Chapter 15

When the meal ended, everyone drifted back toward the beach.

Noah and Maggie joined in an exhilarating game of beach volleyball. Amidst the flurry of volleys and dives, Boon bounded into the game with unrestrained enthusiasm. With a playful bark, he intercepted the volleyball mid-air, paws kicking up sand and tail wagging as he skidded to a stop in front of Noah.

Both teams exchanged looks, then broke into amused grins followed by peals of laughter as the volleyball game transformed more into a game of keep-away and fetch with the dog.

Once the game ended, Noah went to fill up Boon's water dish, and left him tied up at the base of a tree with the other two dogs, while he and Maggie went to splash in the white-crested Lake Michigan waves.

Maggie had initially tried to avoid swimming, telling Noah that she was fine standing on the warm, sugar-sand beach and occasionally letting the cool blue waves slide over her feet and ankles.

"C'mon, Mags," Noah insisted. "Swim with me!"

"I dunno. I think the water's too—" But the rest of what she'd been about to say got lost in a shriek as Noah suddenly picked her up, tossed her over his shoulder, and strode into the water.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" she puffed with each step.

"I'm taking you swimming."

"I love looking at Lake Michigan. But I only swim in well-heated pools!" she said, trying to wriggle free.

"Until now," he replied, giving her backside a couple of playful pats.

She shrieked again. "Noah Riley, you put me down right now!"

"As you wish." And with that, he pulled her off his shoulder, cradling her against his chest for one blissful second before tossing her high into the air—more shrieking—and letting her land in the water with a solid splash.

She came up sputtering, her curls now limp and plastered all over her face. She peeled the strands away and her toffee-colored eyes narrowed dangerously. "That was really not a wise thing to do."

"Why not?" Noah was still laughing.

"Because I'm really good at this."

Before he realized what she was doing, she executed a swift somersault, her legs sweeping his from under him, and he teetered off balance, water swirling over his head.

He popped back up to the surface, coughing.

"Guess you shouldn't have had your mouth open," she smirked.

"All right, Milena. It's game on!"

She laughed, deftly sidestepping his playful advance, and dove beneath him. He felt her fingers at his waist and then her legs wrapped around his, tipping him off balance and leaving him submerged once again.

They continued playing in the waves like a couple of kids until Maggie finally called it quits. "I'd like to get at least a little lounging on the beach before this day is over," she told him.

They trudged out of the water, throwing splashes at each other as they went. Jaime's and Noah's families, along with most of the partygoers, had already left. But back on the sandy shoreline, Noah and Maggie's towels and blankets still lay side by side where they'd left them. They first checked on Boon, who now lay sleeping comfortably in the shade of the giant oak. Then the two of them stretched out and let the golden rays of the late afternoon sunshine warm them up.

Maggie lay on her back, her sunglasses hiding her eyes. Noah started out lying on his stomach, but eventually rolled onto his side and propped his head up onto one hand. He took a moment to admire the lush curves of her sun-kissed body, accentuated by her vibrant bikini.

Maggie was such a fun, beautiful, intelligent woman. He marveled again at the fact that even after all these years of providing people with happy endings to their love stories, she still hadn't managed to find her own.

He considered her prone form thoughtfully. Then, sitting up, he said, "All right, Milena, what's your story?"

Maggie tipped her sunglasses down and looked up at him in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"When we were in high school, you dated Joe, the most popular guy in school," he said. "But everyone knew he was a total loser and didn't deserve you at all. You're smart and beautiful, Mags. At any moment, you probably could have snapped your fingers and dated anyone else, because half the guys in our class were in love with you." Me most of all. But he could never say that last part out loud.

"Get outta here!" she said, replacing her sunglasses.

"I'm serious, Maggie!" Noah said, unwilling to be put off. He was determined to understand her better. "You now know all about my embarrassing dating history of FDFs. I know I'm your client and you have a right to know all that to help me. But we're also friends, right? So fair's fair. How have you remained single all this time? And what did Jaime mean at breakfast this morning when she said she wished those losers hadn't messed you up so much? What was she talking about?"

Maggie sighed and sat up as well. "You're not going to let this go, are you." It wasn't a question. And Noah continued looking at her expectantly.

The warm glow of the sun enveloped them and waves lapped along the shore, their foam gently shaped by the warm evening breeze.

Maggie took a deep breath and removed her sunglasses. Her eyes swept the horizon as if searching for the perfect words, then her golden gaze turned to his. "Like I mentioned before, in college, one of my majors was psychology. I find the subject fascinating, particularly with regard to interpersonal relationships. I've read loads of books on the topic, and over the years, I've come to psychoanalyze myself. I made the big mistake of sharing my theory about myself with Jaime a while back."

"Why was it a mistake?"

"Because Jaime is like a dog with a bone," Maggie said with exasperation, "and she just won't let it go now!"

"What's your theory?"

Maggie's eyes dropped to the sand and she drew her knees tight to her chest, as if building a protective barrier. "I already told you about how after growing up in a loving family environment, I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle after my parents died."

Noah nodded his acknowledgment. "You said that your aunt and uncle didn't have a great marriage and fought all the time. And that's what sparked your desire to bring romance and happy endings to other people in your life."

"Yes," Maggie agreed. "But there's more to my story than I originally told you."

Noah could see genuine sadness reflected in Maggie's eyes, and he could hear it in her voice.

She lifted her eyes to look out over the water again as a few nearby children shouted, playing tag with the waves. Seagulls wheeled on wind currents overhead, their bright white wings almost glowing in the fading light of early evening. "It wasn't just that my aunt and uncle didn't love each other, they...didn't love me either." Her voice broke a bit. "After I moved in, it was quickly clear that they didn't want me. Never wanted me. I was a burden to them, an obligation they felt they had to fulfill."

Noah frowned, but didn't speak, waiting for her to continue.

"For as long as I lived with them, I bent over backward trying to do anything and everything I could to earn their love and acceptance. I tried to be the perfect student, did chores around the home without even being asked, made myself as amiable as possible. But it didn't matter. Nothing I did was ever good enough."

Her gaze returned to his. "Over the past couple of years, I've come to recognize that their attitude toward me affected me in some specific ways."

Noah tilted his head. "Such as?"

She took another deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking. Her next words sounded almost as if she was reading from a textbook. "When a child has unresponsive caretakers, that can often trigger deep-seated feelings of being unworthy or not good enough. Children that lack self-worth often begin telling themselves that they're not loveable enough to have the relationships they want." She dropped her chin to rest against her knees. "And, well, basically, I've given myself a classic diagnosis of self-sabotage. I choose the wrong men and maintain unhealthy relationships because deep down, I just don't feel worthy of love."

Noah was stunned. Maggie was a literal gift to everyone who knew her, to him most of all. How could such an incredible woman feel this way?

"But if you know that's what you're doing, can't you just stop?" Noah asked, feeling confused.

Maggie smiled, but it didn't touch her eyes. "You'd think so, wouldn't you? But even though I know with my head that my belief is wrong—I mean, we're all worthy of love, right? Even though I intellectually understand this, on a subconscious level, I haven't yet been able to convince my heart. So, I keep choosing men who don't treat me well. Who don't value me. And I keep repeating the same destructive behavior of bending over backward to try and earn their love in order to make my relationships work."

Noah's mind flashed back to high school. Everyone in their class knew that Joe was sleeping around on Maggie, but she'd been completely loyal to him. He'd watched her fight to keep that worthless relationship going until it had all come to a head. Joe's cheating had finally become so blatant she just couldn't ignore it anymore.

"So, you're saying that even the guys you dated in college and afterward were as disrespectful to you as Joe was in high school?

Maggie gave him a solemn nod, then added, "But there is a bright side."

"What?"

"Through the help of a really good counselor, I've finally come to realize that even though I've been on a self-destructive path, I am fixable."

Noah grinned. "I'm glad you realize that."

Maggie smiled back. "My counselor has helped me understand that my previous relationships didn't fail completely because of me. They failed because—to be blunt—the men I chose were narcissists who never truly loved anyone but themselves. And I understand now that those relationships were not worth saving anyway."

"That's a great step forward, Mags," Noah said, smiling at the lift of her chin and the determination he saw reflected in those heart-melting eyes.

Now that she'd shared all this with him, his heart began to lift. He understood now why she didn't have a special man in her life. His thoughts whirled. He'd been called many things in his life, but never a narcissist. Maybe he could finally have his shot with Maggie, ask her out, and move out of the friend zone where he'd been trapped for so long. And maybe, just maybe, he could finally confess the true feelings he'd harbored for her ever since she'd first tutored him in chemistry.

"Yes, it is," Maggie agreed, breaking into his daydream. "But now, in order to prevent my unhealthy pattern from continuing, I've stopped dating completely. No men, no relationships. Period."

The hopeful high Noah had begun riding only a few seconds ago deflated like a balloon inside him. He felt as if he'd just been sucker punched. "Oh. Uh...for how long?"

She gave a small shrug. "I don't know. Months? Years maybe? As long as it takes for me to feel confident that I'll get it right next time."

Noah fought to keep his expression neutral. This was her solution? Even if he was brave enough to finally ask her out—admittedly a dangerous proposition for her in itself—she'd clearly never agree to it now.

Noah had fallen in love with this woman when he was sixteen years old. And spending this time with her over the past few days had only solidified his feelings. He still loved her deeply. But now a feeling of sadness sank like a rock in the pit of his stomach, because she'd just made it clear that there was nothing he could do about it. He'd finally reconnected with her again, only to be forced into what? More waiting? He felt overwhelmed with the hopelessness of it all. Would their timing ever work out?

"Noah, are you feeling all right?" Maggie was looking at him with concern.

"Yeah, yeah," he said with a small shake of his head. "I'm just...processing."

"You know, all of this self-reflection right now is making me think more about you and your situation." She looked thoughtful.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, now that I understand the truth behind your dating history, the whole story about your FDFs..." She narrowed her eyes at him.

Noah grinned, not even embarrassed anymore.

"I'm starting to wonder if maybe you're doing some self-sabotaging yourself?"

He frowned. The idea that he could possibly have been self-sabotaging his first dates with women had never occurred to him. "But, I've never struggled with feeling unworthy of love," he said. "And with only a few exceptions, most of the women I ask out are...well, nice ladies. They're certainly not narcissists."

"True," she said, studying him. "And I didn't mean that you were doing it for the same reason I was, or even in the same way. But could you be self-sabotaging for another reason?"

"I don't know why I would," he said. "I mean, I see what my brothers have, what Pops has with Tilly. And I want that for myself. I want to find true love. I came to you for help because I just figured I'm really bad at trying to choose the right woman for me."

Maggie nodded slowly. "Maybe just think about this whole idea for a bit, whether there could be something that's holding you back from giving your all on these first dates?"

"I guess I can do that," Noah said. "But maybe to play it safe, after we find Valentina, I'll try the ‘not dating thing' too for a while."

"Oh no! Did I just talk you out of being my client?" She laughed.

Just then, Noah's cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his duffel bag and tapped the screen before setting it down between them.

"Hey, Hugo! I'm with Maggie at the beach right now, and you're on speaker. What's up?"

"I could ask you the same question, amigo. Is there something you forgot to tell me?"

"What do you mean?"

"The police just found your car."