11. Chase

When I'd told Adam that tonight was never meant to be a hookup, I had been telling the truth.

And now that Adam's lips were on mine, I could confirm beyond all doubt that kissing him wasn't like anything I'd ever done before, either.

Adam's lips tasted like a hint of watermelon vodka, and when his tongue slid out against mine it only became stronger. Every part of me wanted to yank him in even closer, to pull him right to my bed and lick every inch of his body, to show him exactly how desirable he really was.

Other than the very loud, very persistent part of me that was ringing like an alarm bell, right now.

"Hey," I said against his lips as I felt him squeeze the skin near the small of my back. "This isn't just the alcohol making moves on me, is it?"

"Fuck," he whispered, running his lips along the side of my jaw. It sent a shiver of desire through me, and all I wanted to do was lean into his kiss again. "I wanted you when I was sober, too. I just was too afraid to do anything about it."

I hummed as he sucked a slow kiss on the side of my neck. I reached for one of his hands, gripping it in mine and holding it tight for a moment. His hands felt so big, and feeling his height this close to me made me feel small in the best way.

"I have to ask you something, Adam," I said. "And I kind of hate myself for it, but I need to know."

"Please. Ask me anything," he said.

"Is this really your first time doing anything with another guy?" I asked gently.

He pulled back, looking me in the eyes, a sense of worry settling in his expression. "That doesn't matter. I've wanted it for years, Chase, I know I want it, and I don't care if it's just a one-time thing."

"That's not what I'm worried about," I told him, squeezing his hand a little tighter. "I promise you, I want to do absolutely fucking everything with you."

I loved the flash of raw need that went through his eyes as I said it. "You do?"

"Of course I do," I said, letting my voice drop low as I leaned in, unable to resist capturing his lips one more time between my teeth. I pulled back a moment later, resting my forehead on his. "But when we fuck for the first time, I don't want you to be so drunk you barely remember it."

He groaned, squeezing my hand. "You say that like you already know we're going to…"

"Fuck?" I offered, trailing my free hand down the front of his shirt. "Yeah. I think we probably will."

He moaned deeply and pulled in a sharp breath through his teeth. He bucked his hips forward, pressing the very hard tent in his pants up against my leg. I had been talking some big game, rolling the dice and hoping that he would like what I said.

In reality, I had no idea if we were going to have sex or not. I'd been disappointed enough times in the past to know that I couldn't expect anything until it happened. And I wasn't going to have Adam drunk, vulnerable, and caught up in the moment, thinking he wanted to hook up with me when in reality he wanted to be in love.

Even just thinking about the word love felt like pressing a deep, black-and-blue bruise inside me.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd let myself think about "true love." I'd all but given up on the idea that it could exist for me at all.

Adam swayed slightly in my arms, and he let out a slow sigh. "I think I need some more water. And maybe a little bit of food?"

He really was drunk, at least for the time being, after pounding multiple shots almost back-to-back.

"Right. Of course. Let me see what I've got."

I kept my hand in his, squeezing it again as I pulled him inside toward the kitchen. I popped on the lights underneath my cabinets, casting the kitchen in low light as Adam sat down at my breakfast bar.

This was good.

The kitchen. Neutral territory.

Where I didn't have to think about the fact that I'd told Adam I thought we were probably going to fuck. My mouth had been running on a mind of its own, with no sense of a filter, puppeteered by my cock.

Why the fuck had I said that?

"Okay," I said as I poked my head into the fridge, trying to focus on anything else. "I have some strawberries, some chocolate, some whipped cream… how do you feel about breakfast for dinner? Some nighttime pancakes?"

"That sounds like heaven on Earth," he said. "Maybe you were right. Eating pancakes is a fine replacement for sex. Who needs a really cute guy deep inside them when you can just eat whipped cream and carbs instead?"

I groaned. "Adam, I was joking when I said the stuff about us hooking up."

He held my gaze. "No you weren't."

"Okay. Fine. I wasn't," I said. "But there's still no chance in hell I'm even considering that unless you get some food in you."

"You really think I only want you because I'm drunk?" he said. "Chase, I think about you when I'm analyzing data sets. I think about your dimples when I'm in the shower. I think about your eyes anytime I see something blue."

Every little thing he told me only made my heart and my cock ache more.

I wasn't used to someone being so fucking sweet to me at the same time that they were begging for my dick.

It was a lot less complicated when guys didn't actually give a damn about me, and when I knew they only wanted me for sex. How the hell was I supposed to handle a guy who wanted true love, deep down?

"Thank you," I finally told him, my mind swirling from the obscenely sweet things he'd said to me. "But we need to cook food. And cooking while erect isn't advisable."

"Cooking while erect," Adam said, giving me a half-lidded stare. "Is that a fire hazard, or just a great name for my next OnlyShots video?"

I puffed out a laugh as I slapped the ingredients onto the kitchen counter near the stove.

"You think your followers want to see you cooking up silver dollar strawberry pancakes while you're hard as a rock?"

He paused for a second, his drunken stare getting a smolder behind it. He finally shrugged a shoulder, his gaze like a challenge. "I don't know. Want to find out?"

He stood up, still staring at me while he slowly started to unbuckle his belt.

"Adam," I said, watching him.

"What?" he asked me as he slid his belt off, tossing it across the room onto the couch. "You said you're not willing to pop my gay-sex virgin cherry tonight. That doesn't mean I can't get naked, does it?"

I swallowed as I watched him slowly undo the top button of his pants, my whole body going hot.

There was no way he was really doing this.

No fucking way.

It was like somehow, Adam Dix had come out of the woodwork tonight, right in front of my eyes. Now that he knew the truth, he was… bold. Confident. Insanely fucking hard to resist.

"Gay-sex virgin cherry," I repeated, only half aware of what I was saying. "That's a pretty good name for another video of yours, too."

He was undoing his zipper now. This was the same bashful Adam I'd seen blushing over the slightest things, now stripping in my kitchen.

I was only human.

I couldn't stop a guy from getting naked, could I?

"Maybe I'll do that after Cooking while Erect," he said, a playful smile tugging at one corner of his mouth now. He dropped his pants to the floor, kicking them to the side along with his shoes. He stood there in tight black boxer-briefs and a shirt, already looking like some hot scene from one of his videos, making me want to drool right onto the floor below.

"I agree, by the way," I said, transfixed as he pulled off his shirt. "I might be ethical enough to know I won't fuck you unless you really want it, but I'm never going to stop you from getting naked, drunk or not."

He dragged his palm across the bulge in his boxer-briefs, the outline of his cock clearly visible. My heart raced as he tugged the waistline just slightly, and the tip of his cock protruded out of the top of it.

I groaned. My mouth was literally watering now, just from seeing that tiny glimpse of his cock. The cock I'd gotten off to, probably a hundred times.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," he said. "I'm either dreaming or losing my mind."

"Stop anytime you need to, Adam."

"I don't want to stop," he said. "I want to get naked in front of you, and I don't think I give a damn how embarrassed I'll be tomorrow morning."

I gave him a nod. "Trust me, you have nothing to be embarrassed about."

"This is the first night I haven't been deeply anxious around an attractive guy… probably in my whole life," Adam said, and for a split second I swore I saw a deep pain behind his eyes. "I know I'm going to wake up again tomorrow morning and be myself again. And to be honest, I'm kind of fucking sick of myself. Sick of being anxious and afraid."

I swallowed again, nodding at him. "I understand."

"So, yeah, I'm drunk," he continued, "but also, I just want to get naked and make a fool of myself and have fun."

"Fuck yes," I said.

He pushed off his boxer-briefs and his cock bobbed free, hard and pink at the tip. If I thought my mouth was watering before, it was ten times more now. He reached his arms above his head, stretching his torso, his perfect body on full display.

"So is this how your hookups usually go?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.

I pushed my hair back with my fingers. "Can't say I've ever had anyone strip naked in my kitchen while we're about to make breakfast foods," I told him. "But I have to say, I am a huge fan of it."

"Will you film me?" he asked. "Cooking naked in your kitchen?"

My interest perked up.

Adam really was fun when he was being himself.

"You just have to promise not to hurt yourself, okay?" I asked. "Stay back from the hot pans."

He smiled, leaning his head to one side in a flirty way that made me want to explode. "I promise."

As I went to my hall closet and pulled out one of my handheld cameras, I realized that I wasn't as surprised by Adam stripping naked in my kitchen as I should have been. He had been shy and awkward and nervous as hell in person since the moment I'd met him, but something about what he was doing now almost felt more real, somehow.

Like this was the version of Adam that had been buried deep inside him for years, waiting for a moment to come out and shine.

The version of him that was able to let loose completely on camera, alone in his home, but never showed itself in public. Adam clearly liked being seen, and being seen naked—he just didn't have many opportunities to express that side of himself outside of his OnlyShots videos.

It felt special that he was willing to do this around me, even if he was aided by a bit of liquor.

He seemed like he felt free. And all I felt for that was a sense of pride.

"Here we go," I said, walking back over to the kitchen with my camera in hand. "The first installment of Cooking while Erect. You're the star, Adam."

He grinned again when I said the silly title, but the moment a camera was on him, it was like the wild version of him only came out more.

I hit record, and the red light turned on on the front of the camera. I focused on the section of Adam that he always highlighted in his videos, only filming him from the lips downward, not showing his eyes.

"Evening, all," he said in the velvety voice I'd come to love on his videos. "I'm here in my friend's kitchen tonight to make some strawberry pancakes. We've been drinking, and we need a little sustenance. Let's get started."

I couldn't stop smiling behind the camera as I filmed him cutting up some strawberries into tiny pieces, mixing together the pancake batter, and getting the pan nice and hot. He acted like he was on a regular cooking show, explaining how to make each part, except for the fact that he was naked from head to toe. He stacked the pancakes on a plate, topped them with more strawberries and whipped cream, and placed them on the breakfast bar, ready and waiting for us.

I stopped recording and set down the camera. I pulled out the tall chair at the breakfast bar, sitting down and taking a bite. "This is delicious, and that was fun," I said. "I know you're not going to actually post that, but thank you for entertaining me, Adam."

He was at the breakfast bar, eating while standing up. I felt like I was watching some perfect marble statue while he licked whipped cream from his fork. Casually, as if he didn't look like a damn model.

"I might post it," he said in between bites. "Why not?"

"It isn't exactly your usual type of content, I guess."

He shrugged one shoulder. "Most people might laugh at it, I guess. But some people could definitely jerk off to it."

"I liked filming you," I said.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I liked it, too," he said. "I never thought I would be comfortable in a million years with someone else filming me naked, but here we are."

We devoured our pancakes in about two minutes. Adam chugged some water afterward, and we both washed up.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him as he crossed over and stood behind my couch, at the edge of the living room. His cock had gone down while we'd eaten, but even now I noticed how good it looked hanging between his legs. Thick. Long. Absolutely fucking begging to be in my mouth.

"Would you film me a little more?" he asked, a hint of the shyness creeping back into his voice. I could tell that after some food, water, and time, he wasn't anywhere near as drunk as he had been before, and a bit more of his usual bashfulness was appearing again.

"You want to cook something else?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No. Not cooking. You could film me doing my usual type of content, or whatever you called it."

I bit my lower lip, looking down and watching as his cock started to harden a bit more into a half-chub. "You want me to?"

His hand reached down and he dragged his open palm along his cock. It thickened under his touch. "I would like that," he said softly.

Heat flooded through me. I reached for my camera, giving Adam a nod. "I can film you."

He had unwittingly stumbled into something that had turned me on immensely. I had fantasized about filming my hookups and uploading their videos for years and years—but I'd never been with anyone who was actually willing to be filmed, especially if it was going to go online.

But Adam already did that, without my help.

I already knew he liked showing off online.

He was leaning back against the edge of my couch, his hand making a loose grip around his cock now. Adam was slowly starting to jerk off right in front of me. My own cock went from zero to sixty just about instantly under my pants.

I hoisted up the camera, nodding at him and hitting the record button.

He stroked himself for me—for the camera—slowly as I walked up closer and framed the shot. After a minute he turned and walked to the other side of the couch, sitting back and getting comfortable, like he did in most of his videos.

I kept quiet. I had no idea if he wanted me to say anything or make any noise, so I kept my breathing even, just watching as he stroked himself in the frame. I was so turned on it fucking hurt, watching him do what he did best, leaning back on my couch. Comfortable enough to do all of this in front of me.

I wanted to lean in and take the tip of his cock between my lips. I wanted to lick the glistening bead of precum from the tip and then suck it deep.

And I really, really wanted to hear the moan that he would make if I had him inside my mouth.

But I was here to be a cameraman.

I lifted my gaze from the back of the camera to his eyes, and as I made eye contact with him I watched his pupils widen, just for a moment. I saw him lick his lips the way he often did in videos right before he came, and I knew it was going to happen soon.

I kept my eyes locked on his. Surprisingly, he held my gaze, too, not daring to look away.

His gaze was blistering. I nodded at him, some small signal to him that yes, God, yes, I wanted him to come.

For me.

For the first time, I watched what Adam looked like when he came, in real life, while getting to see all of him. He groaned deeply, cursing softly under his breath as his orgasm came. He tugged harder on his cock and lost control, coming in streaks of white up his chest, his lips glistening and parted as he watched me.

I was fucking hypnotized. I was so turned on that for a moment I forgot about the camera altogether, letting out a satisfied sigh as my heart slammed in my chest.

"So fucking hot," I murmured as I watched him. I remembered that the camera was still recording and then I looked down, turning it off. "Sorry I, uh, said that at the end. I can edit that out."

"I came really hard," he said, looking at the sheer amount of streaks all across his stomach, chest, and the back of his hand.

I set the camera down on the couch and leaned forward, sticking out my tongue and licking up a streak of white that was on the back of his hand.

He pulled in a quick breath as I swallowed, looking up at him. I was the one who felt intoxicated now, even though I'd barely had anything to drink.

"Just wanted to taste you," I said.

"Wow," he whispered.

"Hang on," I said, getting up and grabbing a towel for him, wetting it down with warm water. During the short moment alone in the bathroom my head was spinning, wondering if I'd gone too far. We hadn't fucked, but it was still possible that Adam would regret all of this tomorrow. More than anything, I wanted him to feel comfortable. To feel like himself around me.

But God, I'd liked seeing this side of him. Getting to see him let loose, doing whatever the hell he wanted around me. I would never forget the image of him naked and cooking in my kitchen.

I looped back toward the living room and found Adam lying down on my couch, his eyes gently closed. He had passed out, sleeping softly, looking like some sort of dark, handsome fallen angel. I left the wet towel on the kitchen counter and instead unfolded the big, plush blanket that was on the side of the couch. I draped it over his body, tucking him in.

I wished I could freeze this moment. Adam and I were so different—if I'd met him in real life before knowing of his online persona, I probably would have left him alone entirely, sensing that he wasn't much of a fan of socializing.

But I liked who he was under his shell. If this was the only night we ever spent together, I'd have to be happy with that. Adam didn't seem to realize it, but someday soon, he would most likely end up finding someone to fall in love with. Then he'd stop uploading videos online, and I'd just end up as a blip in his memories: the flirty guy with a blue streak in his hair who once licked cum from his hand like a desperate freak. Adam didn't seem to realize how much of a catch he was, but it was undeniable.

I watched him for another few moments, making sure he was comfortable as he slept on my couch. My heart ached a little, seeing him looking so peaceful after he'd been a charming, rambling, tipsy mess just an hour ago. A mess that I really, really liked.

I pulled in a breath, turning and heading down the hall to my bedroom.

Sometimes I missed the old version of me. The version of me that used to say things like Adam said earlier tonight—things about falling in love, or finding "the one." I used to be hopeful instead of jaded. I could fall in love without knowing how much it could hurt. And even though he was doubtful about it himself, I knew Adam would find someone. Because who wouldn't want him?

If I hadn't given up on love, Adam would be exactly the kind of guy I'd want to end up with, too.