26. EASTON

TWENTY-SIX

EASTON

We might have lost the first away game, but we came back strong in the second and are heading home relieved.

Tired, but relieved.

Because it's such a short flight home, we're scheduled to take off as soon as the team is done at the arena.

I'm the first one on the bus to head to the airport, and I swear everyone else is moving in slow motion. I want to get home already. If everyone hurries up and gets to the bus and we take off on time, I'll be able to get home around the same time Knox gets off work.

I'm excited because now I'm not leaving Colorado, and with any luck, neither is Knox, we have a chance at something real. He said his call went well, he has the job, but now it's just a matter of where he'll be placed. If he gets the ref position, we're never going to see each other during the season, so it won't matter if he has to move, but if he gets a linesman position and has a home base with minimal travel, we'll have the opportunity I've been waiting for for most of my adult life. Which, granted, hasn't been long, considering I'm twenty-three, but I've also wanted Knox a lot longer than the last few years .

My crush on him began long before I knew what a crush was. What am I supposed to do when my dream man becomes a chance of reality?

Does it make me a horrible person if I hope he gets the lower-paying job so he can date me properly? Maybe not horrible, but it is selfish.

I want to be home with Knox already.

Sure, we'll probably be too tired to do anything but quickly get off and fall asleep, but we'll get to be next to each other. Then tomorrow, I have the entire day off, and I'm going to try to convince Knox to call in sick. He has the AHL job now, one position or the other, so he shouldn't have to wait tables anymore. What's the worst that could happen if he calls in sick? They fire him?

If we could have one day together, away from hockey, away from Connor and the rest of my family … if it was just us, maybe we could get more of an idea of how we feel about each other.

I've gotta say, the sex is amazing—he's everything I'd fantasized about and more in that department—but outside of that, he's still Knox, Connor's best friend, and I think he still sees me as Easton, little brother to his best friend.

In bed, we're a couple. Outside of it, we're … still the same people we always were.

And I guess that's not a bad thing entirely, but I kind of wish we had the chance to get to know each other outside of all that as well.

The flight is too long, and everyone's moving slowly.

I regret carpooling with Connor because it's like he knows why I'm in such a hurry and is going slower than everyone else.

I'm standing by his car, gesturing by waving "let's go" while he talks with Flores. He finally pulls himself away and unlocks the car.

I jump in and bounce in my seat.

He takes even longer to put his shit in the back and get into the driver's side. "I'd ask why you're so impatient to get home, but I don't think I want to know."

"You're right. You don't."

Connor slumps back in his seat. "I just want to say one thing."

"Great, can you say it while we're on our way home?"

He starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot, but he doesn't say whatever it is he wants to say.

"Get to it," I prompt.

"I know you really wanted the trade, and I'm sorry you didn't get it."

I narrow my gaze. "Are you sure you're sorry?"

"Okay, I'm not, because if it were up to me, all three of us would be on the same team, but I do understand why you wanted it, and again, I want to apologize for ever making you feel that way."

My focus shifts from thoughts of Knox for the first time all night and latches on to Connor. "You have to stop beating yourself up over it. Yes, I like how protective you are of me and Lachie. All the time? No. But I understand it means you love us and want the best for us. Things are good now. I promise. And I'm okay with staying. It means I'll probably have a real chance with Knox, and that was the biggest issue you and I had. You saw him as yours and me as yours."

He winces quickly but keeps his eyes on the road. "It was more that I was told I had to protect and look after you and Lachie, and I know how Knox is with hookups. I thought …"

"You thought if we hooked up, he'd then ghost me?"

"Or date you and get bored like he does the others. And then on the other side, I guess … I guess I did see Knox as mine. He's my friend, not yours, and I know that sounds like we're in kindergarten again, but …"

"But what?"

"Okay, this is kind of shitty to admit, but while Mom and Dad told me to look out for you, I grew to kind of resent it because I couldn't have anything that was my own. I took you and Lachie to hockey practice. I bullied kids who I thought were mean to you when they weren't or wanted to maybe date you when they didn't. I almost felt like a teen parent. So, Knox … he was my escape from all of that. And now, as you tell me that I'm overbearing and Knox tells me that he wants to be with you, it feels as though I'm stripped bare of all of my layers, and the person I am underneath? I don't know him. I don't think I like him."

I guess I've always seen Connor as this invincible guy. Someone so strong and confident. But here he is with all that armor off, and I see someone who doesn't even know himself. All because he felt the need to look after me more than himself.

"Wow." That's all I can say.

"Sorry, I know that's heavy."

"No, not that. Well, yeah, it's heavy, but damn. Could you bring home the guilt any harder?"

His eyes widen as he takes his gaze off the road for a split second to glare my way.

"I'm joking. Mostly. I do feel guilty, but I'm not resentful like I would've been a week or two ago. You know what I'm hearing though?"

"What's that?"

"You have a chance now to discover who inner Connor is, and I'm damned well sure he's a great guy. Probably. I mean, your chances are pretty good. You're related to me, and I am awesome."

Connor cracks a smile. "I hope you're right."

I know I am.

He'll get there. Eventually.

With all the dilly-dallying, the team not caring about my poor dick, by the time we get home, I have little hope of finding Knox awake.

I first go to his and Connor's place and get excited he's not there. It could mean he's still at work, and I still have time to plan something actually romantic instead of whatever that was a few weeks ago with makeshift mood lighting and lukewarm restaurant leftovers. But no, as soon as I walk into my town house, I find his wallet and keys on the kitchen counter and then find him in my bedroom, on his stomach, fully dressed, drooling on my pillow, and snoring his head off.

And he says I snore. Lies. He can probably hear himself and is blaming me.

I'm tempted to wake him up the same way he did to me before I went on this road trip, but there's a difference here. I was expecting him to do it. Maybe if he were naked or gave any indication he wanted to be woken up when I got home, but all I have is a text saying, "Can't wait to see you."

If he couldn't wait, then why did he close his eyes?

I grumble while I undress and climb into bed beside him, me under the covers, him still on top. He had to have had an exhausting night for him to fall asleep face-first on top of my bed.

I should actually check if he's breathing. He hasn't moved, even when I got into bed next to him. It's definitely not because I want an excuse to wake him, but he could very well be dead. By reaching over and touching him, I could be saving his life. The snoring means nothing!

He stirs—hooray, proof of life—but when his eyes crack open and he sees me there, he gives me a lazy smile, says, "Baby," and then promptly passes out again.

Okay, so it wasn't the orgasms or romantic date that I was expecting, but in some ways, this is better.

Because if that's his first thought when he sees me when he wakes up? I don't think I have anything to worry about when it comes to us.