Chapter 4

Alarms are going off in the back of my mind, telling me this could be the biggest mistake of my life, but I can’t listen to them. I want Aiden. I need him. This is everything I’ve fantasized about throughout my adult life.

It feels perfect and right when he presses his lips to mine. Electricity shoots down my spine and desire tightens deep inside me.

He tastes my bottom lip, then the top. “So sweet.”

I wrap my arms around his neck, thread my fingers through his hair, and press my body tight to his. My breath comes faster as my clit pulses and tightens almost painfully. “Aiden.”

As if he can read my mind, he lifts me with a hand on each thigh.

My legs tighten around his hips, and his cock slides along my slit. Throwing my head back, a long cry escapes and I move my hips for more of him, more of this.

Barely noticing that we’re moving, I’m surprised by the mattress when he lays me on the bed. He brushes my wild hair out of my face. “Too fast, Joy. I want to cherish you.”

When he steps back, I want to scream and complain, but the words stick in my throat like they have all the times when I longed to tell him how I feel about him. I’m about to force myself to be more assertive, when he lies beside me, cups my breast, and sucks my nipple. “Oh, god.” I arch my back for more, harder, deeper.

If I could crawl inside his skin to be closer to him, I would. I grip his hair.

He nips the sensitive peak and the pain is pure pleasure. As he releases me from his mouth, the cool air sends a shiver along my wet skin. He laves over and around each of my breasts.

Unable to stand the growing tightness between my legs, I reach out and touch my clit, sliding my fingers through my wet folds. “Touch me, Aiden. Please.”

Covering my hand with his, he lets me guide him over my clit, through my folds, and inside me before drawing our fingers to his mouth and sucking my juices from our skin. “You taste better than I’ve ever imagined.”

I want to ask him if he really thought of this over the years, but my words stop as he traces a path over my abdomen. He dips his finger in my belly button and I arch. Who even knew that was an erogenous zone? Sliding lower, he follows with his tongue and teases a circle around that same button.

Looking up at me with wide blue eyes, he watches as if ready to stop the moment I come to my senses.

No way’s that going to happen. I’m too far gone.

He slips lower on the bed, pulls my legs over his shoulder, and licks me from bottom to top.

I scream as my clit tightens further. Grabbing my tits, I pull on my nipples, needing more. “Please.”

“What do you need, Joy? Tell me.” He traces a path with his tongue along my seam and my hips jolt with the shock.

I need to forget, to not care, to be somewhere and somebody else. I need the last few months to disappear. “I need to come.”

Desire darkens his irises to almost purple as he sucks my clit and presses one finger deep inside me.

I lurch and jerk against his face as he sets the rhythm and adds a second finger. “Oh. God. Yes.”

Slowing the rate of finger fucking, he sucks hard, then soft, hard, then soft until I come apart and explode into a million stars. My pleasure echoes through the room.

Before I’ve come back to earth, Aiden pulls me into his arms, presses my head to his chest, and kisses my hair. “I’ve got you, Joy. I’ve got you.”

This is heaven. I’m sure of it. Being held by Aiden after having the greatest orgasm of my life is everything. I shouldn’t be this content. After all, my mother just died.

I’m a horrible person for feeling anything but terrible. I push away and sit on the edge of the bed as the tears return. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Getting up, I grab my clothes from the floor, run into my room, and close the door.

Oh, god, what have I done? Unable to catch my breath, I crawl under the covers and sob. He’ll never speak to me again. I’m a terrible daughter. Everything is turned upside down because of an impulse. Why didn’t I stop and think before I stripped naked in front of my best friend?

The knock at my bedroom door startles me. Still clutching my boy shorts and tank, I struggle into them. “Please go away, Aiden.”

“Let me in, Joy. Let me talk to you.” Through the door, he sounds worried, but it’s more likely he’s annoyed.

No. He’s perfect. I’m the one who’s created a mess. “It’s not locked.”

The knob turns, the door opens, and he’s wearing his shorts but no shirt, looking at me like I’m important while a feel smaller than I ever have.

Curling into a ball, I roll away from him. “I’m sorry.”

The bed dips and he wraps his arms around me. “What exactly are you sorry for, sweetheart?”

“You know.” My gut twists with shame and regret.

He brushes my hair off my face and kisses my cheek. “I don’t know. Are you sorry for what happened between us or is it something else?”

“I can’t talk to you right now.” Another sob takes me and it grows harder to breathe.

“It’s okay. We’ll talk tomorrow or whenever you’re ready.” He caresses my back and runs his fingers over my hair. “Don’t think so much, Joy. Everything is going to be alright. Slow breaths. In. Out. Everything is fine. I’m here for you.”

With each soft word, it gets easier to slow my heart and take in air. While he continues to whisper reassurances and caress me, my eyes close and I relax.

The sun is shining around my curtains when I wake up. My muscles ache and my bones are heavy. Stretching, I check my phone to make sure I haven”t slept through a lifetime like Rumpelstiltskin. Monday, the screen says.

The night before comes rushing back to me like a bulldozer taking out a house. I cover my face, hoping to block it all out.

My clit pulses to life when it should be as mortified and ashamed as me. Instead, it thinks more of the same would be the best medicine.

There’s noise from the kitchen cabinet closing.

I gasp. Get yourself together, Joy. It’s Aiden. He’ll understand if you just tell him you were temporarily insane because your mother just died.

In the shower, I let the water run over my face until I’m sure there are no more tears. When I dry off and look in the mirror, I almost look normal. My eyes aren’t as puffy and there are no dark rings. I guess that’s what sleeping will do for you. Even after my stupidity, it was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in months. Being held by Aiden is magic.

I pull on shorts and my favorite bookish Lord of the Rings top. Most of my wardrobe is book-related. Padding out into the main room, I find Aiden waiting with coffee made and two cups in front of him.

He looks me directly in the eyes. “Good morning.” There’s no shame, regret, or disgust that I can detect. He looks as handsome and kind as ever.

“Hi. So…”

He slashes the air with his hand stopping me. “No. Please don’t say that again, Joy.” Then softer. “Have some coffee.”

So many things need to be said if we’re going to preserve our friendship, but I bite my tongue and sit for coffee at the counter. “I slept better last night than I have since Mom got sick.”

A soft sexy smile pulls at his full lips. “I’m glad. You look more rested.”

“You mean less like a hot mess.” I gulp down my coffee and get up to refill my cup.

“No. You’re always beautiful. Lately, even on video calls, I could tell you were tired.” Sipping his coffee, he never takes his gaze from me.

I can’t take the suspense of what we’re not talking about. Coward that I am, I stare into my coffee cup. “Look, last night… I don’t know what got into me. I shouldn’t have come into your room and asked… what I asked. You’re wonderful and my best friend. I never want anything to change that. You came here to comfort me, and I made a mess of everything.”

“At least you didn’t say you’re sorry again.” Anger laces his voice.

It’s so strange to hear that tone from, Aiden, I risk glancing at him.

His jaw ticks, and he turns his head toward the front window. When he looks back, the anger is gone. “I would never do anything that would risk our friendship, Joy. You are and have been the most important person in my life for so long that I barely remember the time before I got that first letter.”

My muscles relax and relief flows from my head to my toes. “Thank goodness. Can we just pretend last night didn’t happen? Maybe I can show you around town today.”

That tick in his strong jaw returns. “I’d like to see the town and the beach.”

Everything is going to be alright. That’s what he told me last night before I passed out, and that’s what I have to believe to get through the day. One moment at a time. “Great. I’ll take you to breakfast and we’ll walk around. My employee, Maryanne, will open Booksmith’s and call if she needs me. Tomorrow I’ll go back to work.”

I wish I could call my mother and ask her what to do. She and I talked about everything, including sex. She gave the best advice and always had a lot to say about Aiden and me. She’d probably be all for me jumping into his bed and then she’d make it her mission to talk him into moving to South Carolina. Of course, none of that is going to happen, not the advice, or the move. I made a mistake, but Aiden and I are adults and we’ve been friends a long time. We can forget about it and move on.

While I’m trying to put it out of my mind, the memory of his mouth making love to me is creating havoc with my lady parts. “Fuck.”

“What’s wrong?” He washes his coffee cup and puts it in the drying wrack.

Crap, I said that out loud. “Nothing.” I move to put the empty cup I’m clutching in the sink, but he takes it from me and washes it. How can anyone be so perfect?

In khaki cargo shorts and a pale-blue polo shirt, he looks like he could be about to model for a sportswear magazine. Hands in his pockets, he smiles. “Ready to go?”

Grabbing my clutch gives me a minute to get my libido under control before I turn around. “All set.”

I’ve waited all my life to be in the same place with this man, and now I’m worried and embarrassed. On the other hand, he looks completely content. How is that possible? I seduced him, got my pleasure, and left him with a raging hard-on, then he held me while I cried myself to sleep, and I’m the one who’s stressed.

Is he even human?