25. KNOX

TWENTY-FIVE

KNOX

Watching their game from home is a bad call because while it's not a mess, it's also not the best they can play either. That said, whatever friction Connor and Easton have been going through at training, it's not showing on the ice.

A small part of me is relieved because the Kiki brothers in their prime is worth more to Colorado than a first-place draft pick. At least, that's what I've been telling myself. It's not very "good boyfriend" of me to hope that the trade never happens, but I really don't want it to. A big part of that is selfishly wanting to make a real shot with Easton because I'm starting to feel like we could be the real deal.

The smaller part is that … I don't think it would be good for him and Connor. He says he wants independence, and I'll support that and keep my thoughts to myself, but if East leaves while things are still rocky, will it ever get better? Connor needs that chance to prove that he can change, and Easton needs to learn how to separate himself from his brother, no matter what people outside of him are doing.

I can only imagine how hard it is to be constantly compared to someone your whole life, but I don't think that will change if he moves to another team. It'll just shift. Less Kiki brothers and more points of comparison, how they are head-to-head, who's having the better year. Personally, I think that pressure will be worse.

Or maybe I'm grasping for reasons I think he should stay since I have my conversation tomorrow, and when it comes to the AHL, I think I'm most likely going to be offered a linesman position. It's the lower end of the pay scale, so I'll still have to supplement some of my income, but nothing like it is now. And it also means that I'll end up having a home arena, and since I already live in Colorado, it would make a lot of sense for them to base me here.

With the feeling that I'm going to be staying in Colorado, it makes me more tempted than ever to nudge Easton toward withdrawing from his trade request.

I have no clue how to talk to him about that, though, because he has a lot of valid reasons for wanting to go, and I'm not sure yet if I'm supposed to be a shut-up-and-support partner or a tells-it-like-it-is partner.

My phone goes off beside me, so I mute the postgame commentary and grab it. The name "Hotshot" is on the screen, and I don't call Connor that as often anymore; it was my nickname for him in high school, and it stuck.

Hotshot:

Fuck. It's happening. I don't think I'm ready.

I read the message twice, pulse skipping higher with every word. Does he mean … is East being traded?

This is hockey. It's a standard in the game. When I was considering the draft, I knew there was a chance I could end up anywhere in the country. Same with Connor and Easton. So why am I getting a slightly panicky feeling in my bones?

I quickly call Connor.

"He's being traded?" I ask, skipping the hello altogether.

"Hold on." There are muffled voices before the other end goes silent. His voice stays low when he's back though. "I think so. The owner's here and everything."

"Really?" That's not something owners usually get involved in. I mean, sure, they're the ones with all the weight, but telling players isn't always an official sit-down conversation. Sometimes it's a quick phone call from the coach, and they're off. Sometimes the media tells the world before the player finds out. "Why would he be there?"

"I don't know. It was him and Coach."

If their coach is involved, I think Connor's right. "Well. Okay."

He exhales loudly. "Can I still talk to you like a best friend?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're dating East now, and you've always been the guy I talk to about him. Is what I say going to get back to him?"

That's something I hadn't really considered before. East has vented about Connor to me, and I didn't run off and tattle. Should this be the same?

"You can talk to me," I promise him. "But I will pull you up if I think you're crossing lines."

"So, I know I'm overbearing, and East hates that and wants me to back off, but … I don't want him to go."

I swallow thickly. "Yeah. Me neither."

"I should have said something. We could have stopped this?—"

"No, we couldn't have. You know your brother." Stubbornly determined, goes after what he wants. All things that drew me to him in the first place. "If you tried to make him stay, he would have run faster. All we can do is cross our fingers that it will be somewhere close."

"Minnesota."

"What?"

Connor sighs. "At our meeting. Our parents were nudging Coach to try Minnesota. And let's face it: they'd be stupid to say no."

"Why … why there?"

"Because you came up in the conversation, and they knew about East's crush, so they thought if he was there, where the two of you were away from me, that you might have a chance at something."

It's lucky I'm sitting down because wow. "Well, that's awkward."

"Yep."

We're quiet for a long moment as the obvious sets in. "There's no AHL team in Minnesota."

"What if we both lose him?" Connor finally asks.

I get the alert for another call and quickly check the display. "Shit, he's calling now."

"He's not back yet. Tell him to come see me as soon as you're done."

I promise I will, then switch to Easton's call, trying to inject warmth into my voice, even though I'm nervous.

"Hey, you played great tonight. Sorry the W didn't come through."

"Yeah, umm, thanks." He's distracted. "So it turns out?—"

I brace myself.

"I'm not being traded."

"Sorry, what?"

"Yeah …" His voice trails off into nothing. "I just had a meeting with Coach, the GM, and Mr. Duchene, and apparently, even though it was approved, it now doesn't fit Mr. Duchene's plans or whatever."

The nerves in my gut loosen. "So you're staying with Colorado?"

"Sounds like it."

I remind myself that I'm not allowed to be excited about this, because how I feel about it doesn't matter. "I'm sorry. I know you really wanted it. "

Easton laughs softly. "I did. Part of me still kinda does, but things have felt better, and I was on the fence about whether I wanted to go through with it or not. Plus … don't get a big head, but if I'm staying, maybe that means we'll actually get to see each other sometimes. I can't make you fall madly in love with me if I'm never here, can I?"

The gallop my heart gives at his teasing warns me that he might not have to try all that hard. "What happened to your love for Parker?"

"It's suddenly conflicted."

"Am I allowed to suddenly be in love with him? Because you know I would have been there for you no matter where they sent you, but I can't lie and say I'm not happy about this instead."

"Good. Now we just need the officials to keep your ass in Colorado as well, and maybe we can make things not so casual?"

It's ridiculous how excited I get about that idea, but I'm not going to let on. Not yet. Half an hour ago, I was so confident that I'd be offered a position here in Colorado, but now that Easton is staying, I'm suddenly convinced I'll be sent to North Carolina or something.

"Let's talk when you're home. By then, we'll both know what we're doing."

"Yeah. You're right."

Then, because I can't let the call end like that, I say three words I probably shouldn't. "I miss you."

I can hear Easton's smile in his voice when he replies. "I miss you too."

My hands are sweating as I answer the video call from Ron Dailey. I'm in a button-up, and my strawberry blond hair has been wrangled into something presentable, but I still feel like a hot mess as I say, "Hi."

Ron's probably late fifties, judging by his salt-and-pepper hair and the deep lines across his forehead, but unlike me, he's in a polo shirt, and his hair looks like he's run his fingers through it fifty times already this morning.

"Knox Addison?"

"Hey, it's nice to meet you."

"You too." His voice is rough and gravelly but sounds friendly enough. "Thanks for giving me this time to chat."

"Of course. I'm very interested in your offer." There's no point in playing down my interest. After my call with Easton last night, I've decided that I'm going to hear them out and then make the best choice for me. If I have any luck at all, things will fall into place, just like they have with East.

"I'm glad. We're down two officials this year, and some of the younger officials coming through have been …" He pulls a face. "Unreliable. I've been looking for two replacements since late last season, but I didn't know about you."

That stings, even though it shouldn't. The PWHL is coming a long way, making strides in women's sport and selling more and more tickets each year. I might have different rules and regulations to follow on the ice for women's hockey as opposed to men's, but I originally started in the ECHL. I keep up to date on all the changes across all leagues and am more than capable of doing it all. "I've been refereeing with the PWHL since it started. The ECHL before that. I played in high school and college and refereed casual games on weekends since long before that."

"Yeah, I've been looking into you. You've got a great resume and recently officiated that charity match in Las Vegas?"

"I did."

His lips twitch in an impressed way. "Good to see. Well, like I said in my email, I have two AHL positions to fill, and ever since your name crossed my desk, I've been impressed. I have a few other people to speak to, but one of those positions is yours, if you want it."

I'm trying to control my excitement, but who doesn't love being told they've done a good job? That doesn't love to get that one step closer to their career goal? "I do. Ah, can I ask more about the position?"

He laughs. "Of course. I have one linesman and one referee. I have to speak with some of these other guys, and I have a bit of reshuffling to do with this season's schedule, so I won't know more until that happens."

"So you don't know where the linesman home arena would be yet?"

"No. Most of the East Coast is covered, but I'll have a clearer idea once I have my people confirmed. I'm assuming you're flexible?"

It's on the tip of my tongue to tell him I won't move from Colorado, but what would be the point? If I don't take this, I'm going back to Minnesota in a couple of months anyway.

"I'm flexible."

"Wonderful. I should have everything organized this week since the season has really snuck up on me, and these last-minute changes are going to give me a heart attack. Once we have a position for you, we'll need you ready to go immediately. Will that be an issue?"

I hurry to shake my head. "I have a casual job that I don't need to give notice, and I'm currently living with Connor Kikishkin."

Ron pauses. "One of the Kiki brothers?"

His tone makes me nervous. "Ah, yeah. We've been best friends most of our lives. Is that going to be a conflict?" The only issue I can see is if I get the permanent referee position and end up moving between AHL and NHL games. Which is kind of a big issue.

"It's just good information to know. Talk soon? "

"Yeah. Thanks. This opportunity means a lot to me."

Ron's expression softens the slightest amount. "I won't leave you waiting too long."

He ends the call, and I stare at the screen for a really long time.

That didn't clear up anything at all.