Chapter 5

Since my wanting to make love with Joy is not what she needs, I have no choice but to put it on the back burner. That burner is on extra high right now and there’s little chance of the flame being turned down anytime soon. I want her. I’ve always wanted her. Of course, after twenty years of friendship, it’s more than want.

The fact that she regrets our intimate moment, hurts more than I’d like. There’s no choice but to push my anger and needs aside. She’s who matters now. Maybe I can tell her the truth in a few months when she”s less mournful.

“How long can you stay?” Joy asks as we make our way back from the beach.

I thread my fingers through hers. It feels right. Perfect. “I’ll call my boss later and tell her I’ll be working from here for a few days. If that’s alright with you.”

“Yes.” She’s blushing. “I mean, we’re finally in the same place at the same time, you should stay as long as you want.”

“Thanks. I’m glad I can be here.” Time for some honesty. “I almost came here from London rather than going home and taking that interview.”

She stops in front of the diner where we had breakfast and stares at me. “Why? I mean, why didn’t you? I mean, why almost?” She shakes her head. “I don’t know what I mean.”

Her name is perfect for her because she’s always brought joy to me. Even her awkward way of asking a simple question is pure Joy. I long to draw her into my arms and kiss her senseless.

“After twenty years of writing letters, I was afraid that meeting in person might change our friendship.” There it is, out there in the open. I hold my breath. “So, I went straight to Jersey when I left Europe. I figured if you wanted to meet in person, you’d say something. When you didn’t, I figured I’d made the right choice. Even though I knew that for me, it was a cowardly choice.”

Her beautiful bow lips are open and she blinks at me. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m glad I came now.” Retaking her hand, we continue toward her house. “This is a great town. I can see how growing up here would be wonderful.”

“I always thought your life was far more exciting. I envied all the places you’ve lived and the languages you’ve learned to speak. I wished you were with Mom and me when we were in Rome. We could have used an interpreter. We got lost six times.” She chuckles.

The sound is pure with no sorrow attached. I want to listen to it for the rest of my life. I want to be the cause of her laughter. I’m in so much trouble. Maybe staying away was a better idea, but I’m all in now.

“Hey. You two look cozy,” Lila shouts from across the street. She and another woman I recognize from pictures as Jen cross to us. Both are smiling.

Joy pulls her hand free. “Hey. What are you two up to?”

Jen shakes my hand. “Nice to finally meet you, Aiden.”

“You too, Jen.” It’s very strange to have first meetings with people I’ve basically known since we were all eight years old.

“We were just trying to decide what to do for dinner. Do you want to join us?” Lila asks.

There’s a small market across the street with a neon open sign flashing. “Why don’t I cook for you ladies? I’ll make my family’s famous sausage and peppers and we can drink some wine.” Part of me wants alone time with Joy, but a dinner with her friends will take the edge off and I want her to relax.

“That’s nice of you.” Joy looks at the others.

“Sounds great.” Jen smiles. She’s pretty with brown hair and eyes.

Lila has already nodded and walks across to the market. “What do we need to buy?”

The ingredients list is growing in my mind. “Let’s see what they have. As long as we can get Italian sausage, tomatoes, and bell peppers, we can fudge the rest.”

By the time we’re done shopping and back at Joy’s house, it’s obvious some of the stress has eased. Her shoulders are more relaxed and every so often I catch her smiling. Then she catches herself and frowns again.

I cook while the three ladies drink wine and talk at the counter. I like the way they play off of each other like people do when they know everything about each other.

“How long are you going to be in town, Aiden?” Jen fills my wine glass with the last of the first bottle and gets a corkscrew out to open another bottle.

It’s a nice red and I’m still surprised I saw alcohol for sale in a grocery store. That’s not how it works in New Jersey. We have liquor stores for anything with alcohol. I like the convenience and the wine is pretty good. “I’m not sure. I’ll check in with work tomorrow and see what they say. That said, it’s ultimately up to Joy.”

“Is it?” Lila asks and looks from me to Joy and back again.

“Sure. I came for her, so when she doesn’t need me or want me anymore, I’ll leave.” I lift my glass in Joy’s direction.

Her blush is so fucking beautiful, I want to spill all my feelings right now in front of her friends so we can’t pretend I didn’t say them. I wish we weren’t pretending last night hadn’t happened. However, she’s hurting and I won’t add to her anxiety in any way. She wants it to be as if it didn’t happen, and I’m going to play along for now.

Lila stares at Joy. “That sounds like a man in?—”

“How’s dinner coming, Aiden?” Joy interrupts.

Putting the cover on the pot, I smile at the three of them. “I bought some things for a charcuterie board. I’ll fix us some appetizers while this simmers.”

They watch me cut up salami and cheese and place prosciutto on the plate.

Taking a piece of cheese, Jen laughs. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a man cook for me before.”

“Me either.” Lila sighs.

“You’re dating the wrong men.” I finish the platter and added a row of crackers before pushing it across the counter.

“Clearly.” Lila pops a cracker stacked with salami and cheese into her mouth and closes her eyes.

“Tell us about living overseas, Aiden,” Jen says between bites. “Why didn’t you come home when your dad retired and the rest of the family went back to New Jersey?”

“Jen!” Joy is wide-eyed. “It’s none of your business.”

I wrap a piece of prosciutto around a slice of cheese and hand it to Joy, who hasn’t eaten anything since the breakfast she barely touched. Once she takes it, I smile. “It’s alright. I don’t have any secrets. I loved European cities and the idea of coming home to boring Roseville didn’t appeal to me at twenty. Besides, I was still in college. Then, after my first year, I transferred to California to finish my degree. My siblings were younger and ready to see our gigantic family daily. I guess I thought I wanted something different. After college, I took a job in Florence since I knew the language and they had a lot of dealings with the US. I was promoted and moved to London two years ago.”

“Why did you come back?” Lila asks, then eats another cracker.

My gaze automatically shifts to Joy despite being determined to keep my feelings to myself.

Her green eyes are like a mossy forest at dawn. It could take a lifetime to recover if I get lost in their depths. I swallow hard, drink some wine, and turn my attention to Lila. “I had an offer from a firm in New York and my idea that I wanted to live as an ex-pat forever wasn’t as shiny as it had been when I was twenty.” I take a long sip to finish my wine, then check the simmering pot.

“And are you bored living in New Jersey?” Joy asks.

I turn to see her making another wrapped piece of cheese, which makes me unreasonably happy. “No. My family has kept me pretty busy when I’m not working.”

Smiling, Joy turns to her friends. “Aiden has like thirty first cousins.”

Jen chokes on her cracker. “What? How is that even possible?”

“Lanes have a lot of kids. At least the last two generations did. A lot of my cousins are married and having babies now too. In ten years, there may be so many Lanes in Roseville, they’ll have to expand the town.” That’s a family joke, but it goes over just as well with three southern women who are all three only children.

“But you work from home, right?” Lila fills the wine glasses.

“Most of the time.” I add rice to the sauce around the sausage. The rice will soak up all that flavor and be delicious.

Jen goes to the cupboard and grabs four plates, then puts them on the table behind Lila and Joy. “So, if you wanted to, you could work from anywhere.”

“That’s enough questions.” Joy pushes her wine to the center of the counter before entering the kitchen and opening the drawer beside me where she gets out silverware. She whispers, “I’m so sorry.”

I shrug and grin mostly because she’s adorable when she’s embarrassed, and I like her friends more and more with every minute. “I suppose that’s true.”

Lila puts her wine glass and Joy’s on the table in front of two of the plates. “For example, it’s not impossible to think you might live in another state like, say, South Carolina.”

Practically stomping around to the table, Joy sets out the forks, knives, and spoons, each setting causing a clatter.

I think she hopes she can make enough noise to stop her friends. “It’s not impossible.”

“Good to know.” Jen’s voice is singsong as she grabs a stack of napkins and puts it on the table.

Glaring at them, Joy makes a show of folding four napkins and placing one under each fork. “Don’t be ridiculous. Aiden has no intention of moving here.”

There’s so much fire in her assumption, that it takes the air out of the fun conversation. I give the pot of food my full attention. Is she against me moving here or does she think it’s impossible? Do I tell her I’d move here for her if she asked? Would I? I’ve always wanted to come and see her, but I never thought about what might happen if all my dreams came true. It seemed too far to take the fantasy.

“No, we know.” Jen squeezes Joy’s arm. “We’re just saying that Aiden is in a position that he can live wherever he wants.”

“That’s true.” I keep my back to the room and focus on my one-pot meal. What if Joy is horrified by the prospect? No, better not to know at this point.

Then she’s beside me. “That looks and smells delicious. I have a mat so you can put the pot in the center of the table. Is that okay?”

Her arm grazing mine shoots heat through me. It shouldn’t, but it does. “That’s perfect.”