24. Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Four

Allen

“There we go!” Greg climbed into the driver’s seat of the SUV and gave Allen a wide grin that was much too eager for how early it was. “The trailer’s all hitched up and ready to go.”

Allen yawned and glanced at his watch. “Ugh, not even five,” he complained with an exaggerated groan. “I’m getting too old for this, you know.” His tease was an echo of the easy banter they’d had the last time they were leaving Friday Harbor, and he tried for a silly smile as well. But it really was much too early—even if he wasn’t actually too old—so he was pretty sure whatever smile he managed probably missed the mark by a bit.

Greg didn’t seem to mind, however, and he laughed lightly and played along. “If you’re old, what does that make me?”

“Definitely an old geezer,” Allen joked, and he leaned his head back against the headrest and tilted it slightly to look at his husband. Greg’s expression was soft now, his small smile full of love and some other emotion that Allen was too sleepy to interpret .

With a nod, Greg reached over and touched Allen’s cheek, then he straightened again and started up the SUV. “As long as we don’t miss the early ferry, we should be home on time for you to go to work. If you still wanted to, that is.”

Allen yawned again but nodded at the same time. “I do. Although I...” He shook his head to push away the guilt he felt and let out a short breath.

They’d talked about this already; in fact, it had come up several times in the last three days. He didn’t need to feel guilty about asking Greg for support. It was normal and expected that he’d still feel unsafe at the library alone after everything that had happened. And most importantly, Greg did not and would not ever feel inconvenienced or irritated or unhappy to accompany Allen to work and stick around until Casey or Annabeth showed up.

So Allen took a breath and restarted. “I’d like to make it on time, so before ten. And if I’m remembering the schedule correctly, Casey will be in at eleven and Annabeth at one. So I’ll just need you there with me for the first hour or so.”

“Of course, darling,” Greg said. “Whatever you need.”

Allen’s heart did something funny in his chest, and it wasn’t that uncomfortable tightening and heaviness that he’d gotten so used to the last few weeks. There wasn’t an immediate sense of guilt or shame like he’d usually have, and he wasn’t silently wondering whether Greg would be happier spending his time some other way.

He wasn’t silently wondering whether Greg would be better off without him there.

No, he was happy to have Greg there, and he was ready to let Greg support him. And mostly, he was so incredibly grateful that he was loved.

God, he felt so much more like... himself.

It had been hard—all the talking they’d done in the last three days. And he knew there would still be more to talk about as they continued to work things out and figure out what all was going to be changing. Greg’s work and travel and... maybe Allen’s work too.

That had been something unexpected that had come up over the weekend—whether Allen might consider retiring or cutting back on his hours. He still wasn’t entirely sure. He did know that no matter what, he needed to be involved, a part of the community. But he had acknowledged, with Greg’s help and gentle support, that he needed to take care of himself as well. So they’d talked about whether he should maybe step down as the head librarian, focus his time on the community outreach programs at the library that he’d helped to develop, continue to mentor Casey and the other interns.

It would be a huge change. He’d worked at the North Bend Public Library in one capacity or another for over thirty years now, and the library had been his safe space, his home, his passion. But just as Greg had acknowledged about his own career and hobbies, it might be time to step back and focus on different things. Himself. His health. Their relationship.

And regardless of what they decided, they’d move forward together, as they always had. That was one thing that would always be true, and this weekend had only shown him—again—just how much he really was loved and just how much his happiness meant to his husband.

“What’s that smile for, darling?” Greg’s voice was low and held more than a trace of hope, and that made Allen smile again.

“It’s nothing. Just...” He paused and closed his eyes. How could he even articulate what he was feeling? That hadn’t ever really been easy for him, but he supposed he could sum it up with something that might also make Greg happy to hear. He blinked his eyes back open, and Greg was watching him with a kind expression, so full of love and understanding. Allen nodded gently. “I’m just feeling a little better. A little more like I maybe have a handle on things, at least for now, I mean. A little more... me?”

Greg’s eyes brightened. “Ah, I love to hear that.”

Allen nodded again, because he felt the same, and as though with some silent accord, they leaned in together and kissed softly, briefly, slowly. His heart felt even more full and happy.

“Let’s get going?” Greg asked as he pulled away and straightened up. Allen murmured some sort of agreement, and a few minutes later, they were on the road, heading into town toward the ferry terminal.

The whole trip—from the cabin to the ferry, across the Puget Sound to the mainland, and then from where they disembarked in Anacortes down to North Bend—was relatively quiet and uneventful, and Allen found himself dozing off several times. When they pulled up at home, Allen stayed with Greg while he parked and unhitched the trailer.

They’d just started grabbing their stuff out of the back of the SUV to head inside when a burst of loud, rambunctious barking sounded off from their right. Beans suddenly seemed to materialize from out of nowhere, launching himself up into the hatch of the SUV and then jumping up to set his paws on Allen’s chest. The dog’s tail wagged furiously, and he barked again and bounced up on his hind legs to lick Allen’s face.

“Beans! You stinker. Ah, I missed you, though,” Allen said, laughing as he pushed the dog off of him and then scratched behind his ear. Beans barked again and then sat, his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth and his tail still going.

Joe jogged up, shaking his head. “Ah, sorry about that, Allen! He must’ve heard you two get home, and when I opened the door, he took off. ”

Greg laughed and reached out to shake Joe’s hand. “Thanks for taking care of him for us. He’s a stubborn one. I hope he didn’t give you much trouble.”

“No trouble at all, man, really. I’m glad to help. How was the trip? You both doing okay?” Joe asked the question of the two of them but glanced at Allen as he did.

And Allen let out a sharp breath and then nodded as Greg moved a little closer, his arm slipping up around Allen’s shoulders. “Yeah, yeah, we’re... we’re doing okay. Apparently, I, uh, needed the break more than I’d realized.”

He could say more; Joe was a wonderful neighbor and a great friend, and he’d been nothing but supportive and understanding, just like the rest of the community. But he also knew he didn’t need to—what he’d said was plenty for now. Greg seemed to agree, giving Allen’s shoulder a squeeze. And Joe just nodded.

“Yeah, we all need to get away every now and then,” Joe said, and he smiled and hooked his thumb back toward his house. “Well, I’ve gotta run—got a meeting in a few minutes. Glad you’re back, and let me know if you need anything, alright?”

“Thanks, Joe. We really appreciate it,” Greg answered for both of them.

Joe gave one more nod and then headed toward his house, and Allen turned back to Beans, who had plopped down in the open hatch of the SUV next to the single duffle bag Greg had purchased in Friday Harbor to pack all their stuff up in. He shook his head and then scratched Beans behind his ear again before reaching out to lift the small dog up. “Come on, you little stinker.”

Greg grabbed the duffle bag and shut the hatch, and together, they headed inside. Beans barked and bounded up the stairs as soon as Allen set him down, and Allen started to follow, but Greg shook his head, took Allen’s hand with a gentle squeeze, and started leading them toward the kitchen .

“I know you need to get ready for work,” Greg said, glancing back at Allen with a broad smile, “but this’ll only take a few minutes.”

“O-okay, I suppose I can—” Allen stopped abruptly in the entryway to the kitchen, and Greg shifted back a step to be at his side. His heart skipped a beat, and he leaned against his husband as he shook his head. “What... Greg, what is... ?”

Their small kitchen table was covered with an elegant white table cloth, and in the center sat a single lit candle, its flame flickering and illuminating the otherwise dim room. On either side of the table, among scattered rose petals in deep red and white, were two plates, each containing a single, large... donut.

Allen laughed loudly and turned to Greg, immediately reaching up to frame his face. He tugged Greg down to him, and their lips met in a brief but joyful kiss. “You... are so...” He couldn’t even speak to finish his sentence, and he just shook his head and pulled Greg down again for another kiss, laughing. When they parted, he glanced at the table again. “They’re Bavarian cream, right? Otherwise, this whole thing is a fail.”

“Oh god, I hope so,” Greg said with another laugh. “I was pretty specific when I talked to Joe last night.”

“Joe helped set this up?”

Greg nodded and pulled Allen up against him again, dipping down to kiss Allen’s cheeks and forehead and then his lips. When he straightened up again, he was grinning down at Allen with a twinkle in his eye. “He did make me explain before he would agree, though.”

“I can’t believe...” Allen pulled away from Greg and stepped over toward the table, blinking back tears as he remembered a very, very similar setup from over thirty years ago. “It meant so, so much to me that day. It was silly, just like this, but...”

Greg stepped up behind him and slipped his arms around Allen’s waist, and Allen leaned back into him, closing his eyes as he let his husband’s warmth surround him. Greg’s lips brushed his cheek. “That day—when you first told me about your parents—Allen, I... had no idea what to do or how to handle anything, how to help you feel better. All I knew was that I needed to take care of you, because I already knew that I loved you.”

“I remember that you stayed with me and held me and listened to me tell you all of that... stuff. And we couldn’t go out because—because I wasn’t doing well.” Allen sniffled and reached up to wipe a tear from his cheek. “And when I woke up in the morning and came out to the kitchen, and—”

He laughed and shook his head. It had been just like this—flower petals, candle light, and donuts. Bavarian cream. It had been both silly and probably the kindest, most romantic thing anyone had ever done for him. He wiped another tear from his cheek. “You said—you said you owed me a romantic dinner out, but since it was breakfast time and we both needed to eat...”

With Greg’s gentle encouragement, Allen turned back around in Greg’s arms. The smile on Greg’s face was soft, but also filled with some sort of deep, deep love. Greg’s hand came up to cup Allen’s cheek, and Allen leaned into the touch and closed his eyes.

“And I also told you then,” Greg started, his voice low and rough with emotion, “that I was so happy to be there with you and that you meant the world to me.” Greg kissed his forehead, and Allen inhaled a shaky breath.

He remembered that too. He remembered Greg holding him, hugging him, kissing him oh so gently on the forehead, telling him how important he was. It had been huge and had meant so much. Just like this did now.

“That’s still true now. You mean the world to me, Allen Westin. We’ve been through so much together, and I love you more every single day. I’m so grateful for you, Allen. So grateful, and I know—”

Allen pulled back out of their embrace slightly as Greg’s voice faltered, and when he looked up at his husband, Greg was smiling but with tears in his eyes. Allen stretched up as Greg bent down, and they shared another sweet, gentle kiss. Then Allen rested his head against Greg’s chest as Greg continued.

“And I know that whatever this next phase of our life brings—whether it’s harder days, easier days, more ups and downs, rain or shine—whatever it is, darling, we’ll face everything together. Just like we have since that day.”

Allen’s heart clenched, and he nodded against Greg with a small smile. “That day when you stayed,” he said.

“Yes. That day when I stayed.”

“. . . And brought me Bavarian cream donuts.”

Greg huffed a laugh and shook his head. “God, these better be Bavarian cream. Did you check? I—”

Allen stopped him with a kiss that deepened and lingered and had some safe, comforting warmth to it. And when they parted, he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Greg’s with a long sigh. “Thank you, Greg. I love you.”

“Ah, I love you, too, darling.” Greg’s arms slid around his waist and pulled him closer. “So,” he whispered in Allen’s ear, “you don’t care if they’re Bavarian cream or not?”

Allen chuckled and blinked back tears as he shook his head. “They are. I checked.”

“Okay, okay, good. Otherwise, you know, I’d go get some. Whatever you want.”

“I just want you,” Allen breathed, “for the rest of forever.”