14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

"Fuck, yes! Please don't stop."

"It feels so fuckin' good. God, I never knew…"

"Oh… Oh… I'm gonna…"

"Fuck! Fuck! Yesss!"

Jon awoke at the peak of his release, feeling it hot in his boxer briefs. It was far too embarrassing to come in his underwear at his age, and he was left flustered as he opened his eyes. He was in his condo bedroom, not in his bedroom out in Dillwyn. It had been a month since he'd felt the pleasure of a mouth on his cock, but it was by his own choosing. Clearly, he'd lost his fucking mind.

When Mickey had confessed his age, Jon backed away—after the excellent blow job the kid had given him. He wasn't looking to raise a lover.

Jon was drawn to the young guy, that was for sure, but it was his libido, not his common sense, that kept reminding him of what had happened between them. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, replaying the images of the sexy dream that had caused him to shoot off in the first place.

After catching his breath, Jon went to the bathroom to clean up before pulling on another pair of underwear, checking the clock to see it was only one in the morning. It had been the same fucking thing for four weeks, and Jon was getting tired of doing so damn much laundry.

His phone lit up, much to his surprise, so he picked it up to see a message from Aaron and Rick.

We'd like to meet with you regarding adoption. We've been trolling sites, and we need help. Dinner on Thursday? Love you. A & R

Jon tossed the phone back onto the dresser and took a deep breath. His life had been just fine before he met the cowboy. He was actually fine with the idea of going back to one-night stands since the encounter between the two of them at his parents' place. Hell, what red-blooded gay man wouldn't be fine with a different piece of ass every time he was horny?

Most of the guys he'd met in the clubs were hungry to fuck, and Jon would be happy to get back out there and oblige every one of them. He already had a new strategy going forward. Blow jobs were perfect because the guy was on his knees and Jon could hold onto his hair to keep him on task. Intercourse would be doggy style or against a wall with them facing it, and Jon would make certain to form no attachments. Everything completely anonymous.

Though, as he thought about it—and God knew it rarely left his mind—when he and Mickey sucked each other off, something else came into play. Something that was fucking with his mojo and had hamstrung him from hitting the club scene for a month. Of course, it was Jon's problem to solve.

He'd made sure Mickey knew the score. They were as different as night and day, aside from the fact they both loved dick. After he got the younger man out of his head, he'd have many more. If he really thought about it, it was hard to tell one cock from another, so he wouldn't miss Mickey's once he got back into the groove.

Seriously? His bitchy brain was taunting him. The man didn't just suck you off. He seemed to worship you. You're not going to pursue anything with Mickey Warren because he's ten years younger? You're not lonely, you stupid fuck? You think running around chasing twinks at your age is dignified?

His mind took on a life of its own, and it was blatantly honest. Yes, Jon was lonely, but he was also stupid. He was totally bored with his superficial friends, and he was growing to hate his job at the firm. He needed to make changes to some aspects of his life, but he couldn't figure out which ones.

Before he could stop himself, Jon was calling the cowboy's cell phone, frowning as it went to voicemail. That wouldn't do, so he decided to send a text.

Michael-I need to speak with you. Please call me when you have time.I'm done walking away.

He reread the message about a dozen times before he hit the send button. He sat on his bed and contemplated the situation.

There had never been a serious lover in Jon's life. In truth, he hadn't even tried. Anytime a guy tried to get too close, Jon had backed away and had given the guy the old it's not you, it's me speech. It always worked like a charm because Jon believed gay men weren't meant to be monogamous. Too many times he'd been proven right, sadly. The younger ones thought they wanted it, but they always changed their minds when someone with a tighter ass, a bigger cock, or a heftier bank account came along.

For the first time in his life, Jon couldn't justify leaving Mickey behind, and it was fucking with his head. After a month of soul-searching, he admitted to himself Mickey rejecting him was his greatest fear, and his ego would take a huge blow because he wasn't the one who was rejected—ever.

Jon pursued, conquered, and walked away without looking back. He'd seen guys get shot down over the years, and it didn't look fun to be humiliated by another person, so Jon steered clear of it.

With Mickey, however, the old playbook was useless because the young cowboy didn't follow the usual rules. The guy was honest, which was a new thing to Jon when it came to dating. Every guy he knew padded their dating resume, but Mickey had told him the truth about a former relationship and how it had gone up in flames, breaking his heart in the process.

Jon was sure Mickey wouldn't hurt him because he'd been hurt by the last guy, and he'd taken time to get his head together and get over the heartbreak and the rejection. Hell, of the two of them, Jon wasn't sure he was the more mature. Mickey seemed far wiser than his young age.

Yes, something in Jon's life needed to change. And no, he definitely didn't want to be alone anymore.

Jon sent a message to his friends, Aaron and Rick. He told the men that he'd be unavailable to meet with them on Thursday or anytime soon due to a full schedule, but he gave them Audrey's contact information and suggested they email her regarding the adoption they hoped to pursue.

Jon knew Audrey wasn't a fan of the couple, but she'd be good counsel in their pursuit of having a child. She was likely on the same page in her relationship with Lyla, so she'd be more empathetic to their situation than Jon was sure he ever could be. He wasn't sure he'd ever be qualified to be anyone's father .

If Jon was newly married—not that he believed it would ever happen—he'd want the two of them to have time to fuck on every surface of their home before any talk of children. He'd want to give all the passion its place between them, honoring it, even. He'd want to have his partner to himself for a while before they considered adding to their family.

After a few deep breaths, Jon spread out on his bed with his cell phone resting on his chest. He prayed he'd hear back from the cowboy, but if he didn't? Jon wasn't prepared to contemplate that outcome.

As much as he protested and told himself a relationship wasn't in the cards for him, deep inside, Jon simply wasn't ready to give up on love, as much as it chapped his ass to admit it. Worse yet, he was pretty sure he could fall in love with the cowboy.

"Karen, anything I need to worry about?" Jon walked by his assistant's desk and into his office. It had been another two weeks since he'd sent the message he needed to speak with Mickey, and there was still no response, which first broke his heart—then it pissed him off severely.

Audrey and Lyla had made their grand announcement to Sherm and Marnie regarding their engagement, and Audrey's parents were thrilled, much to Jon's surprise.

There were wedding plans immediately in the works because it seemed Audrey's parents had suspected she was withholding information from them for several years. At lunch the day after Audrey and Lyla had been to the Langley house for dinner, Jon's best friend repeated the story with a happy, glowing smile on her face.

"We had drinks on the deck, and I noticed Mommy kept staring between the two of us. Of course, Lyla kept her left hand in the pocket of her sweater because she refused to take off the ring until we told them what was going on.

"Finally, Daddy said, 'What brings you girls over on a weeknight?' You know Daddy, he can't keep a secret, so when he smiled, I cracked up and just announced it. 'I've asked Lyla to marry me. She said yes.'

"Daddy and Mommy hugged each other and hugged the two of us, and we had a champagne toast. After dinner, Mommy took Lyla into her office so they could start making wedding plans, and Daddy and I went to his study for a glass of scotch. I asked him how he knew, and he said straight out, 'Sweetheart, someday when you have little ones of your own, you'll understand how easily you can read your children. I know you and Jon love each other like brother and sister, but I can see how much you love Lyla. How long do we have to wait to announce it?'

"We can hold off on the announcement, Jonny, if you want us to," she offered.

"No, Audie. It's your time. You go right ahead and shout it from the rooftops," Jon told her. They hugged each other, and he wondered what it would feel like to be as fantastically happy as Audrey was at that moment.

A week later, his family had attended a dinner in celebration of the engagement and his mother kept giving him knowing glances, but he was yet to reveal anything. Hell, he had no reason to "out" himself. He didn't have anyone pushing him like Lyla had pushed Audrey.

Every Monday through Friday for the last several weeks, I'd asked Karen the same question, and her response was the same. "Not much, Jon. You ready to talk to me about what's had you in such a bitchy mood?" Jon was no readier to discuss it now than he'd been the first time she'd asked.

"No, ma'am. I'll be in my office."

Jon closed the door and took a seat behind his desk. He placed his briefcase on the floor and looked around the room, not exactly sure what to do.

Oh, he had cases in dire need of his attention, but his mind was occupied with other things, so he wasn't exactly able to give his clients his best. He was certain it happened to every lawyer during a career. Burning out wasn't uncommon in his profession.

Jon opened his laptop just as his desk phone rang. He picked up the receiver, not recognizing the number on the caller ID. "Jonathon Wells."

"Hi, Jon. It's Tim Moran. We were wondering if you'd like to come out for the holiday weekend. It also happens to be Ryan's eighth birthday and Rocky's tenth is on July 9, so we're celebrating both birthdays and our guardianship. We got the papers in the mail today from the family court. We wondered if you could spend the weekend." Tim's voice had a jovial lilt to it that Jon always thought of as mischievous.

If Jon wasn't so desperate to talk to Mickey, he'd never have considered it because he didn't socialize often with clients, but it seemed desperation was becoming his primary emotion these days. He was going to end up getting sued for malpractice if something didn't give.

"S-s-sure, Tim. Are you sure it's okay with Ryan and Rocky?"

Jon remembered how horrible he'd been to Rocky Whipple when the little boy needed his help after the death of his mother. He'd shoved the child off on Audrey and hadn't even asked about the progress of the case recently. Self-imposed shame was a heavy burden on its own but the taste of the guilt when he came face-to-face with the family would be a bitter pill to swallow.

"Actually, Ryan suggested we invite you. He has some things he wants to discuss with you regarding Rocky. Ryan's not really used to Audrey, though he likes her, but he's firmly in your camp regarding things concerning his brother. I told him maybe the two of you could go for a trail ride to have a private discussion. He's looking forward to it." Tim didn't sound pissed at Jon, which was a relief.

Clearing his throat, Jon prepared to ask a difficult question about Mickey, but then chickened out. "What, uh, what are the boys into these days? I won't come empty-handed."

Tim chuckled, making Jon envious. "They're both taking tae kwon do classes in Christiansburg, so any kind of movie about martial arts would be fine. Also, they're both still hung up on video games, but nothing above a PG-rating, please. We've got them new bikes and all the gear, so just about anything will work, really."

Jon took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to release the nerves. "Okay. Um, I'll figure out something. Tell me when to be there, and if I can bring anything from the city." Jon felt a flicker of hope in his gut that maybe he'd get to talk to Mickey and straighten some things out between them.

Tim Moran, not missing a beat, spoke as if he could read Jon's mind. "Maybe when you get to the house, you crawl up on the porch on your hand and knees and beg for forgiveness. You hurt him badly, Jonathon, and he's my best friend. He didn't deserve what you did. Don't come if you're not ready to consider something with Mickey other than sucking his dick. Ryan's young and he'll learn how to get over disappointment at not being able to talk to you, and we'll find someone else to help Rocky learn about his heritage. Mickey won't last another go-round with you and your push-me-pull-you attitude.

"If you decide to come, be here on Friday at happy hour. The grandparents are taking the boys to the Roanoke County Fair in Salem and spending the night, so we're going to host a barbecue and swim party at Jeri and Marty's place for the adults. It's just a few people we've met and gotten to know, so it's nothing fancy. Bring your swimsuit if you're coming. Anyway, we look forward to maybe seeing you. Bye." Tim hung up, and Jon sat at his desk with his mouth hanging open in shock.

He sat there for fifteen minutes mulling his options, and then he remembered his heart and how it ached after what had happened at his parents' farm when Mickey was there to breed his mother's mares. It was beyond time to make decisions. Should he bow out of the Collins-Moran's lives, or should he get over his fear of rejection and make a play for Mickey?

He hit the intercom and when Karen answered, he asked her to come into his office. When she entered with two cups of coffee, he smiled as she sat down. "I need you to do a little research, and by that, I mean talk to some of the folks here who have boys, aged eight to ten. I've been invited to a birthday party, and I want to give appropriate gifts. Here are the things I know…"

After giving her the bare facts Jon had gleaned from his conversation with Tim, Karen nodded and left with a smile. Once the door closed, he picked up his phone and called his parents' home.

"Hello?" his mother answered, indicating she'd not paid attention to the caller ID on her phone, which was typical of Allison Wells.

"Hi, Mom. Can you come downtown tomorrow for lunch? I'd like to treat you and Pop. We need to have a talk."

There was a moment of silence, and then a soft sniffle. "How about you bring Pop home at lunchtime, and we eat here on the back patio. I'll cook. Anna's on vacation this week, and it would be nice to cook for my boys again. How's that sound?" Allison's voice wavered a bit as though she was on the verge of tears.

Jon swallowed the lump in his own throat, knowing he was going to break her heart. It was going to be hard to dash her dreams of grandchildren, but he'd kept them in the dark for too long. It was time for honesty. "Sounds great, Momma. We'll be there about twelve-thirty, okay?"

"Can't wait, baby. Love you, Jonny."

Jon prayed he could count on her loving heart to help him explain things to his father. He'd need all the help he could get.

Standing in the middle of the toy aisle at Target was like being in a nightmare. Jon almost called Aaron to come with him, but since he'd brushed him and Rick off on Audrey about the adoption, he didn't feel good asking the favor. He was man enough to figure out birthday gifts for two little boys without backup, he was sure.

He'd done some research on the internet after Karen had given him the consensus of the parents at the firm, and Jon had weighed it all, just as any attorney would do. The conclusion: Don't worry about the parents' consent. Get the kid something he'll love.

That's what brought him to the World of Nerf aisle. There were automatic Nerf guns with pop-in, pop-out magazines and vests to carry additional sponge ammo. He remembered playing soldiers with some friends when he was about that age, and he'd have given a left eye to have anything like what he saw in front of him.

Jon deduced since Tim and Matt lived in the country, they were likely pro-NRA, though he wasn't himself, and all little boys liked to play cowboys or cops and robbers. If Tim and Matt didn't like the toys, well, they could be the bad guys and take them away. He needed those boys on his side because he was certain Mickey loved them. They could be a big help to smooth the way for him with the green-eyed cowboy.

Three-hundred dollars and five shopping bags later, he made his way out to the Mercedes and went home. Once there, he divided the loot into two piles and called in reinforcements—Audrey and Lyla—to help with the wrapping.

"You're not serious," Lyla complained, having answered Audrey's phone. He wished he'd tried to tackle the wrapping himself. How bad could it look? Would two preteen boys even notice?

"I'll pay for pizza from that place you love, and I'll go pick it up myself. I don't know how to wrap things that aren't perfectly square, Lyla. Please? I gave you two that trip to New York at Thanksgiving so you could see the parade and shop for dresses, remember?"

Audrey had told him Lyla always wanted to see the Macy's holiday parade, and Audrey wanted to meet with a particular designer in Manhattan about their wedding attire. Jon had Karen set up the plane and hotel reservations and got them a gift certificate for a five-star restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner.

The wedding was set to take place in DC in April during the peak bloom of the cherry blossom trees. Audrey had mentioned the idea to him, so in an attempt to get out of being her man-of-honor, he made it happen. He was pretty sure it wouldn't work, but it was worth a shot. When push came to shove, he knew he's still be standing right next to Audrey when the day came.

Lyla's telltale huff signaled he'd won. "Fine, but who are these mysterious children you're suddenly shopping for?"

"Ryan Collins and Rocky Whipple. I've been invited out for the weekend to their birthday party." She groaned.

"We were invited, but we're not going. You can take our gift along with you. If it was left to me, I'd say fuck it, but Audrey seems to be dead set on getting them something. Thank goodness Sam and Georgie invited us to the Outer Banks for the weekend. Anyway, we'll be over as soon as Audrey gets home. Make one of the pizza's no cheese, please. Bye," Lyla demanded before she hung up. Damn, he disliked her.

Jon knew Sam and Georgie were some of their lesbian friends he didn't care for, but he was happy as hell he wouldn't have Lyla at the Circle C with her condescending attitude for the boys' birthdays. The last thing he needed was the disapproving gaze of Lyla and Audrey's sad smile when his attempt to woo Mickey crashed and burned. Life was too damn short to share one's failures with an audience.

An hour later, Jon was making sangria as Audrey and Lyla pummeled him with insults regarding his choice of gifts for Rocky and Ryan. "I took a poll at the office, and it was determined harmless, pseudo-artillery were gifts boys of eight and ten would appreciate. What did you get them?"

"Monopoly. It's a Disney version with all the characters. They'll love it." Lyla continued wrapping a NERF N-Strike Elite Rapidstrike CS-18 Blaster with a magazine that held eighteen sponge darts. He also had another gun in the Blaster style. Basically, the boys would have a NERF arsenal, but it was a hell of a lot better than Disney Monopoly.

"I'm sure they will. Here we go." Jon poured each of them a glass of sangria while they waited for the pizzas to be delivered.

"So, I'm guessing Mickey Warren will be there." When Jon glanced at Audrey's face, her eyebrow was raised in a challenge. His best friend had given him seven kinds of hell for his actions pertaining to Mickey and the way Jon had tucked tail and ran away.

He knew she was right in her assessment of his behavior as "chickenshit," and if he was honest with himself, he was afraid he wouldn't measure up to be the best guy for Mickey, especially since Jon had judged the man so harshly the first time the two of them had really talked.

Jon cringed when he remembered how damn judgmental and absolutely wrong he'd been in his initial assessment of the cowboy. He hated himself for having been such a pejorative prick, and thinking twice about his behavior that day made his stomach turn. But—he was hoping to change.

Unfortunately, Jon couldn't help but bristle at Audrey's sarcastic demeanor as she continued to stare at him, waiting for a response. "Well, Audrey Lynn, I'm sure he'll be there since it's where he lives. Of course, I don't know for certain if he still works at the ranch because, as you damn well know, he never got back to me when I contacted him." Jon's teeth were clenched as he answered.

"You might as well give up on that one, Jon. You're too good for that cowboy trash. I mean, they're all hillbillies." Of course, that was Lyla's response. He wanted to slap her, but he only poured her more sangria because only weighing a hundred pounds and not really being a drinker meant she'd pass out before the food arrived.

"Baby, please don't say that. Rocky is the sweetest boy in the world, and Matt and Tim—"

"Matt and Tim are horrible fags, Audrey." Lyla's response was mumbled as she continued to wrap the gifts Jon had purchased. "That little boy should come live with us, away from that homophobic bullshit those people subscribe to out there. We could give him such a good life. God knows, this asshole isn't going to give us the sperm you want for our own baby."

Jon could tell his best friend was caught off guard by her fiancée's statement and Jon wanted to get to the bottom of it, though he was pretty sure he knew what the demon waif was referring to. Before he could ask questions, the condo doorbell rang. He hurried down the hall to greet the driver who was holding two boxes.

The kid, who had a bright smile, looked nothing like the pizza guys in the porn he watched in futile attempts at achieving some sort of release. It usually didn't work, but if he substituted the porn pizza-guy with Mickey, he'd come at the drop of a hat. He thought himself well beyond the age where he had to jack off daily to keep from having nocturnal emissions, but sometimes, life taught new lessons, even to dogs as old as Jon.

After Lyla finally passed out on the couch in the living room—the uncomfortable leather one Jon had never replaced—Jon studied his best friend as they continued to eat. The gifts had been wrapped and were packed in a large bag in the corner of the living room, along with the game they were sending.

Audrey looked at him with her beautiful brown eyes and sighed. "Don't, okay? I know she's got quirks that are less than desirable, but I love her, Jonny."

Jon poured another glass of sangria for himself because Audrey had changed over to water so she could drive home. "Exactly why do you love her, Audrey?" His voice was low in the event the small Troll doll on his couch was pretending to be asleep, but he just had to know.

"I saw her dance at a recital before she got hurt, Jon. She was magical, and I fell in love with her. When she was mugged and her leg was broken, I wanted to rescue her and keep her safe for the rest of her life. It's the same with Rocky. I'd love to rescue him from that backwoods bullshit, but he loves Matt and Tim so much I know it would do more harm than good to take him away from them.

"Of course, Lyla doesn't understand it because she's used to getting everything she wants, but that's why I'm not taking her to the ranch this weekend. She wanted to offer Tim and Matt money for the boy, and until I can talk her out of that idea, I want her nowhere near them."

Jon wasn't surprised that Lyla would try to throw money at the issue. That was the way she worked. How Audrey could love the woman was beyond him.

"Now, what are you going to say to Mickey? You're having lunch with your parents tomorrow, right?" Of course Audrey would know his plans. Jon was sure he had Karen and Sara to blame for the leak, but they didn't gossip with others at the firm, which was a blessing. He wasn't going to complain.

Jon laughed. "Yeah. To Tell the Truth starts at twelve-thirty tomorrow at Mom and Dad's house. I pray they'll take it half as well as Marnie and Sherm took your news, but we'll see.

"When it comes to Mickey, Tim suggested I crawl up on the porch and beg forgiveness on my knees. That might be a start, but after that, I'm at a loss. I've dicked the guy over twice, Audie. I really believe I care about him, but I've been such a stupid fuck about it. I'm not sure where to start to redeem myself. Any suggestions?"

Audrey turned her eyes to the ceiling as her thumbs twirled around each other, a clear indication she was thinking deep thoughts. He remembered that same expression on her face before she'd suggested the two of them skip school and take the Amtrak to DC to attend DC's Gay Pride Festival when they were sixteen. They snuck away, and when they got home, they were both grounded for a month. They'd had the best time of their young lives.

Of course, they'd lied to their parents and told them they went to a concert in Baltimore, and they hid the pictures they'd taken in all their rainbow glory after they had the film developed. Truly, Audrey Lynn Langley was his best friend, so he felt she would be honest with him, just as she had been all his life.

Audrey was hesitating, so he pushed. "Okay, lay it on me. I know you've got a lot of thoughts you've held back, but I need you to talk to me. You know me better than anyone else, and I need you to help me figure this out, Audie." Jon picked at a piece of pizza crust on his plate.

Audrey smiled at him as she took a sip of her water before she rose to clear away the debris. "How're you sleeping?"

He chuckled with no evident humor. "For shit, as a matter of fact. Trust me, Karen and Sara have both pointed out the bags under my eyes. What else?"

"I noticed you only picked at a piece of pizza, Jonny, and you love this pizza." Audrey pulled the sheet of coupons off the empty box and tossed them in the menu drawer.

"Those are obvious things, Aud. Give me something more concrete. I don't know how the hell it should feel to be in love. I… I don't think I'm capable…"

She held up her hand and placed it gently over his mouth. "You're more than capable of loving someone, Jonathon. You've loved me for a long time, and I know it's different from what you're facing now, but you're a very loving person."

Audrey sounded sincere in her observation, but he doubted it. She loved everyone, and everyone loved her in return.

Audrey withdrew her hand before she spoke. "The way I see it, you're struggling with the fact that Mickey is so different from any guy you've ever met, and it's throwing you off. You remember Cara Walls? Journalism major. Hardcore masc with an attitude? I dated her for a month during junior year?"

Oh, he remembered Cara Walls. Audrey was a beautiful woman with a loving, sophisticated demeanor. Cara Walls was looking to slam anyone of the male persuasion into a brick wall and do as much damage as possible. She thoroughly hated Jon and made no secret of it. "Yeah. She was offensive on all counts."

Audrey tsked him. "She was different, Jonny. Remember how she convinced me I was following in my dad's footsteps because I was begging for his approval and attention, which we know is bullshit, but she was determined to show me the light. She was going to liberate me from the expectations of my parents which were like a yoke on my shoulders, as she told me one night."

"She was full of shit." Jon didn't hesitate to share his thoughts on the matter.

"All she succeeded in doing was showing me I wasn't about to become as bitter as her when it came to love and relationships. Her parents hated her because she was a lesbian, and they thought it was a choice. It hurt her deeply, and she took that hurt out on everyone around her. I wasn't ready to own my sexuality back then, but I knew in my heart my parents wouldn't be as hard as hers. She was the one who turned me on to beautiful ballerinas with bright smiles and saucy opinions." Audrey's smile was a mirror of the love she felt for Lyla.

"Not much better."

"Now, I remember Barron the Flake, and I don't think Mickey is anything like him. He's different than the guys you usually fuck because he's handsome, and he's smart on a different level than a lot of people I've ever met. He seems to be an old soul if you really talk to him and listen. Just give him a chance, okay?"

Jon had a lump in his throat and merely nodded.

"I think if you let go of how you went about picking up twinks or however you classify the guys you used to fuck and look at Mickey for the person he is, you'll see him as a man of much more substance than anyone you've ever met. I also believe you need to get over yourself as the man-about-town in Richmond and try to be more than a pretty face in stylish clothes. You just might be able to see through the forest of superficial bullshit you've held so important in the past and find a beautiful tree full of love and kindness just ready to bloom. Give it a shot." Audrey leaned to give him a kiss on the cheek which he appreciated.

He sure hoped she was right.