35. KNOX

THIRTY-FIVE

KNOX

I'm not sure what happened, but I liked it. Having gone cold turkey on our relationship, that was so much more intense than I'd expected, and hey—at least this time, it was Easton who was fast on the trigger.

If our relationship ends up being time apart followed by fast and filthy sex in place of a hello, I think I can get on board with that.

I run my hand along his back.

"As much as you know I love this ass and your dick, I'd actually like some time with your face, please."

He climbs off me, then turns around so we're face-to-face. Those gray eyes always catch me off guard, and as he looks down at me, I need a moment to admire him. That he chose me, the same way I'm choosing him.

"I might be scared of fucking this up," I say.

He laughs softly. "Can you really fuck it up more than telling me we should take a step back so we both end up miserable for weeks?"

"When you put it like that, it's actually reassuring."

He's still smiling, but there's something behind his eyes. "I know I joke, but that hurt, Knox. I need to know you're serious and aren't going to turn around and change your mind again. You're not the only one who's scared of failing here."

I don't have anything I can say to him that will help because it's a valid concern. I'm low-key scared of that as well, but while I might worry about a lot of things, while I might not think I'm good enough or I'm worried about all my planning not being enough for us to last, I've made up my mind. I'm going to do everything I can to keep him because quitting on Easton again isn't an option.

I don't think I'd survive it twice.

"Considering I'm already in a fairy-tale, happily-ever-after love with you, it won't take much for me to fall in realistic love with you as well."

"You are?"

I'm not exactly subtle. "Why do you think I'm here? Come on." I ease him up and off me before leading him over to his coffee table. I throw him his briefs and pull mine on before we sit down and study the work I've done.

And by work, it's more scribbled notes and flow charts and flight schedules and—okay, so maybe it looks like one giant murder board, but I needed to know this could work.

"You've got another game here before you leave for LA on Tuesday. You're gonna be gone until Thursday, but I'm not back until Saturday. Then we'll both have Sunday together."

His jaw tightens slightly. "Okay. So one day in a week."

"Then nothing the week after."

His face falls.

"But five days the week after that."

"Five?" He grins at me.

"And probably two the following week. November is tricker, but you've got a game in New York at the same time as I'm reffing one in Jersey, and then you're in Buffalo while I'm in Montreal for my second NHL game. If you leave right after your game, we can meet halfway and spend the night together. "

Easton turns away from the scheduling to face me instead. "You've really worked this out."

"It's going to be hard, East. You need to know that so you can be sure this is really what you want."

"You're all I've ever wanted since I was twelve years old. This doesn't scare me. This gives me hope."

And thank fuck for that because it's giving me hope too. We'll be in a long-distance relationship while practically living right next door to each other.

"I'm going to ask Connor if I can stay living with him, at least for the rest of the season. I know it's a big ask and that I can afford my own place now, but I'll hardly be there, and at least if we stay close, that's less that can get in our way when we're both home. Next summer, we can figure out the logistics."

"Connor will say yes. If he doesn't, I'll remind him of that time he finger-banged his girlfriend in my bed at a party. He owes me one."

I screw up my face. "I think he owes you twenty."

East's gaze drops lower, and he drags a finger over my nose. "Your freckles kill me."

"You know how much I used to hate them."

"Until you figured out that they'd get you laid."

I shrug, because yeah.

"I always thought of them as mine, you know?"

I smile under his touch. "My freckles?"

"It used to make me so angry when Connor would talk about someone else liking them. I told your girlfriend in senior year of high school that they were a skin condition."

A laugh jolts from me because of course he did. "No wonder we didn't date for long."

"You were heartbroken."

"I was dramatic," I correct. "It was high school , East." I take the hand still tracing my nose and link my fingers through his. "They're your freckles. Always. "

He leans in and kisses them.

And while I've grown to use them to my advantage, this is the first time I've ever wanted to text my mom and thank her for the inheritance.

"If we've only got two more days," East says, pushing out of his briefs, "we better make them count."

We make them count. They count so much that we lose count of how many times we come. Sex isn't the most important part of our relationship, but I get the feeling that with our limited time together, it will play a large role in our reunions. We will need some clothed time, though, because I doubt Connor will want to hang out while I'm sucking his brother's dick on the next couch.

Considering Connor and East have the same schedule, it'll be a juggling act to make sure that I get my fill of Easton while making sure I don't lose my friendship with Connor.

Summer can't come fast enough.

Easton's grip on my hand tightens. "He's late. Why is he late?"

"Because Ron is a busy man and still managed to fit me in at short notice." I got my feedback on the Colorado game this morning, and it was perfect. The best feedback email I've had so far. It proves that I can be impartial and that when I'm not so in my head about everything, I can actually do my job really fucking well.

Then I'd had to email Ron and let him know we needed to talk. Which is ominous in about every capacity, but the man has literally just got the scheduling sorted out, and here I am fucking with it again.

Please don't let him fire me .

East and I discussed keeping our relationship on the down-low. It would be easy enough to do with our limited time together and us living next door, but ultimately, I want this job to be my whole future career, and it doesn't feel right deceiving the NHLOA. If they did find out about us through accident, that would create a world of issues, my ethics would be called into question, and Connor's and Easton's careers and the games I reffed would be scrutinized under a microscope.

I don't want any of us to have to go through that.

So I'm being honest. And hoping this won't blow up in my face.

"Last chance to back out," East murmurs.

"No way. If I only get pockets of time to see you, I don't want to spend any of those worried about who might see us or where we can go together. We're already making a big sacrifice, and I refuse to make any more."

"Okay."

Having him here is about the only thing that gets me to click on Ron's call when it pops up.

"Knox, what can I do … Easton Kikishkin." Ron hesitates. "This doesn't feel good."

"Yes and no."

East scowls. "It's good. All good."

"Uh-huh." Ron's gaze moves between us. "Why don't you let me decide that?"

"East and I are together," I say quickly. "I realize the timing isn't ideal, but last night's game has already been assessed, and we weren't together then anyway."

"Just happened to be the morning after."

"I know how it looks." Might as well address that right away. "In the off-season, we started seeing each other, then when I got the job, we broke up because I was convinced the travel would kill us."

"For the record," East cuts in, "he's also stupidly loyal to his job and didn't want to risk that, but I've been in love with him forever, and I'm a pretty convincing guy. "

"Right." Ron wipes a hand over his face. "Why is this year determined to send me gray?"

I know better than to point out that he's already gray. "This wasn't planned. I really didn't think there was hope for us." I'm not trying to hurt East; I just want to make sure Ron knows the whole situation. "But there's a difference between casually seeing someone and them being your future. I wouldn't gamble my dream career on casual."

"Well, that's good to know. At the end of the day, you're an adult, and I'm not about to tell you who you can and can't see. Easton being a player makes this a lot harder though. It's not the same as having a best friend in the league—we tend to have a vested interest in our romantic partners."

"I do, but I also have a vested interest in keeping my job. East knows there won't be special treatment, and he wouldn't expect there to be. I'm going to be completely candid here: our jobs will make our relationship hard. We're barely going to see each other, a lot of it is going to be long distance, but we both love our careers too much to walk away. We're sacrificing our relationship for hockey, and maybe in ten years when East is retired?—"

"Excuse me?"

I ignore him. "—it'll be easier. For right now, our careers take priority, but we love each other too much to not make this work."

"It's not only the games with Colorado that are the issue though. What if Colorado is on the cusp of making the playoffs next year and they need a team to lose? What do you do then?"

"I ref like I would any other day. Do I want East to win the Cup? Of course. But if he doesn't, it means he's home with me for a longer summer."

That seems to reassure Ron.

"My games are all assessed. Take me off Colorado if you need to, put me on all AHL games, whatever. Please don't fire me."

He's wearing a resigned smile. "There's nothing in the rule books for this. Misconduct or not performing are basically the only reasonable options for letting you go, and this doesn't fall under either of those things. What it does fall under is a headache that I'm going to be dealing with until I sort this out."

"I'm really sorry."

"Even I'm not enough of a grumpy bastard to think you have to apologize for that. It might not sound like it, but I appreciate you telling me. How many Colorado games do you have on your schedule?"

"Only two more this year."

"Okay." It sounds like he's talking to himself. "I can work with that. We'll pull you off the two of those, and then I'll have a good think about how to handle things moving forward."

Being pulled from those games is a pain in the ass because they were guaranteed time with East, but I get it.

Ron rubs his temple. "Keep doing well this season though, and we'll reassess next year. Prove you're on that ice for all the right reasons, like you say you are, and we'll go from there."

"Thank you so much."

"I'll be in touch." Ron ends the call, and all the tension seeps out of me.

That's done.

I still have my job.

And East is still right here beside me.

Exactly where he was always meant to be.