head after running a quick blood test. "You're not pregnant, Lucien."

Oh.

Lucien blinked, feeling lost—and ridiculously disappointed.He'd been so convinced that he was pregnant.

"But your lack of heat symptoms is concerning," she said, frowning. "We'll need to run more tests. And then I'll do an ultrasound."

Half an hour later, Lucien was seated opposite his doctor, a knot of anxiety in his stomach.

She looked unusually grim as she looked at his bloodwork. "That's what I've been afraid of," she said with a sigh. "Your body is not producing the hormones it should. A Dainiri omega's body is supposed to constantly produce eggs, which are released by the ovaries during your heat—and sometimes outside of your heat, though it's rare. But you do not have an egg to release right now. That's why your body is not reacting to the full moon as it should."

"What does it mean?" Lucien said quietly.

She frowned. "It means you have an anovulatory cycle. It's quite normal in female betas of your age, but not for omegas. Usually... usually omegas start getting anovulatory cycles right before the end of their fertile years."

Lucien felt like he had been punched in his stomach. "But... But I'm only thirty-five."

"Yes. You should have still been at the peak of your fertility," she said. "Normally, Dainiri omegas start getting anovulatory cycles after the age of forty-five, sometimes fifty. But your case is unique. You have been on very strong suppressants for two decades. You haven't experienced a natural heat in ages. It was inevitable that such abuse of suppressants would affect your fertility. I have warned you about it, Lucien."

She had, a decade ago.And he'd brushed her concerns off. It had seemed irrelevant back then. It had seemed like a good thing. Why would he worry about the early loss of his heats?

And now...

Lucien wet his lips with his tongue. "How long do I have until the end of my fertile years?"

She shook her head. "It's impossible to say. This might be just an odd anovulatory cycle or you might never get another heat again. We'll have to wait and see." She pursed her lips and seemed to hesitate. Her voice was soft when she spoke again. "Even if your heats return, I have to warn you that it's unlikely you'll be able to get pregnant or carry to term. The suppressants have altered your reproductive system too much."

Lucien barely remembered thanking the doctor and saying goodbye to her.He barely remembered how he got home, his mind buzzing with a single thought he couldn't let go of.

His body was defective. Ruined irrevocably. His body wasn't good at the very thing omegas were supposed to be good for.

He was defective.

Lucien sat down on his bed and stared at the opposite wall unseeingly.

He was defective.

He'd always known that, but having it actually confirmed was...

The knock on his door barely made him react. It couldn't be Aksel, because Aksel wouldn't knock. It was a good thing it wasn't Aksel or he would burst into tears and cling to him like a baby, wanting to be comforted. Aksel couldn't comfort him, not about this. Not when he was part of the reason why he felt like this.That baby with Aksel's eyes that he had imagined? It would never exist.

It would never exist.

"It's rather rude not to open your door when someone is knocking," a familiar voice said sharply.

Lucien turned his head and found himself looking at Vagrippa.

In other circumstances, he would have felt worried and annoyed by her uninvited presence in his room. Now he felt nothing. He couldn't summon any feeling.

"We need to talk," she said.

"I don't feel like talking," Lucien said tonelessly.

Vagrippa fixed him with an unimpressed stare. "You will put an end to it. Immediately."

Lucien stared at her blankly, and finally, felt a twinge of concern. Surely she must have been talking about something else, not his relationship with Aksel. Surely she didn't know?

But what little hope he had disappeared when she spoke again. "Aksel has enough trouble being accepted in society as it is. I didn't think you so thoughtless. So senseless and selfish."

Lucien swallowed. "Vagrippa—"

The glare she pinned him with made him feel fourteen all over again.

"You ungrateful, selfish boy," she hissed. "We accepted you into our family when you had nothing, when even your pack turned their back on you. We gave you the protection of our name and our home, and that's what you repay us with? By seducing my youngest son?" Her face scrunched in disgust. "Don't you have any shame? I don't want to imagine when this sordid relationship even started—"

"There was nothing sordid between us while Aksel was young!" Lucien said furiously. "How can you think that?"

"He is still young! You're too old for him. He's an alpha who is just entering his prime years, while you're entering your middle age."

That wasn't true, strictly speaking. He was just thirty-five. By Eilan standards, he was still relatively young. Omegas weren't considered middle-aged until they hit their fifties.

Not that it mattered. He might as well be fifty. His body was ruined.

As if reading his thoughts, Vagrippa sneered. "You're very attractive now, but what about in twenty, thirty years? Aksel will be still in his prime, he will look as he does now, but you will not. You will look like me."

Lucien's stomach churned. "You're still beautiful," he said faintly, but Vagrippa did have a point. Alphas aged slower than omegas and betas. Well, to be fair, Dainiri omegas aged slower than betas, but still. Vagrippa's point was valid.

"You know you have no future together," she said, her expression hard. "You know it as well as I do. It isn't even the age difference that is the main problem. Given your history of heavy suppressants usage for decades and the miscarriage in your past, you're likely infertile. The scandal aside, you're not suited to be a mate for a young alpha like my son. You will only ruin his life—socially and personally."

Something painful lodged into his throat.

Lucien looked at her, unable to speak.It was like Vagrippa had plucked the thoughts from his mind.

And she was right. She was right about everything. Even the enormous scandal aside, he wasn't suited for Aksel in the long term. Aksel deserved better than a ruined, defective—and most likely barren—omega. They had no future together.

His eyes burning, Lucien turned away, not wanting this woman to see him fall apart.

"I understand," he said, with as much dignity as he could muster. "You don't have to worry that I don't understand my place. I don't have hopes of—of being Aksel's mate. I know I'm not nearly good enough."

Vagrippa sighed. "I'm glad we understand each other. I was concerned that you..." She trailed off. "I'm not a heartless monster, Lucien," she said at last, her voice stiff but not unkind. "I've never approved of your closeness to my son—frankly, I was scared of it—but I understand that you were lonely. I do believe that you genuinely care for him. That's why I believe that you'll do the right thing and not ruin his life."

Lucien would have preferred harsh, cruel words. Somehow, this was worse. She wasn't being vindictive or evil. She just wanted to protect her son. As would he—if he were capable of having one.

"I understand," he repeated, like a broken doll.

"And I hope you understand that Aksel shouldn't find out about this conversation. My son... he can be rather volatile and stubborn."

"I understand," he said woodenly.

He allowed himself to cry only when the door closed after her.

He didn't cry for himself. He cried for the pure, clueless boy he'd once been, the boy who believed in fairytale endings, in love and true mates. The boy who wanted a huge, loving family.

The boy who'd believed in happily ever after.

That boy was now truly dead.

***

Vagrippa was right about one thing: Aksel wouldn't accept his decision to end it if Lucien told him about his conversation with his mother. Aksel was a force of nature, unmovable and hard to argue with. He didn't take people's interference well.

So Lucien had to make it look like it was his idea. He had to be as cruel as possible, to make Aksel angry enough to keep his distance. Because Lucien knew himself, knew how weak for him he was. He didn't trust himself to stay away if Aksel was close enough and receptive to him.

The problem with that plan was, Aksel knew him too well to buy his sudden cruelty. Lucien wasn't sure he could pull it off. He wasn't sure he was capable of it. Everything in him rebelled against the idea of rejecting and being cruel to his alpha.

But he had no choice.

He needed to let Aksel go. He needed to let go, so that Aksel could move on, find another om—

God, he couldn't even think it. The mere thought of another omega in Aksel's arms made him so angry and hurt he didn't know what to do with himself. His instincts were screaming that it was wrong, that Aksel was his , his and no one else's.

But his instincts were wrong.

Aksel was his stepson, a man a decade his junior. He deserved better than him. He deserved things Lucien couldn't give him: social acceptance, a young mate—who wasn't his ruined stepfather he would always be ashamed of—who could give him a large, happy family. Aksel deserved better than a broken, tainted, defective omega like him.

He must do this for Aksel.

He must do this for the kind boy who'd once been his only friend.