23. Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three

Greg

Allen was beyond tired, which was expected, Greg supposed, after what had happened out at South Beach. When they’d arrived back at the cabin, Allen had barely had enough energy to stand, and Greg had had to support him on the walk inside and into the bedroom. He’d helped Allen wash up and change into a clean set of clothes, and then he’d brought him a small plate of fruit and a glass of water. And they’d lounged together in the bed with some documentary playing on the TV that neither of them really watched.

It hadn’t been long before Allen had fallen asleep, the plate of fruit half-eaten and his glass of water still mostly full. So Greg had cleaned up, changed his own clothes, and taken a seat in a cushy armchair right by the window.

That had been nearly two hours ago. And Greg still hadn’t moved .

Outside, the sunny skies persisted—gorgeous weather that would normally have him itching to get moving. Today, however, he was content to be inside, looking out. The window was still open, and the light breeze felt good and refreshing, smelling of forest and ocean.

He shifted in the chair to watch Allen sleep again, as he had been doing for the last couple of hours. His mind was still trying to wrap itself around everything that had happened, everything Allen had told him this morning, and everything yet to come.

The one constant thought that was—thankfully—louder than all others was how grateful he was. Grateful for Allen and their life together. Grateful for their community and the support they had. Grateful for the last thirty-plus years and whatever the future would bring.

Allen turned over onto his side with a quiet groan and blinked his eyes open, and when he found Greg, he smiled weakly. “Hey.”

Greg didn’t answer, but he pushed himself up out of the chair and shuffled over to the bed, not taking his eyes off his husband. He sat on the edge, just next to Allen, and reached out to smooth Allen’s hair back off his forehead. “How are you feeling?” he asked quietly, and he bent down to press a gentle kiss to Allen’s lips.

“Mmm, better when you do that,” Allen replied when Greg straightened back up.

“Good, good. I’ve got an unlimited supply of kisses just for you, so any time you need one...” Greg smiled softly and continued gentle caresses with his thumb along Allen’s forehead as Allen closed his eyes again.

“Any time, huh?” Allen chuckled lightly and set his hand on Greg’s thigh. “You know I’m going to hold you to that.”

“Oh, I’m counting on it,” Greg said as he suppressed a laugh of his own. He bent down again and kissed Allen’s lips, then his cheek, then his forehead, each kiss a little slower than the last, lingering. When he sat back up, he watched Allen’s smile grow just a little more, and his heart stuttered. He caressed Allen’s forehead one more time, that same sense of gratitude filling him.

Allen’s eyes opened about halfway, and his chest rose and fell with a long, deep breath. “I’ve been asleep for... a while?”

“Yeah, a couple hours almost, but don’t even worry about that,” Greg said, bringing his hand down to cover Allen’s. “You should keep resting if your body needs it or if your mind needs it. And I’ll be right here when you wake up. And when you’re ready to get up, I’m here to help you. Whatever you need.”

He hoped he’d said the right words—the words that would let Allen know he had no expectations, no need to go anywhere or do anything except to be here, if and when Allen needed him. Out on the trail earlier, he’d told Allen everything he’d wanted to and needed to. He’d repeated again how he had no intention of going on that work trip, and he’d also finally broached the topic of cutting back on everything else as well. But those moments had been so emotionally charged, so tenuous and fragile, he was fully prepared to say everything again if he needed to. And he was fully prepared to do everything in his power to show Allen, every moment of every day, just how much all those words meant.

For now, though, Allen didn’t question him. He just blinked his eyes closed again and nodded slightly. Then he pulled his hand away and set both hands by his sides to push himself into a sitting position. Greg scooted over a little to give him room and helped support him as he settled. Then, they both leaned in together in another embrace, Greg’s arms wrapping around Allen and Allen resting his head on Greg’s shoulder.

It was comfortable and comforting, and Greg was hit with another wave of gratitude for this moment. And for all the moments just like this that they’d shared. He turned his head and kissed Allen’s hair, and he let his hand rub up and down Allen’s back. Allen seemed to tremble slightly, and Greg felt him release a shuddering breath.

“I... might need another one of those kisses pretty soon,” Allen said, his voice shaky and muffled against Greg’s shoulder.

“Happy to oblige, darling,” Greg murmured, and he tightened his arms around Allen for a brief second before pulling back, bringing one hand around to cup Allen’s cheek, and then leaning in for another kiss, this one longer, deeper. And when they parted, there was moisture on Allen’s cheeks. “Allen?”

But Allen just shook his head, reached up to wipe the tears away, and cleared his throat. “Um, I’m just... feeling a lot right now. Um, can we—can we talk a little more, maybe?”

“Of course,” Greg answered right away, and he leaned back in again and kissed Allen’s lips lightly. “I’d been thinking the same, actually.”

There was a quiet laugh, though Greg didn’t hear any humor in it, and he watched as Allen closed his eyes and took another deep breath. Something tugged at his heart—maybe it was the thought that Allen seemed so uncertain—and Greg wanted nothing more in that moment than to take away all of Allen’s doubts and anxieties.

It wasn’t in his power to do that, though. The best he could do was to be there, be what Allen needed, and be present and available and loving. And that he could do.

He kissed his husband’s forehead again. “If you’re up for eating, I can make us some lunch. We’ve got stuff for sandwiches. And we can talk about whatever you want,” he suggested.

Allen nodded and gave Greg a small smile. “I think I could eat.”

“Good.”

Together, they got up and headed out to the kitchen, Greg supporting Allen the whole way since he was still unsteady. He helped Allen settle at the table and then got out all of the ingredients to make sandwiches, sending a silent thanks to Darryl for grabbing mustard and mayonnaise even though Greg hadn’t added them to the list. A few minutes later, Greg set their two plates on the table, brought over a bowl of fresh strawberries, and got both of them glasses of water. Then he took his seat next to Allen, who was staring off toward the back slider door with a distant expression.

Greg reached over and ran his fingertips lightly down Allen’s forearm to his hand. “Did you want to sit outside on the patio, darling?” he asked quietly, squeezing Allen’s hand. But Allen shook his head.

“No, this is fine right here. Um, I just...” Allen trailed off, biting his lower lip as he dropped his eyes to his plate. “This looks wonderful, and I’m actually hungry,” he said with a light laugh. He started to pick up his sandwich, but then froze and frowned. “What you said earlier about... cutting back... Greg, I-I don’t want you to—” Allen shook his head and screwed his eyes shut, and when he spoke again, his voice was small and uncertain, like he was really having to force the words out. “I mean, did you... mean everything you said?”

Greg’s heart clenched, and he turned his chair to face his husband, then reached out and took Allen’s hand in both of his, brought it to his lips, and placed a gentle kiss on Allen’s knuckles. “Every single word.”

They leaned in toward each other, and their foreheads touched as Greg let go of Allen’s hand and framed his face.

“Every. Single. Word.” He pressed his lips to Allen’s in a brief kiss. “You are the most important thing in my life. And I want”—something rattled inside his chest, and he sucked in a deep breath before continuing—“to spend my time with you, not away from you. I want to be with you, take care of you, go places with you or stay home with you. I just want... more time with you, my love. And I mean that—all of it.”

“I-I... I want all of that too,” Allen said hesitantly, pulling back slightly. His eyes met Greg’s, and they looked stormy and troubled but clear. “But—but you can’t... just because I’m a mess, and...”

Greg shook his head, letting his hands slip back down to take Allen’s again. “No, no. You’re not a mess, Allen. You’re beautiful. And kind. And brilliant. And you’re also complex and you feel deeply and love unconditionally. It’s true that all the, uh, circumstances in the last few weeks have made me realize just how much I’ve been missing. But, Allen, I mean every word. And—and I—”

A shaky breath escaped him, and he blinked several times and looked down. He wasn’t sure what else to say right then, except maybe the most obvious thing. He swallowed hard and lifted his eyes again. Allen was watching him, his eyes glistening with unshed tears and his lips pursed in a tight frown.

Another kiss. And this time, Greg was the one who needed it.

Greg closed the distance between them, tilting his head slightly, and captured his husband’s lips in a tender kiss that was deep and loving and that he hoped conveyed everything he needed it to. When they parted, his heart stuttered. Allen had closed his eyes and had a small smile on his lips, and in that moment, it felt like everything.

“And I love you, and I’m so, so incredibly grateful you’re here and we’re together,” Greg continued.

Allen’s smile grew even a little more, though he still had his chin lowered, and he sniffled and nodded with an acceptance Greg hadn’t entirely expected. “I love you too,” Allen whispered, his voice rough with emotion. “And... and me too. I’m so grateful for you and for us... I’ve never wanted anything else.”

There was a pause, and when Allen finally looked up at Greg, his eyes so full of love, the biggest flutter of hope Greg had felt in a long while spread through his chest—hope and relief and some bright warmth all at once. He inhaled deeply and touched Allen’s cheek again. “You’re all I want and all I need, Allen. And I just want to spend the rest of our forever with you, my love. That’s all.”

More tears fell from both of them, but Greg wiped Allen’s away with gentle fingers, and then they kissed again, another long, deep kiss that seemed to hold all the promises and reassurance of three decades of love.