39 Oldie but a Goodie

Lily

Lily scrolled through emails on her computer without actually processing them, waiting for a soul to approach while working through the snarl of her thoughts.

The day after the party, while Sharkie went to the movies with Lucifer, she and Bel had gone on a date, getting dinner at a Moroccan restaurant and sneaking kisses in between sips of mint tea. Afterwards, as they made their way back to his house to finally, finally indulge themselves in each other, he’d given her such a look of heated anticipation and joy that she’d been unable to resist temptation. Grabbing him by the front of his pants, she’d pulled him into a shadowy alcove in the Hall and kissed up his neck. He’d quickly turned the tables, the heat between them building and building, making her wonder how they’d manage to make it all the way to his house, when a new sensation had them both groaning.

“Please tell me that your cock magically vibrates and that isn’t your phone,” she’d sighed.

“Fuck, I wish.” He’d pulled back just enough to dig his phone out of his pocket and read the message, not bothering to hide it from her.

URGENT! Reinforcements needed. Call ASAP.

Lily had gripped the side of his shirt so tightly her fist ached, forcing herself to think calmly and clearly as she studied his handsome, rugged features.

He’d dropped the phone to his side, bending to press his forehead against hers and take a few slow breaths. She’d cradled his face with her other hand, breathing his air, savoring their closeness.

“I’m sorry, princess,” he’d murmured.

She’d pressed her thumb over his lips, stilling them. “Be safe,” she’d said softly, kissing him one more time. Then he’d been gone.

The whole week since he’d left, she’d half kicked herself for not growing the fuck up and telling him she loved him right then and there, but she hadn’t wanted it to be some clichéd “just-in-case.” She wanted to have it stand on its own and matter.

She loved Bel, and was fairly certain he felt the same, which was both thrilling and terrifying. Despite the habitual fear, she knew in her bones that Bel was nothing like the people in her past. There was only one thing to do. One thing she wanted to do. Let him in.

He’d poured his heart out in that meadow. She wanted to give him the same.

Bel had some old, deep personal wounds of his own, clearly having to do with his father, and possibly something or someone else. She hurt for him every time she saw that flash of insecurity. Perhaps by her being vulnerable, he would feel more comfortable to share some of the pain that he’d carried alone for so long.

Tell him. Just tell him. Or should I wait until I decide—

“Excuse me, I seem to be lost, and I was told to talk to you.” The young punk woman smiled politely at her, hands tucked in the pockets of her vest. One look at her eyes and Lily realized the youthful exterior was just a facade.

This soul was old. Very old.

She glanced at the desk. No file.

“Of course,” Lily said, giving the soul her full attention.

The woman’s mouth quirked up, lip piercing gleaming. “Love the name of the desk by the way, that’s hilarious.”

“Thanks! A little humor goes a long way in my book. So, how can I help?”

“It’s been a while since my last visit down here. I like what they’ve done with the place.” She paused, seeming…tired. “Anyway, I got a little turned around on my way to the Void.”

Lily ignored the sad twist in her chest and smiled. “Yeah, the Void keeps itself pretty tucked away. They really should have signs for it. So, if you go back up the stairs, once you hit the main Hall, hang a left and keep going. At the second intersection, take a right, and you should be in a hall with no other doors. At the end of that is the arch of the Void. If you don’t want to do the stairs to get back up to the Hall, you’re more than welcome to use the elevator.”

“Nah.” The soul shrugged. “It’s been a good, long run. I’d like to savor my last walk, ya know?”

Lily’s throat went tight, but she nodded, remembering all the lasts that she’d tried to enjoy. “I do. Would you like some company?”

The woman considered it, giving Lily a long look, then gazing around at the gate, the line of souls, the little shark plushy that Lily kept by the computer—a gift from Sharkie “for emergency support in case the demons are busy”—before smiling and shaking her head.

“Thank you, but no, I’d like to do this one myself. Are you one of the new full-time residents? Like, are you staying in the Afterlife permanently?”

The question sucker punched her right in the gut. “I don’t know. I’d like to, but…”

The woman tilted her head, propping her hip against the desk. “But what?”

Ah, what the hell.

Lily searched for the right words. “There are certain aspects of life and living that I’d like to experience. I think. But…” She looked at the black screen of her phone, where she knew that, if she tapped the screen, the picture of her, Bel, and Sharkie would appear. They’d all been in their pajamas for movie night, laughing at their hot cocoa mustaches when Bel grabbed her phone to get a selfie. Max was loafed on the arm of the sofa behind them, too proper for their nonsense.

Lily smiled. “But there are people here I care about. Very much.”

“Ah, now that does complicate things. I get the love of life and living, obviously, or I wouldn’t have gone back as many times as I did. But not all souls are meant for that. A few hundred lifetimes ago,” the woman said casually while Lily tried not to choke on her tongue, “I considered giving it all up to stay and gain just as much. But in the end, living a mortal life felt right to me. I’ve gone back time and again, seen and done it all, or most of it anyway. I’ve had lives that were so brutal and awful that they are unspeakable, and I’ve had lives that were so incandescently wonderful that I could spend an eternity trying to explain them and fail. I’ve known souls who gave it up, stayed here, and had lives that were just as incredible and full of joy and pain. We’re all made for different things.”

The woman shrugged again, adding with a grin, “So, maybe you go back someday, maybe you don’t, but in the meantime, I say let yourself be happy. With whoever and whatever ‘happy’ is for you. Anyway. Thanks for the directions.” With that, she turned and walked back towards the stairs.

Lily watched her go, mouth slightly agape. She snapped it shut, mentally shaking herself and squinting down at the desk that had been a gift from Lucifer and the Universe, but mostly the latter, as Lucifer had confessed one day. Why, of all the moments and topics, had that soul arrived at that moment and talked about that?

“Are you trying to tell me something or what? Don’t be coy, you fucking celestial coward.”

A small mirror appeared in the same spot that files did, propped up to show her narrow-eyed reflection.

Shit. Pot, meet kettle.

“Yeah, okay, that’s fair. I appreciate the honesty,” she grumbled, scrubbing her hands over her face, then bringing one down to splay across her silent chest.

Silent, but not empty. Not anymore, and certainly not at that moment. Love. She had love filling her chest.

For Bel. For Sharkie.

For herself.

She’d thought she loved herself before, and she had, but in a defensive, prickly kind of way. This was a love of herself based on understanding. On forgiveness and empathy, the desire to love and be loved. To let people in.

A warm buzz of courage started in her chest, trickling out through her veins like electricity.

“I don’t know how many times I have to say it,” a male soul snarled, storming towards the desk, “I should not be here. I was a very successful, very influential—”

Lily ignored his ongoing tirade the moment his file appeared on the desk, a mucky whitish color, like spoiled milk, the letters of his name etched out in harsh lines of flat gray. She could feel the slimy sourness without even touching it.

“Shut up,” she told him plainly. He narrowed his eyes while she pointed at his file. “You see this? This is your soul file. Your file goes where you belong or where it needs to be. Your file appeared here. In Hell. Because this is where you belong, for now. If you belonged anywhere else, it wouldn’t be here. But here it fucking is.” She gingerly lifted it without touching any of the pages and set it in the basket, where it promptly disappeared. She shuddered and fixed her bitchiest glare on the now purple-faced man. “Go to your level, before you find out what it’s like to pick your own teeth off the ground.”

He sputtered at her while she stared him down, until he finally turned and walked away.

She reached for her phone. Their smiling, hot cocoa–mustached faces beamed up at her before she pulled up the text thread with Bel. She’d sent him dozens of pictures and messages since he’d left, and he had yet to respond to a single one.

Princess: I have so much I’ve been wanting to tell you.

That sounded casual and totally not suspicious. Didn’t it? Or was it too vague? Maybe vague was good in this situation? Lily tapped her nail on the desk to vent her nervous energy, then sent it and put her phone down, puffing her cheeks as she blew out a stream of air.

It was true, she had so much to tell him. Whether she stayed forever or not.

Bel

Bel clapped one of his soldiers on the shoulder in gratitude and watched her hurry off towards the elevators and home. The third-level training field, which served as one of their primary assembly areas before and after missions, was finally beginning to empty, bringing him one step closer to a clean change of clothes and seeing his girls. He’d kept his phone off, refusing to boot it up before he finished his debriefs, but his eyes kept going to the pocket of his bag.

Lucifer strode across the hard-packed earth, icy eyes glowing as he approached. “What news?”

“The rift hasn’t grown, but they are slowly increasing their numbers. We’re seeing more than just brutalizers like the gegony. They’re sending more of the higher-intelligence ones through as well. Chittahi and kelatun, I think. It was Morrigan’s people who encountered the latter.” Bel shouldered his bag and pulled out his phone. “The attack patterns have changed, but they’re still more or less predictable. We had a few injuries but thankfully no losses.”

“I’m glad everyone came home. According to Freyja’s reports they’re still trying to rip the power of souls from the fabric of the Universe and remaining unsuccessful. I suppose since brute force wasn’t working, they’ve sent in handlers to refine their efforts. Let’s hope they give up and return home when they realize that it’s impossible without a complete invasion.”

“Let’s hope.” Bel started walking towards the elevators while his phone powered on, Lucifer falling in beside him. “What have I missed here?”

“Sharkie has grown another inch, and she seems to be closer to age ten than eight. She’s doing very well in school. Lily continues to be her lovely self, though we all noticed that she’s seemed a bit quiet since you left this time.”

“‘We’?” Bel tapped the elevator call button, debating if he really wanted to stop by his office first. He wanted to sweep Lily up and perhaps find a moment of privacy at long last, but he was filthy with old sweat, and his armor was itchy. And he would be remiss in his duty if he didn’t send out at least a brief summary report for the next legion heading out and all the higher-ups, but that wouldn’t take long.

“You were single for more than a century,” Lucifer pointed out smugly, “and of all the people you could be with, you’re with a mortal soul who is famous in her own right for revolutionizing the process at the gate. It’s safe to say that many of us are aware of and invested in your relationship.”

Bel grunted and stepped into the elevator, pulling up the message thread with Lily. He scrolled back through the pictures and notes she’d sent him, then read them in chronological order until he reached the most recent one, sent only a few minutes before. Something about it seemed off, lacking any of her usual wit or warmth. Her message sounded…contemplative? No, he was probably reading it wrong.

He nodded absently at whatever Lucifer was saying as he messaged her back.